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maryp0ppins
15-11-2010, 09:35 AM
Well what a week I had last week, new mindee (nearly 8 months) did NOT stop crying until being held!!

It didn't ease up all week if anything it got worst. Fully open with mum told her her days were mostly cries as I have 2 others to mind, 1 is 7 months 1 is 3.9yrs so cannot physically pick her up from 8am-6pm.

She only stops when asleep (where she is now)

Dad drops her off every morning & today I asked how's the weekend been, He plonked her into my arms & said same as normal 'about 23 out of 24 hours of crying, unless picked up of course'

He looked shattered & said 'she's spoiled her & hoping you can sort her out'.............

I was lost for words & just smiled :panic: :panic:

She does not let up EVER even cries between mouthfuls of her food & I am adamant I'm not feeding her on my lap!!!!

Adiamond
15-11-2010, 10:04 AM
Aww bless you, I know exactly how you feel. My mindee started with me at 10 months and he just cried and cried and cried wanting me to constantly be picking him up. I tried to ignore as much as I possibly could but it nearly drove me around the bend :(
He did this for 2 and a half weeks I used to dread him coming as soon as I opened the door he screamed I was ready to give notice as like you I had other mindees here too.

And then one day I opened the door to the biggest smile in the world he launched himself into my arms and from that day on we had no more crying :clapping:

Now he is in such a good routine whilst he is here, he is such a happy chappy :)

I would stick to your guns and don't pick up when baby cries I am sure it will pass very soon I hope :D

Good luck x x

marnieb
15-11-2010, 10:23 AM
It's awful, but it will eventually pass. It might take a few months tho, so be prepared for it to take that long. You know why she's doing it, so be strong and only pick her up when she stops crying!!

And it might be worth having a word with mum, and see if you can get her on board to not spoil her so much at home.... I know it's hard especially if she's their one and only!!

Toothfairy
15-11-2010, 01:13 PM
I feel for you as I am going through the same thing with one of my mindees.
He has been coming to me two mornings a week since august and he still spends most of his time crying unless he is sitting on my lap or being carried around by me.

I have tried everything in the book but nothing seems to help. I am now on the verge of giving notice.

Let me know if you find the magic answer :thumbsup:

maryp0ppins
15-11-2010, 01:35 PM
Thanks ladies.......

It drove me to tears last week & I'm not the sort of person that gets upset really.

I know it has to pass (hopefully soon :rolleyes: ) as I mind her 4 full days a week & after Xmas Mon-Fri all day :panic:

It's not that she doesn't like me because as soon as i pick her up she's smiling & cuddling me. If she didnt like me she wouldn't be doing that.

I feel so sorry for the others that I mind.

I know you've all been through it or similar so thanks for your support.

(PS sleep time again that's why I'm on here for a bit of normality) :thumbsup:

candy cat
15-11-2010, 01:39 PM
can i join the club:laughing: No seriously I extended settling in but,today I have had enough.....6 hours solid loud crying so far....no other child can go near her as gets louder! I am thinking of giving notice as unsettling and draining for eveyone!

Penny1959
15-11-2010, 02:42 PM
Maybe going to rock the boat here - but can't believe that minded children are being left to cry - or only picked up if stopped crying.

I am hoping that I have misunderstood the posts - but if I haven't here goes.

It is my opinion that whatever the reason the child is crying for - there is a reason - even if the reason is that used to being picked up all the time.

Naturally as busy childminders we can not carry children around all day - but we should help these children adjust to the situation that they find themdelves in - not just let them cry (child could end up with long term issues with self esteem and insecure attachments).
I have had children who have cried loudly and constantly when first start but careful planning of day (reducing outings to minimum and having lots of free play / activities that I do not have to directly supervise/ preparing meals as much as possible before start of minding day and so on) means that I have been able to sit on the floor and play with the children, giving them time to get to know me and the routines of my setting. I do of course sometimes have to leave the room to go to the toilet or attend to another childs needs - but limit these as much as possible - and praise the child verbally and with a cuddle when I return to the room -just for being without me (even if did scream)

Just for the record all the children that I have cared for have settled and stopped crying within a couple of weeks. Leaving them to cry is not the only option.

Penny :)

youarewhatyoueat
15-11-2010, 05:05 PM
I think it sounds as if something else may be going on, parents are getting stressed out with it.
I would suggest you take a look at the attachment parent theories and may be worth suggesting cranial osteopathy to try to relax the child.

Toothfairy
15-11-2010, 05:44 PM
Penny1959- I do not leave mindees to cry.

He cries if put into highchair for lunch, he cries if put on the playmat with his toys even if I am sitting on the floor with him, he cries if I have to put him down to change another mindees nappy etc etc.

If he is in my arms and he even feels me going to put him down he starts crying even before it happens, the same if sitting on my lap, as soon as I make a move to put him down he cries.

There are no tears when he cries and its not just with me, he is the same with his father. The only person he does not do it with is the mum. I think it is because he is carried around on her hip all day.

You are very lucky that all your mindees have settled easily, I have been CMing for 4 years, have 4 children & 2 grandchildren of my own and have never had this problem before.

I can asure you I do not leave mindees to cry.

blue bear
15-11-2010, 06:00 PM
Ask mum what she does? Does she think children have to be carried around all the time? if so is she happy with this or does she need help to re-address the balance.

I had a child whose dad carried constantly and with guidance i was able to help him learn how to play alongside etc until child did not need picking up constantly.

I've also had another parent who thought her children should be carried constantly and had no problem with it, I started off carrying like mum then weened child off constant carrying slowly, mum did not mind me putting her child down to play but chose not to do it herself.

It is exhausting but it's great when child finally crawls off to play!!!

candy cat
15-11-2010, 06:38 PM
penny.......quite easy to judge isn't it!!!

I have read through all the posts and No one has suggested not picking up or cuddling a child in distress..... the way you go on is as if we just shove the children in a corner to scream! We were all just looking for some friendly advice from fellow professionals thats all!:D

Penny1959
15-11-2010, 07:07 PM
Penny1959- I do not leave mindees to cry.

He cries if put into highchair for lunch, he cries if put on the playmat with his toys even if I am sitting on the floor with him, he cries if I have to put him down to change another mindees nappy etc etc.

If he is in my arms and he even feels me going to put him down he starts crying even before it happens, the same if sitting on my lap, as soon as I make a move to put him down he cries.

There are no tears when he cries and its not just with me, he is the same with his father. The only person he does not do it with is the mum. I think it is because he is carried around on her hip all day.

You are very lucky that all your mindees have settled easily, I have been CMing for 4 years, have 4 children & 2 grandchildren of my own and have never had this problem before.

I can asure you I do not leave mindees to cry.

Toothfairy - pleased to hear that you do not leave mindees to cry - as I said in my first post I hoped I had misunderstood. Please except my apologies for my misunderstanding and my reassurance that my post was not directed at you or anyone in particular - just the comments about mindees spending much of the day crying.

You may already be aware of the attachment theory - if not it maybe worth looking into - as maybe the route cause of your mindees crying.

Penny

Penny1959
15-11-2010, 07:29 PM
penny.......quite easy to judge isn't it!!!

I have read through all the posts and No one has suggested not picking up or cuddling a child in distress..... the way you go on is as if we just shove the children in a corner to scream! We were all just looking for some friendly advice from fellow professionals thats all!:D

Afraid I must have read different posts to you - as a couple did mention not picking up the child if crying as their advice to original poster.

I was not judging - I was offering my advice based on methods that have worked for me and from my studies/ training on attachment theory.

It could be that some are not familar with attachment theories and therefore may like to do their own research which could help ease the distress the crying causes to themselves, the other mindees and the child concerned.

I am sorry if I offended some and some thought my post to be judgemental rather than advice. That was not my intention - however it goes to show how we all read posts differently. I read some previous comments negatively and you read mine negatively.

Penny

francinejayne
15-11-2010, 07:45 PM
I do not leave mindees to cry.

He cries if put into highchair for lunch, he cries if put on the playmat with his toys even if I am sitting on the floor with him, he cries if I have to put him down to change another mindees nappy etc etc.

If he is in my arms and he even feels me going to put him down he starts crying even before it happens, the same if sitting on my lap, as soon as I make a move to put him down he cries.

Ooh this is/was my mindee! He is an absolute sweetie and very cute, and I get on great with his parents, which is a complete blessing because at times it has been so hard work! I've had him since August, and he is getting better, he will happily play on the floor as long as I am very close by. I can't yet go to the other side of the room without him getting upset, but we're working on it!

I started by cuddling him whilst sitting on the floor so that he was free to crawl away to play if he wanted to. Gradually he would move away from me a tiny bit. Then after a while I put him in between my legs rather than on my knee. Then after a while of this I sat him next to me rather than in between my legs.

Sometimes he will now leave my side if there is something that he wants to play with not too close by (I make sure I sit away from all the exciting toys etc so that he has to leave my side if he wants them!).

It is still hard though as I can't do this all day - when it is time for lunch or I need to see to another child he cries! And like you say, there are no tears - it is most definitely an angry cry!!!

I feel that it has been a slow process but we are hopefully getting there!

Good luck, you have my sympathies!

glitzygal
15-11-2010, 07:46 PM
In my experience you have the happy go lucky ones and the cryers.

this is natural, my first day with one today and she cryed , even when i talked to her, pick her up, sit with her, there was honestly nothing i could do to comfort her, so i walked around and carried on doing things, and she just watched me, she stopped for a while and would start again, high pitched scream, @6.30 to about 8.00 so my ears were ringing.:panic:

when it was dinner time she sat in chair and started to cry again, oh twice she made herself sick while crying and screaming.

she then in afternoon, walked about a bit, and i talked to her saying do you want this and that, she didnt say much being polish , she dont speak much english.


but she seemed to calm down and i carried on,, seemed like the more i wanted to fuss her she didnt want to, but i am hopeful that tommorrow will bring a better lower pitch scream,,:thumbsup: :thumbsup:


you did all you could, like US ALL, and you will see a difference the longer they come.:clapping: :clapping:

keep smiling , i do,

Heaven Scent
15-11-2010, 08:19 PM
I didn't read any posts as advising MaryPoppins to leave the child to cry - i am very aware of the attachment thoery as I am a former Childcare Lecturer and have discussed the thoeries of the early educators, child psycologists and child phiosophers and it was never their beliefs that we should encourage a child to be totally dependant on adult attention 100% of their day - they wrote so that we would understand the attachment thoery and understand how to make children reduce their dependance on adults not so that we would continue an unhealthy and unhelpful attachment.

Young children learn through self discovery and not through being held - yes children do need to be cuddled and reassured especially in the eary days of being placed in childcare and most children adapt easily but some children are very used to being held for a vairety of reasons 1) because they need reassurance 2) because they have needy or fearful mothers who smother them 3) they may have been ill or have had other needs in their early days either way they need to break the habbit for their own benefit and this often takes a great deal of time and it does take it toll on the carer and other children in their care and sometimes a little bit of well controlled and closely supervised crying is what is needed and please note I said a little bit - I mean that every day you need to move the goal post.

We all know that young children need rest during the day to re-charge their batteries and these children who need all this extra attention need as much rest as other children and often don't get it because of their reluctance to separate from their carers which makes matters worse as the child and carer become exhausted - I have worked with a few children with this problem and have even have one work himself up so much that he would throw up all over me while I held him. I find if I can get my (for the want of a better word) Screamers to sleep for even half an hour and then eat they are happier children - I will go to various lengths to get them to sleep - even if it means rocking them in a buggy or pram for up to an hour and then gradually reduce it even I never had much success with rocking them in my arms and putting them down but in the first couple of days of attendance I will rock them in my arms and let them sleep there once any other children in my care are resting and while I tend to those other children the neediest and loudest will just have to wait even if it means they scream while they wait so be it they are no more important than any one of the other children in my care and those other children should only expect to put up with that child having so much of my undivided attention.

OK rant over !!!!!! Its hard - very bloomin' hard but nobody ever said it wouldn't be did they??????????

candy cat
15-11-2010, 08:33 PM
Brilliant heaven scent!! Thanks for the advice very helpful:)

Adiamond
15-11-2010, 08:43 PM
When I gave my advice to marypoppins I felt I could give her some good advice coming from myself who has JUST gone through the exact same thing.

I gave my opinion on what worked for me and my mindee.
Mindee cried but like the others said it was just noise no tears and the more I spoke to lo the worse he became even more so when I had picked him up and then tried putting him down again it was like going round in circles........ Lo cries, I pick up, I put down, lo cries more, this doesn't get you anywhere.
That is why I suggested sticking to your guns and and not to pick up when baby cries I never suggested baby was to be LEFT TO CRY.

As I said before and others have said after me that after lo's have got over this they are sooo happy and content.

What more can I say I certainly do not leave children or babies to cry.

maryp0ppins
15-11-2010, 08:46 PM
Maybe going to rock the boat here - but can't believe that minded children are being left to cry - or only picked up if stopped crying.
Minded children are not just left to cry or only picked up if stoppedI am hoping that I have misunderstood the posts - but if I haven't here goes.

It is my opinion that whatever the reason the child is crying for - there is a reason - even if the reason is that used to being picked up all the time.

Naturally as busy childminders we can not carry children around all day - but we should help these children adjust to the situation that they find themselves in - not just let them cry I don't just let them cry, the mindee cries after thought out planned activities to keep them stimulated(child could end up with long term issues with self esteem and insecure attachments).
I have had children who have cried loudly and constantly when first start but careful planning of day (reducing outings to minimum and having lots of free play / activities that I do not have to directly supervise/ preparing meals as much as possible before start of minding day and so on) means that I have been able to sit on the floor and play with the children, giving them time to get to know me and the routines of my setting. I do of course sometimes have to leave the room to go to the toilet or attend to another child's needs - but limit these as much as possible -I refuse to limit the other mindee's needs, as a group here we are all equal & I believe that's only fair...I'd hate the thought of my child being forgotten about because other children are more prone to crying and praise the child verbally and with a cuddle when I return to the room -just for being without me (even if did scream)

Just for the record all the children that I have cared for have settled and stopped crying within a couple of weeks. Leaving them to cry is not the only option.Penny :) & leaving them to cry is NOT my option but sometimes I cannot physically help the situation so crying happens!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

maryp0ppins
15-11-2010, 08:55 PM
When I gave my advice to marypoppins I felt I could give her some good advice coming from myself who has JUST gone through the exact same thing.

I gave my opinion on what worked for me and my mindee.
Mindee cried but like the others said it was just noise no tears and the more I spoke to lo the worse he became even more so when I had picked him up and then tried putting him down again it was like going round in circles........ Lo cries, I pick up, I put down, lo cries more, this doesn't get you anywhere.
That is why I suggested sticking to your guns and and not to pick up when baby cries I never suggested baby was to be LEFT TO CRY.

As I said before and others have said after me that after lo's have got over this they are sooo happy and content.

What more can I say I certainly do not leave children or babies to cry.

Thanks jessiebessie, I read your advise I know your understanding where I'm coming from...Has been a tough day today but I had 30 mins of lo playing with me sat right next to her instead of on my lap.....I was so excited...Hopefully one day at a time she will go for longer spells of play & eventually not need my constant physical attention :thumbsup:

SamWilliams1980
15-11-2010, 09:26 PM
As for the leave to cry or not, its can be an obviously controversial debate and am glad some one such as heaven sent as given her opinion on the matter from a researched point of view. Just cause we may not agree on a subject does not make others wrong, nor put us in a position to judge.

As far as constantly crying mindees go, and how we as child care professionals deal with it - if it was me I would ask for a chat with mum, and explain the issue and ask her how she would like you to deal with it so the lo can have consistency at home and at yours. If she says pick up and cuddle each time regardless, that is your opportunity to say that is not practical whilst having the responsiblility of other mindees and maybe you could come up with an alternative plan together. You never know she maight be secretly relieved its not just her and you may be able to help her.

I've been there when I cared for baby twins, one as content as can be and one with real co dependency issues. Was hard work and took a long time but got there in the end.

Good luck hun :)

juejue
15-11-2010, 10:39 PM
I had one who constantly cried when she first came and when she stopped crying, mine other LO use to put his fingers by his ears because he thought he had gone deaf. :laughing:

charlie potato
15-11-2010, 11:31 PM
I had a friend when my eldest was a baby with a girl the same age. My son was a happy jolly baby but her daughter screamed all day and mum ended up on medication. Her daughter cried about 20 hours a day no joke. She tried everything for her. Literally one day when over 12 months old she just stopped! No reason why it suddenly stopped but it saved my friends sanity. xx

Penny1959
16-11-2010, 06:13 AM
I didn't read any posts as advising MaryPoppins to leave the child to cry - i am very aware of the attachment thoery as I am a former Childcare Lecturer and have discussed the thoeries of the early educators, child psycologists and child phiosophers and it was never their beliefs that we should encourage a child to be totally dependant on adult attention 100% of their day - they wrote so that we would understand the attachment thoery and understand how to make children reduce their dependance on adults not so that we would continue an unhealthy and unhelpful attachment.

Young children learn through self discovery and not through being held - yes children do need to be cuddled and reassured especially in the eary days of being placed in childcare and most children adapt easily but some children are very used to being held for a vairety of reasons 1) because they need reassurance 2) because they have needy or fearful mothers who smother them 3) they may have been ill or have had other needs in their early days either way they need to break the habbit for their own benefit and this often takes a great deal of time and it does take it toll on the carer and other children in their care and sometimes a little bit of well controlled and closely supervised crying is what is needed and please note I said a little bit - I mean that every day you need to move the goal post.

We all know that young children need rest during the day to re-charge their batteries and these children who need all this extra attention need as much rest as other children and often don't get it because of their reluctance to separate from their carers which makes matters worse as the child and carer become exhausted - I have worked with a few children with this problem and have even have one work himself up so much that he would throw up all over me while I held him. I find if I can get my (for the want of a better word) Screamers to sleep for even half an hour and then eat they are happier children - I will go to various lengths to get them to sleep - even if it means rocking them in a buggy or pram for up to an hour and then gradually reduce it even I never had much success with rocking them in my arms and putting them down but in the first couple of days of attendance I will rock them in my arms and let them sleep there once any other children in my care are resting and while I tend to those other children the neediest and loudest will just have to wait even if it means they scream while they wait so be it they are no more important than any one of the other children in my care and those other children should only expect to put up with that child having so much of my undivided attention.OK rant over !!!!!! Its hard - very bloomin' hard but nobody ever said it wouldn't be did they??????????

Celest has explained much better than I did, what I meant by helping children to adjust to the situation that minded children find themselves in.

I cearly had misunderstood the comments about 'not picking child up unless stops crying' and 'not to pick up baby if cries'.

Likewise others have misunderstood my comments about 'letting mindees cry' - I was not suggesting that others were leaving babies to cry all the time, and I do understand how draining and time consuming such a baby can be.

Anyway - as just said - Celest explained it so well - so end of discussion on my part - just hope others will accept that I was only trying to offer advice and not to judge - and noted the fact in my first post on this I said 'I hoped I had misunderstood - which I thinks shows I acknowledged that I may not have read comments as poster intended.

Penny :)

curlycathy
16-11-2010, 05:50 PM
And on a lighter note - screwfix direct sells ear defenders!!!:laughing: :laughing:

Keep plodding on - it will get better. My little one who used to scream at me if I so much as looked at another child and took my eyes off him for a second is now the happiest chappie ever and doesnt even bother saying bye bye to mummy anymore!!!!

maryp0ppins
17-11-2010, 09:02 PM
My god what a day......I can still hear ringing in my ears.....

I have never known a child to constantly cry so much....she must be exhausted.

Like you say though....keep plodding on!!!:doh: :doh: :doh: :doh:

sonia ann
17-11-2010, 09:41 PM
keep going ......my lo 7mths that started on 1st September for 3hrs a week and now does 2x3hr sessions week has done nothing but cry or sleep whilst with me--- until today....................I thought it was a different child, no crying only smiles and I actually heard him laugh for the first time with me, he was happy to play on the floor as well something that he would just scream at before.
Continue to be patient, be consistent and I'm sure you will get there :)

JCrakers
19-11-2010, 01:34 PM
I know exactly how you feel, i have had a 9month old for 8weeks who cried and screamed all day..just as things were rounding a corner she had 2 weeks off and we were back to square one again.

It came to the point that I couldnt go to toddler group because she would cry so loudly that we had to leave.
I tried everything (Ive been working with kids for 16yrs) and nothing would work. The only thing that would stop her would be to carry her around all day and imagining even 1 day of this I knew I couldnt do it.
Its not good for the baby or my back..its also not fair on the other children.

On Tuesday after a morning of screaming I thought to myself..."you know what..Im not doing this anymore"
My mindees were upset, they couldnt eat their tea or sleep properly. My own two children were starting to get cross. I was very frayed and worn out.
So now the parents are trying a nursery as they think the nursery staff will be able to carry her all day as they can swap duties....:rolleyes:

Now I can breathe a sigh of relief and get my job back to the wonderful place it used to be....I started to hate getting up each morning as I knew I would have constant crying all day.. I know I gave everything I could and more..
I put it down to a few things.
Either she didnt like me
She didnt like the house
She didnt like the loudness and other children as it can get loud
Other than that she was fed, changed, loved, played with, included, rested, watered, smiled at, given attention and everything else a baby needs.

Hope it gets better for you
Becky x

Demeter79
23-11-2010, 11:35 AM
Greetings from Australia!

First of all...can someone tell me what is meant by "mindee"? I gather it is what you call a child in your care...

I had a similar problem with a child in my care earlier this year, I had a 14mth old who started care with me 5 days a week when mum went back to her studies. The child had 9 and 10yr old siblings, and I think mum had spoilt him quite a bit.

He cried all day every day for almost 8 weeks, unless I was holding him...a loud, angry cry. And if I was holding him, he went completely limp against me, made no effort to support himself, and he was a solid little lad! I initially nursed him against my chest, where he was happiest, but gradually turned him to sit on my lap, facing away from me, where he would start to cry again, and try to slump hi body against me.

In those first weeks, I spent a large portion of my days sitting on the floor, where all children could access me. I eventually managed to get him sitting on the floor between my legs...but he would cry if I tried to move away. My child Development Officer agreed that I could not be expected to carry him all the time, and eventually after an afternoon of him crawling around the housing following me, screaming all the while (I talked to him as we moved around), he finally stopped...I think he finally realised, he was ok, and I wasn't going to leave him, I was never far away. Soon after both his parents commented that he was much more settled when the family went visiting or had visitors, that he had stopped being so clingy. He would still cry on arrival, but I also discovered that if I put him down for a morning sleep (although mum said he no longer needed a morning sleep) then he always woke up in a much happier mood, ready to face the day.

The child stopped attending my care full time a couple of months ago, although he has returned a few times for casual care. He cries on arrival, but stops as soon as mum leaves. He plays happily and actively explores the environment around him...such a relief that my patience and hard work finally paid off!

Demeter79
(Melanie)

maryp0ppins
23-11-2010, 01:09 PM
Thanks all.

****UPDATE****

Mindee now sits by my side without throwing a massive tantrum....

It's early days & still a lot of work to go, she also eats most of her meals without crying too which it a massive step!

Still cries & screams a lot...


:thumbsup:

sweets
23-11-2010, 01:24 PM
i took on a 10 month old mindee a year ago and she cried for nearly 3 months if she wasnt permanantly attached to my hip!
i didnt leave her to cry but im afraid there were times when she just had to! for example if i was dealing with another mindee. she had to learn that she wasnt the only child in the world, which she was at home.

one day at toddler group she was sat on my knee as usual when i saw my other mindee struggling with something on the craft table, i made the decision to put her down, i apologised to the other minders who all agreed with me and encouraged me to do it. i sat her on the floor next to me , i sat on a little chair next to mindee 2 and helped him do his craft. mindee 1 screamed blue murder but i continued to talk to her but refused to pick her up. after a few mins she stopped and just looked at me sniffling.
she turned a corner after that and became the happy easy child that she is now. She is not damaged or emotionaly scarred because of it.

what im saying is that yes sometimes a child should be left to cry, especcially if it going to help them socialy in the long run. im not talking hours here but a few minutes at a time doesnt do them any harm.

LolaBags
30-11-2010, 11:25 AM
Thank GOODNESS I found this thread. Was just starting to consider ending a contract...

I have a mindee who is 14 months and been with me for 3 days per week for 5 weeks. With the exception of one day she has cried pretty much all day, everyday, only pausing for meals and sleep. She has an exceptionally loud cry (window-shaking) and she is really upsetting the other children.

She is really clingy but when cuddling she still cries into my neck, (or that of my assistant on the days she attends), she is uber-possessive of her possessions - water cup, cuddly toy and if she happens to see her coat/bag/shoes by the front door she will scream uncontrollably while she tries to get them to them from beyond the stairgate. She is very petit and can hardly hold her 'stash'. On the odd occassion she calms down enough to try to move she inevitably drops one thing or another which creates a whole new upset.

She attends nursery for the other 2 days each week and they have reported that she is a 'little clingy' but otherwise ok. I can only assume this means they are used to children crying all day or, she is plonked on somebody's lap all day and not encouraged to move. Unless the general environment suits her as there are more distractions?

When I approach the subject, mum and dad seem surprised that she isn't happy to be in the thick of the fun with my other children. She is apparently very confident usually and has plenty of young boisterous cousins to knock about with. I can believe this because as soon as her mum arrives, she is a completely different character. Smiley, chatty, playful and interactive, as we haven't just spend the last 10 hours negotiating 2 mins of her being settled.

Have had mindees before that have taken a few weeks to settle and are now so happy they don't want to leave at the end of the day, but this is on another level. Even my assistant is losing her usual cheer, the environment is suffering because she seems so genuinely distressed all the time and 5 weeks on there is no improvement. Full on tears, hiccups, beetroot face - the works.

I feel awful for leaving her crying at any time, but we simply wouldn't eat. Already at the stage where we are no longer doing the activities we love on the days my assistant isn't present because I can't supervise/assist effectively.

Any further advice or tips very much appreciated!

JCrakers
30-11-2010, 01:05 PM
Sounds like the days i had lolabags...10hrs a day/3 days a week for 8 weeks.
It was very draining and hard on everybody.
I was starting to hate my job. My own two children (11and8yrs) were getting really cross as they came in from school and had to listen to the crying for 3hrs, when they wanted to relax. The other children had to eat their lunch/tea and try to sleep with the constant crying. It was interfering with toddler groups and my my stress levels were high (i'm usually a calm and easy going person)

In the end i gave in....I'd never known anything like it in the 16yrs Ive been working with kids. My husband commented on how much I had started to drink in the evening...lol :blush:

They are trying a nursery and grandparents for the time being but would love her to come back to me after Xmas...but i'm hesitant at the moment.

Hope you come to a decision soon as to whether to stick to it (it will get better, its just a matter of when and how long you can cope with it)

Becky x