feeling low/overwhelmed/miserable.

[mumx3]

Hi All

Havent been on for a while, just been super busy and exhausted.

I am looking after lots of lovely children plus my own 3 and should be finding it all very managable but am just feeling completely overwhelmed and fairly down if I am honest. I work 7 til 7 4 days a week (50 hours)

My husband works 18 hours a day mon to friday, and about 6 hours a day each weekend day, managing a house and my 3 children (2, 6 and 11) at 3 different schools is a full time job especially as I have zero support from my husband. He uses the house like a hotel. He is lovely and tries to help and be supportive when his is here but being out of the house so much (all the kids waking hours mon-fri), it is like being a lone parent, with 3 kids and a full time job. I gave up my own career 8 years ago to be at home with the kids and have only worked part time since the. Given my husbands working hours I needed to be here for them.

I also have a horse. My one and only escape. I bought him 6 months ago when I started to lose who I was in all of this. I feel like I am living a life sentence accept for the time that I am at the stables. My horse has to be looked after the 4 days per week that I work 7 til 7 and so I only get to see him 3 times a week for a few hours. At those times I feel so relaxed and happy and dread going home. The horse costs me a fortune and (in part) forces me to work the long hours but I think I would be more miserable without him. Yet tortured having him sat there doing nothing whilst I pay for him to be looked after.

I just dont want to work. I want Time to be a mum properly without my kids constantly having to share me and my home with the mindees. Friday evenings are the worst (can you tell!). I have no patience left and everyone is tired. And I end up being sharp with my own kids and lining the mindees up on the sofa with a book at 5.00pm ready to go home.

I feel stressed, desperate and generally unhappy. I dont think it is necessarily the minding job as truth is I love the children I look after, I just feel so overwhelmed and dont know if I can carry on.

Please help

[The Juggler]

oh hon, hugs. I think you need to think about reducing your hours. offering early starts and late finishes is fine and to be flexible is great but I usually will only do one, early starts OR late finishes. That is a long day. you're already 4 days a week so perhaps you could tell parents that finishing so late is not working out - you'd be surprised how many people can make other arrangements i.e. get children collected maybe at 5.30 from you.

Yes, you may lose some of them but you can't continue if you feel like this hon:)

[Andrea08]

oh hun sending (((huggz))) first take a step back and do some accounts

can you afford to take some time out or reduce your hrs 7-7 is a ruddy long day im ruggered at 6.30pm and then got to start again with the family tea etc

ppl 4get how much work is involved now and your family to look after too

from 5pm give all children a job to do and just supervise such as..

set table for family dinner,
water plants
put washing in machine
hoover round d middles where they have been playing
wipe up tables of their mess
feed pets
pick up toys etc etc etc

then its not so much for just you to do.. there is nothing wrong letting mindees do little jobs like putting washing in the machine mine argue to do it :D

i feel like this every winter and as we had such a short summer again i dont think it will be long b4 every1 is fed up

good luck hun try take more you time..

[Katiekoo]

Something has GOT to give!
I was working three jobs a while ago because my husband had been made redundant and I managed - just for 9 months then I started to really struggle, I kept getting ill over and over again and I felt like I did a lot but none of it well.
You could really do with eliminating one of the parts of your life that stretches you the most or you could suffer and so could all your family.
I would try to work it out now before you are in a position where it all falls down. It sounds dramatic but I ended up having to leave all three jobs and starting again from scratch.
Try to enjoy your weekend, sorry you are in this pickle.

[Helcatt]

THats a long day, I did have a lad until 7pm and decided it was impacting on family life too much - by friday evening, him and DD2 were just constantly getting at each other. And I was so stressed!

My dh works shifts that are all over the place, so I am in a similar situation, I never get help with schools runs, bedtime routines or anything.

ONe thing that took the pressure off was getting a cleaner. Is that something you could do?

Hx

[jumpinjen]

Hi there,

want to send you big hugs,

great advice already given..... if it helps I'm wondering if your husband doesn't mean to use the place like a hotel but 18 hour days are incredible and he must be exhausted every day.....

just like you!!!!

Thinking about your horse..... would you feel comfortable about a like minded person helping to take care of him and riding him in return for those days of the week that you can't get there? that might reduce the cost of full livery for those days and the feeling that he is doing nothing..... he would benefit from being schooled on these days even if you don't want someone else riding him out or jumping him!

Your local stable might be able to help match you to someone..... I'd give my right leg to be able to do this with/for someone (riding might not be very successful then though!!)

Big hugs, talk to your hubby too!!

jen x

[mrs robbie williams]

Well i take my hat off to you hun - im struggling with paperwork, sef, getting organised for my first official grading visit and i only have school aged mindees at the moment - how you fit everything in along with housework and day to day time amazes me. Well done you're doing a fab job xx

[Ripeberry]

No wonder you are tired, you need to reduce your hours a bit. The horse means a lot to you and it's not fair on it not to be ridden much for days on end.

Is there no way that you could 'rent' him out? There must be people out there who could ride him and pay you for the priveledge, or even help out with mucking out?
A mum at the school has two horses and she is up at 5am every day sorting them out and still gets her kids to school late as they take up SO much of her time.
She is a SAHM and still finds it very hard, even though her kids are at school.

As someone said, something has to give, either reduce hours or rent out the horse for a fee or help to care for it.
Hope you find a solution :)

[Bear23]

Well i take my hat off to you hun - im struggling with paperwork, sef, getting organised for my first official grading visit and i only have school aged mindees at the moment - how you fit everything in along with housework and day to day time amazes me. Well done you're doing a fab job xx

I agree, i'm a single person with just one, and i am knackered!!

[funemnx]

Big hugs to you - I admire you and your hubby for working so hard!!! No doubt you need a break!!! xxxxx

[marnieb]

something has to give - until receently I thought I was managing fine, but as I started to take on more children and found myself working 7am to 6 pm most days, then spending the whole weekend doing EVERYTHING round the house (oh is useless at that stuff...:rolleyes: .) I told oh we were getting a cleaner!!!! She starts in 2 weeks and I can't wait cos it'll mean I get my Saturdays back to spend with my 2!!!

[Helcatt]

something has to give - until receently I thought I was managing fine, but as I started to take on more children and found myself working 7am to 6 pm most days, then spending the whole weekend doing EVERYTHING round the house (oh is useless at that stuff...:rolleyes: .) I told oh we were getting a cleaner!!!! She starts in 2 weeks and I can't wait cos it'll mean I get my Saturdays back to spend with my 2!!!

I've never regretted mine, she's in for 6 hours a week and even does some of the ironing for me, changes bedclothes, the works. Its so much better than myself or dh stressing about how to find the time when kids aren't in the way or using theprecious little time we have as a family

HX

[ORKSIE]

Sounds to me like you need a nice break.

Big Hugs are on their way to you.

Hope you can take a step back and see if you can reduce some hours.

xxx

[SamBaker]

Oh Hun! I know EXACTLY how you feel, I have two children, my husband is a lorry driver so works away 5/6 days a week, I have my minding job plus two others that I do just to make extra money and a bit of time to myself lol!.
I really do feel for you hun, have you thought about cutting your minding hours and doing a couple of hours a week of something else? I have a 3 and 7 year old and I always feel much better after I have done my little part time job twicw a week on my own
I had a horse for many years ( I used to be a riding instructor) and he was my best friend and knew all my secrets lol! Unfortuantly he died last year and I do feel that part of me has gone with him. I too get very lonley and feel like a single parent, even though I know my husband hates working away and only doing it for us.
Maybe a little break, couple of days off might help too, or a girly day out no children or hubby!!
Please don't be alone with this one though hun, if you ever want some one to natter too or just a good ol moan, I'm always about too!
:group hug: xxx

[Lady Haha]

Just a thought, but have you been to the doctor and told him/her how you are feeling? You also sound like you are suffering from depression. The bit about feeling tortured about not spending enough time with your horse and your kids having to share you....depression can make you feel like you are never doing enough and can then make you feel even worse until it becomes a downward spiral getting worse and worse and worse.:(

I'm not trying to find the 'easy' way out for you, but medication can help if you are depressed and then maybe when you feel better in yourself you can look at everything else going on around you and see if you can do anything about it then.

Good luckx

[mumx3]

Hi all

Thank you for your generous replies, sharing how I feel with people who "get it" makes a huge difference. I suspect there is an element of being "depressed" but not to the point that it is a constant feeling. It is more a mood thing. I have my ups and downs. When I am working I can put a brave face on it. But then find myself wanting to go to bed at 7.30pm.

Anyway....You have all given me some good ideas.:)

Horse: He is only 3 years old, I have spent the summer breaking him in and now he is just about being ridden. So he is not the sort I could find a "sharer" for. The lack of riding is not really a problem for him as he is in such early stages of his training, just a constant source of frustration because I want to be at the stables to do more with him, but cant because of the hours.

Husband: I had a really good chat with him last night, and he knows how I feel and is really warm and supportive about it. He says I can cut down my work as much as I need/want to. Obviously the horse is my financial responsibility but other than that he says he can take care of bills for house and family. So I then did some accounting.

Accounts: I am currently bringing in £1300/m, I could halve that if I had to.

Hours: I currently work for 5 diff families. I do some school runs (before school) and then just toddlers. No after schoolies as I find them really hard work. I have one really difficult 2 year old on a friday (Just one day per week). Who goes home very late and causes lots of bust ups with my own 2 year old and the other toddler I have on a friday. I think I might give notice on him. That will make a huge difference to my state of mind on a friday! And my kids wont have to put up with his spiteful antics any more. I have also spoke to another parent who is willing to shorten the hours in the evenings. She currently uses the time to go to Tescos etc etc.


That leaves me doing Tues 8 -6, Weds 7 to 7, Thurs 8-6, Friday 7.30 to 5.30

The other thing that crossed my mind, but not sure where I stand...
I could possibly (with parents permission) work alongside another minder for one day/morning out of those 4, that way I could grab a couple of hours maybe on a wednesday when I could leave my only mindee with her at toddlers and nip to the stables for a hour's breather and sanity time. But would need to find out if this is OK or a real no-no. I know other minders who do similar things (within their ratio's and with parents permission).

I really apperciate the help. I feel now that I actually have a valid reason for being tired, physically, mentally and emotionally. So thankyou all.

[jumpinjen]

Hi, sounds like you hve taken your troubles to task and made a good start!!

yes give notice to the one that causes havoc.... it doesn't always work out with children and you can't do everything for everyone.

I think it would be fine to work with another minder with parents permission.

With your hubby's support, go ahead and cut down and cut down further in the future if you can!

Just another thought..... do you have two little ones ata time or one at a time cos that seems a lot of hours to earn £1300 a month.... I do three days 8-5 with one full time, one 20 hours and one after school and that brings me £800, perhaps if you could in the furture condense your working into fewer hours with it bringing more payment? Can you review and put your fees up?

Good luck, Jen xx

[Ripeberry]

Glad you've managed to make a plan :thumbsup: We are all here to help you :)