View Full Version : Problems with minding friends children

08-11-2010, 02:07 PM
:( Hi, I'm new to this so you'll have to excuse any mistakes.
I started childminding a few months ago, I look after my friends 2 children one day a week when their own cm doesn't work. I'm beginning to think that it wasn't a good idea. I have 2 of my own and my oldest is copying what her friend is doing which is normally not very nice and my 2 yr old is being pushed and scratched by the younger one, so much she spends a lot of the day crying which i don't think is fair.
Sorry to go on, not sure what to do

08-11-2010, 02:24 PM
Hi :),
Sorry to hear the trouble you're having... what have you tried regarding managing their behaviour? Is it help to do that you're asking for? Have you explained the issues to the parent?

If you have tried lots and are not having any success, then maybe just give notice.... :(. Not an easy decision to make but you'll be so relieved once you don't have the hassle any more.


08-11-2010, 02:38 PM
It can work out for some - caring for friends kids.

Anyway, same question as florabird - what are you doing about behaviour management. Are you distracting, diverting, disciplining these children are you would yours/other minded children. Are there patterns to it? Have you mentioned it to the mum?

If you feel you cannot instill some behaviour management techniques because these are you friends children then you are either going to have to cancel the contract or put up - which is not fair on your children.

If these children are being nasty to yours in your kids own home then its time to take action - you cannot leave these kids alone for a second - if they cannot behave nicely then they have to stick with you - even if you leave the room. Ideally you need their parents onboard for it to work.

08-11-2010, 03:04 PM
How old are they all? Are they old enough to help make up some house rules that they all need to stick to? Is your older one at an age where you could explain that she shouldn't copy the nasty behaviour? Praise her for good behaviour, get a sticker chart etc.

You need to be firm & set the ground rules. Make sure there are plenty of activities for them to do so they don't get bored. Try to get them outside regularly to run off some energy and avoid any situations that might lead to arguements.

If their behaviour isn't good, tell them what will happen if they carry on (eg. time out, toys put away etc) and make sure you follow through with it, so they know you mean business.

08-11-2010, 04:39 PM
My daughter childminds a friends child - and has behaviour problems with the child.

After quite a few weeks she got to the bottom of it all - mum had said she was using timeout with child - same as my daughter - but in fact they were smacking the child at home and shouting at him on some occasions and just letting him 'do things' on other occasions. Result one confused little boy who didn't know his boundaries or what to expect from adults.

It has been hard work for my daughter and some issues still remain as my daughter finds it hard to be totally honest with her friend.

Penny :)

09-11-2010, 12:11 PM
:( The children are aged 4 1/2 and 20months, mine are 4 1/2 and 2. I have tried talking to the older one and giving them time out which works for a little while but then she starts again. She's the same at home-a reaction to Mum going back to work. As for the 20m I can be in the room with him and he'll just push for no reason at all even if they've got plenty to do. He gets moved away and told no but he doesn't react, think he's so used to hearing his sister being told off at home. I've got to the stage where i don't look forwards to friday, hope their Mum who is supposed to be my friend can accept honesty.:(

the happy house
09-11-2010, 12:46 PM
The 20 month old is pushing for a reason. He gets a reaction. At that age children aren't aware of the feeling of others. To him, your child is like another toy. He'll be thinking, oh this is fun, if I push he makes a noise.

There are always going to be conflicts. Whether or not it's children of friends or not. The difference is that you may find it more difficult to be professional about it with your friend.

charlie potato
09-11-2010, 01:15 PM
I mind my friends 2 children who are friends with my own 2 children. My friend started off as my own childminder a few yrs back so i think that helps. I've had to let her son know that it is unacceptable behaviour to 'bully' my own son in his home. My eldest and him were getting on nicely and ganging up on my youngest. It was the same old 2's company and 3's a crowd. My friends other child is a girl so we tend to do things together as she's just gone 11. The boundaries have been set out to them all and we follow time out and then discussion on the problem.
Talk to your friend and you may find that she agrees and reconsiders her boundaries at home. xx

Sara T
04-01-2011, 01:45 PM

I am in a similar situation and my daughter and the little boy I mind have a very close relationship as they have been friends since babies.

It is almost a love / hate brother sister relationship which is lovely when they get on but very wearing when I have to negotiate between the two of them.

I have just persisted with them and kept consistent and fair and I always try to spend as much time with them as possible and not leave much time when they are alone together as they can quickly antagonise each other.

Im sure you already do, but maybe something they could do on a friday that they can all do together like baking biscuits, rolling dough then decorating them etc can keep them occupied and calm.

My daughter and her friend usually fight over 'things' ...so I make sure there are enough things that are similar so to avoid the scraps!! ( ie: keyboard AND guitar .....camera AND binoculars ...etc)

If it is really upsetting you though, you are best to be totally honest with your friend and explain that it is upsetting you and you do not want it to damage your friendship. If she is a real friend she will appreciate your honesty and she was probably sending them to you because you are her friend and she trusts you with her children. She won't be aware of the situation as usually when you are together it would be 2 adults and the 4 children, wheras on your own it is just you with the 4 children which can be hard work if they are always hurting each other.

For the older ones, how about stickers for good behaviour and little charts for fridays? if they behave well then a little 'prize' to go home with etc

I am hoping that any children I mind in the future will be nice as I can imagine it is hard work if they are mean to your children and vice versa, especially if you have 3 or more at the same time all day! :)

Good luck and I hope you manage to resolve the situation

Sara :)