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View Full Version : Refusing to eat - how do you deal with it?



Helcatt
14-10-2010, 09:53 PM
With my own kids, if they don't want the food, thats it, tough. You either eat what is on offer or go hungry

DD3 is very good at missing meals and is not suffering for it. IF she doesn't have breakfast or lunch, she generally does eat well in the evening

But how "should" we deal with mindees? I'm not sure that everyone would agree with that approach

I also feel like they shouldn't get pudding if they don't eat their main meal as I feel like they are getting rewards for not behaving properly. Obvioulsy if they genuinely hate the food, thats another matter

Am just thinking as today, mindee would not eat. had about two mouthfuls of breakfast, had a little fruit at snack time in the morning then refused lunch. Sat there will a mouthful on the spoon but not going in, wouldn't let me help him pop it in, but if I tried to take it away, went mental. So missed the meal completely, then as we are about to leave for the school run at 3 starts demanding breadsticks

He is a known slow eater but today wasn't even trying. He has recently had a few meals removed as he has eaten so slowly that I have had to pack away as we need to leave the playgroup at a set time.

What do you do?

HX

nokidshere
14-10-2010, 10:11 PM
I put the food in front of them and if they dont eat it by the time the meal is finished I take it away. Exactly the same as I do for my own children and every child that comes to my setting.

merry
15-10-2010, 05:36 AM
You either eat what is on offer or go hungry

That's how I deal with it. Slow eaters are given extra time where possible and if a child won't eat breakfast or lunch I provide a bigger healthy snack at snack time, but a child who makes little or no attempt to eat their main meal doesn't get pudding, unless it's a new food and they tried it and didn't like it, in which case I'll make them a sandwich instead.

:)

Hebs
15-10-2010, 05:47 AM
I put the food in front of them and if they dont eat it by the time the meal is finished I take it away. Exactly the same as I do for my own children and every child that comes to my setting.

yes same here :thumbsup:

babs
15-10-2010, 06:28 AM
same here you at least make effort eating a meal or dont have pudding.... i have mindee comes everyday with a tin of some sort of spagitti most of the time she says i dont want that i want what x is having so tin gets popped back in bag taken back home...

breezy
15-10-2010, 08:04 AM
When they start here i get a list of genuine dislikes from parents, then its take it or leave it. If they dont eat it, they have nothing until next meal or snack time. I dont make a fuss and if they play with food its removed!

Chatterbox Childcare
15-10-2010, 08:27 AM
My advice is don't make an issue of it. Put the food down and at the end of the meal take it away. Nothing else until the next meal apart from a piece of fruit

If you give bread sticks on demand then you are setting yourself up for trouble.

If you sit and pamper him and try to feed him you are giving negtive attention

Be strong and it will only take a couple of days to resolve

Also give a treat if he finishes quickly and on time and maybe try smaller amounts on the plate so that he achieving something

Good luck!

buzzy bee
15-10-2010, 09:09 AM
i'm generally of the opinion 'it's that or nothing'. but depends on the age - i had this very issue last night cos mindee (17 mnths) didnt eat dinner but wanted pud (stewed apple). now, my son is 10 months and if he doesnt finish his main i usually give him pud (unless i think he's full) cos i think well maybe he just got bored, and 'pud' is always fruit or yogurt which is still healthy anyway ... but last night i didnt think mindee should have pud cos he didnt finish dinner and to me that means 'i'm full' (unless they genuinely dont like it)

so it made me question whether i'm doing the right thing with my son or if its okay when theyre young babies!!

buzzy bee
15-10-2010, 09:12 AM
also i agree with debbie not to give attention - i have a 3yr old mindee who DEFINITELY does it for attention (and doesn't get it!!) I noticed the first few times (always used to say 'i don't like it') that as soon as i gave up trying to coax her to eat she'd sit there in silence for a while and then i'd see out of the corner of my eye she'd pop something in her mouth. Then she'd tell me she tried it and every time i asked if she liked it she'd say yes and then eat the rest!

now if she says 'i don't like it' i just say 'you don't have to eat it then but you should try it first cos it's yummy' and she usually does eventually!

loocyloo
15-10-2010, 02:20 PM
i had an almost 2 yr old refuse to eat meals for me one day ( to even try a taste! ) it didn't matter whether they were hot/cold, finger food or needing cutlery food, she just would not try it! (and i knew it was food she liked from the list mum gave me!)
she had been with me about 4/5mths by now, and eating fine up until this point!

so i just said 'oh dear, you're not hungry', and once everyone had finished, everyone got down to play.

i told mum what i had done, and she said that at the weekend, they had been with family and everyone had laughed and made a fuss when she refused to eat ... mum said she thought it was a game ( not sure what difference she thought that made! )

the next day she refused again all day!

the next morning mummy was in tears that i was 'excluding' her DD from meals. i said no, i wasn't, they were put in front of her along with everyone else, and she had ample opportunity to at least try the meal! mummy was still not happy and wanted me to give LO choices! i said i couldn't, as apart from asking what sandwich they would like for lunch, everyone has the same (unless it was something they didn't eat ie meat!)

however, that day LO didn't fuss at all and ate fine! mummy had such a ''i know best'' look on her face when i told her she had eaten, but was a bit put out when i said i had not done anything differently, LO had obviously realised she wasn't gaining anything by not eating!

onceinabluemoon
15-10-2010, 06:36 PM
I have the same rules, eat what is put in front of you or be hungry, absolutely nothing until next mealtime except their drinking water.

If the rest if us have a pudding or an ice cream down at the beach the "walter wasters" get nothing. Parents are completely on board and are amazed that their children eat things for me that they will not touch at home.

Noomie
16-10-2010, 12:08 AM
I was just up thinking about this because I had this issue twice this week with new mindees. My daughter sometimes doesn't eat much and appears fussy but I know her, she's not hungry so I know to just let her get on with it and let her down and not make an issue. The odd skipped meal here and there won't hurt her. But I am not so familiar with these children yet as they just started this week. Mum says they are not usually fussy with sandwiches and will have both types of bread, etc. One is fussy with fruit and veg though.

I feel like a faillure as at toddler group this morn, I wanted to give them lunch before taking them to nursery. They didn't want it but I felt stuck about letting them just go back out and play (which could have been the real issue of wanting to just play and not stop for sandwiches) or sticking it out for a bit to see if they would have some. One threw himself on the floor at the beginning and kicked his legs saying I don't want sandwich. So it kind of became an issue of not behaving like that too. I gave them about 20mins and was very encouraging but then packed up. I just wonder if it went on too long and I feel like all eyes were watching and perhaps judging what I was doing (hence being up worrying and not sleeping!) Next week I'm faced with the issue with trying to either get them to eat there again or trying to leave early and coming home for lunch.

Perhaps it's a matter of going with my instinct and not making an issue of it like I do with my own. It's just they go off to nursery so I feel bad sending them off with not much to eat.

Please tell me I'm being silly and that people weren't thinking I was awful! So paranoid. And also help! Need a plan of action for the future.

onceinabluemoon
16-10-2010, 07:58 AM
I feel like a faillure as at toddler group this morn, I wanted to give them lunch before taking them to nursery. They didn't want it but I felt stuck about letting them just go back out and play (which could have been the real issue of wanting to just play and not stop for sandwiches) or sticking it out for a bit to see if they would have some. One threw himself on the floor at the beginning and kicked his legs saying I don't want sandwich. So it kind of became an issue of not behaving like that too. I gave them about 20mins and was very encouraging but then packed up. I just wonder if it went on too long and I feel like all eyes were watching and perhaps judging what I was doing (hence being up worrying and not sleeping!) Next week I'm faced with the issue with trying to either get them to eat there again or trying to leave early and coming home for lunch.


I would take them home early next week and feed them and explain the they are going home early because they wouldn't eat their lunch nicely last week. (If they don't eat just have a word with the key worker at nursery and let them know) I wouldn't bother trying at the group as they've already won that battle. I totally know how you feel about the all eyes watching and judging you, I get that feeling all the time :rolleyes:

Noomie
16-10-2010, 09:00 AM
Was thinking that would be what I will do - leave early and feed them at home and explain why. Think I will do as above poster suggested and cut out any snacks for a while too as lunch has to be early already as they have to be at nursery by quarter past 12. Now it will be trying to get them to leave when group is in full swing and all the children are playing. They had loads of fun there otherwise. It's trial and error in the first couple of weeks I guess. Thanks for the reassurance!

mushpea
16-10-2010, 10:22 AM
eat what their given or go hungry,, I hve been know to keep the sandwichs they refused at lunch and when they moan their hungry I re offer them,, why should i throw good food away then give them somthing else.
I have a 2yrold at the moment who refuses to eat with me because she knows when she goes home she can eat what ever she wants cause mum wont say no,, i have spoken to mum but she says shed rather her eat with me and that she dosent want to see her go hungry so in other words she expects me to offer her lunch but if she dosent it eat she will still be allowed c**p at home!

babs
16-10-2010, 10:39 AM
im going to hijack sorry .. mindee 3 one that comes with a tin of spaghetti every day, ive had this lo for nearly a year never been a great eater and now i have a other 3 year old and 2 babies thought it would get better but now it does not matter what i put in front of her she says i dont like it or feed me this is worse when ive got 2 babies to feed one 6 1/2 months other 9 months so i have to feed them they do have finger foods too.. well since she came back off hoilday 3 weeks ago i have refused to even put food on her spoon saying she is old enough to do it herself.. so now most days she goes home without having her lunch that has been dished up put out.. do you think im doing wrong in not helping her??? dad told me the other day when i mentioned it that he sometimes feeds her :angry: she plays him in a morning she says she cant even undo her own boots or shoes and he takes them off for her i refuse cus when they come in from preschool she takes them off no bother.

mushpea
16-10-2010, 06:18 PM
I certainly would not feed a 3yrold, she is more than capable of doing it herself and by giving in and feeding her she will carry on refusing till she is fed cause she knows it will happen,, maybe you can gently explain this to the parents, although if they are anything like the parents of the child i have that dosent eat it will fall on def ears,,,, I know that when i tell them their child hasnt eaten they will still go home and give her c**p even though i have explained this is why she wont eat at mine,, what makes me laugh is they say they prefer her to have lunch at mine but theres no point if shes not eating it,, what i should do is refuse to give her lunch but for peace and quiet I will still offer her a sandwich ,, do you think its wrong to keep the untouched sandwich till the next day if its wrapped and in the fridge? fed up of chucking food away!!