New tactic ?!

[buzzy bee]

Okay, so I have my 'crier' again today. He's been here 45 mins and I already need a glass of wine!!

I decided to try a new method of distraction and then ignoring the behaviour... the trouble is I feel a bit guilty cos I know it's mainly cos he misses his mum, but he also cries if one of the other boys (both under 1) touch him / take anything off him (which I always immediately give back so you'd think he'd learnt by now that he doesn't need to cry about it!!) It's exhausting. He's 17 months so old enough to try and communicate without crying over everything.

Anyway, I do feel a bit bad but have been trying it out. The second he stops crying I try and introduce him back in by saying "J, can you count the stars / can you put this block on the tower' etc etc. But the minute he has my attention he cries again.

I'm a bit concerned about the affect this is having on my own little one. The other baby doesn't seem bothered but mine just watches him and I don't want him to be thinking either 'my mummy is mean letting J cry' or 'oh so that's how you behave when you want something'.

Anyway, as my 'new tactic' didn't seem to be working, I have stuck on CBBs for 5 mins peace! they're all watching happily. Is this acceptable (as long as i don't do it all day!?)

Any advice is very welcome... is the ignoring thing a bit too cruel??

[JCrakers]

Sending big hugs to you as I have a screamer too and its exhausting. Its my 4th week of my 8m old screaming and Ive taken to the wine :D

As well as being tough on you it does unsettle the other children. How long has he been coming?

I think you are doing a great job and I too would ignore his crying. Try to be really enthusiastic with the others and he may realise the fun he is missing.
I would pop him in the buggy if he is being too much and bring him back in when he has calmed. When hes not crying give him lots of attention/praise and involve him as much as possible, then if he starts again, pop him back in the buggy or pop him to one side and carry on with the others.

It may take a while but I would stick with it.
If TV will calm him then let him watch a little as it may help him by sitting with the others and interacting with them without crying.

Everyone has their own ways of dealing with it so hope others have some good advice..Good Luck
Becky xx

[curlycathy]

At the risk of being shot down in flames - I found putting my screamer in the buggy did work when it was all too much. I was "over the top" enthusiastic about everything (probably think Hi-5 presenters on speed or something:laughing: ) when he wasnt crying, second he started went in buggy to calm down. I also used the step for him to sit on "if you want to cry sit down there and then when you are ready come back and play" sort of thing.

IT DID WORK!!!

Obviously if there was something wrong then I didnt - but when you have a child who is screaming purely for attention - and this one would scream if I so much as looked away from him, even if I was still holding his hand - you need to do something. Its not cruel in my ever so humble opinion. Its cruel to other children, and the screamer in the long run, if all of your attention is solely focussed on one child at the expense of others. I now have a really lovely happy little boy - who was chattering on the phone to me at the age of 23 months last night cos he missed me after my day off sick bless him! We have a lovely bond and he can't wait to come. Must've done something right....

As for "teaching him that when he's upset no one comes to give him attention" - I think the point is that this little one is screaming when there is nothing wrong and is screaming for attention. Teaching him that not screaming will GET him attention is the way forward. In my ever so humble opinion:)

Good luck and I hope you get it sorted. It is hard work, and perserverance is the key. And ear plugs:D

[Pipsqueak]

Everyone does things differently and its a case of knowing the children in your care. Sometimes an overtired, over distressed child just doesn't want physical comfort and that can make them worse, likewise another child will get much worse if they aren't physcially comforted.

Sometimes there is a 'cruel to be kind' thing - if you have ruled out pain, illness, discomfort, all the usual things, all you can do is let them vent it out, preferably in a safe zone, close by.
I didn't see any reference to putting the child in a different room???? I have one child - he is not a cuddly child by any means (only ever on his terms) and his mum said to put him into the buggy and he will go to sleep. I thought awwww, that just seems a bit mean - so I gave him a snuggle - boy oh boy did I regret it. He does grumble sometimes when going down but even if I go and see him, he will just get worse - its something in his manner - that is his routine.

I see it as a child who has got into the habit of screaming and wailing for attention, if someone comes near them blah blah then all you can do is the let them ride it out until the habit is broken.

[curlycathy]

I dont think anyone has said "everytime he cries" put him in a buggy.

Those of us who have persisted with screamers/criers know the difference between a child who is crying because they are upset and need cuddles and reassurance and a child who has learned that crying gets attention (and therefore takes it away from others). I think the suggestion is to teach that crying doesnt get attention but not crying does.

I'm sorry but I do actually find the sentence "what a lovely caring atmosphere thats going to create for him" quite judgemental actually and I think that when minders come on here seeking support and advice it is important for us to be supportive, even if we have different views. I don't think anyone is necessarily right or wrong, and everyone has to find the way that works for them (and in some cases I know that has meant giving notice). I also think we should be mindful of the fact that typing answers, even with the use of the - er - gizmo thingies??? - can come across as being harsher than maybe intended.

To the op, I really hope you get it sorted. When a child has been coming to you and screaming and then suddenly it all clicks and they stop - it is soooooo worth it!!! xxxx

[funfunfun]

I have a baby screamer . :)

I think when you have a child in your home you have to be "prepared" for some amount of crying

Its going to happen " mayb they miss mum " " attention " and so on.

mindee i have at the mo , when i change bum because i have picked her up to do this when i have finished she will scream and scream because she wants to be picked up ......this isnt just at nappy change time its all the time

mindee wants constant attention and doesnt like it if she doesnt get it hence the screams .....I will leave mindee to cry for short periods as other mindees are there too and need attention . I dont mind reasureing and giving a cuddle but i wont constantlly molly coddle it wouldnt be fair on anyone .

I think also any amount of crying whilst other children are around could have a knock on effect "you cry i cry " type thing .

I suppose it all depends how long you have had the child in your care and how long you are willing to leave it before you cant take any more .

Hope it all works out for you :) hugz xxxxx

[Mickey Mouse Clubhouse]

I had a screamer for 8 months and the only time he would stop is when he was in the pushchair or highchair and I am sorry but that is where he was most of the time as he just would not stop screaming. The only item he would stop is if I was carrying him which was not possible with 2 other children to look after. It never did him any harm and now he is one of the best little mindees I have he comes running in in the morning doesn't even bother to say bye to mum anymore.

This little one would come in screamer and shouting everyday I used to hate the thought of him coming but I just couldn't give notice as the parents were so nice and was trying everything as I was his 2nd minder and he was only 9 months when he came to me.

I don't feel bad and if that makes me a bad person then tough, as there is know why I could take 8 hours of screaming.

So hang on in there it will get better I promise. xx

[teacake2]

My new one actually asks to go in his buggy when he decides he has had enough of screaming for attention and has to wait a minute if I am dealing with one of the others. He was put in it at the other setting he attended when he wouldn't stop screaming and now associates it with his special place to go to calm down and have a think about things. (he is just 2).
Teacake2

[JCrakers]

Well its nice to know im not a totally cruel person...I dont see anything wrong with putting him in a buggy to have a bit of time.

Ive been looking after kids for 17yrs and have two of my own who are great kids (not scarred in anyway) I started off as an Nanny in London and ive worked with some fantastic families some of which I still keep in contact with.:)

[curlycathy]

I don't think you are cruel at all and totally agree with you.

And by the way - I've got a Screwfix Direct catalogue which has ear defenders in it - seriously considering it......:laughing:

Take care xxx

[JCrakers]

The children I care for get a huge amount of love,cuddles and respect from me but at the same time I have rules and regulations that they must follow. Otherwise surely they will all be running round wrecking my house doing whatever they please. When they get to school they need to do as the teacher asks. I feel that adults must be in charge and discipline is vital...surely?
I dont think you can compare sitting an adult on the stair the same way as a child.
I used the buggy for a bit of time out as its a safe place...I can sit and listen to a baby crying all day but is it fair to put the other children through it?
When a baby cries should I pick it straight up? Is this the right way? How can I go through the day with a baby stuck to my side? Isnt it fairer for the child to be able to sit and play happily because it feels safe just sitting on the floor.

[Fabby]

My advice is NOT TO GIVE UP. I wouldn't give notice and i would persevere with it. I had a very crying baby and it was really starting to get me down. Now, he is great!! Ive never experienced this before has all my other children who have started have all settled straight away so this baby was a bit of challenge. He was 8 month when he started and he is now 11 month. It was only 2 weeks ago that he finally settled with me. The fact he only comes once a week really didnt help with the settling in. I can honestly say though now, he is a pleasure to look after. By putting the child in the pushchair can be a way of calming them down but obviously if they didnt stop crying or crying got worse then i would take them back out. After 1 hour of constant crying when he was dropped off, i too put baby in the pushchair and rocked him and he always ended up having a nap. I also gave lots of cuddles but also did not hold him 24/7 whilst he was here. I think all the things i have done have obviously helped with this child settling in. Mum is very happy and can see the massive difference when she drops him off. This morning he didnt even notice mum had left. Every child is different and you need to find a way thats best for them and you.

[buzzy bee]

Hi everyone

Thanks for all your responses!! I seem to have sparked a bit of a debate :o

I have him again tomorrow so will see how it goes. I guess I just need to give it time.

I really hope I can form a good relationship with him. At the moment he's so clingy to his mum the minute he walks in and the minute she picks him up cos he's so petrified of her leaving!! I try not to take it personally :(

It's very comforting to hear that it's quite common and that it improves tho - that gives me hope!

[buzzy bee]

I don't think I'll be putting him in a pushchair in another room... but it does seem like most people have said they'd keep ignoring the unwanted behaviour and praising the good behaviour...

I'm a very caring and tactile person and if a child is genuinely distressed I'll comfort them and give cuddles etc (which I do lots and lots when he's first left and I know he's missing mum), but when I know he's just crying because he took a toy from one of the others and I told him he couldn't do that, I'm not sure that giving him lots of attention for crying is the best tactic.

What would you suggest I do other than ignoring the behaviour? (Or sticking CBBs on LOL!)

[curlycathy]

Firstly I think that most people on here do take advice and constructive criticism well. We are all willing and eager to learn from each other. However, I think the key is "constructive" criticism and I'm sorry but you have come across on this thread (and another I've seen) as being quite judgemental and critical without fully thinking about what people are saying.

As far as I can see not one person has said, or suggested, that we put a child in a buggy/cot whatever "whenever" a child cries. Its to do with the nature of the crying and actually I think I could explain myself and my practices to an Ofsted inspector quite happily. I also think that the proof is when my (used to be a) screamer walks in my house beaming away, big hugs and barely a backward glance at his mother. She is happy with how I dealt with the situation and I worked in partnership with her all the way. I'm not putting in detail here what happened because frankly I don't want you to come back with something personal again. I think you seem to have it in your head that we just leave them to scream all the time alone, which I don't think is the case from anyone!

The minders who have posted on here all appear to have a GREAT deal of experience and did persevere with their screamers, who I do actually think benefit more from the childminding setting than they would in a nursery.

I just think there are as many different methods of working with children as there are children. If you have found that you are able to spend your whole day holding a child to prevent them screaming whilst at the same time cuddling, reading to, cooking, feeding, playing with, writing up diaries of, changing nappies, pottying, toileting, doing school/nursery runs - fantastic! Afraid most of us only have one pair of hands!!!!!!!

[JCrakers]

"I had a screamer who wasn't mobile at 8months and I literally had her sat on my lap for months. I gave notice in the end as it was too much for the other children and I couldn't leave her to cry."


I asked for some advice about my 8m old screamer and ive copied this quote from you above ...as you can see...that didnt work did it?

[buzzy bee]

I also think that the proof is when my (used to be a) screamer walks in my house beaming away, big hugs and barely a backward glance at his mother. She is happy with how I dealt with the situation and I worked in partnership with her all the way. I'm not putting in detail here what happened because frankly I don't want you to come back with something personal again. I think you seem to have it in your head that we just leave them to scream all the time alone, which I don't think is the case from anyone!


Do you think I should talk to his mum? She knows he cries a lot when she leaves but I haven't really mentioned the rest to her... it's tricky to say 'you're child screams when he doesn't get his own way!'

I probably should have done but i'm new to this and didn't wanna a) upset her and b) make her think i'm a bad choice and take him away (he's my main income!!) probably too late to say something now... ?

[JCrakers]

Do you have kids of your own Helen?
Not having a go...just curious

xx

[buzzy bee]

I've worked in nurseries and I think the one you mentioned sounds unique!! The ones I've worked in would never do this - more staff doesn't necessarily mean more time and attention - the opposite in my own experience!!

[buzzy bee]

This isn't the same as Controlled Crying with a young baby!! This is about a toddler who cries when he doesn't get his own way!

I just feel that if I give him lots of cuddles and attention when he cries then he'll get the wrong message - that crying is the way to get attention.

[curlycathy]

You could talk to mum. Is he an only child?

With mine it was made easier by the fact that I shared him with another childminder and we worked really closely together, giving really consistent messages to him. Now I just have him and I think the foundations were laid in that he knows full well I mean what I say (even his mum commented at toddlers when he was about to go into the kitchen, she shouted to him to stop and it was like slow motion - he looked at her then looked to see if I was watching - when he realised I was and stopped - she then said "oh he knows you mean it and will sort him out!" I wasnt even looking after him then lol!!!)

I do think that children need some boundaries. Mine was screaming for attention with me, the other childminder and his mum - and she admitted it. I had to - gently - point out to her that the other children need me just as much and that sometimes he would have to wait. A memorable occasion came when she was dropping him off and he was in my arms - we were discussing something and he started - without missing a beat I just jigged him in my arms and said quite firmly "we don't have any of that nonsense here do we darling" and he stopped! She said later that she was impressed!

I know how hard it is but honestly it does get better. You could try asking how he is at home and take it from there. Monitor his behaviour with you - make note of any triggers, what you do, the response etc. You will build up a picture that you can look at when you're not so frazzled with it all.

And please don't think you are a bad childminder for putting him down to give everyone a break for a few minutes. It doesnt hurt anyone and gives you chance to get your breath back!

I really hope it gets sorted for you. Be thinking about you xxx

[Helcatt]

I've had a screamer and I know how you feel, it can be such hard work!

There were so many days when the wine bottle was opened the second he left the house and I seriously considered giving notice

But it was worth the effort. Generally now, he is very good and much more content - he calmed downa bit once he started crawling and got even better once he started walking

I often went to play group and he would flip out because I went in to the kitchen to sort out drinks or get his lunch ready and he obviously can not come in with me.

People would pick him up and try to comfort him, show him where I was but he would be inconsolable until I picked him up

I spent an awful lot of time with him sat on my knee while I played with the others but that really is not practical and so would sit near him while playing. I saw a few parents look ascance when I said "don't pick him up" as he does need to learn that I will come back.

But if he was really upset, we would have a cuddle and then play for a while and try to distract him so that he would stop crying

He does go backwards when under the weather and today, unless he was leaning on me, he was crying. I couldn't even be 2 foot away and he would freak out.

I've had him since he was 8 months and he is now nearly 17 months

I think the fact that he only comes for two days a week did really slow down the settling in as he would be better on the second day and then it would all go backwards the following week

Ramble ramble ramble

And for what its worth, a CM friend of mine has a new lad settling in and the only place that he feels safe and secure is his buggy, so when he gets upset, thats where he wants to go, he doesn't want a cuddle - not his nature

And thats what my DD3 is like - she will sit on her own when upset, does not want a cuddle, actually makes her more upset

Hx

[buzzy bee]

I know how hard it is but honestly it does get better. You could try asking how he is at home and take it from there. Monitor his behaviour with you - make note of any triggers, what you do, the response etc. You will build up a picture that you can look at when you're not so frazzled with it all.

And please don't think you are a bad childminder for putting him down to give everyone a break for a few minutes. It doesnt hurt anyone and gives you chance to get your breath back!

I really hope it gets sorted for you. Be thinking about you xxx

Thanks :) I hope you're right.

He has an older sister who I also have. He's fine when she's there but she isn't always here as she goes to nursery too.

It worries me aswell that the parent of one of my other mindees ALWAYS sees him at his worst when she's dropping off / picking up, and I don't want her to think he's like it all day and that her little one is suffering because of it - what if she gives me notice because of it?!

This morning when she dropped her little one off I barely even gave them any attention cos I was too busy comforting J and trying to distract him, and she just left. She was very understanding but it still made me feel very bad. Her little one is fine when he's left, so she just plonked him down, said bye and left!!

[buzzy bee]

I get your point... but are you saying then that he should be allowed to get away with... well, tantrums basically... because his mum left him and every time something happens that he doesn't like, it reminds him of this?!

So basically, all day long he can have a tantrum when things don't go his way and I have to let him because he's sad that his mum left him.

That's just crazy!!

[curlycathy]

Pipsqueak - I love you!!!!! You have managed to put it so well, thank you so much!!!!

Buzzybee - I had EXACTLY the same thing - one of my parents always saw him at his worst, usually cos I had just settled him and then she would arrive and he would scream cos it wasnt mummy or granny!! Same thing would happen at pick up! I'm sorry but I did smile at that - cos now when this parent sees him she comments on how different he is and how much happier. I don't really have any advice for you on this bit - I just had to keep at it. Did open the door to one dad and beg him to take me once tho:laughing: !!!

Seriously, know I keep saying it - It will get better!!!

And there's always the Screwfix direct catalogue......xxxx

[Bitsy Beans]

I also did controlled crying, tough love, no nonsense approach with both my children. The only difference in their dispositions is ASD in my eldest which isn't down to how I brought him up.

I do find your attitude judgemental (which is a bit ironic) and a wee bit OTT but given than you seem to pin your daughters issues on how you raised her in the early years perhaps you have a slightly skewed vision on these things. Just my opinion of course one that's not intended to offend you.

OP not real advice but if it was me after the intial explanation of say sharing toys and giving it back I would acknowledge his frustration at not getting his own way and then ignore, ignore, ignore.

[gegele]

Well i'm goin gto offer an in betweener solution!!!!!

see i'm french, we're the diplomatic language ah ah aha ha ha h i'm laughing as if you knew me...anyhow...

i'm settling my second screamer, with success i may had (i'm bowing, you can applause).

My first one never been held by anyone else than mum and dad, didn't even let grand parents near her, she came in and loved me!!! (garlic smell she knew she was safe from vampire!!)
anyway she loved being carried but only by me which made it really hard.

solution for both of them: the first stage car seat thet you carry around

it's SAFE, they feel SAFE and it's their space.

i put it in the room a bit on the side where they can see us play, i don't starp them so they can get in and out, they choosing to join in or observing.

with my new one if I engage conversation he whine, winge or start a full tantrum, but if i play, ignoring him and he comes around looking at me, i put a tou near him and i keep on playing until he plays and make eye contact...

:clapping: :clapping: :clapping:

SUCCESS

as for sleep though it was harder as it wouldn't sleep in cot but i keep putting him down at the same time in same time than ohers and today he slept 1H30!!!! (again bowing, hearing clapping!!)
I worked out that he loves noise so i put his cot in my bedroom with musical box AND tv (he can hear but not really see).

TADA

well i hope i helped and lighten up the mood.

:thumbsup:

[buzzy bee]

Pipsqueak - I love you!!!!! You have managed to put it so well, thank you so much!!!!

Buzzybee - I had EXACTLY the same thing - one of my parents always saw him at his worst, usually cos I had just settled him and then she would arrive and he would scream cos it wasnt mummy or granny!! Same thing would happen at pick up! I'm sorry but I did smile at that - cos now when this parent sees him she comments on how different he is and how much happier. I don't really have any advice for you on this bit - I just had to keep at it. Did open the door to one dad and beg him to take me once tho:laughing: !!!

Seriously, know I keep saying it - It will get better!!!

And there's always the Screwfix direct catalogue......xxxx

HA HA! Thanks - will consider that if I get desperate!!

YEP - that's exactly it - he says "mummy!" then when it isn't he SCREAMS!

Hope I can get it sorted like you seem to have done. Can't keep on like this... my own little boy is starting to throw mega tantrums and it could just be a coincidence cos of his age but I can't help wondering if he's already learning...

Thanks for all the support everyone. I hope I can be in all your situations soon of looking back on it as a distant memory!!

This is his 4th week by the way - someone asked me and I forgot to respond. He's only 2 days a week tho but they are loooonnnng days :laughing:

[karen m]

i have a screamer ,when mum signed contracts said lo sleeps from 1.30 till 4 no later ,just let her wander round room she settles herself fine if that is her routine,no happy with this but hey mum knows best,lo slept today first time been comming 6 weeks i had to put her in buggy as she walked round crying from drop off till at 1 till i got buggy out at 2.30 sleep within 10 minutes of being rocked,differant settings

[MAWI]

Dont Give up!!!
I looked after (still do) a baby from the age of 8 months a little girl who constantly screamed( not cried)all day, TBH I dont know how she had the stamina. She came to me after going to 2 other CM's because they did not want the screaming.
It did used to affect the older children (schoolies) because it used to drive them mad, they could not hear themselves think. I used to control it in the day by just being very near her, lots of toys at her level and rotating them, lots of fresh air (going for walks or to the park) in the buggy seemed to calm her down and cuddling her a lot and singing to her even while she was screaming ( used to calm her). I used to even got nosebleeds from the screaming because her scream was so piercing. It did slowly but surely get better. I even used to take her to CM groups and she would scream 95% of the time but I still carried on as normal. I think that she realised that the crying was not going to bother me ( it did obviously)but would not show the baby that.
3 Years on however, they are all best of friends and I have a fantastic relationship with her and her parents and she never wants to leave my house. It took 8 months of hard work, but you do get there in the end.
If you think you can perservere its worth the end result, however its easy to say for me as Im now through the other side. You have to do whats right for you, your setting and your families that use your setting.
Good Luck:)

[gegele]

just remembered something funny :

last week my old screamer, who is now a fantastic toddler, stopped playing , looked at my new screamer (no tear , just pure tantrum!) went in his bag and shove his dummy in his mouth...!

:laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

it was hilarious! he looked at her, stopped crying and she went on and played!!!

all to say : there is a brighter side, there will be good moments LOL

because he's a part time it might take a bit longer, just stay positive
everytime you feel like it's the end : LAUGH OUT LOUD,

it surprised the kids, let some of your stress out, then you realised they must think you're crazy and you start giggling alone!!!!:laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

[curlycathy]

Gegele - I love you too!!:laughing:

You make me laugh :laughing: :laughing:

Been following you round the forum last night agreeing with everything you said. Maybe I'm turning into a secret stalker.....!!!!

My (no longer) screamer turned to my dd as she was tantruming and told her to stop it - I was gobsmacked:laughing:

Keep smiling everyone today's another day!!!!!

[mama2three]

Oh you lot! i popped on for my morning 'fix' and having gone through the whole thread Im now late for the school run!
Helen , I voice my opinion too , often starting with ..yet again Im like a fish swimming against the tide....
Youre right there are poor practices in cm world. There are also amazing brilliant ones and thats what I come on here for...to get advice and inspiration..and I pick the bits that would work for me!
There are good and bad practices in every walk of life ..including nurseries. The main difference is that where in most jobs we can talk things out in the safety of the staff room , as cms we use a forum..and thank Heavens we can or this would be an extremely isolating job for hundreds of cms..

I have challenged tings I have read on here , other times I have bitten my lip. I have never been made to feel my voice is any less welcome than anyone elses.

And to the OP - early days , keep going! You will get to know the lo and when he needs assurance and cuddles - or when to step away - and he will learn new ways to deal with his frustration . Touch wood Ive never had a screamr , but when my new baby starts in the new year I hope you can reassure me that things do get better and tell me how it all worked out for you!

[gegele]

Gegele - I love you too!!:laughing:

You make me laugh :laughing: :laughing:

Been following you round the forum last night agreeing with everything you said. Maybe I'm turning into a secret stalker.....!!!!

My (no longer) screamer turned to my dd as she was tantruming and told her to stop it - I was gobsmacked:laughing:

Keep smiling everyone today's another day!!!!!



:D :D i was a bit high yesterday exercise do that to me , that's why i don't do much of it ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah

glad i made you smile :D

[Pipsqueak]

:D :D i was a bit high yesterday exercise do that to me , that's why i don't do much of it ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah

glad i made you smile :D

I want a bit of what you have had then babe!:laughing: although should I be asking what kind of exercise.......:D ;)

[mama2three]

:D :D i was a bit high yesterday exercise do that to me , that's why i don't do much of it ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah

glad i made you smile :D

Zumba does seem to get you high doesnt it? I knew I was right to call you Giggles!

[Pipsqueak]

Zumba does seem to get you high doesnt it? I knew I was right to call you Giggles!

I call her Giggly!!!! lol funny how we 'change' peoples names isn't it.

Zumba gives me a high too - then I crash and burn!:panic:

[gegele]

oooh i want one of those seats from ikea thatdangle from the ceiling!!!!
:( but my husband said that our cardboard house wouldn't like it much and the only safe place to attach it is in the middle of the way!! Not fair hmpf


yes just Zumba and maybe the 5 muffins i ate in the afternoon ah ah ah ah
sainsbury's chocolate chip muffin, 6 for £1 hhmmmmmmmm they're beautiful!
:jump for joy: :jump for joy: :jump for joy:


no she wasn't rocking, just observing:)

[michellethegooner]

Interesting thread, I think this again depends on which inspector u get, I have
a lo who is very clingy and has really bad separation anxiety, mainly because mum works away for 2/3 days at a time and very unpredictable days at that,

I worked very hard with parents to reach a solution and gave advice on what we could do, NOTHING worked until THEY decided (read a book) that they wanted to try controlled crying, it took 2 weeks of us all using this tecnique and now H is a happy confident little girl who will happily explore by herself and is much easier to put down for naps, we had previously tried for 4 months with talking, hugging, holding, praising etc I spoke to Ofsted when I had my inspection and they were fine as I was working in partnership with parents,

I think if you discuss options with the parents and ask them what they suggest would help, I don't think it is cruel to let them vent their emotions away from the other children sometimes,

What do you think would happen in another setting ie nursery or different childcare if lo didnt settle and still crying, are they going to start school attached to a hip? because that was the only way they would settle?

[Pauline]

This thread has been edited as a member has requested their posts be removed. This has meant that some posts by other members have had to be edited to remove the quoted text/comments by that member. I'm sure you all understand.

It is a very interesting thread and it would be a shame to have to close it down because it went off topic to become personal against a member. :(

Thank you. :)

[Toothfairy]

I know just how you feel as I have a crier too. I only have him two mornings a week but I am exhausted when he leaves. I have had him since the beginning of September and I am getting to the point where I dread the days that I have him.

He arrives at 8am and as soon as Dad drops off he starts crying. He has separation anxiety and behaves likes this for Dad and Grandparents as well so I know it’s not just me but he is fine for Mum. He is 7m old.

He is ok all the time I am carrying him around or sitting with him on my lap but as soon as I put him down on the play mat/highchair/down for a nap, he just cries and cries.

Mum knows I am struggling as I also have a 20m old to look after and I can’t carry or sit with him all morning.

I am going to give it till the end of the year and if things don't improve I may think about giving notice in January. I feel 4-5 months is enough time for settling in.