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JCrakers
12-10-2010, 10:20 AM
Hi, I have visited the forum before but couldnt remember my name and Ive changed my email address since so im back as a newbie for a bit of advice.
Ive been childminding for 3 yrs and looking after chilren for 17yrs(makes me feel old) Hope ive posted in right section :blush:

I have a baby aged 8m who started 4weeks ago. I have her sister also who has been coming 18months. Baby is lovely, very happy when we are out at toddlers,park etc. Drinks her milk when we are out, no problem.
As soon as we arrive back she screams and screams and screams...nothing I can do...ive tried everything. She wont drink her milk in the house or eat anything. She screams like she is being murdered. Ive ruled out any pain...I also have two other kiddies so going out all the time is not an option as they need to sleep.

Now after 4 weeks of this ive put this down to stubborness. She doesnt want to be fed by me and shes not giving in!!!
When she was younger she wouldnt be fed by anyone else and if anyone came in while she was in bath/nappy/fed she would scream. Parents say she is now better at home but she seems to have regressed when she comes to me.

Ive looked after a lot of babies and usually a cuddle, a nappy change, walk around, a sleep, a play etc will calm them and after about 2 days they are settled with me. 8m is a funny age for separation anxiety and strangers but after 4 weeks.....PHEW...Im knackered...LOL :(

Do I give in....or do i keep going? If I lose her I also lose her sister.
Mums coming round later to feed her cause she has day off but she cant do this everyday, twice a day!!!

Thanks for listening...Becky xx

Pipsqueak
12-10-2010, 12:06 PM
Hi ya Becky - welcome (back) to the forum!!!:D

uhoh you have have a screamer on your hands. 'friad I don't have any or much advice on one of them - the Lo tot I care for is so easy going and placid. There are several members on here who have cared for and currently do care for a screamer.

It sounds like you are doing everything right and there isn't much more you can do from there - so it sounds like the tolerance and waiting game (and some ear plugs lol). if she takes the bottle from you when you are out and about then there is no reason why not at your house. Like you say, you can't be out and about all the time. Perhaps its the change in noise - there are different sounds when outside - have you tried putting some of the environmental sounds cd's on - or how about the Whales cd lol.

Only you know how much you can take of this though.

someone else will be along soon to give better advice.

yours in sympathy xxxx

sweets
12-10-2010, 12:28 PM
i had a little one that started with me last year at 8 months and she SCREAMED for 3 months and is now a delight and the easiest child i have!

i think most of it is a battle of wills which you will win eventually but its if you have the stamina to see it too the end! lol.

there is no reason why she cant feed at home if she will feed for you out and about. maybe try feeding her in the garden and gradually move to the door!

im not sure if i would have mum round to feed her as she may expect it every time she screams.

just keep trying her with food/bottle every half hour till she takes it and gives in because she is hungry.


good luck :thumbsup:

Helen79
12-10-2010, 12:33 PM
I used to have child like this aswell, it's hard work, as soon as she saw my front door she'd cry. I used to be able to give her a bottle at toddler group but she refused to at my house too.

Could you find a blanket or comfort object that both mum and you can use when she's having a bottle?
or maybe not offer the bottle at all if she's getting so upset about it and just offer a drink of water or milk in a beaker.
I've looked after a 9month old baby since march and she never has a bottle with me now, just has food.

is she a bf baby? I'm sure there's some research that shows that a bf baby will drink as much milk as s/he needs when they're with mum so that they don't need any milk when they're in childcare during the day.

Do you try to feed her when she's hungry or do you stick to times mum says she needs a bottle? If you're trying to feed her when mum says she may not be really hungry so maybe try a little later on.

JCrakers
12-10-2010, 12:43 PM
Thanks xx

3 months...PHEW! It is definitley a battle of the wills and one which I have stuck to. Yesterday she didnt eat anything...just screamed which is why I have decided to give Mums visit a go! (will try anything now just to get her to eat something) I dont think I have dealt with a baby so stubborn..Lol

Today it took 45mins to eat with me going...Ooh lovely, ooh look at this,how tasty...mmmm..another one? ooh tasty..Wow etc etc. (bearing in mind I had a 21m and a 26m old to sort out as well) We had some crying between and then the screaming started...

The screaming doesnt bother me but its starting to disturb the other children who want to eat their lunch in a bit of peace. I'll see how we go and how long I can take it for...already taken to the wine in the evening on a frequent occasion!! :D

I like the garden and moving to the door...thats how we trained our kitten to poo outside ... :laughing:
Becky xx

JCrakers
12-10-2010, 12:50 PM
I used to have child like this aswell, it's hard work, as soon as she saw my front door she'd cry. I used to be able to give her a bottle at toddler group but she refused to at my house too.

Could you find a blanket or comfort object that both mum and you can use when she's having a bottle?
or maybe not offer the bottle at all if she's getting so upset about it and just offer a drink of water or milk in a beaker.
I've looked after a 9month old baby since march and she never has a bottle with me now, just has food.

is she a bf baby? I'm sure there's some research that shows that a bf baby will drink as much milk as s/he needs when they're with mum so that they don't need any milk when they're in childcare during the day.

Do you try to feed her when she's hungry or do you stick to times mum says she needs a bottle? If you're trying to feed her when mum says she may not be really hungry so maybe try a little later on.

Its solid food also....She was breastfed but Mum swapped her onto bottle before she came to me. I have tried feeding at all hours of the day...she just doesnt eat at all.
This lunchtime I tried her with a bottle which she refused... I then went into the hallway as phone rang, crept back in slowly and found her trying to pick it up herself and drink it, which she couldnt manage......She is absolutley not having me feed her.
I thought maybe she wants to do it herself (being independant) so Ive tried that too.

loocyloo
12-10-2010, 01:13 PM
good luck and big hugs!

i had a screamer for a few months, then suddenly one day she was fine, it seemed to coincide with her turning 1! i had her from 9 mths, but settling in from 8mth! i'd had her brother 4yrs, since he was a baby!

i did find out that whenever she even wobbled her lip at home, she got picked up and she would also cry if anyone other than mummy held her !!! (mummy told me she was fine at home, her brother told me otherwise!!! ;) )

i went out alot, spent time with friends at my house, it just didn't seem so bad with other adults around! i tried sitting next to her and playing, but unless she was clinging on like a koala she wasn't happy and even then she would often scream! i reached the point where if she was screaming and she was clean, fed ( or as fed as she was prepared to be! ) and i could work out no reason for the screaming other than temper, then i would put her in the cot. if she stopped, i'd pick her out and we'd play, the minute started again,she would be back in the cot! i didn't like doing it, but it did seem to re-inforce the fact that NOT crying gets you what you want!

goodness reading that back, i wonder how i managed, but i did, and now she is lovely! a really happy and bubbly little girl ( 15mth ) but still rather stubborn, she doesn't like feeding herself finger food, would rather open her mouth and have someone put it in for her! and she is so not interested in using a spoon! :rolleyes: however, i tend to leave her to it with finger food for one meal, and the other make sure its a meal i give her with a spoon !!

The Juggler
12-10-2010, 01:20 PM
it's odd to come across a child who is happy to be fed out but not in the house. most screamers settle quicker in the house than not. but lots of us have been there hon. My screamer took about 3 months indoors and longer if we were out.

I know others on the forum have had children who've just miraculously turned up one day and been fine after months of screaming.

I honestly think mum coming to feed her will only prolong the process though :( . Babies, like toddlers won't starve themselves. At 8months could you leave her to get on with her finger foods and get her a bottle with handles maybe?

I do feel for you thoughx

JCrakers
12-10-2010, 01:37 PM
Thanks all so much for your replies...Ive posted a few replies but because im a newbie (but not) my posts have to be moderated first before they show :(

Good idea about the finger foods but because she was only weaned at 6m shes not at that stage yet (Unlike my son who was weaned at 4m...11yrs ago) he was tucking into all sorts by 8m.

I am putting her in the cot when she screams as Im not picking her up everytime she cries because I dont agree with it and also because I cant physically manage it...I pop her in the cot to calm down or buggy and also to get my sanity back for a while.
I know she is picked up at home but ive already told parents it can't happen here.

Its nice to know others have been through it. I dont have a childminder support group in my town (Well i do...I tried it but its pretty depressing :blush:( Everyone sat around moaning about stuff, so i stopped going)

I'll see what happens when Mum comes round....it might help but it might hinder..We'll see

Becky xx

little chickee
12-10-2010, 02:17 PM
I agree with the Juggler - if you intend to persevere with this child i think that mum has to stop coming in to your house to feed her as this will either confuse her or teach her that she gets her own way by screaming.

I like the feeding her in the garden option and gradually get nearer the house!

michellethegooner
12-10-2010, 03:12 PM
I seem to be the local screamer childminder lol always seem to get the screamers, I found with my latest lo who wouldnt take bottle for me that if I gave her a bottle with handles she drinks it fine, I also did the cot technique with other screamers, only if I know there is nothing wrong with them obvs & take them out when they stop etc worked wonders,

good luck it is so draining, but it will come good you just have to persevere wouldnt have mum over to feed either though as this will confuse lo and she will think she gets rewarded with mum if she cries

Pauline
12-10-2010, 03:21 PM
Thanks all so much for your replies...Ive posted a few replies but because im a newbie (but not) my posts have to be moderated first before they show :(


You are a newbie, you only joined today!!:) We try to moderate posts as quickly as we can but we do all work as childminders so it can take time. We do our best!

Helen79
12-10-2010, 07:24 PM
I know she's not at the finger food stage yet but I'd pop a bit of toast or something she can hold and chew on her high chair and let her get on with it.
If she's not going to eat anything no matter how hard you try I'd maybe just relax a bit and not try as hard.
ds was weaned at 6months aswell and was eating finger food at that age so i'd give it ago. Even if she just plays with the food it might be enough of a distraction for her to relax at mealtimes.

Babies won't starve themselves, she'll eat when she's ready to and if you give her 45mins of attention at meal times it's probably stressing you out as well as taking the attention away from the other children.
Some children just don't eat much either, I had a lo here today 10-5pm and all he ate was a bite of sandwich and a few raisins.

I had a screamer who wasn't mobile at 8months and I literally had her sat on my lap for months. I gave notice in the end as it was too much for the other children and I couldn't leave her to cry.

crazyhazy
12-10-2010, 07:54 PM
Personally if it's the food that's causing the screaming issues then I'd let her feed herself, 8m is fine for finger foods, both my daughters were having them from the start of weaning at 6months. My 2nd daughter refused to be fed by me with a spoon so as a result we done baby led weaning and she fed herself. I'd also try and put some handles on her bottle, avent do ones and that way she might even manage to do that herself.

Gizmo
12-10-2010, 08:19 PM
I have a screamer at the mo on a Monday and Tuesday and TBH I dread the days he comes, when he doesnt scream he is such a lovely baby (9 mths) Mum is very routine and asks that I am too, very very hard work :(

JCrakers
12-10-2010, 08:37 PM
You are a newbie, you only joined today!!:) We try to moderate posts as quickly as we can but we do all work as childminders so it can take time. We do our best!


Hi Pauline,

I think I was bexleyc but couldnt remember my password....I couldnt retrieve it as I have changed my email address...so Ive been on before but its probably been a year....:D

Pauline
12-10-2010, 08:52 PM
Hi Pauline,

I think I was bexleyc but couldnt remember my password....I couldnt retrieve it as I have changed my email address...so Ive been on before but its probably been a year....:D

Ahhhh I see, makes sense now! :D - you should have contacted me, I could have found you from your old email address and sent you a new password. Would have saved you joining again. :( Never mind you are here now and will soon move out of moderation :thumbsup:

Pipsqueak
12-10-2010, 09:08 PM
I know its not funny and I am praying my placid easy going 16week old mindee will remain so but I am beginning to think there should be separate area for minders with Screamers (even think the tag is funny!!!!!) - you could have a special thread with nothing on so you can all go in there and its silent - nothing going on at all - just so you can all enjoy it!!!!:laughing:

sweets
12-10-2010, 09:18 PM
I know its not funny and I am praying my placid easy going 16week old mindee will remain so but I am beginning to think there should be separate area for minders with Screamers (even think the tag is funny!!!!!) - you could have a special thread with nothing on so you can all go in there and its silent - nothing going on at all - just so you can all enjoy it!!!!:laughing:

:ROFL1: :ROFL1: :ROFL1:

you should be safe pip as screamers are usually around the 8 months mark when separated from mummy :panic:

JCrakers
13-10-2010, 08:39 AM
I know its not funny and I am praying my placid easy going 16week old mindee will remain so but I am beginning to think there should be separate area for minders with Screamers (even think the tag is funny!!!!!) - you could have a special thread with nothing on so you can all go in there and its silent - nothing going on at all - just so you can all enjoy it!!!!:laughing:

You might be on to something there!! :D

I'd use it....Bliss :thumbsup:

Thanks for all your advice everyone, Mum didnt come in the end as she surprisingly ate her tea, so i rang and cancelled her visit...so we may have had some movement in the battle of the wills.

Will see how it goes tomorrow as she doesnt come on a Weds (:jump for joy: ) So I get a bit of peace today.....

xx