Disagreeing with parents about potty training?

[gigglinggoblin]

Mindee is 21 months and this is her 2nd week with me.

Mum has been trying to potty train for about 2 months and says she is done at home but she wears training pants to come here.

When I spoke to mum today she started saying about how we dont want her in the pull ups here and giving me tips about potty training, it was very strong hints that she wants to stop the pull ups but she hasnt come out and said she wont send them anymore - yet.

Thing is if mum hadnt said she was trained I would have no clue that she was at all. I have tried sitting her on the potty and she just looks at me, she occasionally says boo when she has done a poo but its always after and today she didnt even notice. I have seen her wee on the floor when mum tried to get her on the potty and mum was very pleased cos she said she knows what to do and she did it because she has seen the potty, just that mum wasnt quick enough. One of the things she said today was that sometimes its just a case of sitting her on it every hour.

To me this isnt a child who is potty trained, I dont want her out of pants and if mum brings it up I am thinking of saying for her to try over half term without pull ups at all and if she manages the week without accidents and getting herself to the potty, not mum sitting her on it, then I will take her without pants. I think mum will think I am being unsupportive but I also dont want to have to be putting her on the potty every hour.

What do you do if parent insists child is done but they are having lots of accidents?

[christine e]

If they are having lots of accidents then they are not potty trained. It is very difficult when childminding to do potty training as we are in and out so much. I always suggest to parents that they start the potty training when they can devote a week to working on it at home (when they have a wee off work). Does the 21 month old have the vocab to tell you if they wanted to wee or poo? At the end of the day it is your home and you leave the pull ups on if you want! While you are busy cleaning up mess you are not spending time with the other children!

[cuffleygirl]

I am happy to support potty training - IF the child is able to indicate they need the toilet! If they are not able then they are not ready and for the health and safety of the mindees it is not feasible to try.

Betting yours is a first child - I have a 2.5 year old child who has arrived this morning in pants with a toilet seat, potty AND a step (and a pair of boots) 'cos apparently she has potty trained over the weekend. She hasn't had an accident yet but neither has she asked or used the potty/toilet either. She is leaving on Friday so I don't hold out much hope but maybe she will surprise me.

I need the boots in case go for a walk - not a chance with all this equipment!

You cannot potty train on behalf of the parent (saving them the mess) - you have to do it together when the child is ready!

[gigglinggoblin]

she kind of almost has the vocab, its not great but if you know what you are looking for its there, trouble is thats maybe 5% of the time. I know mum wants to stop buying pull ups (understandable, they arent cheap) and I certainly wont be supplying them, she says she doesnt use them at home so I am worried she will stop sending them.

Health and Safety - what a lovely phrase, I had forgotten about that! I know what you mean about the equipment, if I take it with me I wont have time to get her out of the pram and on the potty anyway, if we go to toddlers I will have to take 3 under 5s to the loo - 3 time in a session if I do it every hour!

[Mouse]

You need to explain to the parent what you've explained here - the child doesn't tell you when she needs the potty, sometimes isn't even aware she's already done it, you have other children to consider, you can't be constantly cleaning up etc.

Tell her what you are able to do to help and how you think would be best to approach it. Maybe have a "2 strikes & you're out" rule - you'll put her in pants, but if she has 2 accidents, she needs to go into pull-ups. Then, each time she comes to you, keep back a pair of pull-ups, so you've got a little supply built up!

It might also be worth trying to explain to mum that putting the child on the potty every hour, looking for the signs she needs it etc, are actually training the adult, not the child.

[venus89]

I had one who turned up in pants at just 2, mum said he was potty training. We went through 2 days of this, I had to put him on the toilet every hour and to be fair he often did a wee when there, which is great, but he ended up going home in some of my son's old clothes because he also weed in his trousers so much..... Mum started sending him in nappies again.
Good luck ;)

[wellybelly]

My first thoughts are "gosh thats young!" I know age doesn't come into it now a days with the EYFS but why the rush!

I had parents ask me to support them with potty training their daughter at about 2 and 1/2 years old but at the time, in my opinion she clearly wasn't ready. It was accident after accident at my setting and believe me I tried to encourage her to sit on the potty / toilet every hour and after drinks / meals but how many attempts do we make as childminder before the other children are clearly being neglected? The accidents were minutes after she's just got off the potty for yet another try. I tried to explain that it wasn't working but I think they thought I was'nt trying enough.

In the end I asked parents if they were having any holidays because if they could delay it till then and get it spot on at home, I could then support them more here using the routines they had established and practiced at home.

It worked out after that but reflecting on it now, I wish I'd stood up and said what I was prepared and not prepared to put up with.

[tinynippers]

if the lo was trained why would you bring them even n pull up's as they wouldnt need them . only you can judge if shes ready if you have any doubt then shes not its not fair on you or the lo.

all chldren are dfferent as we know i was very lucky with my dd as she was out of nappies during he day by 18 months & the week before she turned 2 out of nappies during the night too :jump for joy:
but my ds is 2 1/2 next month and only just starting to show an inerest in the potty and thats just to put it on his head :blush:

they'll only do it when ready xxx

[Helcatt]

I've had one mum talking to me about this

She was talking about it before the summer holidays and said she might just take a week off and train him. Good idea - if it works. She claims it worked fine with her older boy when he was 2 1/2 years

Mindee is now 2 1/2 but has language difficulties and I honestly don't feel that he is ready yet. He can not verbalise when he needs a wee or poo and has never told me that there is something in his nappy. I was trying to hint that she should wait until the spring but she is worried that that is too close to him turning 3!

I am worried that seeing as he has speech problems already, this will just add more pressure. She was saying that she thinks she will try at half term

My older girl was dry during the day at this age and was probably 21 months when she started showing the signs that she was ready and my DD3 is now showing signs at 23 months -I think mindees mum is also comparing the two and thinking that because he is 6 months older, he should be doing it -without taking everything else in to consideration

Sorry for ramble - Can't really offer any advice, just know waht you are going through

HX

[gigglinggoblin]

I put a note in her diary saying she wasnt showing any signs here but I would keep trying and if she is taking herself at home then it shouldnt be long here. Hopefully thats enough of a hint. But if we have to have a talk I feel a lot better after all the advice on here, so thanks :)

[jelly15]

It's ashame that parents feel the need to potty train early. Mindee R was left until 33 months and she was trained in a weekend with mum, never had an accident here. No stress for mum, child or me:laughing:

[debs1]

Hi
I have a problem at the moment where this is concerned.
This particular mindee will be 4 in January and has just started at the local school nursery this Monday just gone. He has been with me a sum total of 3 weeks now and still wets regularly. His guardian originally told me he was trained but still had the odd accident now and again. However, I now beg to differ. This child is not trained in the slightest. The first week I put it down to new setting etc. But now ....
I keep asking him if he wants to go to toilet / making him go and sit on the loo. Sometimes he does a wee but more often than not he does nothing. An example of the problem - I have literally just asked if he needs a wee. Then I noticed his pants were wet. So I asked if he had wet himself. Answer - 'no'. What do I do.
I have pull-ups for him - apparently he wears them at night - but i don't really want to have to using them all the time as I think this will confuse him more - the school won't take him with a pull-up on.
I'm stuck.
Any ideas.

[debs1]

Hi
I have a problem at the moment where this is concerned.
This particular mindee will be 4 in January and has just started at the local school nursery this Monday just gone. He has been with me a sum total of 3 weeks now and still wets regularly. His guardian originally told me he was trained but still had the odd accident now and again. However, I now beg to differ. This child is not trained in the slightest. The first week I put it down to new setting etc. But now ....
I keep asking him if he wants to go to toilet / making him go and sit on the loo. Sometimes he does a wee but more often than not he does nothing. An example of the problem - I have literally just asked if he needs a wee. Then I noticed his pants were wet. So I asked if he had wet himself. Answer - 'no'. What do I do.
I have pull-ups for him - apparently he wears them at night - but i don't really want to have to using them all the time as I think this will confuse him more - the school won't take him with a pull-up on.
I'm stuck.
Any ideas.


Well, have just collected this mindee up from school. They have now said they will not have him back until he is potty trained copmpletely. So, I am now going to have him full-time - at lrast until December / January 2011.

[Noomie]

My daughter 21 months and therefore most of her friends from various baby groups are the SAME age or even a month or two older and not one of them is toilet trained or showing that they are ready. My daughter says poo as she's doing one or after but can't undress herself to go on her own yet. She is interested in going to the toilet and sitting on her potty. We're just not there yet and I believe it will be a few months yet. Perhaps you could do up a checklist for yourself and the parent and tick off the readiness signs. When they are all ticked off, you can start training. I beleive if you wait the right amount of time, you will not have many accidents.

I know that pull ups seem expensive (but I mostly use cloth nappies or supermarket own brand nappies for my daughter so I'm not sure the exact cost) but maybe it's worth investing. I know that Tesco's nappies are only 11p per nappy. 5 a day is only 55p. Perhaps see if it is worth buying them or pointing out to the parents that they don't cost that much. Do Tesco, etc do pull ups?

[AliceK]

I've just finished potty training a LO, just turned 2. Originally about 2 mths ago when parents said she was ready she def wasn't and I told them my thoughts and suggested that they took a week off and if they managed to get her going properly then I would continue. They did this so when she came back to me and started off by having quite a few accidents and I have 3 x under 3's and another 3 x schoolies I could not keep spending time cleaning up the carpets not to mention the H&S aspect so I started putting a pull-up on OVER her knickers. That way if she had an accident she would feel it and know but no mess. It worked. She got it sussed really quickly and would run to the potty to go when she needed to.
My DD has just turned 3 and is only just showing signs of maybe being ready!!!

xxxxx

[mummyof3]

Mum of mindee 19mths text me the other day saying she wants ME!!! :eek: to potty train him now as it is costing her a fortune in nappies :eek: :eek: :eek:

He is quite delayed and is more of a 12mth old, he doesn't speak, he doesn't show ANY signs of needing toilet and no sign after he has done it.

Needless to say I told mum no he wasn't ready and if she wanted to try at weekend then feel free :blush: