cries with mum not with me

[newandlearning]

hi guys and gals...

:) .. am looking for some advice please..

I've got a 3 yo who every morn he comes (twice a week) starts crying when the mum drops him off.. he's been with me since nov last year.. it took us 5 months to settle him in.. and now school has started and he's with me again this crying on the doorstep has started again.

I do try to keep light of it.. but I can tell the mum is concerned.. once I've shut the door he stops and just settles in.. he happily talks with me and plays and is engage.

Today this happened again.. and there was a point where I walked back into my lounge and then realised my catch hadn't caught properly on my front door.. so I went back to the door to shut it.. as I look out I saw the mum look up with a sort of stern look on her face...

I'm getting the idea that she is feeling unsure about leaving him with me...

firstly.. why is this lil boy doing this?
secondly .. would you ask the mum if she was happy with everything?
also after giving her his LJ recently .. including a feedback form and progress update (which I don't have to do) she said she'd like there to be more photos... I take quite a lot of photos and am really feeling emotional and financially stretched with parents expectations at times.:(

I'm soo sorry to widge.. this has just got me down :)

[Pipsqueak]

firstly.. why is this lil boy doing this?
secondly .. would you ask the mum if she was happy with everything?
also after giving her his LJ recently .. including a feedback form and progress update (which I don't have to do) she said she'd like there to be more photos... I take quite a lot of photos and am really feeling emotional and financially stretched with parents expectations at times.:(

I'm soo sorry to widge.. this has just got me down :)

1) - some kids just cry. My youngest now 5.5yrs old - has only just stopped crying every single blooming morning since starting playgroup at the age of 2. He still has 'moments' - its habit now.
this little lad has had yet another transition - into school - a big change for such a little person
2) yes I would chat to mum and say you have noted her concern. However, if she was outside your door she would have noted that her child settled once the door was closed.
You may have misinterpreted the stern look.
What is mum doing to help the situation though - are the hand overs cheerful and brief. How is mum 'prepapring' him in the mornings - is she feeding his upset? Sounds like you and mum need to have a plan of action together - one that suits you both.

With regards to the LJ's - if you feel that you are presenting them with enough info then just because the feedback that has come back is they want more photos - doesn;t mean you ahve to do it. However you could compromise with mum and say you will email some extra photos once a month perhaps.

[sarah707]

I have one mum who stood in my kitchen and heard how quickly her screaming, bucking, kicking son stopped when she went out of sight.

it really helped her to understand he's doing it for her and is really happy once he is playing.

I also take photos and send them to worried parents - sometimes before they even leave the drive - just to show their child is happy.

hth :D

[venus89]

I have a LO who's been being dropped off by mum this week because she's off work - normally dad does it. He's 16 months. He cries and complains but once I push the door too - so he can no longer sees her - before it even shuts then he stops! But when Dad brings him he's arms out, coming to me for a cuddle.....

I do as Sarah does - send them a text when child OK, a matter of minutes, and a photo if they can get them on their phone.

My son used to cry going into preschool. I'd walk home - no more than 10 minutes - phone up to see if he was ok and they'd say 'oh, he's playing happily with his friends......'

[funfunfun]

My mindee does this .........think its just to pull on mums heart strings bless

Maybe mindee thinks mum wont leave them if they cry long enough

[Monkey26]

I have a mindee who does this, he has been with me since he was 8 months old he is now 29 months and this morning was the first ever morning we have not had tears!!!
It got better for a short while before the summer but then he took an extended break due to school holidays and financial occurances at home which obviously didnt help. I send mum pictures regularly through mobile, email and in his journal-she says this reassures her greatly. Tonight she came round to drop off some money and we had a really good chat (as child is potty training as well) and she admitted she knows that he does it to pull on her heartstrings but in her own words "luckily he is my baby so i know the score!" (he is her 4th!).
Maybe you could invite mum in for a cuppa one afternoon and have a good chat. Oh another idea, maybe set up a video camera for couple of drop offs so you can show her just how quickly the child settles... Just a few ideas, good luck :) xx

[chels55]

this has happened to me on many occasions, At one point i thought the father was going to burst out in tears himself, i told him she is fine once he leaves and to look through the dining room window as soon as i closed the door, he was totally amazed to see her playing happily with the toy cooker