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View Full Version : Behaviour problems between mine and minded toddlers



cindy1978
10-09-2010, 06:51 PM
Not sure this is put in the right topic thread. Maybe a kind moderator can help me?

Its been 3 weeks with my first full timer who is 2 and a half, he is a virtual angel to care for and happy with most activities we do together, except that my dd who is nearly 2yrs is not used to sharing her toys and they begin screaming at each other "it's mine!" really loudly.

Recently I have noticed that my mindee has begun snatching toys as a result. Which is not really his fault as he is just trying to play. Also dd has become really attached to a baby doll and a new buggy and whenever my mindee goes near it she bursts into tears and I must admit I am not far behind her.

Please can anyone suggest possible ways to help them learn to share? I have tried using timers but they just don't get it and I feel that unless I physically give them toys to play with and literally explain sharing and swapping toys over they begin screaming at each other. Which is happening virtually every two minutes.

Any advice is desperately welcome!

xx

Pipsqueak
10-09-2010, 06:55 PM
Perhaps you can put aside some of your DD's toys in her room (let her help you choose) that are own special toys. These only come out when there are no mindees or if she is willing to share them .
All the other toys are shared toys.

poor little soul - don;t be too hard on her though - its hard for your kids to first accept but it will happen with gentle reassurance.


the toys that are in my playroom are MY toys are I share with everyone. those who don;t want to share don't get to play with them!

angiemog
12-09-2010, 12:37 PM
I look after 2x 27m months and one 23 month every day. They all do really well at sharing. There are times when they will start to say MINE and snatch. I always or get them to give it back to the one who had it first. I then say you can have it for 2 more minutes then it's X turn, or let X have turn then you can have it back. This works with all my mindees.
I don't have any children so all the toys are for my mindees. If a child brings something from home then they have to share it and let others have a turn or it goes away til hometime. I know things don't alway work with individual children but sharing is a huge part of their young lives and it is important that they learn. Be fair don't feel guilty about 'siding' with your daughter and vice versa with your mindee. I'm a firm believer in following through with what you say. If they can't share then the toy goes away...... and I have done that too. I then ignore the tantrums and try to engage them in something else. Good luck xx

sarah707
12-09-2010, 02:59 PM
Hi Cindy I've popped your thread in minding chat where I am sure more people will see it!

It's very hard when it's your own child who is struggling - they are sharing their home, their toys, their mum...

I'd suggest like Pips says that your dd has special toys in her room and everything else is yours and you share.

Good luck :D

Curly Quavers
12-09-2010, 04:38 PM
Perhaps you can put aside some of your DD's toys in her room (let her help you choose) that are own special toys. These only come out when there are no mindees or if she is willing to share them .
All the other toys are shared toys.


This is what I have always done with my children however they are older so understand a lot more.

I think it is going to be a difficult stage for you and your dd until the children grow up a little and have more understanding.

But keep going it will get easier.

mushpea
12-09-2010, 04:59 PM
As others have said I put my own childrens toys upstairs and have minded toys downstairs, as they got older i explained that if they bring their toys down then they are expected to share them just as i expect minded children to share their toys if they bring them, the good thing about having minded toys is you can say 'no they are not yours they are my toys and i am sharing them with you so you should share them too' I have had occasions when children have been fighting over a toy and i ended up taking it away as neither of them would give in they were 6 and 4yrs old so old enough to know better!!,,,Another thing is to have a timer and then give them so long to play with the toy before they 'swap' and let the other child play with it.. As for you childs pram I think it only fair she shares it if its downstairs as it s not fair on the other child to see a toy and not be allowed to play with it just as your child would be unhappy if the other child bought a toy from home and wouldnt let them play with it.

It's a small world
01-10-2010, 03:46 PM
I can relate too my ds and mindee have 2days between their birthdays and both just turned three. My ds has a number of toys in his bedroom and toys downstairs are for everyone , however ds still doesnt like sharing. Surely I canoot put everything away. Im trying to explain as they are a little older and have taken things off them if they wont share but them I get 'will share' and I love you (from both in the hope I give in but dont). I will keep reading this thread to see if any other advice comes up.

Hope you get it sorted soon. x

Twinkles
01-10-2010, 03:56 PM
Get another cheap buggy and doll ?

I did this when I had two mindees of a similar age - problem solved.


I do agree ,however , with allowing your dd to keep special toys in her room.

manjay
01-10-2010, 04:09 PM
Get another cheap buggy and doll ?

I did this when I had two mindees of a similar age - problem solved.


I do agree ,however , with allowing your dd to keep special toys in her room.

I agree. Sharing is a difficult concept to understand and it can take some children a very long time to grasp it. For the pre schoolers I always try to make sure that I have more than one of everything. Not always easy with some of the bigger things but does help none the less:D

Helcatt
01-10-2010, 04:31 PM
My (almost) 2yo really struggles to share with mindee who is 2 1/2

Its the same, I make them give toys back if they snatch toys away (had a whole hour of this this morning) and then make them take turns

We also keep a certain amount of toys in the girls bedroom. THese toys are their's and are not to be played with by mindees. IF DD wants to bring one downstairs, she has to understand that she needs to share it with the others

I got 3 buggies - all identical - to try to stop this isssue, but it made no difference, they just wanted to same one!

Today at playgroup, when we were singing, she was crawling all over me screaching "my mama, my mama" when mindee wanted to sit next to me

tbh I really thought she would be getting more used to it by now, I've been minding since she was 7 months

Sorry, not much help I'm afraid

HX

Mcgons
01-10-2010, 04:49 PM
[QUOTE=Pipsqueak;777056]Perhaps you can put aside some of your DD's toys in her room (let her help you choose) that are own special toys. These only come out when there are no mindees or if she is willing to share them .
All the other toys are shared toys. QUOTE]

This is what I do too, my dd is nearly 2 and all her toys are in her bedroom. I also have 3 prams and various dolls so they can all play at once.

sunnysmile
01-10-2010, 05:14 PM
That's exactly what I used to do when my daughter was younger, not only does it help stop the possessiveness but it also keeps her toys good, not all children are gentle when they play.