Do you treat mindees as family?

[Minnie Minx]

The reason i'm asking is that so many of you spend money on them for birthday, easter, christmas etc and then the parents treat you like dirt. I was going to put this in a reply to a members post but thought it too harsh when the member needed hugs and reassurance.

This is what i think below, i know it sounds harsh lol but i do think it's true. What do you all think?

I think we should all remember that mindees aren't family, they are business and maybe should be treated as such, i.e like they do at nursery. I don't mean that to sound as awful as it does but i think it's worth remembering when you think of the amount of money that is sometimes spent on birthday's and christmas etc this is affectivly your wages you are spending on someone else's child with little or no thanks at the end of the day.


xxx

[littletreasures]

I do buy them birthday and christmas presents and no I don't get anything back.

The parents will buy my kids a christmas present but nothing for me.

I make sure I get their presents in the sales, so it looks more expensive than I actually paid for it.

Yesterday, I managed to buy a Barbie bed that was £20 knocked down to £3.50 and some craft stuff that was £15 knocked down to £3. These are for O for birthday (in October) and Christmas.

I just keep a lookout for bargains throughout the year.

littletreasures

[miffy]

I know what you mean theresa but I have always treated my mindees the way I would my own children and I doubt I could change that even if I wanted too

True some parents don't thank you for what you do but it is usually the parents that are the problem not the children. I personally think that it is the relationship we build up with the children that gives us such an advantage over the nurseries. I am still friends with and visited by children I cared for when I first started minding - some of them are now in their twenties - that makes the job worthwhile to me and not just a business

miffy xx

[Minnie Minx]

I know what you mean theresa but I have always treated my mindees the way I would my own children and I doubt I could change that even if I wanted too

True some parents don't thank you for what you do but it is usually the parents that are the problem not the children. I personally think that it is the relationship we build up with the children that gives us such an advantage over the nurseries. I am still friends with and visited by children I cared for when I first started minding - some of them are now in their twenties - that makes the job worthwhile to me and not just a business

miffy xx


oh miffy that's lovely, i know some of angel's visit her still. I suppose when you look at it like that it they do sort of become family.

Littletreasure's that a good idea, buying reduced toy's for pressies.

xxx

[manjay]

I know what you mean theresa but I have always treated my mindees the way I would my own children and I doubt I could change that even if I wanted too

True some parents don't thank you for what you do but it is usually the parents that are the problem not the children. I personally think that it is the relationship we build up with the children that gives us such an advantage over the nurseries. I am still friends with and visited by children I cared for when I first started minding - some of them are now in their twenties - that makes the job worthwhile to me and not just a business

miffy xx

I agree Miffy. Personally I couldn't spend that much time with a child and not build up feelings or some sort of relationship. That is why I am doing this job, for the satisfaction and not for the money. I don't spend great amounts on them but it is the thought that counts.

amanda xx

[miffy]

I suppose it's partly because when I started minding my own two were small and to begin with I looked after their friends - I couldn't treat them any different to my own children and I don't now.

My own two are grown up now but when they are around they will come and have a game of footie with the mindees or sometimes take some of them out (all with parental permissions of course) so mindees are like their younger brothers and sisters.

Right from the start my two always asked who's coming today and I said if they stopped asking that question I'd know it was time to give up - they still ask it now if they are at home or thinking of coming round - it always makes me smile

Whoops sorry - memory lane eh?

miffy xx

[crazybones]

I think its just in your nature as a childminder. I know its a business but I think if we are in it for the money then we picked the wrong choice of career. I am soft, for example I saw a little pull along suitcase the other day reduced to £1 and my first though was little A would love that. William already has one that they use here but as A was going to stay at his aunts for the night I thought he would love it. A lot of my mindees parents give me toys they have finished with and clothes for Will so I dont mind. I did do a party once for an older one that wasnt with me long - put balloons and signs on door for when he got back from school and a little tea party. Never got a thanks from the parent but he loved it so hey hum :rolleyes:

[manjay]

I think its just in your nature as a childminder. I know its a business but I think if we are in it for the money then we picked the wrong choice of career. I am soft, for example I saw a little pull along suitcase the other day reduced to £1 and my first though was little A would love that. William already has one that they use here but as A was going to stay at his aunts for the night I thought he would love it. A lot of my mindees parents give me toys they have finished with and clothes for Will so I dont mind. I did do a party once for an older one that wasnt with me long - put balloons and signs on door for when he got back from school and a little tea party. Never got a thanks from the parent but he loved it so hey hum :rolleyes:

I don't think you are soft at all. I just think it shows you made the right career choice.

It can be disheartening when parents don't acknowledge what you do but tbh I don't do it for the parents

amanda xx

[Minnie Minx]

hahahaha i can see i'm friends with big hearted softies lol. I understand what you are all saying and yes i probably will also buy pressies for any mindees i get :D :D :D




xx

ps by softies i mean loving generous people :)

[miffy]

hahahaha i can see i'm friends with big hearted softies lol. I understand what you are all saying and yes i probably will also buy pressies for any mindees i get :D :D :D




xx

ps by softies i mean loving generous people :)

I'm 100% certain you will theresa :) for all the same reasons we do!

miffy xx

[Minnie Minx]

just hope i don't get the sort of parents that some of you are suffering with lol.




xxx

[sarah707]

I have always treated mindees like my own... I buy them presents because of them, not their parents.

I have had some lovely parents in the past, dotted amongst the ones who don't care... but I am always focussed on the children first. Don't think I would want to continue doing this job if I lost that :(

[charleyfarley]

I understand what you are saying Theresa but I really can't help treating the mindees as part of my family, it's always been this way and really couldn't change this.

I know some parents are a pain sometimes by not paying on time, turning up late/early and we do have a moan but there's problems in any job.

I also get alot of my presents in sales throughout the year or get bogof offers so they get a decent present for less money.

I must be lucky as I do normally get a xmas present along with my children, they also got easter eggs off one parent this year.

Carol xx

[littletreasures]

I agree. I buy the presents for the mindees because I want to not because I have to. To see the look on their faces when they open it is lovely. Just how I felt when mine were little.

My kids adore the mindees I have at the moment. It hasn't all been plain sailing, but I am pleased I took this career path and feel I have contributed positively in these children's lives.

littletreasures

[miffy]

As some of you will know I am not registerd yet and am on maternity leave at the moment.
My daughter who is now 4 was looked after by a childminder, Joyce who I cannot thank enough for what she has done for us all. Joyce buys presents for all her mindees and has parties for their birthdays and I always buy birthday and Christmas presents for Joyce and her husband. She played such a big part in my daughters life and I still go and see her now and again.

From reading all your post I think I am going to be in for a shock when I start childminding. Obviously all parents are not like me! I would never dream of being rude to Joyce or paying her late. I saw her as part of our family and made sure she knew how thankful I was for her help. When I gave Joyce notice (my daughter did not get into the school Joyce dropped of at) both of us cried.:blush:

How can parents treat you like c**p when you look after their most valuable thing?!

Oh I can see you'll make an excellent childminder :)

miffy xx

[Trouble]

i used to do all the parties but i dont know as it was costing me a fortune
but i do buy a little pressy for them

and eggs

[Pudding Girl]

You can put birthday gifts etc in as expenses ;)

I think it would be very hard to not build up some feelings for the children you care for, it's just natural when you spend a lot of time with anyone to feel affection for them. As long as you don't overstep the mark and always remember that your feelings may be unreciprocated, then you'll be fine :)

[Twinkles]

I treat my lo's as I would my own. I agree Miffy it's a big advantage that we have over nurseries.
I could not provide the level of physical care and love that each child deserves if I didn't get emotionally attached.
Yes sometimes I set myself up for a fall when a parent is uncaring or puts money before their childs welfare but thats a pitfall of the job.

I think that because this forum is a good place to vent our spleen at the parents who are thoughtless or downright rude, we sometimes give off the wrong impression that all, or most of them are like that.

Most of the parents/families I have worked with over the years have been lovely , caring , supportive people and grateful to me for my care of their children.

[emmadines]

I dont think its possible to not treat them as family!


I used to work with the ederly and we were told "not" to get close with any of them as they one day will pass etc!!
in my opinion I think that as longs as you learn to talke a step back, which is something I learnt in these homes, then there shouldnt be such a problem1

I think this appeals to treating them as family, you just need to know when to take that step back!

im hopping this makes sence???

[flora]

I buy for all my mindees, Christmas, birthdays, easter. I do bake them a cake and have a tea party for birthdays too.

I do it for them too, not for their parents. One lot give to the kids and me on birthdays and Christmas, the other's missed last years's b'day but gave to the kids at easter and Christmas.

The family I did the partys for were really gratefull and appreciative and A had a ball. That's what counts.

I do buy in sales too, and it all goes through as expenses.

As said Minx, I am 99% sure you will do the same :D

[Pipsqueak]

The reason i'm asking is that so many of you spend money on them for birthday, easter, christmas etc and then the parents treat you like dirt. I was going to put this in a reply to a members post but thought it too harsh when the member needed hugs and reassurance.

This is what i think below, i know it sounds harsh lol but i do think it's true. What do you all think?

I think we should all remember that mindees aren't family, they are business and maybe should be treated as such, i.e like they do at nursery. I don't mean that to sound as awful as it does but i think it's worth remembering when you think of the amount of money that is sometimes spent on birthday's and christmas etc this is affectivly your wages you are spending on someone else's child with little or no thanks at the end of the day.


xxx


Due to current experiences I would wholeheartedly agree with this Minx. At the end of the day, if anything happens that the parents don't like they will "turn against" you as quick as drawing breathe.
Perhaps I am being rather cynical and very harsh but at the end of the day these children aren't family - you are right and they are your business.

I will never allow myself to get to pally with another family again either - I think thats when problems start creeping in and you end up feeling the guilty party.

Sorry I know it works out for some of you and I wish you all every success with the relationships you have built .

I have treated the mindees as I would my own - birthday/christmas and I still would, the odd treat (ice cream etc) when we are out but I will not allow myself to get dragged down into it all now and put my kids second!

[emmadines]

Due to current experiences I would wholeheartedly agree with this Minx. At the end of the day, if anything happens that the parents don't like they will "turn against" you as quick as drawing breathe.
Perhaps I am being rather cynical and very harsh but at the end of the day these children aren't family - you are right and they are your business.

I will never allow myself to get to pally with another family again either - I think thats when problems start creeping in and you end up feeling the guilty party.

Sorry I know it works out for some of you and I wish you all every success with the relationships you have built .

I have treated the mindees as I would my own - birthday/christmas and I still would, the odd treat (ice cream etc) when we are out but I will not allow myself to get dragged down into it all now and put my kids second!

no i agree! my family come 1st! i wont be getting pally with parents i will be polite and professional as possible! i cant mind for friends as i will be the one to get hurt!!

[Blaze]

............................................

[Blaze]

Have to say that i'm with Squeaky...I learnt the hard way...I still treat the mindees very well re birthdays etc...but i maintain a professional distance & am not as generous as i once was.

[avril]

All my mindees are bought for xmas birthdays easter etc.. but I also buy in the sales. A family who no longer comes use to be very generous bought for me both my children and even hubby for easter and xmas, even sent toys every now and then for the children when it was holidays so they had something new to play with when off school. I really miss this family as they were lovely and the children were a pleasure to look after.
The children I have now 1 of them bought for us all easter, christmas and childrens birthdays the other doesn't buy anything for anyone.It's swings and roundabouts and a perk of the job if you receive a gift or not. BUT I enjoy the job and the children. :D :D

Avril x

[ruby]

we buy gifts for christmas, birthdays, easter etc.for all our mindees and always have done.
we use to do parties but we have so many now that we only buy a birthday cake and sing happy birthday to them. the other children make cards and we play party games.
i have to admit that we do treat them as family some have been coming for 10yrs now and its very difficult not to.

cathy

[louise]

I buy gifts for my mindee but then i knew the mum before hand. Again i always buy in the sales. But saying that i had another mindee before xmas i still got her a lil pressie. I do have a special tea on birthdays. My son made the mindee a happy birthday pic for the front door which the mum loved. I would feel mean not doing anything for them.

I have invited my mindee to my sons party on sat. I don't feel like i will have to watch him i think it will be great that the mum will get to see him playing with the friends he has made with me. I think my son doesn't see him coming as mummy working he really enjoys him coming over and gets upset if he isn't over.

[Lottie]

Interesting thread.

Having not childminded yet I haven't even thought about this but it did get me wondering...

I know I would buy a little birthday/christmas present. The children who will be in my care are looking to me for care and protection and I think all children deserve to be happy. Even if the parents are odd (I hope I don't have odd parents!) But I can understand where you are coming from Minnie.

[Heaven Scent]

I try to ensure that the children feel that they belong when they are with me and I do my best to ensure they feel loved secure and wanted I buy them gifts for birthday, christmas from hols & easter etc. I do it for the children so they know they matter to me - personally I couldn't give a hoot about what the parents think on the whole they pay me to do a job and I do my best to do it well. As far as I'm concerned those children feel like part of the family when they are here and I hope they feel that they belong here. But I do have to keep a professional distance with the parents - I'm polite and helpful and with some I may build up a sort of friendship but I could never be relaxed enough to think of it as a buddy buddy friendship - have I made sense. I also do keep a small distance from the children as I know that they could leave at any time - I don't want them to but we all know what parents are like.

As for birthday parties their whole birthday is a party - or at least I say it is - I put up a banner and some balloons and they wear the birthday hat and we have a cake and a special tea - Or at least I lead them to believe its special - I give them a choice of what we have or have cocktail sausages as part of the tea and the cake replaces the usual pudding of fruit or yoghurt so its never anything too expensive - we play party games and have party music playing all day and make cards and maybe watch a DVD as a treat - Everything I do I say its because it so&so's birthday and let them go first in games or make choices etc - I don't go to any great expense at all. Its more how I do things than what I do if you see what I mean - they get all excited and think its great. I also big it up when the parents come to collect and give the present and card then also Its really all about making the child feel special but I make sure the parents know I did too -I don't expect thanks for it as most times they are too miserable to say thank you.

[ajs]

i mentioned this thread to my kids this evening and we talked about what the mindees are to us as a family.
and they all mentioned meghan my first ever baby she is now 28 and has always been very special to me i looked after her for 5 years from 18 months to 6 and she was my bridesmaid when she was 9.
there have been some mindees that i loved having and looked after them well but once they've gone they've gone, no cards or presents but there are others who no matter that i am not paid to care or them they are still important to us and i still buy presents for them and make a point of seeing them regularly

i was going to say about one mindee in particular who has been with me for over 6 years but all of my children even the ones who only started in september are really lovely as are the families

when it is their birthday i always try to make them feel special we sing to them have banners up cakes a birthday tea, which mum and dad are invited to the whole works. i always buy them something not necessarily anything expensive but whatever i think is right for them.

we decided that it is not the same love as your own children as the attachment is different but there is very definately a love but not such an emotional one i think