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VINASOL
08-09-2010, 01:30 PM
Sorry, it's me again!!

My new mindee does get a bit anxious about things; say if she's dropped juice or something and thinks that she's going to get told off (I know that a previous CM screamed at her in a supermarket when she accidentally weed herself).

Anyway, we had a little incident at home; nothing major but my neighbour asked me to call the police (we live near a run-down salon and someone has stolen the sinks breaking the pipes and it's flooding with water - this does not affect where we live AT ALL). Anyways I said to neighbour, that's OK I will call the police.

Well mindee S, started crying and physically shaking and she was quite literally petrified and she said no don't call them they will whip me up!!

She was terrified, and it's really unsettled me.

littlestar
08-09-2010, 01:34 PM
wow thats shocked me how old is mindee?

The Juggler
08-09-2010, 01:35 PM
just going to ask the same thing. I wonder if this is something she's been threatened with when she misbehaves??

littlestar
08-09-2010, 01:38 PM
maybe you sould have a chat with parents about the reaction asking if anything has happened recently that she would have thoughts like this? i would be a little concerned my lo thinks police help people i think all lo's sould think this personally :)

VINASOL
08-09-2010, 01:48 PM
Mindee is 4 in December.

It really surprised me too. I tried to say to her that the police wouldnt do such things and my daughter (whose a couple of months younger) bless her and told her that the police were lovely (we know our local police well due to my chattiness lol and activities with Beavers etc); but she was still concerned.

When the police arrived, she cried for me to hold her the whole time I spoke with the officer and wouldn't look at him.

I'll have to say something to mum tonight, but mum is very very stresed out at the moment and not sure if this will push her over the edge iykwim!

Do I just do a usual write up in my own obs/diary?

ourmadhouse
08-09-2010, 01:49 PM
Id written up in my notes, and mention it to parents to see what they say
( i know alot of parents at school tell the children if they dont behave they will call the police :eek: you can see the fear in the children)

sounds like child has heard this said about the police maybe from other children or even parents. lo could have seen police arresting someone, who knows. but talking to the parents about this reaction is the first way to helping lo and giving with lots of reasurance and comfort, maybe do some planning of people that help us type of thing.


We will never fully know what goes on in a childs home life, we only get to see a glimps. keep notes of ALL things that stick out or seem a little odd. over time your notes will help you understand the lo a little better and could help you to see a bigger picture (If there is one to see)

littlestar
08-09-2010, 01:50 PM
i would do but also i would have to talk to mum or it would play on my mind and i wouldnt help reading too much into it good luck let us no what happens :)

kindredspirits
08-09-2010, 02:06 PM
I too have had a mindee in the past who actually was terrified of ever making mistakes or having accidents - I have a suspicion that the parents were smackers - but obviously its not illegal just immoral. I would be slightly concerned aboutthe phrase 'whip me up' as shes obviously been told that by someone at sometime. I would mention it to mum - if mum said it thats one thing but if the previous CM said it and is still practicing then I would inform ofsted as threat of corprol punishment is against the EYFS I believe.

VINASOL
08-09-2010, 04:44 PM
well i mentioned it to mum and at first she seemed to 'know' the exact reason why she would have this reaction, but something stopped her. She then just said both kids (I also mind S's brother H who is 6) have had 'behavioural' issues since coming back from the north of France with their father (they are divorced).

So, I didn't take it any further. S meanwhile had a massive crying fit because I would not let her do a week behind a building on school grounds (to be honest I had let my DD because she really needed a week, but S just said she needed to because DD had); when I said that I knew that she didn't need to go she got so mad and tried to hit me. After a very firm DO NOT HIT ME, she didn't. Told mum, and then S actually slapped her mum in front of me (felt vindicated iykwim).

I already feel very protective towards S, and I looked for signs if S was scared of mum but she wasn't, so I don't think there's an issue there. S is already saying that she doesn't want mum to pick her up and that she wants to stay with me...she was even calling me Mummy today (she obviously knew that I wasn't but was playing a kind of sillyl game, but was sweet)...


There are other things that worry me about this child. I KNOW all 3 1/2 year olds are all different, but this little girl asks what a table is "what's this called?", or what a mobile phone is called. Took S and DD on the bus to the supermarket today (thought they'd enjoy the bus ride), and tried to engage them in helping me choose some veg to make tomato soup. Asked S what colour an orange was and she said yellow; asked what fruit is was and she said "I don't know".

If I ask her anything at all, she says I don't know. Now, I'm not sure if she actually 'doesn't know' or if she's scared of getting it wrong.

Other than that, when I ask her not to do something, or to take turns she does straight away without whinging (which is better than my DD lol), and overall she's a lovely, loving little kid. She and my DD have become fast friends and in a supermarket today (sat both of them in the seat on the trolley), my DD hugged S, and S kissed DD on the cheek and peopel walking by ooohheed and aaahhed.

But something tells me that something isn't quite right, and I'm not sure what it is.

ourmadhouse
08-09-2010, 06:11 PM
Just keep on top of your notes (i ended up having a note book full of things a child had said/done. i kept it for only myself to see and put my thoughts and feelings on what was said/done.) i always mentioned to the parents what had been said/done (and add their comments to the note book) the only time i never told the parens was when i had to take action and follow my procedures.

Its tought but that is all you can do (unless something comes to light), its not nice but remember you need to cover your own back too! months or even years down the line your notes could be needed and 'they' (child protection) do ask for your thoughts and feelings on the matter.

remember to go with the flow with the minded child, it could be that the child is so confused with seeing dad alot and now they dont??
you can escape here when you feel you need to and this bunch has helped me in the past.

did mum mention behavioural problems when signing contracts?
maybe you both need to get together to talk about the behaviour and how you both will deal with it ?

VINASOL
09-09-2010, 09:21 AM
Just keep on top of your notes (i ended up having a note book full of things a child had said/done. i kept it for only myself to see and put my thoughts and feelings on what was said/done.) i always mentioned to the parents what had been said/done (and add their comments to the note book) the only time i never told the parens was when i had to take action and follow my procedures.

Its tought but that is all you can do (unless something comes to light), its not nice but remember you need to cover your own back too! months or even years down the line your notes could be needed and 'they' (child protection) do ask for your thoughts and feelings on the matter.

remember to go with the flow with the minded child, it could be that the child is so confused with seeing dad alot and now they dont??
you can escape here when you feel you need to and this bunch has helped me in the past.

did mum mention behavioural problems when signing contracts?
maybe you both need to get together to talk about the behaviour and how you both will deal with it ?

Yes i'm going to keep good notes (which I keep for myself). Mum never mentioned anything about behavioural problesm when we signed contracts. Mindee is also starting to hit out; went to hit DD this morning and DD moved out of the way and then mindee started hitting herself really hard. By chance mum phoend so i mentioned it and seh says that when S gets frustrated she scratches herself on her legs (drawing blood).

I'm wondering if she has learning difficulties too as she doesn't know what things are...asked me this mornign what a knife was...she may be going to nursery in teh mornings so am hoping that staff there might be able to recognise more things.

angeldelight
09-09-2010, 09:40 AM
What does mom mean by " behaviour issues " is it that she can not cope herself ?

You said before that mom is very stressed and this could push her over the edge - why ?

How long have you been minding the little one?

Angel xx

VINASOL
09-09-2010, 12:13 PM
What does mom mean by " behaviour issues " is it that she can not cope herself ?

You said before that mom is very stressed and this could push her over the edge - why ?

How long have you been minding the little one?

Angel xx

She didn't go into too much detail. Just said that behaviour has been bad since coming home from dads. S has never been with dad (left when just a few weeks old)...says having moreproblems with the older one (not doing as told).

She just said that the kids were stressing her out; work was stressing her out and looked ragged! have only had this girl from this week. finding it a little stressful to be honest, but i'll perservere