Mindee hit me today!

[Helen Dempster]

Yep, you read it right. Some of you may have read previous posts about this little 4yr old boy and his 'challenging' behaviour. I can't work out whether he's just attention seeking or whether there's an underlying problem. It seems to kick off when he's told NO, which was the result of me getting hit today (luckily, I dodged so it didn't connect fully, but still....!) He has an older brother who's 8 (I have them both) and they are always fighting - in fact, the mum admitted today that they almost reduced her to tears at the weekend cos it was non-stop! I don't know how to help him - he starts school this month! I dread taking him out, but still do - but the result is me ending up really embarrassed by his awful temper tantrums! Yesterday we went bowling and all the other kids were great (7 in total, ranging from 1 year to 8 years) but he just kept throwing these awful tantrums cos he wasn't winning, kept hiding under the bench and refusing to come out etc. I really don't know what to do with him, I feel as though I'm talking to a brick wall, cos you know it doesn't register when you talk to him - his mum says it's probably cos he's told off so often, he's just learnt to ignore it!!!?

Any help or advice? Thank you xx

[~Chelle~]

Have you both tried implementing a reward chart? This may help with his behaviour, it really calmed my son down when he was a bit "challenging" x

[Chatterbox Childcare]

Once the others are back at school I would ignore all negative behaviour and reward the good.

[miffy]

I agree with rewarding positive behaviour and trying to ignore unwanted behaviour but it's easier said than done especially when you're dealing with other mindees too. You would also need his mum on side for this to work.

I think you need to have a think about whether you feel it's worth putting all the effort into this or if you would be better off giving notice - it's hard when a child's behaviour begins to affect your enjoyment of the job.

Miffy xx

[Ripeberry]

What do you do when he is actually behaving himself? I find that the more attention you give when they are quiet and calm the more they want to do it, even if you say "What a good boy X is, sitting down nicely/sharing ect.."

Of course with bad behaviour that is dangerous you need to step in, but maybe remove without saying anything at all. Maybe he gets yelled at so much at home that he "tunes it out" as you said.

If nothing works or school does not improve him, then maybe time to let him go as it's not worth it :(

[jadylasa]

I agree with ripe berry. I ignore negative behavour, if it's violent I pick the child up and put them on the other side of the room without saying anything, its not a time out, they don't have to stay there, some times they come back and join in the game nicely, some times they come back with evengance, i just keep putting them on the other side of the room they soon get bored, once they've calmed down I encourage an appoligy, but I don't push it.

[bexcee]

You need to come up with a plan with the mum so that it is consistent both at home and when he is with you. If he knows you are working together then it should work better.

Reward charts work well or give him a sticker every 15 minutes when you are out and about and he behaves. Find out what he really likes and then get some stickers so that he'll be kean to earn them. Maybe cars, ben 10 or just smiley faces.

Good luck hope it works.

[The Juggler]

i had a child a few years back who every time I had to speak to him, spat at me, scratched me, bit me or pulled off my glasses and threw them.

Work on a plan with mum and watch for triggers but if things don't improve don't continue - it'll make you ill:(