What would you do????

[marnieb]

Hi all,

Bit of back story - there's 2 cm's as thick as thieves round here, and they have a bad reputation amongst other cm's for not doing anything with their mindees. I never see them at groups, the park or centres, apparently while waiting for the morning nursery to finish they just walk their mindees round and round.

Again, its all second hand info, just repeating what I've heard.

I found out one of my son's school friends and his sister are looked after 2/3 days a week by one of them. I never said anything to the boy's mum, as I didn't want to s*it stir when it might not be true. Over the last few months i've become quite good friends with the boy's mum.

Today at the park I saw the cm with 7 kids - at least 2 were over 8, so that's not what this is about. Ds's friend E and his sister T (only 3 yrs) were there, so ds was happy to have someone to play with.

This cm sets up shop in the corner of the playground, all her kids run off to play in different directions.......and she sits down with 2 magazines, and proceeds to read both of them over the next 75 min, while barely glancing at her mindees!!!!!!! :eek:

I watched E and T more than she did!!! Now, as I'm quite good friends with their mum, I'm inclined to say something to her. Not to cause trouble, but purely if I was a working mum and was paying someone to look after my kids, I'd be less than impressed to find out my 3 yr old was running round a park unattended while the cm read magazines!!

I don't want the mum to think I'm either stirring or angling for the work, but in good conscience I feel I have to tell her.

Do you think I'm right in telling her?????

[theplayroom]

I would definately mention it but like youy said say you are not stiring up trouble or looking for work but just saying as a friend, also ask for your name not to mentioned x good luck i hate moral dilemas!

[singlewiththree]

If it was me I would just say you saw them at the park, and see what mum says. You don't know the relationship with the mum to the childminder, they could be friends too, she seems to be happy with the childminder.

[moogster1a]

I presume the kids were within earshot/ in sight?
If so, what's the problem? I don't stare at the children all the time when they're playing. They don't need or want me to! I'll settle down with the paper, glance up every 2 mins. and get up when / if they need me or I think they're getting a little far away.

[marnieb]

The kids weren't within eyesight or earshot - the park was packed there was so many kids there's no way she could see them from where she was sitting, and she didn't get up when they needed her one little boy was calling her for a good 10 min and she never heard him, poor lad gave up and wandered off!!!!! :(

Also I personally think a 3 yr old needs constant supervision in a busy park.

[mushpea]

I can see your point with reading the magazines but i have to say I sit down and watch the children at a park and dont run around after them if they are capable of playing on the equipment by themselves,,, I take up to 6 children to parks and if i stayed with one child helping them then i couldnt possibly watch all the others at the same time as i would have my back to them, so i sit and refferee

[marnieb]

If she had been actively watching them then I wouldn't have problem with it at all, it's the fact she just sat and read magazines and didn't watch ANY of the kids, especially the 2 small ones. I would sit and watch that many kids too, not just sit there ignoring them as she did!!!!!

[FussyElmo]

I dont think you are wrong you can't take that many childrfen with you and sit and read a magazine.

However I would be very careful how I worded it with mum as it could come other wrong. How old is your ds's friend will he have told mum that he saw you.

[joshie]

Sit down?? Whats that?? When we take the children to the park they are fully kitted out in high vis jackets, mobile number bracelets and we each actively walk around, keep an eye on and help and support the children in our care to learn, develop and progress on the available equipment.

I think you should tell the parent as i personally believe that CM being that distracted is inapproprite. What if something serious happened to one of the children, what would her excuse be to the childs parent, police, social services etc? Sorry i was reading about some woman havin a boob job?

IMO = totally unproffessional, sorry if that offends anyone. :blush:

[Monkey26]

It is a very tough one!
I was checking my emails the other day on the my iphone whilst at the park BUT simply because i was waiting for an important one- i wouldnt normally do this btw! However, I was glancing up every 30 seconds and felt very conscious that i was on my phone/that other people might see and judge me (kids had tshirts on, so quite clear i am a CM!!!)
Maybe just say to your friend in a simple yet happy tone of voice "gosh the park was heaving today, i saw your two there, were they with their childminder??" and see what happens. Good luck with whatever you decide to do :) xx

[suzyblue]

Theres no way I would take kids to the park and not be aware of where they were every minute. I dont even go if I have more than 2 under 5s and its busy. I think you should mention that you saw your friends children but maybe say that you couldnt see their childminder nearby - where they with her or someone else? and see what the reaction is - as said they could be good friends.

[Mookins]

i personally only start reading for a few seconds and the rest of the world has dissapeared just get completely absorbed so no way could i do that

not sure if i would say anything to the mum though...xx

[wendywu]

How long have your friends children been with this CM and have they ever had any serious accidents.

Have any of her mindees had any serious accidents.

If the answer is no then she cannot be doing that much wrong.

No i would not mention any thing to this mum. Your sons friend is of an age to tell his mum what is going on when they are out and about and also if they are unhappy.

[jadylasa]

I would tell her, how would you feel if next time something happens, and you hadn't said anything?

I know that accidents can happen even when you're watching, but if she's not watching she can't respond.

[wendywu]

[
QUOTE=jadylasa;771391]I would tell her, how would you feel if next time something happens, and you hadn't said anything?

I know that accidents can happen even when you're watching, but if she's not watching she can't respond.[/QUOTE]

Which is what i am saying , what is her track record for accidents.

Maybe she was keeping an eye on them looking up every few seconds.

Marnie cannot have been watching her 100% of the time for the whole 75 min as she must have been watching her own mindees.

Mum is bound to tell this minder who has been telling tales about her. I think it will open up a whole can of worms.

Maybe mention that you saw her and see if mum reacts in any way at all.

[bexcee]

It's a difficult one, you could cause a lot of trouble and bad feeling but if you don't say anything and then something terrible happens you will feel guilty for not intervening.

I agree with what some of the others have said, do it in a lighthearted way - ask the mother how her summer has been, say you saw her two at the park but didn't see her and see what she says. Maybe she is happy with the way things are or maybe it will prompt her to find out just what her children get up to with their minder.

Good luck and let us know how it goes

[singingcactus]

I agree with wendywu. There really isn't anything to tell tales about. The childminder took the kids to the park, even though you say at the beginning you've never seen her at the park, the kids were safe. Even though she was reading her books she will no doubt have been glancing up at the kids. She knows them well and knows what level of attention they require in parks.

For the record, I don't go to any groups very often either. It's not because I am a bad childminder it is because I cannot be doing with all the gossiping that goes on at them.

I think it will reflect badly on you if you do tell mum. Whatever your motivations are there is a big risk you will end up looking bad. Unless the childminder is endangering the children then you don't have anything to tell on. These parks are designed for children to go to unsupervised too.

[marnieb]

So, most of you think I'm over reacting to a 3 year old running around on slides and climbing equipment in a very busy park, completley unsupervised???? :eek:

I'm not minding atm as mindee doesnt start for another 5 weeks, I was pushing dd in the swing and my ds was on the 'big boy' climbing frame next to me, so I was able to watch them and her for most of the time that I was there.

If I wasn't a cm I'd be alarmed at the lack of supervision, and as a CM as far as I'm concerned its ones that that that gives us a bad rep - i.e people think all we do is sit and drink tea with the tv always on.

[moogster1a]

small children are meant to run around playing on slides etc. we can't literally run after them all the time with arms outstretched ready to catch them!!
I think at 3 they should be able to cope in a playground without me being physically next to them all the time.
otherwise, how would we all cope with say 3 3 year olds all playing at once?
personally, I'm always available to help them try new equipment etc. or shepherd them down / up things they're a bit nervous of but otherwise, leave them to it!

[singingcactus]

But the child wasn't completely unsupervised. You cannot say for certain that the childminder was not watching the children, only that you feel she was not watching the children.
If you are genuinely concerned about the children's welfare then go ahead and mention it to mum. You have a duty to do so if you feel the children were in clear danger and the minder was neglecting them or endangering them in the play park by her actions.
None of us were there so we did not see what happened. We can only give an opinion based on what you have said, and you are basing much of your opinion on what others have said to you about a minder you do not know, so we are hearing third hand information. It seems that this minder is talked about poorly because she does not attend toddler groups, and this negative talk may have inadvertently coloured your view of the situation. Then again it might not have and the children might be in danger, only you know because only you were there.

[wendywu]

But the child wasn't completely
unsupervised. You cannot say for certain that the childminder was not watching the children, only that you feel she was not watching the children.
If you are genuinely concerned about the children's welfare then go ahead and mention it to mum. You have a duty to do so if you feel the children were in clear danger and the minder was neglecting them or endangering them in the play park by her actions.
None of us were there so we did not see what happened. We can only give an opinion based on what you have said, and you are basing much of your opinion on what others have said to you about a minder you do not know, so we are hearing third hand information. It seems that this minder is talked about poorly because she does not attend toddler groups, and this negative talk may have inadvertently coloured your view of the situation. Then again it might not have and the children might be in danger, only you know because only you were there.

Oh your so level headed and calm, can i have some of what you are taking :thumbsup: