help...rapidly losing the will....

[fluffysocks]

please help, need some ideas,

i have got my two children 6 and half yr boy and nealry 5 girl plus i am minding a 3 year old boy and 9month old boy who started last week!

Its really hard trying to plan things they all like but anyways that nots really my issue, the 3 year old mindee is on a mission to make everything as difficult as possible and upset maximum number of people!

At the end of each day I ask everyone what they would like to do tomorrow and list a few options, they all choose something, I check in the morning that they still want to do these things and everyone is happen. But as soon as we start an activity the mindee makes it virtually impossible, disagrees with everything, forces himself to be sick and pretend cries for his mum-total attention seeking. When he realises that none of it works he then sets about upsetting the others, he'll snatch things when he thinks you're not looking and then will swear blind "he had it first" or "they said i could" but short of blatently calling him a liar what do i do-i watch all this happening!

My son is having a difficult time adjusting as his best friend moves away to America this week and he drew a lovely picture on the etch-a-sketch board, the mindee waited till my son had moved away after me praising the drawing and purposefully wiped it clean and then said "haha look its not here anymore!" oh the tears I had, obviously I explained to my son that pictures on these boards are not forever but that was just damn right malicious. I asked mindee to apologise and he flatly refused, saying "well he has to share and its my turn now". but whats mor annoying is not a foot away is an identical drawing board and he didnt even bother with either just walked away and carried on with another activity!

Now I know they are gettin bored and this miserable weather we have is making it practically impossible for decent outside time but 3 days of this sttitude is really starting to grate. He is rude, very little manners and grrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!

sorry i really needed to vent!! any ideas would be gratefully recieved, i have talked to mum but she doesnt know what to say except apologise and just hopes i have the answers!

[em29]

Oh my goodness - just reading your post made me angry!!! I would not accept his behaviour at all. It must be in your house rules or policy that children must respect others - he is failing to do this and it must be addressed immediately and with conviction! How dare he refuse to apologise?? I would have him separated from the others in time out until he changed his mind. It is unacceptable behaviour and I would have a meeting with the parents asap. I know it is sooo hard to tell parents the not so nice things that their children get up to - but he obviously feels that he can get away with it?
I totally sympathise with you but try to find something that he would really miss ( a toy, game etc) and take it away when he is naughty but a reward chart for when he does something nice may help with a proper reward at the end of the day like a sticker or 15 mins tv or something like that?? Try to be very authoritative when you have him next and make it clear at the beginning of the day what your expectations are of him. Hope that helps....keep us updated:mad: !

[The Juggler]

oh your poor DS. That wasn't nice but I guess he didn't have any idea of how sentimental it was to your son or the meaning behind it. It could've been any picture. Still not nice behaviour. Just be firm hon.

I'm with you on ready to fold, but it's my own two causing me all the problems. Had to send them away from the tea table yesterday they were so bad (general silliness and hysteria) whilst mindees 5 and 3 sat there eating really nicely:blush:

[fluffysocks]

thing is he hasnt always been like this, yes he likes to seek attention but does realise very quickly it doesnt get him far with me, i just thought it was a case of them all spending too much time together as my two are usually at school, but then it hit me like a brick-its the new mindee!! I put little one to bed for a nap and the 3year olds behaviour and attitude changed instantly!! He obviously doesnt like having to share me and a 9month old takes alot of hands on with nappies feeding etc,

right, now i know that we will be having an activity on the needs of others and why they are different, feelings of others and respecting them, something my own two could do with a reminder on at times! and maybe i can give him a job relating to the baby?? not sure what though-yet!

Mum has been told word for word and was mortified, she apologised but it isnt her apology needed!

its just so disheartening to have all your hard work thrown back in your face. they all have very differing needs, abilities and interests so trying to include them all is hard.

[em29]

Oh I see - obviously he feels put out by sharing you. That's quite nice really lol. Good idea giving some more responsibility with helping you - maybe he will feel like a special helper then and act a bit more kindly etc
Atleast the mum was mortified - my parents can be less than interested at times but are the first to point out the failings in my children!
Hopefully he will improve again soon for you. Stay strong and do not let him see that he has got to you. Not long left of the holidays - you will make it!!:)

[FussyElmo]

If it is going to be a stand off iwhen you ask him to apologise as he is doing things for attention - then why dont you not ask him to say sorry.

The longer you ask he is getting all the attention so just explain what he has done and why it wasn't nice and then turn all your attention to the victim.

In his head doesnt matter what attention you are giving him he is getting your attention and the baby is.

Good idea to involve him with him could you just ask him to pass the wipes if you need them and praise him overboard for anything he does right :thumbsup:

[blue bear]

maybe a sticker chart for helping?

pass baby wipes, fetch nappy, used bottle into sink etc. big sticker for t-shirt after 5 helps..

play a board game when baby asleep. we like hungry caterpillar.


I have a selection of small toys that are mine. I reward older ones and let them play with them when they have been helpful and baby has gone to bed. polly pockets, magnetic sticks and balls, playmobil tiny bits, sticker books, magic painting. they are not out to play on a regular basis.

I use time out for really unacceptable behaviour, gives child time to cool down and gives other child the feeling that a consequence has occured.

[sarah707]

I never ask children to say sorry because they usually refuse and then I have hit a brick wall. :rolleyes:

Good luck with it all. Sending hugs xx