My DS and his bedroom

[AliceK]

Hi

I have a rule which is that the upstairs of my house is reserved for babies and young toddlers to sleep in but my DS (6yrs) also knows that he can if he chooses invite mindees up to his room to play. Now for the school hols I have 3 boys aged 4, 5, and DS. My DS and one of the boys get on really well but DS does not get on so well with the other boy (he has a habit of winding all the children up). Today all 3 went up and this one mindee was obviously getting on his nerves so DS told him he had to come back downstairs. It was all done nicely (I was stood at the bottom of the stairs listening). So mindee comes down and starts crying. I sat on the sofa with him and comforted him and then read him a couple of stories and then he came into the kitchen with me to chat whilst I made lunch. My question is. As it is my DS's room is it fair for him to choose if and who he wants up there and when even if this means at times one person might be excluded? I don't want to say to him you have to have them all up or else no-one at all because I can see why he doesn't want this particular mindee up there sometimes. I will have all 3 of these boys every day until 6pm so I can't even say wait till xx goes home and then you can play up there. What would you do??

xxxxxx

Forgot to say there are other children downstairs but they are all girls aged 1, 2 and 3yrs so not really any fun for mindee to play with.

[venus89]

I think that's perfectly fair, as long as he's just doing it because the other mindee is being difficult and not to manipulate, which he isn't doing (can you tell I have daughters?!). You can explain to the other mindee why your son doesn't want him there and it may help him improve?

[AliceK]

I think that's perfectly fair, as long as he's just doing it because the other mindee is being difficult and not to manipulate, which he isn't doing (can you tell I have daughters?!). You can explain to the other mindee why your son doesn't want him there and it may help him improve?

Thanks. It's just happened again. DS came and told me that this one mindee was doing stuff to annoy and had been asked to stop but was still carrying on. I asked DS what he wanted to do. He said I want to give him 1 last chance. So, I called them all downstairs and told them all no more arguing and winding each other up. Last chance. Anyway 2 mins later it all kicks off again so I call mindee downstairs again. I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't being unfair in letting DS decide who goes up there.
Thanks

xxx

[fionamal]

I have a rule that only my kids go upstairs to their rooms. Mindees are kept in the playroom or livingroom for quiet time.

Used to let my kids have them in their rooms but it caused so much tension I had to stop it all

[helenlc]

My House Rules say that only children aged over 5 can go upstairs - this is due to it being their own space but also due to son's Lego and daughters small doll things and Hama Beads, no stair gate at the top of the stairs etc.

The Rules also state that children over 5 may go up to DS and DD's rooms but ONLY at the invitation of my DS and DD.

My theory is that my children give up a lot of their privacy and personal space whilst I am childminding. They need somewhere that is theirs for them to do as they please. Somewhere they can watch some TV or play video games that are not appropriate to LOs, somewhere they can use the laptop to chat to their friends, read, listen to music or just slob out with out 2 yr olds climbing over them!!!:laughing:

The other way I look at it is this : if your son wanted a friend over to play, he is going to choose the one he likes and not the one he doesnt. Therefore, you cannot force him to play with the one he isnt so keen on just cos you are minding him.

I appreciate this is hard for the mindees but I think you have to be fair to your son too (and first IMO). You could explain to mindee that the other 2 are playing nicely and need a bit of space to do their game.

I look after one of my DDs friends after school. Sometimes they play together, sometimes they dont. OH used to say But they should be playing together and I would say No, A is here because I am minding her, she is not over as DDs friend.

I would explain to the parent of the child who is downstairs what has been happening. You dont want the child going home and saying how this other child was allowed upstairs and he wasnt. Explain that he was given a few chances to play upstairs and join in the game but he was spoiling it and so he had to come downstairs. Explain that you read stories with him and provided him other activities to do. Again, he might lead mum and dad to think that he was called downstairs and was then bored with nothing to do.

Hope that helps.

[Hebs]

my rules state only those over 8 can go upstairs, as the rest are too small and i must be able to see/hear them at all times :thumbsup:

[Chatterbox Childcare]

Thanks. It's just happened again. DS came and told me that this one mindee was doing stuff to annoy and had been asked to stop but was still carrying on. I asked DS what he wanted to do. He said I want to give him 1 last chance. So, I called them all downstairs and told them all no more arguing and winding each other up. Last chance. Anyway 2 mins later it all kicks off again so I call mindee downstairs again. I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't being unfair in letting DS decide who goes up there.
Thanks

xxx

Is this mindee a difficult child that winds up all the children or just your DS? Sometimes our own children can be spiteful and manipulative and manage to get us to believe what they want.

If this continued I would call all 3 boys together and say that they can all play together upstairs or they can all come downstairs where you can see them all.

If your DS says that something happened and mindee says otherise, take the 3rd boy to one side and ask him. I send the two offending children away if I am lied to and tell them to sort it out otherwise they cannot play until they do. The liar normally comes forward through pier pressure.

I treat all 3 the same and that includes treating my DS the same as the minded ones. If the mindees are not allowed upstairs then whilst I am working nor does my DS

[~Chelle~]

I do not allow any mindee's upstairs at all. My kids go up to their rooms if they need their own space.

I look after my son's two friend's from his class and am glad that they only share one session together. Separately, they get on well, but put all 3 together and they clash or side with one and other and try and leave one out, IYKWIM.

I don't think that it is fair that one mindee is allowed to go in your sons room and the other one isn't. Even if the boy is winding them up etc, it may be because he feels left out.

Also, if the boys are upstairs, you cannot hear/see what is happening all the time, so you don't know if your son, whom you said does not particularly like this mindee, has made something up so that the mindee then gets excluded from him room.

I personally would say that mindee's have to stay downstairs at all times and play things that they can all join in with. I do feel that they are too young to be trusted upstairs on their own.

[mushpea]

non of the mindees are allowed upstairs at mine as i class it as a private place for my children to go when they need to get away from the others,, one child i have particuarly winds up my son and would have allsorts of hassle if i let him upstairs!!
I think its quite alright for your children to choose who goes in their room, its their personal space and if this other child is delibritly being anoying then I certainly wouldn have comforted him,, I would have explained that he has to stay downstairs and play as he is being annoying then when he had calmed down i would have played with him.

[little chickee]

I treat all 3 the same and that includes treating my DS the same as the minded ones. If the mindees are not allowed upstairs then whilst I am working nor does my DS

I find this bit a bit harsh - to ban my own child from going into his own bedroom just because i am working seems a little unfair.

[Mouse]

When my children were younger I had the rule that mindees weren't allowed upstairs. It avoids all the problems that you're having now! Sometimes it was difficult if I was minding my daughter's friends as they were allowed upstairs if they were here as friends, but not if I was minding them. I've always explained to my children that there are different rules when I'm working. It is their house, but it's also my place of work & when I minding, there are certain things they can & can't do.

Personally I don't think it's fair that only certain mindees are allowed upstairs to play and others aren't. As you can't see or hear exactly what goes on when they are upstairs, I would keep them all downstairs or tell DS he can go upstairs by himself.

[Hebs]

I find this bit a bit harsh - to ban my own child from going into his own bedroom just because i am working seems a little unfair.

me too :(

i do allow over 8's upstairs BUT only those they want up there it is after all their own space :thumbsup:

[tracey36]

i dont allow any mindied children up stairs at all, been out of sight how would you monitor them why looking after smaller ones downstairs? upstairs my children can go to there own rooms if they want quiet time away from all the hustle and bustle of downstairs.

[Chatterbox Childcare]

I don't think I wrote that very well.

My children are 14 and 19 and of course they can go upstairs

What I never use to have upstairs was a situation of 3 children the same age and mine saying "A can come but not B". In this instance I would have them all downstairs

I didn't favour my DS because it was his house and they all played where I could see them.

[AliceK]

Is this mindee a difficult child that winds up all the children or just your DS? Sometimes our own children can be spiteful and manipulative and manage to get us to believe what they want.

If this continued I would call all 3 boys together and say that they can all play together upstairs or they can all come downstairs where you can see them all.

If your DS says that something happened and mindee says otherise, take the 3rd boy to one side and ask him. I send the two offending children away if I am lied to and tell them to sort it out otherwise they cannot play until they do. The liar normally comes forward through pier pressure.

I treat all 3 the same and that includes treating my DS the same as the minded ones. If the mindees are not allowed upstairs then whilst I am working nor does my DS

Yes. I wrote a post about having to speak to his parents yesterday about his behaviour.
I have a monitor in my DS's room so I can hear whats going on and although I am biased :blush: my DS is a very kind very patient boy and if I heard him being nasty or manipulative I would pull him up over it.

xxxxxxx

[AliceK]

My House Rules say that only children aged over 5 can go upstairs - this is due to it being their own space but also due to son's Lego and daughters small doll things and Hama Beads, no stair gate at the top of the stairs etc.

The Rules also state that children over 5 may go up to DS and DD's rooms but ONLY at the invitation of my DS and DD.

My theory is that my children give up a lot of their privacy and personal space whilst I am childminding. They need somewhere that is theirs for them to do as they please. Somewhere they can watch some TV or play video games that are not appropriate to LOs, somewhere they can use the laptop to chat to their friends, read, listen to music or just slob out with out 2 yr olds climbing over them!!!:laughing:

The other way I look at it is this : if your son wanted a friend over to play, he is going to choose the one he likes and not the one he doesnt. Therefore, you cannot force him to play with the one he isnt so keen on just cos you are minding him.

I appreciate this is hard for the mindees but I think you have to be fair to your son too (and first IMO). You could explain to mindee that the other 2 are playing nicely and need a bit of space to do their game.

I look after one of my DDs friends after school. Sometimes they play together, sometimes they dont. OH used to say But they should be playing together and I would say No, A is here because I am minding her, she is not over as DDs friend.

I would explain to the parent of the child who is downstairs what has been happening. You dont want the child going home and saying how this other child was allowed upstairs and he wasnt. Explain that he was given a few chances to play upstairs and join in the game but he was spoiling it and so he had to come downstairs. Explain that you read stories with him and provided him other activities to do. Again, he might lead mum and dad to think that he was called downstairs and was then bored with nothing to do.

Hope that helps.

I agree with all of this and this is exactly how I work. I think I'm going to carry on I don't see why the behaviour of 1 child should prevent the others having fun. His parents already know about his behaviour I have had to speak to them about it.
Thanks :thumbsup:

xxxxx

[moljak]

Can someone clarify for me please.

mindees are allowed upstairs to our childrens rooms, even if they can't be seen and heard at all times? I thought we had to be able to see and hear them at all times :blush:

If yes is that just aslong as the rooms are registered for use?

I didn't register my kids rooms as thought they might want the privacy and also cos I thought the above.

all these rules are so confusing!!!