not sure whether to keep child, any advice please.

[julie w]

Two years ago a mum called and asked me to care for her 5 1/2 year old daughter during school holidays. When she arrived she said the child had a few speech problems. However as time progressed it became obvious it was a lot more than just speech problems. In my mind she was autistic. Anyway she fitted in quite well. However this summer holidays, now she is 7 1/2 I have noticed an extreme change in her. She is really hard to work with and really limits what I can do with the other children.Her mum says she is going through early puberty. She has screaming fits and tantrums and no longer plays with the other children like she used to. I truly want to be inclusive and I do so much with her but I feel I am neglecting the other children, and to be honest I dont feel experienced enough to provide the environment she needs. Her parents, tbh, overwhelm me. I plan what to say to them but it never comes across right.Mum tells me how much she is improving now she goes to a special needs school, though I truly cannot see this. A couple of months before school holidays mum will ring and say right I'm calling to book you for (eg) weeks, 1 3 and 4 of the school holidays. However, putting all issues to one side this is becoming difficult too. I mind children from my local school and have them in the holidays. I have been asked to have 2 more children fron Sept. before and after school and holidays. At the moment I cant offer the holidays due to this other child coming holidays only. I really dont know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated as it always helps to see things from other peoples perspectives. Thank you.xx

[Mouse]

I think if it's got to the point that you realise you can't provide the right sort of care that this mindee needs, then it probably is time for her to move on.

Sometimes we feel so pressured to be inclusive, that we worry about turning away a child who has additional needs, but if we're not qualified or experienced to deal with them, then it's hard for everyone involved (you, her, the other mindees).

I would either tell parents that you no longer feel you can provide the care their daughter needs, or that you will no longer be able to do holiday care as other children will be taking the place.

To help the parents a bit, you could contact your local Early Years team and ask if they know of any minders who have training to work with children with additional needs. Or tell them to ask at school if they know of anyone - presumably there will be other children from the school who need childcare during holidays and mindee's parents could find out what other parents do.

[ladybug]

You could also say that you have taken on new children term time that also need holiday cover so this has taken her space, special needs schools tend to provide a holiday club too so you could possibly look into this for the parent (although sometimes we can just be tooo helpful!!). Remember though that this is your own business and if your not enjoying it you need to do something about it, being inclusive is one thing, but being miserable and having that feeling of dread is completely another! I know its really hard!

[jadylasa]

To me it sounds like you need to put your business head on (sometimes easier said than done!)
With special need aside it is not viable for you to turn down regular work and keep with this ad hoc arrangement you seem to have with this family, for example, what if she only wanted you for 1 of the weeks in the summer holiday? thats 5 weeks you're left without income, it's very unlikely you would get someone to fill that space knowing that they wern't intitled to one of the weeks.
And with you not being able to offer the care this child needs with out comprimising the care of others, you have a valid reason to terminate your contract, without it seeming to mum that you are just after the more regular work.

I know it's hard and you want to do everything you can, but sometimes these things happen for the best. Good luck hun. xxx

[love381]

I agree, you must put your business, yourself and the other mindees first. I once said something to an OFSTED lady (can't remember what questions she asked exactly), but I replied the following

Of course, I'd consider taking on any children in order to be inclusive or not to discriminate, but I'd only be able to take them on if the care for the new child/children did not impeed on the care for the children I already mind.

The OFSTED lady wrote it down and got me to repeat it and then wrote it in her notebook (asked me for permission - dunno, weird lady!?) and said she'd use it as it was a very USEFUL bit of advice/info.

x

[blue bear]

All the child's problems aside you need the regular work and turning it away in favour of an adhoc arrangement does not make sense.

The child obviously has specific needs and that is tying you up emotionally, if it was any other child would you still feel the same?

just thought I would add I have 3 disabled children of my own and I always want my children to be treated equally, I would not want someone to keep my child on because of their disbility when they would not think twice about giving notice to a child without a disability IYSWIM.

All children have the right for the very best care, if you feel compromised in giving that care for what ever reason it is right to re-evaluate.

good luck I know it's not easy.