Long one...sorry!

[Helen Dempster]

Hello all

Have had another terrible day today with mindee, almost 5 years (boy). He's very very boisterous/challenging and I was really at the end of my tether today. I took him out for some fun in the park (some free games were being held), but he didn't want to know, just wanted to play on swings/slide, which is ok and fair enough. But he hit a little toddler and that boy had to leave the park as he was in a right state, poor thing. I didn't see it happen, but mindees brother did (he's 8) and I asked the mother what had happened (I heard her shout at mindee) and made him apologise (which she thanked me for). But he had the most amazing tantrum in the middle of the park, tried to leg it as we were leaving, I had to run like a long distance runner to try and catch him before he ran into the road, he tried to hit me (but thought better of it), shouted, screamed - you name it! He's got appalling table manners, and we were at a BBQ earlier today when he sneezed with a full mouth of food, but directed it right at my son, purposely, who got a faceful! He also pulled my son's trousers and pants down (we were inside my house thankfully!) but on both these occasions laughed manically as I was telling him off! I don't want to give up on him altogether just yet, so wondered if any of you have an assessment/report sheet that you use for kids like this, as I want to try and monitor him, to see if I can see a trigger. He had a late night last night, didn't go to bed til 10pm, so that may be a big factor. Mum and dad are divorced and have been since he was 2yo, and she lives with her boyfriend, but there doesn't seem to be any problems at home as far as I can tell.

Any advice will be greatly appreciated (and I know I can count on you all, cos you've always helped in the past) :thumbsup:

Thanks guys.

[fluffysocks]

ah hun, not what you need. Good for you if you have the staying power to try and work through it but sounds like its one "not nice" day after another.

Yes I think keeping a record to try and find a trigger, 10pm bed time is very late, my 6 and a half year old is alomost always in bed and gets a guarenteed 12hours sleep a night-you can set a clock to him i'm sure!

Also I would ensure that mum is getting the full picture as to the behaviour, its all too easy to soften the blow but it doesnt benefit you any. Afterwards I think mums attitude and willingness to work with you and help solve it will determine whether are right to try and continue. Without mum's full support and co-operation you are fighting a losing battle.

good luck x

[keeks]

Poor you, it's hard work having children like that in your care. In my nursery we work closely with the parents in situations like these. We would let the child and parent know it is unacceptable behaviour and discuss strategies in a meeting with the parents. Usually we focus on praising positive behaviour and if possible ignore negative behaviour. We use sticker charts where we focus on one specific realistic target (not hurting friends or similar). Some children need the day split into two or more columns or they would never get a single sticker ;)

We also use the classic "three strikes and you're in timeout", which work with some but not with others. It is all easier in a nursery setting because you have support from other staff, can take turns dealing with behaviour etc.

I hope this helps, if not there are most likely lots of replies to come! :)
xxx

[keeks]

Oh, I forgot, in very difficult cases we use a notebook for logging behaviour and in which situations they occur to see if there is a pattern. This is shared with parents on a daily basis, and they usually write in it at home evenings and weekends too so we get a full picture (meals, bedtimes, behaviour etc).

[karensmart4]

It sounds to me as if he's got some underlying problem, I suggest that you keep a detailed record and speak to a Health Visitor at your Children's Centre if you have one.

I think you are a champion for carrying on where many would have given up :goodjob: