At a bit of a loss, your thoughts please :)

[Adiamond]

I have been minding a little girl M for a year now, she was 2 in February. She took a while to settle in but has been fine since she did she plays lovely, gets on well with everyone she meets etc......

Fast forward to May this year, she started having huge tantrums in a morning when her mum went off to work (mum doesn't come in we hand over at the door) M would scream, throw herself on the floor and spit, slob, snot all over. If I went near her she would just scream louder :eek: eventually she would decide to join us playing but it is like walking on egg shells with her, if I have to say no, or not just now or ask her not to or to do something she doesn't want to do the tantrum starts all over again :eek:
I have tried the timeout spot and she just isn't bothered in fact makes her worse and when it is time for her to come off it she refuses and just sits there....
She is very bright and can speak very well and all I get off her is "M doesn't want to or M wants mummy, daddy, grandma, doodoo and anything else she can think of!!!!"
The last straw was M threw this huge tantrum and she was on the floor near my pushchair and I thought she may hurt herself so I picked her up to put her in a safe place and she bit my arm, slapped me around the face, kicked me and then told me to F*** off!!!!!! :eek:
Well I was soooo upset......

I spoke to mum on numerous occasions about Ms behaviour and yeh mum seemed rather upset that M had done all these things but I knew that she wouldn't do anything about it.

After this I was on holiday for 2 weeks and I was dreading her coming back but she came and was back to her old self again or so I thought.


Yesterday it all happened again I asked her to put her shoes on and she ended having another tantrum which lasted around 1 hour the noise she makes is unbearable the other children where complaining of headaches because of the noise!!! the more I ask her to be quiet the louder she becomes!!!

Again I told mum what had happened. She said "no film for you tonight then"

This morning mum and dad brought M (dad never brings her) as soon as the door closed she started M wants daddy...... she woke my ds, dd and baby mindee up within 5 minutes of her being here :angry:

This carried on for 1 hour so I rang mum and asked her to collect her 1 hour later she arrived full of apologies (they were in b&q) I told her what she had done and mum said aw well you will have to help daddy paint I am off to the hairdressers :angry: :angry:


I am exhausted by this girl and I think I should give notice but I didn't know if anyone can think of anything else I can try with her or am I fighting a losing battle.

Sorry for the long post, hope I have made sense :) x x x x

[cuffleygirl]

Does mum work? I only ask as she was going to the hairdressers? Is M kicking off 'cos she resents mum being home and M not being with her? She is ahead with her vocabulary but maybe not so emotionally mature and her way of venting anger/frustration could be this tantrums. All kids of this age do it to some degree.

She has been with you long enough to know what pushes your buttons - volume - in the same way she knows how to play mum and dad.

I would call a meeting with both parents without M present if possible - if not one parent and have a written sheet (for other parent) detailing in what areas you expect their support/consistency and make it very clear that they work with you or run the risk of you giving notice?

It's so hard to deal with a tantrum from a mindee - your own child is hard enough but you know there wouldn't be the consistency issue, you can enforce them missing out, going to their room or whatever.

You have my sympathy!

[Ripeberry]

If the mum doesn't work then maybe this bright little thing has realised that mummy is having 'fun ' without her.
Does she get on with the other mindees? Maybe make her feel that it's better to be at your house and that she will have more fun than mummy?
My kids went to a CM one day a week when they were younger, I sent them to have fun in another eviroment and with other children, I did not need to send them due to work commitments.

[Adiamond]

Mum and dad both work, I think they had both taken today off so dad could paint and mum could go to the hairdressers.

She plays lovely with my other mindees, she is very helpful towards the little ones.....

I definatley need to call a meeting with mum and dad,another reason I sent her home today was to show her mum that I won't put up with her behaviour anymore, I am hoping I might have made mum think more of what M does whilst she is at mine and realise it is unacceptable.
x x

[Blaze]

Have you tried having a tantrum back?:D

[Adiamond]

Have you tried having a tantrum back?:D

Yep :blush:

She just tries to be louder :eek: x

[blue bear]

she is just having huge tantrums that work. She screams you get wound up = happy child. then she gets a reward when you tell parents at the end of the day and bring it back up again.

Does she do them at home?, what happens when she threatens to tantrum?

I've witnessed parents saying "no don't scream i will give you X, Y and Z" to bribe child out of behaviour rather than deal with it.

As we all know ignoring a problem only makes it grow bigger.

you need to sit down with parents and work out how they/you deal with unwanted behaviour, parents might even say it does not happpen at home because they always give in. She is 2 and two year olds tantrum, this LO is taking it to the extreme.

What have you tried? some ideas:
reward charts
ignore behaviour
time out with timer to signal end of time out
consistent clear boundaries everybody who cares for her follows

[breezy]

I usually ignore tantrums and sit the child to one side, no eye contact, anything and then make a big deal of all the fun we're having while they're wasting time having a strop!
Failing that I really dont know, one mindee kicked me once in a tantrum but his mum backed me fully and he never did it again!

[Adiamond]

I feel as though she doesn't back me up at all. She works children/adults with special needs and often gets slapped or bitten. When I told her what had happened that day she looked down at her arm to show me a bite mark and said I have been bitten today too :eek: as though I should put up with it and give her some sympathy!!!
My children have never hurt me and I don't expect it off someone elses!!!!

Yes she does get bribed with things like " if you don't scream grandma will pick you up" (grandma comes on that day anyway whether she screamed or not)!!
Or " if you are naughty no film tonight" then in her daily diary the next day it says film and bed by 7pm :rolleyes:

I will call a meeting and we will have to try and both do exactly the same things with M but to be honest I don't think they can be bothered anything for a quite easy life!!!!

[Mookins]

I think it sounds like a case of if they wont do anything about it at home theres absolutely no use you tying to do anything at yours

as you are more than aware children need consistancy...this little girl isbeing told one thing by you and another by mum probably another by dad!!

bless ya heart personally id say to the parents unle they pull their finger out and start helping you out then "bye bye"

x x

[Andrea08]

I think it sounds like a case of if they wont do anything about it at home theres absolutely no use you tying to do anything at yours

as you are more than aware children need consistancy...this little girl isbeing told one thing by you and another by mum probably another by dad!!

bless ya heart personally id say to the parents unle they pull their finger out and start helping you out then "bye bye"

x x

well said took words from my mouth ...

have a behavioural management meeting and get parents to sign the planns you are all going to put in place.. and keep a record and say for 10days..
if no improvement after the 2wks then you will have to end contract for the saftety of others

(((Huggz))) and good luck xx

[naomiesian]

Hi hun, I had something not as severe as this but along the same line with a 4year old, I introduced a star chart (reward chart). we put a list of things such as not using bad words, not screaming, no tantrums, the idea was going to be that at the end of each week I would reward the child depending on how many stars she had got on her chart, rewards such as she could choose an outing or activity, but she was just so happy to have so many stars and for me to tell her that I was so proud of her that she didn`t want any other reward.
I also made sure that I spoke very loudly to mum in front of the little one and said how proud I was...
Its a shame the parents are not backing you up 100% and I would have a chat and explain that this kind of behaviour can not go on any longer, if they don't back you up and support you then you will have no option other than to give them notice, that alone might make them sit up and take notice.
Its so hard to work out whats causing this behaviour, but to hear that kind of language and to experience abuse at the hands of a 2 year old, something is not right and I would be very concerned, have you been keeping a record of the behaviour? If not I would note it all down just to keep a record of everything.
Hope you find a solution.
Naomie xx

[singingcactus]

You will probably need to have a detailed plan for mum, so that she knows exactly what it is you want her to do to cause her child to behave whilst she is in your care.
I've had kids who were given in to all the time at home too, but they were all bright enough to understand that the rules were different at my house. I don't really know what I would expect parents to do to make their child behave whilst they were absent though.
Good luck with working out a plan that can help.

[mrs c]

I had a three year old who began to have tantrums and eventually found the best way to deal with this was to tell him I would not have this behaviour, immediately put him out of the room and close the door on him. We would then make lots of 'happy noises' in the room to make him think he was missing out on the best play ever. This worked. I don't know if it would with your lo but could be worth a try.

[merry]

I had a three year old who began to have tantrums and eventually found the best way to deal with this was to tell him I would not have this behaviour, immediately put him out of the room and close the door on him. We would then make lots of 'happy noises' in the room to make him think he was missing out on the best play ever. This worked. I don't know if it would with your lo but could be worth a try.

I do the same, only not out of the room with door shut, either in travel cot or in hall with stairgate across the door to stop them coming straight back in, but where I can still keep a surrepticious eye on them. Am I the only one who thinks calling meetings and having detailed behavioural plans is a bit extreme for a 2 year old having tantrums? Surely this is normal toddler behaviour. If you're consistent and don't give in to her, she'll eventually learn/grow out of the tantrums. If parents don't back you up it'll take longer, but I've had children here who very soon learn that while I won't give in, Mum and Dad do, so don't tantrum here any more but are still doing it at home.

:)

[carol cameron]

Well said Merry! It isn't called 'the terrible two's' for nothing! Behaviour charts are surely for children who are able to control their behaviour and are choosing not to. Children of this age often can't control what they are doing. Having said that , it can be hell on earth when you are going through it so I do send sympathy for you having to deal with it. Don't quite know what mum could change except carry out any threats of withdrawl of films etc but it really seems like your mindee is getting lots of attention (not the best kind admittedly) and even got sent home so she will probably keep trying. Ignoring behaviour like this is can be the most difficult thing to do and only you know if you can cope with her behaviour jessiebessie. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.:)