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View Full Version : mindee and mine fighting!!



mushpea
29-07-2010, 05:58 AM
aaaagggghhhh!!! my son and the 6yrold mindee r clashing again,, big style!! Monday wasnt to bad,,, tuesday my son pushed and pulled mindee over several times, mindee pushed him back and wound my son up hence mindee goes home with bruise and an unhappy mum,,, had stern words with my son wednesday morning explaining that if this mindee dosent come then i cant afford his horse ridng,, yester day was a bit better,, I also got them to draw up a behaviour agrrement which they chose the rules for and both signed, .
thing is mindee will wind my son up who then snaps and lashes out,, he has trouble controling his temper the mindee knows and plays on this,, mindee then goes home telling his side of the story mum turns up the next day complaining, yesterday mindee stood behind mum grining at me the whole time we were talking about it:angry: , she is very good and understanding and realises its not all my son which is good but obvioiusly her boy still comes first in her eyes.
He is a lovley boy when he wants to be and if it wasnt for the money then I would consider giving notice but he is before and afte school every day and 10hours every day in the holidays so need a replacment first!
do you have any other ideas on how i can stop these to fighting!!! I am fair in my punishments and treat them as i would my kids but I must admit that I dont feel like telling my son off all the time simply because every time I tell him off mindee stand there grining which seriously annoys me!!
do you have any other ideas on how i can stop these to fighting!!!

Hebs
29-07-2010, 06:09 AM
Id tell mindee that from now one he isnt allowed to leave you side as they cant be trusted to be alone and it isnt fair on your son to be made to feel this way in his own home

He'll soon get bored and stop winding your son up x

Stillgoingstrong
29-07-2010, 06:25 AM
Id tell mindee that from now one he isnt allowed to leave you side as they cant be trusted to be alone and it isnt fair on your son to be made to feel this way in his own home

He'll soon get bored and stop winding your son up x

I agree. When your children are young put them first, especially above money tbh. They will end up resenting you, ALL mindees and the job you do. Sorry if I sound harsh, but this is your sons home, your sons summer and your son is only this young once, dont miss out on it over money. If they don't get on with a mindee or a mindee "wound them up" I would come down hard on the instigator but if it carried even for a couple of days on I would give notice regardless of if I had another one lined up or not:thumbsup:

mama2three
29-07-2010, 07:49 AM
Bribery.

Of course I mean rewards..such as time on the wii ..if they have behave appropriately for however long.....

And having 2 sons quite close in age I used to spend my whole life being a referree , splitting them up , getting myself stressed.

Eventually I learned to let them get on with it and solve their own problems! They both knew that I would not tolerate anything physical - and they would be in big trouble , but other than that I learned to let it go ..they soon learned too and resolved most things amicably..teaching them some good life skills along the way!

Whilst I appreciate it is your sons home , his summer etc as others have said ..he really needs to learn some new strategies for dealing with mindee other than lashing out. Sounds like youre helping him with that , and removing the mindee wouldnt actually solve anything in the long term. By seeing youre not getting involved and hes not getting your ds into trouble then the mindee might stop winding him up too..

sarah707
29-07-2010, 07:57 AM
Many years ago when I was newly single and very short of money I took on a full time baby.

All was good for a while, then mum asked if I would care for her older brother through the holidays.

I very stupidly didn't ask for settling in and when he arrived he was a whirlwind, breaking, hitting, shoving, kicking... it was awful :(

Within 2 days I had to give notice as other children were upset and my children were rebelling. It meant I lost the baby as well.

However strapped for cash I was, I had made a promise to my children that my work would not affect them and that if they were unhappy I would listen to them.

Amazingly 2 new part time contracts were waiting just round the corner a few weeks later and I was full again! :D

Sending hugs xx

miffy
29-07-2010, 07:57 AM
Your mindee's getting a lot out of this situation - he gets your son into trouble, knows he is winding you up and gets a sympathetic ear from his mum too! No wonder he carries on with this behaviour.

I agree with a lot that Kath's said - the boys need to be able to sort things out between themselves. Perhaps you could have a chat with your ds - he needs to know this boy is pushing him to get a reaction so ask him if he can try ignoring the mindee and see if he gets fed up with it.

Miffy xx

ajs
29-07-2010, 08:24 AM
i know it's not ideal but can your son decamp to his room when the going gets tough with the mindee, maybe seperating them would be a good strategy for dealing with the fighting

gegele
29-07-2010, 08:50 AM
you can either divide and conquer : explaining to your son that mindee only do it for attention and if he doesn't react he 'll soon get bored. put the "best toys" in son bedroom so he doesn't feel punished if he has to walk away and go to his bedroom.
the other will get ored quickly!

BUT i would seriously consider giving notice if it gets to all of you. i did with mine as she'd arrived at 7am and by 7.02 argumenets with DD would start! less money but better life is priceless!

talk to boys and the mum and say that their behaviour with each other is upsetting everyone and that if it doesn't improve you'll have to stop contract. so mum will maybe be a bit more supportive of you or might take decision out of your hands.

remember it's summer lots of parents out there getting ready for september!!!!!:thumbsup:

mushpea
29-07-2010, 06:16 PM
thanks folk,, have had a much calmer better day today, they have played nicley togther and my son even walked away at one point when minde wound him up, my son has social interaction issues and anger issues which makes things that much harder but he was really trying today of course that could be because i told him that if he behaved til the end of august he would earn himself lego harry potter on the wii !!
The mindee is actualy a realy nice child when he wants to be so I really dont want to give notice , am going to see how it goes over the next few weeks if it gets worse then i will give notice.