Have I given in too soon with this 6 year old?

[skytvaddict]

I want to write this as sensitively as possible - I took on a 6 year old boy who is on the spectrum for autism and adhd, I have no immediate experience of this other than through a friend's daughter who I have looked after ok.

I am a fairly new CM, did a short term contract as it is only for holiday care, he started today.

Well, to say he was challenging is an understatement. My own two los (3 and 2 years old) didn't get a look in, he was aggresive with them sometimes and shouted A LOT. I have him again tomorrow but also have an 11 month old baby.

I have told the 6 year olds mum when she picked him up that I am not sure I am the right CM for him as I don't think the other los in my care will be getting enough attention as her DS is claiming it all. I also had a yr6 boy today who said after the 6 year old had left " phew, quiet at last" - and that is saying something when we still have a 3 and 2 year old here!

I am feeling a little guilty I suppose and have said he can come tomorrow and I will see how it goes with the baby here as well. At least his mum knows I may not have him again after that!

Just wanted to get a few opinions - have I done the right thing?

[Carol M]

It can be very hard for a child on the spectrum to adjust to a new situation, just as it's hard for you. Do you know much about his previous care , has he been to other settings if so what was he like there? What was mums reaction when you talked today? You obviously have to consider the other children in your care and you were right to talk to mum.Did you meet him prior to him starting ?
Don't feel guilty you have to do whats right for you
Carol x

[Hebs]

Hi,

I have a son with ADHD and it is true that they can take a while to settle down into a new routine, (can take my son a month or so to settle back into school after the summer holidays!!!)

as he is 6 i would sit and agree some simple house rules that he agrees to, such as...

Talking nicely (no shouting)
Keeping hands and feet to himself
remembering manners,

as he settles down you can add new houserules

OH

and the old saying

give and inch and they'll take a mile............ isnt just a saying for kids with ADHD :D you MUST be consistant from the start :thumbsup:

[karensmart4]

Personally And nothing against you at all :) I think that he needs to go to someone who has had experience of caring for someone with his needs. Prob someone with less children ..not getting at you in the slightest, but children with autism and children with ADHD let alone a child that has both! needs consistancy, needs bounderies, needs an awful lot of care from someone with knowledge and experience.
I should know I fostered for 13yrs! :)
You must do what you feel is right, but stand back and look at the whole picture, think about the effect its having on everyone....are you confident in caring for him to the extent that he needs and deserves?
Again.... I'm not getting at you or saying I don't think you can cope, you are prob a bril cm...I'm going on a bit now so will go and put my tea on to cook :jump for joy:

[skytvaddict]

Thanks for your replies.

Karensmart - I think you have hit the nail on the head! I am not confident and he does not deserve that. His needs need to be met.

I am probably a bit scared of "reasonable" boundaries - and hebs his manners are really good.

It was his aggresiveness to my 2 and 3 year old that worried me and his lack of understanding of their age. It worries me more for my 11 month old mindee.

Will see how it goes tomorrow and probably next week as she probably won't find anyone else at such short notice anyway.

I have just been on FIS web site and none of the cms in my town are showing! How on earth is she supposed to find anyone anway?

Apparently I was recommended to her by someone she had visited and he didn't like their dog.

[DAWN44]

Hi,
My son has autistic spectrum disorder and adhd. He is nearly 11 now and still life is so difficult for him. When he was about 6 , he had obsessions, would have massive tantrums and very little social skills. He has grown out of lots of this behaviour, but his main problems are social skills. He has always found changes in routines difficult. He can still hit out lots of times at his brothers.
I think you have been fantastic in trying with him, ( I know lots of minders in my area would not take on this type of child ).
I agree that it is so hard to deal with other children and meet his needs. Please do what you feel is best. But do not feel you have let him down if you decide to let him go because you have tried your best. Well done x

[skytvaddict]

Well today was much better. He was much calmer (until 20 mins before he left).

I have said he can come next week and I will try and gen up a bit on how to care for him.

I want to be able to do it, he seems happy and his mum was extremely relieved.