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View Full Version : Has anyone given notice on an unsettled child



candy cat
17-07-2010, 10:18 AM
I have had a really hard 4 weeks......I look after 8 mth old and 9.5mth old new (plus I have variation).....then my 2 yr old.Now the 9.5mth is just not settling....she screams until she is sick....I can't move away from her ...the other children can't touch her.
Now I have worked with children for over 20 years and I have never known a child to get so distressed.
Wednesday she screamed for about 5 hours.....in the end my dd pushed her and she is normally a very placid child ...think she had had enough.
Other mindees parents commented and to be honest they pay a lot of money each week and I think they are concerned about what he is getting out of being here at the moment.
If I sat cuddling her all the time then she will be fine,but as you all know we can't do that all day.....so what would you all do?? have you ever had to give notice?? what did you say to parents?

p.s comes for 2 days.....both grans other days ......

onceinabluemoon
17-07-2010, 10:40 AM
Yes!
I had a 8 month old who screamed and cried all day long, couldn't do anything with them. I've had lots of experience with children, both my own and working with other peoples so just stuck it out but after 3 months I couldn't bear it any more. I gave a months notice and old the parent the truth, that the child just cried or screamed all the time and it was upsetting the other children and myself so I was sorry but I couldn't carry on. Child used to come to me mornings only and was picked up and cared for by another family member for the afternoons.

Parent was very understanding and found another minder. For the interim we made an agreement that if the child cried for a period of an hour I was to ring mum and she'd come and get the child. I stopped trying quite so much and left the child to it as long as I could see them and knew they were safe etc. Bizarrely the child settled much better!!! I never had to phone mum! The other minder let the parent down days before the child was supposed to go there and I offered to cancel the termination and keep the child here on the understanding we still kept the one hour rule.

Shortly after I kept the child on something happened meaning the grandparents could no longer share care so the child was full time with me, that was the major turning point...
The child grew into a happy and contented member of our little group and sometimes we look at them and wonder how on earth somebody so gorgeous could have driven us quite so barmy!!

I've waffled but what I'm trying to say is talk to the parents, be honest. If you can't cope give notice but again be honest about why. I found out that 'my' Lo was just as bad at home and parents were finding it hard so we were able to help each other. Talking to them helped us work together and I didn't feel so isolated or such a failure. I'd like to think it helped them too.

Hugs for you cos I know how hard it is x

manjay
17-07-2010, 10:49 AM
I agree with OIABM. I would say it has alot to do with grandparents looking after the child on the other days. I have had one lo who although didn't scream all day was very very demanding of my time and really wanted me all to himself. He was also looked after the rest of the week by grandparents and he had their undivided (and instant) attention. Parents didn't understand the implications of this until we talked about it. He is now quite happy here

I would be honest with the parents and try to work with them to sort it. I would want to do that before I gave notice which I would do untimately if things didn't change.

Blue Boy
17-07-2010, 01:39 PM
We had a yound girl who would not leave Sally's side. She cried everytime she was put down and would not come to me:( We had a very good relationshipe with her mum although dad was a bit of a pain. Whenever he dropped her off in the morning he woulg always say that she wa in a good mood and that she would be fine then left very quickly. When mum came to pick her up in the evening we got the full story of the night before.

The problem was she was an only child and was used to being picked up when crying and needed almost one to one attention. We could not offer her this as we have anything up to 6 Lo's each day.

We finally had to give notice which was hard as we felt that we had not been able to give her our beast. Luck had it we knew of a new minder who lives around the corner from us who I used to support and that she was looking for an under 1. We gave the parents her details they went around to see her and everything is now fine. We see her at groups and she appeares to be in a good mood. So it had a happy ending.

candy cat
17-07-2010, 04:46 PM
Thanks everyone just feeling like a failure......think it has all got on top of me as my cousin had a bad stroke Tuesday aged 43 and obviously upset me then trying to keep 3 under 2 happy when one of them wants my sole attention.....will give it a few more weeks and hopefully i will be laughing about it all by then and she will be an angel he he.cx