how do you

[mushpea]

teach a child to ask??
I look after a 3.5yrold boy who never asks for anything,, he could go all day without asking for a drink, snack, lunch, toys and has to be prompted or hinted to all the time to ask for somthing,, like today the 18mnth old asked for his drink so i gave it to him,, 3.5yrold said nothing but looked at me expectantly so i ignored him and said to the 18mth old 'good boy for asking for you drink thats very clever', then the 3.5yrold asked for his drink! at lunch he didnt ask to get down from the table even tho all the others did and if he wasnt prompeted would have sat there all day,, the others asked to play with the ball, he didnt then looked upset when he didnt get the ball and so the list goes on.
how do i get him to ask without keep prompting him,, at this rate when he goes to school he wont get anything cause he wont ask!

[karensmart4]

How long have you been minding him? is he shy? does he have hearing or speach problems? Is he spoilt rotten at home? There could be a vast variety of reasons why he wont or cant ask.
I take it the children are free to self select, does he do this?
:( Karen

[sarah707]

Poor little man it sounds like he is either very shy or very unsure of himself.

It's often constant repetition that resolves things like this.

I had a child who could never tell me what she liked... because she had never been asked before.

it took weeks of gently leading her down different paths until she learned the concept.

Hth :D

[little chickee]

I had a very similar thing with a mindee - just couldnt form his own desicion about anything.

If we went to the playpark the other kids would go off and play and he would just stand next to me in silence for ages - i had to say go and play on the slide and he would go happily.

He was also the same as yours never asked for anything, he was looked after a lot by his doting grandparents who waited on him hand and foot and constantly asked him "do you want a drink, have you had enough, are you too hot, do you want to play with this etc.

The child never had to make his own mind up about anything as was always prompted . I was the same as you and was concerned about when he went to school so i just started saying to him " if you want a drink just come and ask" or " when you've had enough playing with that tell me and we can get something else" and things like that to make him think about what he wanted.

It did take an awful long time! Up to a year later it still wasnt going too well but i only had him 1 day a week and i was the only one trying to do this Mum and grandparent still pandered to his every whim.

I still have him 3 days after school and its a bit better now - he is nearly 6 but still not great!

[mushpea]

i have him 4 days a week and have had him for nearly 2yrs now,, he is lacking in confidence and even when he talks he just mumbles so now i say 'sorry cant hear you when you use that voice, talk properly' then eventualy he does, I get the feeling at home he is always offered stuff so doent need to ask and yes he does select what he wants to play with himself and at parks and stuff he will go off and play, drinks are out all day for him to help himself to at home but if we are out he never asks and waits to be offered. I find it worrying cause he will have problems at school if he cant ask,, i gues perseverance is the key then

[loocyloo]

i've got one a bit like that!

at home he is fine and asks for things, help etc, but when we are out he doesn't ask at all - even when its just us!

for example - last monday we got the train into town. when we arrived i asked if anyone needed the toilet - no thank you, asked several more times during the morning, but he never needed to go. as he is nearly 4 i am trying to get him to make the decision not me! (about many things!) as we waitind for the train, i noticed he was doing a little jig and i asked if he had a problem, or needed anything? ( i didn't want to actually put the word 'wee, toilet' in his mouth ) he said no thank you and 2 seconds later he was standing in a BIG puddle. when i asked him why he didn't ask to go to the toilet, he said he didn't need to ? !!! and shrugged!

drives me potty!

he is doing the same at nursery - driving them potty too!

the other day mum had put him in a thick jumper (? why in this heat? 'cos it was a little cloudy in the morning! ) and he was sweltering and saying i'm hot, so i asked what he could do to feel cooler and he didn't have the faintest idea. i do find it odd, as i've cared for him for a long time, (3 days a week) and encourage independence and thinking for yourself! but he still doesn't seem to be able to think for himself! i am now telling mummy that at school he will have to ask to go to the toilet, no one will ask him, he will have to think for himself to put jumpers, coats etc on & off. he can ask for help, but he has to be self sufficient!

but mummy thinks for him!

so glad i am not alone!