View Full Version : who gives tea to mindees?

31-03-2008, 09:12 AM
Since i have started i have provided tea for one mindee, its only him soo far, in the beginning everything was fine and everyone ate nicely at the table( he eats with my children, all of us if my oh home) but for a while now i wake up and think 'oh ive got x staying for tea today', and its got so my own children doesnt like it any more. Hes got very disruptive while he is here thinking he can just take toys from someone else all the time, at the table he will poke who ever is next to him with his fork or he'll spit his food over the table. when he is here all i seem to say is 'no, that is not how we do things in this house' and i explain that we are nice to everyone, he says sorry but will do it again straight away, ive tried a naughty chair or step as that is what is used at his home but nothing works.
I have him again this week havent for a while as we both been on holiday and i dont have him in holidays, i have included in my newsletter that i am unable to give tea to mindees at the moment as my family circumstances have changed and prevents me from doing tea for mindees-which isnt a total fib, im hoping my oh other 2 children will come live with us when we move-there in foster care at mo which i dont think is fair.

as is states in their contract that i give tea will i need to do a new contract?

31-03-2008, 09:16 AM
Sounds like you are having a tough time with the little boy... have things changed suddenly (like a trauma at home) or is it getting worse gradually (like pushing the boundaries)?

I think you need to set some really firm behaviour goals with the child and his parents which are clear, easy to understand and use the same language in all settings... consistency does help if parents will play the game.

As for the mealtimes, I would just make a note on your contract and ask parents to initial... if you include meals in your fees, don't forget to adjust them.

Hope this helps! :D

Pudding Girl
31-03-2008, 12:11 PM
Yes I would probably do as Sarah says, save writing out ( and paying for!) another blooming contract :)

31-03-2008, 08:48 PM
I give tea to one mindee, but he was my first and its not something I plan on doing again. He used to sit with me and my family for tea, but as you say they can dominate meal time and I want my family meal time to be nice and relaxed. Anyway, now he has his tea when other mindees are having snack after school and my family eat together after all mindees away.

Ali :)

31-03-2008, 08:52 PM
Sorry you're having a tough time with this child

I agree with Sarah

miffy xx

31-03-2008, 08:54 PM
I always do a cooked tea for whoever's there at five o'clock. My own are older ( youngest 13 ) so we don't eat with them we eat later.

When my own were younger they ate with the mindees but I had the mindees from quite young so they knew the rules.

I would not put up with that behaviour and would ask him to leave the table. The trouble with always just saying no and not following through with action is that they stop hearing the word after a while.

31-03-2008, 08:58 PM
I try not to give mindees tea if I can help it.

Carol xx

01-04-2008, 08:50 AM
Thanks for all replys, ive decided to see what happens this week as he wasnt too bad last night but then he hasnt been here for a while, he does know that if he doesnt eat it all he will get no pudding, after reading what has been said i think ill just ask him to leave the table if he cannot behave. thanks everyone.

01-04-2008, 09:00 AM
If you ask him to leave the table make sure there are no "rewards" that he can do - tv, play with toys etc. Make it so that he has to know that his bad behaviour doesn't constitute him being able to go and play.

Sarah is right - firm and clear boundaries and goals.

01-04-2008, 09:07 AM
I try not to give mindees tea if I can help it.

Me too. I just do one tea on a tuesday for "T"

Michelle M
01-04-2008, 08:08 PM
I only do a "light tea/snack" :)

01-04-2008, 09:26 PM
Poor you - I know just how you feel as I have a challenging 7 year old who I have for 3 days b4 and after school and the mealtimes can be a battle ground especially as my 2 and 3 year olds try and take his lead arghhhh!

I am extreamly strict about behaviour at mealtimes. Any mucking about and it is removal from the table and a sit down in a quiet area to think about how the behaviour should change. If no change then for the rest of the time it is quiet time in the lounge with no toys and no tv until there is an apology and a committment to correct the behaviour. This is easier to do with the older children but my youngest responds well when I threaten to put the dinner in the bin. Did take me 2 months before one of the mindees would eat more than one 1/4 of sandwich at my house but persistance has paid off and now she will eat sandwiches, fruit etc.

01-04-2008, 09:54 PM
I was thinking about doing tea, but reading all your replies I am now considering changing my mind. However if I am 'open' until 6pm then how can I not give them tea. I guess it all depends on who I have for how many hours and so on.

01-04-2008, 11:01 PM
only tea i do is my own, a nice cup of tea goes down well, No i don't if a child's stay longer i'll get the parent to do a pack lunch for the child.


01-04-2008, 11:53 PM

in my setting, I provide breakfast, lunch and tea, not to mention 2 snacks


02-04-2008, 06:32 AM
I do a cooked tea for who ever wants it. I have never had and problems.:)

02-04-2008, 06:49 AM
Most of my parents pick up between 5:30 and 6 and want to go home and have dinner with their child so have requested that I do not give them tea which I tihnk is really nice, actually. I did it for one little guy who was picked up at 6:30 pm and as he was the same age as my daughter, just fed them together. Used to get annoyed because when Dad picked him up, he always came early and interrupted so neither child would finish.

Also had a little one who's Mum supplied her evening dinner (pureed everything) and wanted her fed at 4:30 pm. Got fed up with that as any sort of lump in the food caused her to projectile vomit on me, the high chair and floor (and this was at 12-18 months!).

If I were to take on any others who left at that time, I'd do dinner (tea) for them, though.

Heaven Scent
02-04-2008, 07:11 AM
I'm with Cecile I provide a full compliment of meals and I give a double reduced rate on my hourly rate. Instead of £35 par day per child it works out that I charge just £45.00 per day for 2 children a brother and sister its a lot for the family per month I know, but they take the **** with me and it gets me down I think I'll have a moan about it later.

02-04-2008, 07:19 AM
I provide tea for two of mine. They are sibblings and originally they were here till 6pm, now its till 5.30, but 9 times out of ten the little one falls asleep on the way home and sleeps through so i still give them tea to make sure he gets to eat!

02-04-2008, 01:08 PM
Thanks everyone for all your replies, i am sticking with the tea giving for the moment, as i have him 4 days a week im sure i will get through to him soonand he was much better last time