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View Full Version : when is enough, enough?



EllaBella
24-06-2010, 08:50 AM
I have minded 2 boys aged 5 and 8 for the last 8 months, and thier behaviour is awful.

I share care with another minder who also says she has trouble with them and is considering whether to continue minding them or not.

I have tried every way possible to get thier behaviour back on track but I am failing miserably, and its getting me down.

mum and dad seem nice but not strict enough maybe.

the older child seems intent on making everyones day awful, teachers keep telling me xx is staying behind because he has done bla bla bla ect ect

I give them praise when we do things here but the older one, as soon as i praise him, he wil do something silly/nughty. to me it seems like he is not happy unless he is getting negative attention ? some things i ignore so he doesnt get a reaction from me, but generally its something that needs me to tell him .... get off. get dwn. ecte ect because its dangerous.

i have loads of toys and garden toys but they choose to climb the washing line ( its one of them old fashinioned long ones, so cant be taken down) or the fence or find anything stone like to throw.

this just doesnt seem normal to me, my other mindees that iv had before are happy to play and iv felt ok to nip to the loo knowing they are ok,

with these two i cannot take my eyes off them. not even for the loo,

i really have had enough, but i feel like im failing them, they have had a few childminders already.

i dread them coming to me now and its affecting my other child.

aly
24-06-2010, 10:03 AM
ive just finished with boy siblings after having them jut over a year for really bad behaviour etc...3 three times i've noted down and it's when he has done something to hurt my own kids and that was enough..no more

only you can decide really if you have tried all sorts is there anymore you can do?...if not then there might be your answer!

Pipsqueak
24-06-2010, 10:46 AM
Enough is Enough when you have to ask the question out loud - as you have done here!

If its affecting you and you feel you have reached the end of the line then its enough.

8 months is plenty for them to know and understand the rules that you implement

They are both old enough to know


Yes enough is enough

LittleAcorns
24-06-2010, 10:53 AM
I agree with whats been said already, i know kids lke that and sometimes you cant go any further.

Ripeberry
24-06-2010, 10:58 AM
The eight year old should know better and most children of this age are very good and help the little ones. You have given it your best shot, worked with the parents and the child to correct behaviour and as you say, he seems to be doing it for kicks now and he is affecting everyone even at school.
Best to give notice now and start advertising for holidays/Sept.
The parents will understand as you said they have been through loads of CMs and the school is complaining as well :(

cuffleygirl
24-06-2010, 11:10 AM
As above enough is enough when you say it out loud.

I recently gave notice to 11 yo who was badly behaved at school but up to the point of me giving notice had been ok with me - though during the holidays always complained of being bored - lots to interest him he just didn't want to be interested.

We had an incident that led me to giving immediate notice, but the upshot is I feel SO much better that that pressure has been lifted! My other after school mindee is like a changed person too - happy, chatty.

If you give notice - which if you are looking for permission to do - you have it! It is a valid reason!

You will not release what a toll these boys were putting on you until it is lifted, and saying no more can make you feel so empowered. If you're not happy, change the situation.

Chatterbox Childcare
24-06-2010, 12:51 PM
Sounds to me like there are too many settings, home, 2 childminders and school is enough to confuse an adult, let alone a child. All the rules and regulations must be a nightmare for them.

I would call a meeting and talk to the parents and if you are not happy give notice

EllaBella
24-06-2010, 06:19 PM
Sounds to me like there are too many settings, home, 2 childminders and school is enough to confuse an adult, let alone a child. All the rules and regulations must be a nightmare for them.

I would call a meeting and talk to the parents and if you are not happy give notice

thanks everyone,

the above is spot on, though i hadnt really thought of it like that before, thats 4 different sets of rules to contend with. I will chat to mum again and explain that it may be in the childrens best interests to have one minder,( and that its not gonna be me):rolleyes: :blush:

PixiePetal
24-06-2010, 07:10 PM
Sounds to me like there are too many settings, home, 2 childminders and school is enough to confuse an adult, let alone a child. All the rules and regulations must be a nightmare for them.

I would call a meeting and talk to the parents and if you are not happy give notice

I minded a child from age 8 months to 8 years. At one point she had home, mine, another CM (as I didn't want a midday pick up, she did 11.45-3.15 then I took over!) and school.

She was fine with it. She knew the rules in each place and stuck with them. To the point of saying 'I do that with mummy but not at your house'!

I find 7-10 year old boys can be the most challenging. Showing off and trying to challenge even the simplest of instructions. My ADHD nephew had problems with rules - he needed constant reminders and intervention to learn the correct behaviours.

I would meet with parents, discuss and if nothing improves over a set time - give notice. You need your sanity and

chibault
24-06-2010, 10:52 PM
Kelly, will you try this first, just for one week? Sit down with the parents and ask them to do this too, just for one week, and to stick to it, no matter what.

Each day the mindees are with you, hug them, lots, tickle them if they dont want to be hugged, put your hand on their shoulder, just make sure you maintain lots of contact, in a reassuring, playful way. You should follow them, not try to get them to stay with you. Even if you are disciplining them maintain contact, hold an arm very gently.

Each child should then be hugged or tickled by a parent for at least 20 minutes each day. The parent should also maintain gentle contact when disciplining.

I know it sounds a bit bonkers, but for one week, try it. Ask your kids and other mindees to practice ways of saying hello and goodbye, such as a hug, shaking hands, high five, bowing/curtsy throughout the week.

See how you get on...


If you don't mind them all week, you may need to do this for 14 days.

Roseolivia
25-06-2010, 07:18 AM
I know it sound horrible but i'd give notice. I gave notice to my 8yr mindee after constant battles over his behaviour and i also felt i couldn't leave him in the room with the other children while i was making tea. Numerous times i spoke to mum about his behaviour but nothing changed. Last day here was the worst, him saying he'd be glad if i died, hoped i had and accident and that i was the worst childminder ever (i was his 4th):eek: I still have his sister and he goes elsewhere but the day he left the relief was so much better and i am so less stressed

newandlearning
25-06-2010, 07:40 AM
I've had similar behaviour with the boy I've just given notice on .. he is the only child who pulls my playhouse into the middle of the garden.. try climbing on the roof.. hit the dog, poke other kids in eyes... run off in park so I can't even see him.. (are they the same kid?:laughing: )

anyway.. I find myself getting tense before school pick and on constant alert.. I can't even find time to put jacket potatoes in oven sometimes..

I spoke to parents about behaviour and gave examples.. I'm sure the same must be happening at home for your two boys.. we came up with a reward system which both of us were going to us.. Instead of saying if you continue jumping on sofa (for example) you will have to sit in quiet time area.. I tried making house rules with kids (it didn't really work to be honest).. the minute I left room he would just do what ever he wanted... I've tried being more positive in sentences... eg 'If we all walk to the car today I'll get the paddling pool out'.. instead of negative 'if anyone runs off we will have to sit for 5 minutes when back home'.. I have found this more beneficial as it keeps me more positive too....

all that said and done.. things did improve for us a bit.. but still am giving notice.. good luck.. I think really you know the answer .. when is enough, enough? make sure you take care of your own needs hun..xx:)

Zoomie
25-06-2010, 09:33 AM
mmmmmmmm, I have an 8y DS :blush: :blush: :blush:

EllaBella
27-06-2010, 03:10 PM
Kelly, will you try this first, just for one week? Sit down with the parents and ask them to do this too, just for one week, and to stick to it, no matter what.

Each day the mindees are with you, hug them, lots, tickle them if they dont want to be hugged, put your hand on their shoulder, just make sure you maintain lots of contact, in a reassuring, playful way. You should follow them, not try to get them to stay with you. Even if you are disciplining them maintain contact, hold an arm very gently.

Each child should then be hugged or tickled by a parent for at least 20 minutes each day. The parent should also maintain gentle contact when disciplining.

I know it sounds a bit bonkers, but for one week, try it. Ask your kids and other mindees to practice ways of saying hello and goodbye, such as a hug, shaking hands, high five, bowing/curtsy throughout the week.

See how you get on...


If you don't mind them all week, you may need to do this for 14 days.

we have tried this for the last 2 months, the younger one responds well to lots of hugs from me, especially when its tome to go into class, i see an improvment with regards to hisanxity of being left/forgotten.

however the 8 yold nothing has helped. I really am at the end of my teather, im reading the days they come and when its tome to gt them i find my self getting edgy.

im ending the contract as of tomorrow, my home life and our sanity is more important im afraid.