Life After Domestic Violence

[ourmadhouse]

has anyone had to support a child and/or family starting a life after domestic violence?
what im after really is what technique you used when a child opened up to you. I have made contact with other organizations for advice and support (for me) and it was refreshing to find out that so much help is out there.

not really expecting many posts back from this as its a very sensitive subject so PM's are welcome.

also how did you cope emotionally did you find it had much impact on your home life, I can find it hard sometimes at the end of a hard day not being able to empty my head to my better half, its alot of weight to hold onto and can pull me down a bit when a child opens up but i feel so privileged that trust has been given to me and i think thats what keeps me going.

[DIPPY DOUGHNUT]

im afarid i dont really have any helpful advice but i just wanted to send you a hug for support. :)

Im sure your helping this family more then you relise. Hopefully someone will give you some helpful advice on this subject

[Pipsqueak]

Bravo to you for being so supportive to the family - that takes a lot of courage from within. And yes I understand (from a different situation as most of us on here will do) that its really hard having no one to share the information with - so you can let go of it yourself.

I don't really have much advice, apart from you need to look after yourself - if you are a wreck then you can't do much for this family. Keep reassurring the child(ren), help build up their self-esteem etc as I am sure you are doing. Your place will be somewhere safe and warm where they can learn to trust again.

Sending you a huge hug and we all right here if you ever need to let it all out.

[Blaze]

Some info here:

http://mind.schoolnet.ir/Royal%20College/domestic_vio.htm

...as you say there is a wealth of info on the net.

[EllaBella]

unfortunatly I lived with a violent man for 5 years,I am happy to talk about it, but I wont tell my story on this page as i think it would offend some of you, or upset you. though im happy to share , im not ashamed or embarrased to talk about my past, though understandably most people are.

however the freedom project is an orgonization that is fab for support for mothers starting again after abuse.
there is also a programme called leapfrog, where dedicated epople help children after domestic abuse. they do them all over the uk.

apologies for quick post/that its not more indepth xx

[Mookins]

my mothers first husband was a bully to say the least my older brother and sister had an awful start to their life with a very very long time after coming to terms with it

sending you lots of luck and remember to make just you time, its a lot to keep bottled up x x

[The Juggler]

oh hon, that's a hard call. and good they got you as you are concerned enough to worry about how to support them.

I'd get some advice (anon of course) from the family support worker at your local children's centre.

[WibbleWobble]

if you are finding it hard to "empty your head" then try and get some counselling. This is not just for people who have mental health problems.I am a qualified counsellor and when i was training we had to have so many hours of personal counselling. This helped us cope with listening and absorbing other peoples problems. Its a bit like your own support...protecting yourself.


good luck and i send my love and hugs

mandy xxxxx

[funemnx]

if you are finding it hard to "empty your head" then try and get some counselling. This is not just for people who have mental health problems.I am a qualified counsellor and when i was training we had to have so many hours of personal counselling. This helped us cope with listening and absorbing other peoples problems. Its a bit like your own support...protecting yourself.


good luck and i send my love and hugs

mandy xxxxx

Me too, I qualified as a counsellor 5 years ago and it's helped enormously in all aspects of my personal and professional life.

[carol cameron]

I looked after three children from a family who had suffered terribly through domestic violence. They came to me through social services who paid me to provide childminding, all of the children were very agressive as they really didn't know how else to behave.It took time and perserverance but with clear boundaries in place with me and alternative ways of behaviour modelled by me and my children-my own and other mindees- there were huge improvements. When the oldest started nursery, some months later, he was able to cope which would not have happened if he hadn't come to me first. Mum got a lot of support from social services to help her move on.I shared my feelings and thoughts with another child minder who I work closely with and this really helped me think through how I handled these children and give me opportunity to offload my feelings.

[ourmadhouse]

thank you all for your help, info and guidence :)

Its nice to have people living in my pc that are always there :laughing:

iv never thought of counslling for myself :thumbsup: as a mother i know only too well how we come last for needs but thats a very good point and one iv taken.

once again thank you all x