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Schnakes
28-03-2008, 12:44 AM
My situation is this:

One of my clients have been with me for a year. I work for them five days a week and have got to know both parents well over that time, although particularly mum. Recently mum has been saying..."we should go out" and "we should take the kids out to x place" etc. I really like her, we get on very well, but I dont feel comfortable making a friendship with someone who (lets face it!) pays my bills. In a way, I feel it has already gone too far, because otherwise - I wouldnt be asking this question in the first place, if you see what I mean?

Usually with my clients I am very brisk and businesslike...you get a 5-10 min chat about how your child has got on that day while you put their coats and shoes on and thats it.

What would you do in this situation?

Sx

miffy
28-03-2008, 07:07 AM
Whatever you feel most comfortable with - if you don't want to take the friendship further then don't.

Many of my parents have become close friends but others have remained on a purely business level - you won't get on as well with everyone but if you aren't happy with the situation then don't take it further

miffy xx

Pipsqueak
28-03-2008, 07:31 AM
Biggest mistake I made was getting to pally with the mindees parent.

She is an ok lady but I think I lost my "professionalism"/professional standing with the parents after that and the kids see it as they are coming round to a friends house.

Great advice I was given - you can be friendly with the parents but not friends

LittleMissSparkles
28-03-2008, 07:38 AM
I agree with what Vik has said, I think I got to friendly with C's mum and she even said I think of you more as a friend when she asked me if she could not pay me when C was ill ..... I think boundaries get crossed when your become more a friend than a CM to the parent , of course be friendly as Vik says but not a friend, of course it totally up to you but I ve learnt to keep my distance now after what happened with C xxxx

angeldelight
28-03-2008, 07:44 AM
I have the same sort of problem with one of my parents

She wants to meet up all the time - I really get on with her she is the parent who does not go in the evenings she wants to be best friends

She even comes down on my days off now so I ignore the door

She wants to go into town tomorrow

I like her but I do not want to go in that direction

I really think if something happened in the future or she could not afford to pay then if I was that friendly it would be even more harder than what it is now to be firm with her - then our friendship could be used against me

I would not do it but of course its up to you

It is a difficult choice to make though

Angel xx

Polly2
28-03-2008, 07:47 AM
I agree - I cm for my friend, she was a friend before I started minding, but she is the only one who takes me for granted.

Maybe this is a different situation, but I think it changes the way they view you and it makes it more difficult for you to be professional/businesslike.

You sound like you are uncomfortable with it already??

miss muffit
28-03-2008, 08:03 AM
Hi I agree it sounds all cosy, but I think its best to stay profesional, you never know if ever there's a hic up, it could make things awkward between you both :)

charleyfarley
28-03-2008, 08:34 AM
I have this situation at the moment.

One mom invites me round on my days off so O and Mitchell can have a play, which is fine but why would I want to spend my time off with mindees.

I see this relationship as a professional one not a friends one although I do think she wants to be mates.

It has worked in the past for me being friends with parents, but it really does depend on the parent. Only one has took liberaties and that's my fault really as I'm a soft touch.

Carol xx

sarah707
28-03-2008, 08:41 AM
From about 30 sets of parents, over the years, 2 became friends... one lot emigrated to France and my dd went over last year to stay with them... another family went to Brighton and we visited recently.

I think it can be nice to make friendships, especially if the children are particularly close, but you have to be very careful and if it gets too much, you need to pull back.

You don't sound sure, so best to retreat a bit I think... you have to be sure otherwise it won't work :(

Twinkles
28-03-2008, 08:54 AM
I have become friends with a couple of 'my' mums. We go to each others houses for dinner - with dh's and sometimes all of 'my' mums arrange for us all to go out without husbands.

I went to one mindees mums wedding last summer and one mindees Christening too.
I have looked after one since she was a small baby and now she's six, it's hard not to become close to the family.
But I agree it depends on the parent and if it becomes intrusive to your family I would back off.

Michelle M
28-03-2008, 06:28 PM
I have been ivited to one of my mindees mums wedding later in the year and I am not sure whether I want to attend, and she calls me auntie Michelle to her son. I think I would rather keep it professional. I went to her sons 2nd berithday party and all the fmailywere there, and I think that was enough for me, I want to keep it proessional.

fionamal
28-03-2008, 06:42 PM
One of the first mindees that I took on when I started up has become really good friends. Her husband and mine go to pub once a month and twice a month we do house about for a meal on a Saturday Night.

We both have the same opinions about alot of things and we both speak our minds so we both now where we stand with each other.

Pudding Girl
28-03-2008, 06:59 PM
I think maybe I would be honest with the parent and say you feel worried about all of the above that people have said. At least that way when you "reject her advances" she won't be feeling like crud or put out to the point she leaves.

louise
28-03-2008, 09:52 PM
My mindees mum use to be my assistant manager and we use to go out clubbing every week. She moved to london then moved back when her son was born i saw her at work one day and we got back in touch i only saw her a few times which was when talking about becoming a cm next time i saw her she asked me if i could mind lo. Total suprise. He came out of nursery as he kept getting ill and he had to have so much time off.(in the last 14 months he has only been ill a few times and never sent home).

I was a bit worried to start of with of how things would go. It was nice though starting with someone i knew less scary. Luckily we haven't had any problems i have always been paid never taken advantage off. I booked a day off and she still paid me as she would still get her childcare allowance. She is starting a new job and is booking what i already had off as holiday woth her work so i think she still might pay me.

Any way she has invited me out a couple of times but i haven't gone as i did feel that it would be weird going out on the money she paid me.

Schnakes
29-03-2008, 09:37 AM
Thanks for all the advice. I think Im going to really pull back and make it known that Im here to run a business, not make friends.

Cheers guys - some really interesting answers :)

Sx

Mollymop
29-03-2008, 10:23 AM
I agree with you S - I would be the same, i wouldn't want to make friends with a parent.
XX

karenjoy
29-03-2008, 04:38 PM
oooh Crikey I was hoping to take on some friends kids when I get registered!!!!

Was hoping to have one in the Summer Holidays this year, she works 4 hours a day 5 days a week. My best friend has actually said I could have her son as well, he was born on the same day has my youngest.

You have all got me thinking now weather I should!!

Pipsqueak
29-03-2008, 04:41 PM
Its really each to their own Karen. Personally I don't think I could "work" for friends, but that is just personal choice.

I also feel that to avoid complications its best to avoid becoming to pally with "clients" - again a very personal choice.

It might work out fine for you - just make sure that your friends understand the different hats you may be wearing at different times - ie childminding= professional hat, you finish at 5.30 therefore its mates time.

sarah707
29-03-2008, 05:08 PM
oooh Crikey I was hoping to take on some friends kids when I get registered!!!!

Was hoping to have one in the Summer Holidays this year, she works 4 hours a day 5 days a week. My best friend has actually said I could have her son as well, he was born on the same day has my youngest.

You have all got me thinking now weather I should!!

It can be really hard to work with friends... from personal experience, they take the mickey, they go to the shops / hairdressers etc on your time (cos they know you won't mind), they are not the best of payers, they expect you to listen to their problems while their child rampages through your house, they are crap at disciplining their child when you are around but you don't feel you should cos they're friends, they sign everything then forget about it, they might not be your friends by the end of the working relationship...

On the upside, it can work... but I would suggest that you have really strict paperwork etc in place so that if anything at all goes wrong, it's all written down.

Just looked back at this - a bit one sided really, but I can't think of anything else to put on the 'upside' bit! :(

Trouble
29-03-2008, 06:52 PM
you would loose your privacy

also i think she would then want you to start babysitting:eek: :eek:

son77
29-03-2008, 07:55 PM
My ex-mindee's dad tried getting a bit friendly!

Kept suggesting we should all go out for a meal etc etc, my hubby was sure he was just trying to get his leg over though!!

karenjoy
03-04-2008, 05:14 PM
Thanks Ladies, not had chance to come on for a few days. Will think about what you have all said, When I thought about becoming a childminder I did not really think of the buisness side of it but since joining here I can see there is alot more to it!!!

susi513
03-04-2008, 06:38 PM
I have provided childcare for friends, and it isn't always a bad idea. Have had all sorts of comments like "gosh its just like a real business, really isn't it" when I show them what I actually do and all the paperwork. Don't assume they know anything and tell them the same things you tell everyone else about sickness, late collections etc. But as long as you charge the same rates and do all the paperwork properly and make it clear your service and procedures are the same for everybody its got a good chance of working okay. The main problem is that its just doubly awkward asking for fees or dealing with any other problems.

I get on really well with the parents I'm working with now, and if I met them under other circumstances I'd like to be friends. But I don't feel comfortable socialising with customers, I have to say. Especially family events. Went to one mindees birthday party and ended up being the only adult with half an eye on the bouncy castle. I can't relax in that sort of environment. DH says its cos no-one else is a childminder they can chill and relax whereas I'm ott on rules & safety etc. So now, I tend to find I usually have a family commitment of my own when invited to such things. Sad eh!

emmadines
03-04-2008, 07:23 PM
I decided that I will not be minding my friends children mainly due to the upset that could arise with even the slightest disagreement!

I have been bitten once and will not be again!

I offered to have a friends daughter before school, my son is a month older and they are in the same class, we have also known each other since our children were born. on day "C" acidently hit my daughter, who was only about8 months old, with part of an extendable radiator airer. all be it by acident lied, then spat in my face!
I told "C" that I wasn't going to have this and told her I will have wirds with her mother when I see her.
I made it clear that acidents happen but I wont be repeatedly spat at by a 5 year old.
1st "C" said "dont smak me" I told her I had no intentions of doing so. I would never smack a child deffinatly if they were not mine.

anyway long story short she told her mum that I hot her and I didnt! caused a lot of problems and minding a friends child is somethying I have no itentions off doing again.

maybe "C" was too familier (sp?) towards me I dont know!! all I can say is I didnt do it and wouldnt!

crazybones
03-04-2008, 07:29 PM
I decided that I will not be minding my friends children mainly due to the upset that could arise with even the slightest disagreement!

I have been bitten once and will not be again!

I offered to have a friends daughter before school, my son is a month older and they are in the same class, we have also known each other since our children were born. on day "C" acidently hit my daughter, who was only about8 months old, with part of an extendable radiator airer. all be it by acident lied, then spat in my face!
I told "C" that I wasn't going to have this and told her I will have wirds with her mother when I see her.
I made it clear that acidents happen but I wont be repeatedly spat at by a 5 year old.
1st "C" said "dont smak me" I told her I had no intentions of doing so. I would never smack a child deffinatly if they were not mine.

anyway long story short she told her mum that I hot her and I didnt! caused a lot of problems and minding a friends child is somethying I have no itentions off doing again.

maybe "C" was too familier (sp?) towards me I dont know!! all I can say is I didnt do it and wouldnt!

I had a similar thing last week with my friends kids. I dont mind them but was helping her after she had her appendix out at her own house. I told her 4 year old off for something and she screamed in my face You are not the mum of this house. I said well guess what I am your godmother so I am at the moment when your mum cant do it. My poor friend heard all this, struggled off the couch and said to her daughter "Anne-Marie is as good as your mother and you do whatever she says" But I do have other friends whose children I have to bite my tongue with because I know I wouldnt get the same backing.

emmadines
03-04-2008, 07:39 PM
I had a similar thing last week with my friends kids. I dont mind them but was helping her after she had her appendix out at her own house. I told her 4 year old off for something and she screamed in my face You are not the mum of this house. I said well guess what I am your godmother so I am at the moment when your mum cant do it. My poor friend heard all this, struggled off the couch and said to her daughter "Anne-Marie is as good as your mother and you do whatever she says" But I do have other friends whose children I have to bite my tongue with because I know I wouldnt get the same backing.

the wordt this is that this so called friend thought I actually did!:eek:


ever since then things havent been the same yet she still comes over! lets me take her daughter home (my son likes her and are friends so have to allow really dont it) is nice to my face..... (note nice to my face)
but over the last 6 month have found out she gose behind my back slating me!:eek: :eek: those in glass houses!1 if you know what i mean!

she's also not impressed about my carear chioce (her words "its the kids that are in the middle of this I feel for! this is taliking about cm who pretty much dont come from nurary backgrounds)

so stearing clear of cm for friends!! got a hell of alot more to loose now these days!!

crazybones
03-04-2008, 08:56 PM
the wordt this is that this so called friend thought I actually did!:eek:


ever since then things havent been the same yet she still comes over! lets me take her daughter home (my son likes her and are friends so have to allow really dont it) is nice to my face..... (note nice to my face)
but over the last 6 month have found out she gose behind my back slating me!:eek: :eek: those in glass houses!1 if you know what i mean!

she's also not impressed about my carear chioce (her words "its the kids that are in the middle of this I feel for! this is taliking about cm who pretty much dont come from nurary backgrounds)

so stearing clear of cm for friends!! got a hell of alot more to loose now these days!!

I look after my niece and have done for 10 years. She is the worst of all the mindee parents I have ever had. Takes the :censored: big time. You know the kind of person who says something to you all smiling and its only when you think about it later you realise what she was actually getting at :mad: . Its like she is doing me a favour paying me to mind her child (who is perfect - only child).

emmadines
03-04-2008, 09:14 PM
I look after my niece and have done for 10 years. She is the worst of all the mindee parents I have ever had. Takes the :censored: big time. You know the kind of person who says something to you all smiling and its only when you think about it later you realise what she was actually getting at :mad: . Its like she is doing me a favour paying me to mind her child (who is perfect - only child).

i know what you mean!!!


ive come to the conlusion that im doing her a faver! by putting up with her! like i sais those in glass houses etc! she'll mess up at some point and i'll be waiting!

casey's mum
18-04-2008, 01:09 PM
I mind for my niece and nephew....is a nightmare! My sister in law constantly takes the :censored: with payment and thinks I can have the money when she's got it! Really diff espesh as it my sister in law think if it was my sister it would be easier to tell her she taking advantage!
In saying that I have become friendly with one of my mindees mums and have never had a problem (touch wood), mindees dad is self employed too so they appreciate how hard it is to get payment out of some peeps. It has never been an issue and I hope it never will!
Think it depends on the parent....depends if they what I call a cling on...you know those peeps that as soon as you are nice to them they think you bessie friends! Wouldn't go near them, that would prove diff I am sure!
Good Luck
Angela xx

disney
18-04-2008, 04:39 PM
i agree with whats all been said , once years ago i got close to a parent and she used to be late when picking up & late with paying me as she said its ok we are mates . :panic: oh dear . recently i turned down a child living next door but one as mum had said i know you dont work weekends but as we live so close the child could pop round at any time to give mum a break


WHAT DONT THINK SO :eek:
X

deeb66
18-04-2008, 04:48 PM
I learnt my lesson early on when I first started minding.

Since then I became determined to never work for friends nor become too friendly with one of my parents.

Yes I do get quite friendly with them but always maintain that line and never cross it.

However...once our business relationship ended I was happy to become friends with them and there have been 3 mums in particular that I am now very friendly with and I see 2 of them quite a lot.....would also like to see the other but she now lives in singapore so a bit difficult :D ....we do email each other couple times a month.

barbarella68
18-04-2008, 06:05 PM
I childmind for my brother and sister in laws child who is 6 months old and have never had a problem.Money is always on time and she never takes advantage,my sister in law is fabulous :clapping: and I wish all the parents were the same.:( My husband reckons it might be because she is a teaching assistant so knows what working with children is all about.

deeb66
18-04-2008, 06:08 PM
I childmind for my brother and sister in laws child who is 6 months old and have never had a problem.Money is always on time and she never takes advantage,my sister in law is fabulous :clapping: and I wish all the parents were the same.:( My husband reckons it might be because she is a teaching assistant so knows what working with children is all about.

Definately sounds like you are one of the lucky ones Alyson.

I know of so many people who have problems working for friends or family.

i am glad that it is working out for you.

As you say it's probably because she works with children herself and knows what it can be like.

barbarella68
18-04-2008, 06:28 PM
or it may be something so simple as that my brother is my younger brother and if he upsets me he will know about it and he probably can remember what I used to do to him LOL.:laughing:

Pauline
18-04-2008, 07:27 PM
I've become very good friends with some of my past mindees, more usual AFTER they left rather than during.

One still comes back to visit even though she is now 22 years old and we exchange birthday/Christmas gifts etc. she is more like a substitute daughter.

Obviously that is different to going out with parents etc.

angeldelight
19-04-2008, 11:12 AM
I am friends with a few of mine - that left

It works better that way and they still stay in touch years after also

My one who is 17 now was only 6 weeks when I first minded him - he comes and stays with us for a whole weekend once a month

His mom and dad are lovely also

So it can work out being friends - I wouldnt be friends with any of my parents now though - strictly business

Angel xx

RedDragon
19-04-2008, 06:42 PM
Very interesting topic.

It's funny how different I can be when I have my CM hat on (cross between Mrs Doubtfire and um, Mrs Doubtfire) as opposed to my after hours hat (goth rocker).


I do have a very good relationship with the parents but keep it all separate - I think I would be too scared of slipping up and swearing :eek: or scaring them with my taste in music and tendency to headbang mid sentence :eek: :eek: :eek:

Cammie Doodle
20-04-2008, 09:44 AM
Very Interesting reading this topic.
My personal experience has been varied over the years , we have attended weddings , christenings, birthday parties, house warmings, Anne Summers parties etc etc .We have been taken out for dinner (to thank us for doing over and above the call of duty) We still keep in touch with families who have moved away and they still pop in when in the area, which is lovely to see how the children have grown up and what they remember about their time here. But there have been Parents who I would not want to have anything other than a business relationship with and I think you can pick these out (this just comes with experience over the years)
I dont think there is a right or wrong answer to this one , as each setting is unique

June