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View Full Version : Table manners: Am I being too harsh?!



harrysgirl
28-05-2010, 07:24 AM
I have 2 mindees (4 & 3) plus my own child (2). At mealtimes we all sit together, making it a social occasion and an opportunity to chat together. The older mindee wolfes down his food extremely quickly (within a couple of minutes), whilst the others take their time. As soon as older mindee finishes his food he's straight up from the table and goes dashing off to play....my issue is now when he does this the others are following and not finishing their food as they'd rather be playing!
Am I being too harsh in saying that our new house rule is we remain at the table until everyone is finished??!
...and while I'm on the subject, do you have any advice in trying to slow his eating down a bit (he piles it up high on his fork and I'm sure he doesn't chew it!) as he often comments that either 1. he's still hungry (probably because his body hasn't even registered he's eaten!) or 2. "I've got tummy ache now"
Any advice?

Mookins
28-05-2010, 07:27 AM
you are right table manners are v v important i feel, no way would i let him leave the table
especially as you possible then cant keep an eye as you watching the little ones up the table
x x x

christine e
28-05-2010, 07:28 AM
Hi

This is always a problem here. I try to get everyone to stay until the last one has finished but then sometimes the last one is taking a very long time to eat so it is not fair on the others. What I do is ask that they stay to the table for a reasonable time but not til the last one has finished if they are taking too long. Re the child who is not chewing food properly try encouraging to do a number of chews before swallowing.

Cx

Pipsqueak
28-05-2010, 07:28 AM
We all stop at the table till everyone has finished and there is no dashing of to play. Fair enough if there are some real slow finishers but we all stay at the table a reasonable period of time.

sarah707
28-05-2010, 07:30 AM
We all stop at the table till everyone has finished and there is no dashing of to play. Fair enough if there are some real slow finishers but we all stay at the table a reasonable period of time.

Exactly the same!

I have one who bolts his food as well and I find I am regularly reminding him to chew properly.

Maybe you could organise a healthy eating week, including thoughts about eating properly? :D

suzyblue
28-05-2010, 07:32 AM
I can only suggest that you sit with this mindee and encourage him to slow down. At four he is old enough to sit and wait for everyone else and once he realises he cant go and play he may slow down his eating anyway. I get my mindees to wait and they are happy too as they all have desert at the same time then once cleaned up they can go and play.

PixiePetal
28-05-2010, 07:33 AM
Mine all wait till we have finished :thumbsup: unless I have a really slow one and I might let others get down while they finish desert as they have waited long enough :rolleyes:

Twinkles
28-05-2010, 07:34 AM
Same here, I have one who bolts food and doesn't chew so I'm always reminding her to ' Chew and slow down it's not a race'

I then have a couple of reeeaaallly slow eaters to whom I am always saying ' Hurry up a bit , put some food in your mouth'

I make the 'racer' wait a reasonable time to chat even if she has finished.

AliceK
28-05-2010, 08:41 AM
We all stop at the table till everyone has finished and there is no dashing of to play. Fair enough if there are some real slow finishers but we all stay at the table a reasonable period of time.

Same here, everyone has to wait at the table for a reasonable amount of time if others are still eating. It's usually my DD that wants to get down but that's because she doesn't eat anything but by telling her to wait because the others are still eating sometimes if I'm really lucky she will try and eat some of hers.

xxxx

rickysmiths
28-05-2010, 08:42 AM
I had a 4 year old who started with me 2yrs ago who did this. He still eats quickly but always stays at the table until everyone has finished. He has discovered that he actually enjoys the talking that is going on and the little bit of calm time.

Bitsy Beans
28-05-2010, 08:44 AM
No I do similar - the only exception can be my DD who's not yet 2 - she eats twice as much as everyone else and twice as fast :o but sometimes making her wait ensures a screaming fit so I have to gauge how it's going to go LOL!
My biggest bugbear is mindees not facing the table to eat, not sitting on chair properly etc. I keep requesting that they sit nicely like princesses and soldiers :)

AnnieM
28-05-2010, 08:53 AM
I don't allow any of mine to leave the table until everyone has finished (within reason), I used to have a food bolter but once he realised that he had to sit there until we had all finished, he gradually started to slow down, as he was rushing his food to go back and play. :rolleyes: I think table manners are so important, most familys don't even sit down at a table for meals these days so if they don't learn it at home, where do they learn manners. :thumbsup:

parkbrad
28-05-2010, 09:22 AM
I am of the opinion that you are not too harsh. Table manners are extremely important and I think not allowing anyone to leave the table until everyone has finished is a very good idea. I think that he wolfes down the food because he wants to leave the table and go back playing but if it is not allowed to leave until the others finished their meal, he will also slow down a bit. There is no reason any more why he should hurry up eating.
:thumbsup:

Helen Dempster
28-05-2010, 09:32 AM
I agree with the other comments - table manners are a very important social skill, and alot of parents/kids don't even sit at the table very often these days, so I think you're def doing the right thing :thumbsup: I try and get them to wait til everyone's finished, not only cos it's good manners, but also to let their food digest a while before rushing about - I'm not very good with vomit! bleurgh!!!!

The Juggler
28-05-2010, 12:17 PM
Hi

This is always a problem here. I try to get everyone to stay until the last one has finished but then sometimes the last one is taking a very long time to eat so it is not fair on the others. What I do is ask that they stay to the table for a reasonable time but not til the last one has finished if they are taking too long. Re the child who is not chewing food properly try encouraging to do a number of chews before swallowing.

Cx

I do the same, when most people have finished and my ds is still chewing his carrots one tiny bit at a time, I let the others get down but I do expect them to stay until most have finished.

I think the counting chews is a good idea, will slow him down and get a bit of PSRN in too:D

Trouble
28-05-2010, 12:22 PM
we have rules at the table i agree with everyone else

big hugs xxxx

tashaleee
28-05-2010, 12:39 PM
We all stop at the table till everyone has finished and there is no dashing of to play. Fair enough if there are some real slow finishers but we all stay at the table a reasonable period of time.

same here :thumbsup:

sonia ann
28-05-2010, 12:51 PM
the same as others..................my lo's all have to say "thank you" and "may I leave the table?" as well:)

Graham
28-05-2010, 02:39 PM
We all sit together at meal times, it is very difficult to get fidgity tots to sit still when they have finished and wait for the others but we tell them to sit and wait until everyone has finished, eventually they get the message and start to eat slower when they know they can't dash off to play.

babs
28-05-2010, 03:13 PM
we all sit down together to eat and stay sitting at table until everyone has finished, i don't even bring yogurts out until everyone is ready as sometimes lo's see yogurt and say they are finished hence leaving their lunch, even if my 18 yr old son is home he has to sit and wait until mindees have finished too. they all have very good table manners one lo does not even sit at a table at home but does here mums commented on this.

youarewhatyoueat
28-05-2010, 05:48 PM
Put less on the plate and do it as though its a 5 course meal. As he finishes one thing offer a drink and say the rest is coming.With a bit of luck you can make his food last as long as the other children, then they can all get down together.

SandCastles
28-05-2010, 06:01 PM
I'm the same, I have 2 x 2year olds. One bolts and one slow. The slow eater starts first while i am washing other ones hands. I use to allow toys at the table, but they eat better without any distractions.

jo f
28-05-2010, 06:42 PM
Mine all have to wait too like u say they all follow suit. They are usually too eager to have their pudding and when one says they don't like it or they have had enough then they all do even my 16mth DS is joining in! I also don't have the telly on and no books, toys allowed at the table x

onceinabluemoon
28-05-2010, 06:55 PM
I'm strict about table manners too.

They all sit up until the last person has finished (unless last person is being particularly slow...). They have to eat all of their dinners or at the very least make an exceedingly good effort with savoury before they are allowed pudding (we work on the 'if you don't have room for your dinner, you cannot possibly have room for your pudding' principle and it's amazing how many 'full' children manage to eat all their meal when they want their pud and they realise I'm not going to back down!). They are required to ask to leave the table and say thank you for their meal. All my parents are on board with this as it's what they expect at home too.

We used to have some very faddy eaters but now all the children are good eaters, have great manners and I am proud that I can take them anywhere and I know they'll behave appropriately.

Bitsy Beans
29-05-2010, 07:57 AM
Oh and even when everyone has finished they are all (with the exception of my youngest) expected to ask my permission to leave the table.

Gosh I sound really draconian :o