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mum26
21-05-2010, 05:20 AM
I am in a quandry and don't know what to do and would appreciate some opinions.

I care for 2 afterschool children a 10 year old girl and an 11 year old boy. Also have my own 11 year old daughter who often isn't here in the evening. I have been given notice by the 10 year old's parent - which isn't a surprise really - the mum said she feels she is too old to come to a childminder! The dilemma I have is that will leave the 11 year old here without anyone of the same age most of the time. When he is here I have a 3 year old, 2 year old and my own younger daughter who is 6. He will be going to secondary school in September and in preparation for this has been starting to go home on his own occasionally. Although he is polite and has always been very happy here I can tell from his body language that he does not want to come anymore - especially after having a taste of the freedom of going home alone. I have tried with the older children but they haven't been interested in anything I have offered (I think, maybe, part of the problem is that my own daugher can see her friends after school-but I don't want her resenting my job).

I did keep my daughter at home yesterday - but he didn't even want to do anything with her - even though they get on very well.


I am not sure if I should say to the mum about letting him leave and go home on his own, or grin and bear it - trying again to see if I can find something that he likes to do.

Thanks for reading.

mushpea
21-05-2010, 06:02 AM
I think if it were me i would have a chat with the parent whilst the child was out of ear shot or ask for a meeting without the child present and explain to the parent how you think he is feeling, you could also point out that now the child is going to senior school he may be embarrased by the fact he has a childminder and could suggest that he goes home but knows that he can come to you for support anytime he wants to , obviously this depends on the amount of time before a parent gets home and how sensible he is.

sonia ann
21-05-2010, 06:31 AM
I have cared for quite a few after school children over the years they have all been long termers and have grown up with me.
In year 5 they transfer to Middle school here. I am unable to pick up from the school so they make their own way here by bus and meet me here.

I explain to parents that this is the first stage in allowing them a little independance.

By year 7 /8 I start to bring up the idea of the child going home alone.

I currently have one girl in yr 7 who is very mature and trustworthy and is now going home alone 2 nights a week when her mum will be home by 5pm but comes to me those nights she finishes at 6pm or later.She phones me when she is home safely or I will phone her. She knows if ever there is a problem she can phone me. In Sept she goes to Grammar School and will be more than ready to go home alone.

On the other hand I have 2 other girls in yr 7 who are not ready yet........one is almost there but mum needs to allow her to take the first step...........the other is very immature and i have visions of her still coming to me in yr 9 when at senior school:eek:

I think I'm trying to say they are all different and willbe ready at different times.
In this boys case I think I would encourage Mum to let him go home with you as a safety net ....he sounds ready to leave you,.......have a quiet word with Mum.

suzyblue
21-05-2010, 06:32 AM
I have found that children do start to outgrow us around this age. Could you try getting him involved in 'working with you' giving him responsibility for the younger ones, helping with setting the table, getting tea ready, reading to the children etc? This will help him feel more grown up.

sonia ann
21-05-2010, 06:38 AM
.......forgot to say ............one of the boys last year (yr 7) started by leaving my care 1/2hr before his parents got home.....we gradually increased this until he just used to drop in at my house on his way ...............would this work with your mindee??

huggableshelly
21-05-2010, 06:40 AM
I have an 11 year old come to me once a wk, he loves it here as chats to the younger ones and joins in with their play. He did come 3 times a wk which was hard and he tells his mates he comes to help me look after the little ones as work experience not that he has to go to a childminder.

I have a 13 year old during the summer hols, he arrives on his own by 1pm the latest then has to stay until his parents pick up, this works too, again he interacts with the younger children, mainly the 7-9's not the tiny ones. He tells his mates he has to go to his personal cafe for lunch and it takes so long as he gets served at a table with top quality food! it is too embarrasing to tell his mates he has to go home to a cm now.

There are ways around it, and you only have 8 weeks left of the school term so would be worth just grinning and bearing it rather than pushing parents into allowing him more freedom before they are ready to give it to him.

huggableshelly
21-05-2010, 06:47 AM
.......forgot to say ............one of the boys last year (yr 7) started by leaving my care 1/2hr before his parents got home.....we gradually increased this until he just used to drop in at my house on his way ...............would this work with your mindee??

this just shows where countires differ so much as I would never consider allowing a 7 year old to leave or arrive my setting alone. I'm not trying to come across as rude or anything lol so please dont take offense as thats not my intention.

My school do not allow children under the age of 10 to walk home alone or even leave the school to meet parents outside. They changed the rules on this as my daughter moved up to juniors age 7. Before then my junior age children (age 7-11) were allowed to walk from junior playground to infants to meet me (schools attatched so no leaving of the school grounds and can be seen at all times) but now they must be collected from their own playground and teachers stand outside with their class giving children permission to leave once parents have been spotted.

So where you are children age 7 are given responsability, where i am children age 11 and over are considered for additional responsability.

mama2three
21-05-2010, 07:00 AM
this just shows where countires differ so much as I would never consider allowing a 7 year old to leave or arrive my setting alone. I'm not trying to come across as rude or anything lol so please dont take offense as thats not my intention.

My school do not allow children under the age of 10 to walk home alone or even leave the school to meet parents outside. They changed the rules on this as my daughter moved up to juniors age 7. Before then my junior age children (age 7-11) were allowed to walk from junior playground to infants to meet me (schools attatched so no leaving of the school grounds and can be seen at all times) but now they must be collected from their own playground and teachers stand outside with their class giving children permission to leave once parents have been spotted.

So where you are children age 7 are given responsability, where i am children age 11 and over are considered for additional responsability.

year 7 is the first year of secondary school , ( or maybe still at middle school) , the child will be an 11 year old.

sonia ann
21-05-2010, 07:00 AM
this just shows where countires differ so much as I would never consider allowing a 7 year old to leave or arrive my setting alone. I'm not trying to come across as rude or anything lol so please dont take offense as thats not my intention.

My school do not allow children under the age of 10 to walk home alone or even leave the school to meet parents outside. They changed the rules on this as my daughter moved up to juniors age 7. Before then my junior age children (age 7-11) were allowed to walk from junior playground to infants to meet me (schools attatched so no leaving of the school grounds and can be seen at all times) but now they must be collected from their own playground and teachers stand outside with their class giving children permission to leave once parents have been spotted.

So where you are children age 7 are given responsability, where i am children age 11 and over are considered for additional responsability.


He is in yr 7 not 7yrs old...:) ...............I would never let a 7yr old leave alone:panic: :panic:

huggableshelly
21-05-2010, 09:47 AM
ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh sorry duh me I didnt think of it being yr 7 compared to age 7

I should have had a morning cuppa and read better before responding lol

off to sit in the corner now with a big D hat on my head :blush:

TheBTeam
21-05-2010, 11:58 AM
Generally where I am the children leave a childminders care going off to secondary school, so going into year 7.

I previously cared for a girl who was around 2 1/2 years older than my son and she left to go to secondary school, but was more immature than my son (albeit he is quite grown up), but i was very worried about her, but knew the mum was set on her managing, but we agreed that i was just around the corner and should she have a problem then she could call or walk round to us if needed. She never needed it and managed exceptionally well and grew up very quickly.

That said my son is now off to secondary school in September and I am really pleased that I will be here when he gets back, and in all likelihood he will meet me half way cutting through his old junior school where i will be picking up his sister.

sonia ann
21-05-2010, 12:31 PM
ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh sorry duh me I didnt think of it being yr 7 compared to age 7

I should have had a morning cuppa and read better before responding lol

off to sit in the corner now with a big D hat on my head :blush:

:laughing: :group hug:

sweets
21-05-2010, 12:58 PM
i feel a bit sorry for kids in the first year of high school if they have to go home to an empty house. high schools are scary places till the child gets used to it and if they have have a bad day it must be horrible having no one to talk to after school.

its such a big life change going from primary to secondary anyway, but to lose that adult contact as well is hard.

but with so many parents working now its a hard life and needs must, and some parents just dont have a choice and kids mist go home on their own.

sonia ann
21-05-2010, 03:19 PM
i feel a bit sorry for kids in the first year of high school if they have to go home to an empty house. high schools are scary places till the child gets used to it and if they have have a bad day it must be horrible having no one to talk to after school.

its such a big life change going from primary to secondary anyway, but to lose that adult contact as well is hard.

but with so many parents working now its a hard life and needs must, and some parents just dont have a choice and kids mist go home on their own.

we have middle schools here for yrs 5,6,7 + 8....so it isn't quite so bad but i know what you mean

Chimps Childminding
21-05-2010, 04:05 PM
I lost my 2 "older" mindees when they moved to middle school (aged 10). They are sisters and when the older one started she used to go home straight from school, while I still had the younger one (18 months age difference). Then when the younger one started middle school as well they both went home. BUT dad was quite often at home already, I live just over the road and they know they can call on me at any time (I still have their baby brother) and mum literally walks thro the door half an hour after them!

I suppose it depends on the children, how long they will be on their own for and if there is anyone they can call on if they are worried?

mum26
21-05-2010, 06:43 PM
Thanks for all the replies.

I think I will leave it for now. Mum has already had a chat on the phone recently and said that mindee is feeling that he has outgrown coming to a childminder. However, she would like him to stay until he goes to secondary school which is only September, so not long at all. Tonight he has been quite chatty and left at 4.45pm as dad was home early - which does happen quite often as dad does different shifts. In some ways it seems a bit easier now other child has left as there are not the arguments.

If I think he is really unhappy then I will have a think again and contact mum - offering to be a base to which he can return if he feels worried but maybe trying out going home on his own.

It will be a shame to see him go - I have looked after him since he was 5 years old - time flies so quickly.

caz3007
21-05-2010, 09:50 PM
I have two older ones going into year 7 in Sept and I know that one will probably still come to me for a while. Not so sure about the other one, but he only lives across the road, so I can be on call. These boys have been with me for a long time, but their younger siblings will stay with me. I will probably also have a bit of adhoc holiday care as I do now.

I used to have a holiday only boy who was 13 and it worked fine for a while, but in the end he chose to stop coming, but I said to his mum I would be there if he needed me as mum worked about 8 miles away.