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View Full Version : I'm concerned but don't know what to do...



francinejayne
19-05-2010, 06:30 PM
I have lived in the same house for 10 years. My neighbours split up at Christmas time and finally moved out of their house 3 weeks ago. Their son is 11, in year 6, and is good friends with my daughter as they grew up together. When they lived here he was always in my house. :thumbsup:

The boys parents both work, dad goes out to work at about 6am, and finishes at about 4 so is home for 4.30pm. Mum drops him off at school at 8.30 then goes to work, and normally gets home about 6pm. The boy used to to go to Grandma's house after school but she died 12 months ago, and since then he's had a front door key and let himself in (from the age of 10). I didn't like this situation, but at least I was next door and more often than not he came round to mine until dad came home from work.

Before they moved out I told mum that the boy was more than welcome to come to mine after school (I live 2 mins from school!) until one of them came home from work - I said I wouldn't charge her or anything, I wanted to do it as he is like the family.

Anyway, they then moved house, and the boy sometimes comes to play when he's staying with mum as she lives 5 mins away from here now (dad is quite a bit further away) - he came round last night at 4.30. It was fine, the children all played out in the back garden, it got to 5.30 and all my mindees had gone home and we were about to have tea, so i asked him if he'd had his or did he want to eat with us. He replied that his mum was making his tea when she got home from work at 8! I asked him who was looking after him until 8 and he said no-one. Basically he has a key and is left to fend for himself until mum fininshes work. And I'm just not comfortable with it. He is a responsible lad, but he is only 11. Anything could happen. And mum wouldn't know for hours.

What do i do?

I don't want to cause trouble, especially as they've had a bad time recently, but I'm not sure i can ignore it.

Sorry for this being so long, but any advice will be gratefully received!

Thanks!

Pipsqueak
19-05-2010, 06:45 PM
I presume you are on good terms with the parents? Can you talk to them/one of them and just explain this is not an ideal situation - point her in the direction of NSPCC home alone section (or print it out). Just say you are a little concerned and would hate for them to get into bother or the boy to hurt himself etc.
If you are up for it - offer to have him at yours, give him tea etc.

I would say though that if they take no notice, you may not have any option but to speak to SS.

Hebs
19-05-2010, 06:48 PM
would SS do anything tho pip as there is no legal age limit for children to be left alone :panic:

PRINCESSDAISYFLOWER
19-05-2010, 06:51 PM
there is no legal age that a child can be left alone at, as long as you can prove your child is capable of being by themselves. I would have a word with mum and prehaps press the fact that you are willing to take him in after school

Pipsqueak
19-05-2010, 06:52 PM
would SS do anything tho pip as there is no legal age limit for children to be left alone :panic:

they might just go and have a chat.
although there is no age limit - if something happens to the boy, then the parents are open to prosecution for neglect.
The NSPCC recommends a child under the age of 13 (I think it is) should not be left alone.

Hebs
19-05-2010, 06:55 PM
you'd think something like this would have an age limit :panic:

although i do leave melissa alone and have for the last year :blush:

Pipsqueak
19-05-2010, 06:59 PM
you'd think something like this would have an age limit :panic:

although i do leave melissa alone and have for the last year :blush:

Its down to the individual parent hebs and ensuring that your child is competent enough. I have left Rob alone in the house a few times for short periods - he is more than capable of looking after himself for a short time (although him nearly blowing the microwave up the other day has caused me to think..... the older he is getting the less capable he seems :rolleyes: We were home with him at the time). We leave him strict strict instructions and he is pretty sensible (most of time).

youarewhatyoueat
19-05-2010, 07:08 PM
From what you have said I really don't see what your concern is. Yes he is being left to fend for himself, but its not uncommon and its not illegal.
Does he know how to contact his family if he needs them, does he carry a mobile.
Unless there is something you consider that he is doing is dangerous then I don't see what you are going to report.
Also what he is telling you may be a slightly stretched truth because he knows that you will take him in and feed him, I would check first with mum to ask if its ok to feed him first and also he may well have access to food at home.
There is nothing wrong with an 11 year old eating a meal at 8pm.
I agree with you that I wouldn't feel comfortable with it, I would check with mum that it is still ok to invite him into your garden after school and offer him food, she may not actually want you to do it. It would open up the conversation in a non accusing way.
Its a really difficult one, we all have different ideas of what our children should be doing, but I think pointing her in the direction of the nspcc is going to get her back up and not be very helpful, and close any doors of communication.

francinejayne
19-05-2010, 07:18 PM
From what you have said I really don't see what your concern is. Yes he is being left to fend for himself, but its not uncommon and its not illegal.
Does he know how to contact his family if he needs them, does he carry a mobile.
Unless there is something you consider that he is doing is dangerous then I don't see what you are going to report.
Also what he is telling you may be a slightly stretched truth because he knows that you will take him in and feed him, I would check first with mum to ask if its ok to feed him first and also he may well have access to food at home.
There is nothing wrong with an 11 year old eating a meal at 8pm.
I agree with you that I wouldn't feel comfortable with it, I would check with mum that it is still ok to invite him into your garden after school and offer him food, she may not actually want you to do it. It would open up the conversation in a non accusing way.
Its a really difficult one, we all have different ideas of what our children should be doing, but I think pointing her in the direction of the nspcc is going to get her back up and not be very helpful, and close any doors of communication.

As far as i am aware he isn't doing anything dangerous, and i know it's not illegal. I'm just uncomfortable with it because I would never leave my 11 year old alone for 4 hours. My daughter is 12 (nearly 13) and i do leave her for a short while while I pop to the shops etc, but I'd never leave her for all that time straight from school, especially when she was 11.

I think after reading everyone's replies that I'm going to contact mum again and reiterate that he is more than welcome at my house any time and I don't want paying at all. It's then up to them if they take me up on it and I guess I've done what I should do.

And yes I agree that it does depend on the child - my 15 year old son is a complete liability - he used up a whole box of matches trying to light the grill to make toast - it's an electric grill?!?!?!

sonia ann
19-05-2010, 07:20 PM
As far as i am aware he isn't doing anything dangerous, and i know it's not illegal. I'm just uncomfortable with it because I would never leave my 11 year old alone for 4 hours. My daughter is 12 (nearly 13) and i do leave her for a short while while I pop to the shops etc, but I'd never leave her for all that time straight from school, especially when she was 11.

I think after reading everyone's replies that I'm going to contact mum again and reiterate that he is more than welcome at my house any time and I don't want paying at all. It's then up to them if they take me up on it and I guess I've done what I should do.

And yes I agree that it does depend on the child - my 15 year old son is a complete liability - he used up a whole box of matches trying to light the grill to make toast - it's an electric grill?!?!?!

:laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

Pipsqueak
19-05-2010, 07:50 PM
he used up a whole box of matches trying to light the grill to make toast - it's an electric grill?!?!?!

classic absolute classic:laughing: :laughing:

sounds like your future DIL is going to have her hands full:laughing: