Heaven Scent
18-05-2010, 08:40 PM
Ok this is about a mindee of another minder who lives near me.
The child is 2.5yrs and he goes to the minder 3 days pw.
The minder has looked after his older brother who is now 11 since he was a baby and is the younger ones God Mother.
Now child went to minder when he was about 9 mths old and appeared like any other baby (not the best looking - because he has a funny shaped head inherited from his dad!!) Having said that he was a lovely placid baby then Dad lost his job and he looked after baby and by all accounts baby spent a great deal of time playing in his playpen alone. Dad is known to be very lazy -anyhow after several months dad went on a training course and minder had him again and has had him since.
When baby returned to the minder he was about 1.5 and wasn't walking but mum thought that this was fine as the older brother didn't walk until he was 18mths. He is still not walking but has recently started pulling himself up and will do a walking movement with support but he cannot place his feet flat on the floor they are both twisted and bent and his toes are curled in. Mum puts Clarkes cica trainers on him (she says to keep his feet warm) I think to hide them and she probably feels that if they are clarkes then they won't do him any harm - he came with a new pair this week - not because the others are worn out - they don't get used but probably because she probably felt he'd had the others a long time and they will probably be getting too small for him - she can't have an idea of whar size he takes because nobody would measure his feet and fit him with shoes as he cant walk and they are all twisted.
He gets around by bum-shuffling but not flat on his bum moving both legs he has a more prominent leg and uses the opposite arm to support him and help him to scoot along. (it reminds me of the man in the film My Left Foot if any of you can remember that).
As time passed the child has been looking more and more unusual his eyes are very close set and look (point) in different directions He looks sort of cross eyed but its not just that. We are not sure if he can see properly or if he has no peripheral vision or if he just sees shadows as sometimes he hits out at people who approach him and he sometimes hold things up close to his eyes before using them (toys etc) or eating them (items of food).
The next point is that he is still not speaking - he started to babble a few months ago and now he will wave bye bye (in his own way) and says something which could be bye bye or which we believe to mean bye bye it has two syllables.
He also holds his hands in a pecular manner and seems to have very little muscle control - although he has recently started trying to feed himself with a spoon he doesn't get any food on the spoon this could be because he can't physically do it or because he can't see to do it or a mixture of both.
He hits out at other children and people for any reason or no apparent reason ????? - I do think some of this is because he cant see them - I'm no expert so I am only guessing. This is a problem because he really really wallops them - be can hit really hard now!!! He also hits himself on the face and around the head.
He also throws toys from one end of the room to another and I took all the metal cars and some other toys out of the minders toy boxes as I felt he could do a great deal of harm to other children with them. Because of the bad control of his arms these can go anywhere.
He is still in nappies.
About 6 months ago mum told the daughter of the of the minder who is a family support worker at the childrens centre that when she was pregnant an abnormality in one of the lobes of his brain showed up during a scan - they were told he would need a brain scan when he was 2 - according to mum this would involve him having a general anaesthetic which she doesn't want him to have.
He gets recurring chest infections which need inhalers as well as antibiotics to clear them up.
Now for a background of the family mum is a nervous type of person with a stammer and dad is a very tall man with a very very large head which is a really strange shape. Apparently he has a temper and is very stressed. He got a series of P/T & temp jobs over the past year and has been in the same temp job with the local council for about 8 mths now. But durning that time he suffered a heart attack and was off work for ages.
They had a baby who died or was still born it was very ill and quite badly malformed then they had the 11 year old brother who had a heart condition but that appears to have righted itself. The 11 year old has a stammer also which he has had help with and has inherited dads large bulbus head (bless him).
Now the minder has been on and on at mum about the childs development and she just keeps saying "oh they all do it", "so what if he walks late", "so what if he doesn't start preschool with the rest his age, he can do it later", the list goes on and on. Mum eventually gave in and took him to be weighed which led to a very quick appointment with a paediatrician who referred him to an eye specialist - who said he has a squint in both eyes (???) and it keeps swapping between them but they want to see him again soon. The next appointment was with a kidney specialist who said that he had too much salt in his system and this can lead to floppy muscles and they need to watch his salt intake. He is also supposed to be having an appointment with someone regarding his brain development (possibly leading to a brain scan). But the paperwork regarding the appointment got lost and a new appointment had to be made but has not come through yet as far as either the other minder or I know. It was just after the appointment went missing that dad had the heart attack.
We take the children to Jo Jingles every week (which he really really loves) and mum came one week for a few minutes in the weeks after Dads Heart Attack and she spoke to me about him and seemed quite positive about getting help for him but finished saying that she needed to get dad sorted out first - quite understandably - but he has been back at work for ages now and she has been very happily sticking her head in the sand.
Everybody who sees him asks what is wrong with him and some parents really complain about how he hits their children when we are out at Ceramic Experience where we go for Jo Jingles.
The minder has actually got cancer of the bone marrow she has had treatment but it has never fully gone and she has a bad back which she really hurt badly a couple of months ago whilst carrying him out of a building where we hold our support group during a fire drill he is really heavy. So she is not only taking all the flack by worrying about him to the point where she has sleepless nights but she has to try to care for his needs without knowing what they are and does not know how to handle him correctly as a result. She give him loads of love an affection but she doesn't know how to properly help his development - neither do I.
Growth wise he is quite tall for his age and is not fat or plump just heavy he has after all got that huge head (out of proportion with the rest of his body).
Mum brought up the subject of the appointment for his brain this morning and was really hostile and told the minder to forget about it as it wouldn't show anything, (she says there is no point in taking him to the doctor because they won't do anything - she waits until he is really ill every time) so the minder said that OK even if they do forget about the brain appointment/scan then he will still need physiotherapy & speech therapy. Mum said that she wasn't to say anything to dad about mindees problems or (in mums own words) "he will go up like a bottle of pop". She also said something about thinking that he may have autism but having researched it she doesn't think it is. - she is in pure denial and is terrified of upsetting that great ugly lazy oaf of a husband of hers surely he can see it - he has a problem with one of his eyes and has difficulty seeing with it but that is no excuse.
Anyhow, now that I've said all that what I want to know is
a) if any of you have ever come across anything like this? - I feel like its a cross between Cerabal Palsey & perhaps something on the autistic spectrum.
b) our network co-ordinator (or whatever she is called these days) and another of the family support workers say mothers denial is now bordering on neglect. - what do any of you feel about this?
c) Do you feel there is anyone the minder can speak to either in confidence either by giving her name and explaining her role with the child or annonymously and if she won't/or feels she can't should I or one of the other minders do it????
I am really really sorry that this is so long - I have been meaning to post about it for months now but have just not got round to it because I didn't know how to approach it and I knew it would be long.
I really do feel so sorry for this poor little mite I also feel really sorry for his mum she has had a lot to contend with in her life - I think she just doesn't feel she can cope with or face up to him being ill or having something wrong with him - if she doesn't find out then there won't be anything wrong.
The child is 2.5yrs and he goes to the minder 3 days pw.
The minder has looked after his older brother who is now 11 since he was a baby and is the younger ones God Mother.
Now child went to minder when he was about 9 mths old and appeared like any other baby (not the best looking - because he has a funny shaped head inherited from his dad!!) Having said that he was a lovely placid baby then Dad lost his job and he looked after baby and by all accounts baby spent a great deal of time playing in his playpen alone. Dad is known to be very lazy -anyhow after several months dad went on a training course and minder had him again and has had him since.
When baby returned to the minder he was about 1.5 and wasn't walking but mum thought that this was fine as the older brother didn't walk until he was 18mths. He is still not walking but has recently started pulling himself up and will do a walking movement with support but he cannot place his feet flat on the floor they are both twisted and bent and his toes are curled in. Mum puts Clarkes cica trainers on him (she says to keep his feet warm) I think to hide them and she probably feels that if they are clarkes then they won't do him any harm - he came with a new pair this week - not because the others are worn out - they don't get used but probably because she probably felt he'd had the others a long time and they will probably be getting too small for him - she can't have an idea of whar size he takes because nobody would measure his feet and fit him with shoes as he cant walk and they are all twisted.
He gets around by bum-shuffling but not flat on his bum moving both legs he has a more prominent leg and uses the opposite arm to support him and help him to scoot along. (it reminds me of the man in the film My Left Foot if any of you can remember that).
As time passed the child has been looking more and more unusual his eyes are very close set and look (point) in different directions He looks sort of cross eyed but its not just that. We are not sure if he can see properly or if he has no peripheral vision or if he just sees shadows as sometimes he hits out at people who approach him and he sometimes hold things up close to his eyes before using them (toys etc) or eating them (items of food).
The next point is that he is still not speaking - he started to babble a few months ago and now he will wave bye bye (in his own way) and says something which could be bye bye or which we believe to mean bye bye it has two syllables.
He also holds his hands in a pecular manner and seems to have very little muscle control - although he has recently started trying to feed himself with a spoon he doesn't get any food on the spoon this could be because he can't physically do it or because he can't see to do it or a mixture of both.
He hits out at other children and people for any reason or no apparent reason ????? - I do think some of this is because he cant see them - I'm no expert so I am only guessing. This is a problem because he really really wallops them - be can hit really hard now!!! He also hits himself on the face and around the head.
He also throws toys from one end of the room to another and I took all the metal cars and some other toys out of the minders toy boxes as I felt he could do a great deal of harm to other children with them. Because of the bad control of his arms these can go anywhere.
He is still in nappies.
About 6 months ago mum told the daughter of the of the minder who is a family support worker at the childrens centre that when she was pregnant an abnormality in one of the lobes of his brain showed up during a scan - they were told he would need a brain scan when he was 2 - according to mum this would involve him having a general anaesthetic which she doesn't want him to have.
He gets recurring chest infections which need inhalers as well as antibiotics to clear them up.
Now for a background of the family mum is a nervous type of person with a stammer and dad is a very tall man with a very very large head which is a really strange shape. Apparently he has a temper and is very stressed. He got a series of P/T & temp jobs over the past year and has been in the same temp job with the local council for about 8 mths now. But durning that time he suffered a heart attack and was off work for ages.
They had a baby who died or was still born it was very ill and quite badly malformed then they had the 11 year old brother who had a heart condition but that appears to have righted itself. The 11 year old has a stammer also which he has had help with and has inherited dads large bulbus head (bless him).
Now the minder has been on and on at mum about the childs development and she just keeps saying "oh they all do it", "so what if he walks late", "so what if he doesn't start preschool with the rest his age, he can do it later", the list goes on and on. Mum eventually gave in and took him to be weighed which led to a very quick appointment with a paediatrician who referred him to an eye specialist - who said he has a squint in both eyes (???) and it keeps swapping between them but they want to see him again soon. The next appointment was with a kidney specialist who said that he had too much salt in his system and this can lead to floppy muscles and they need to watch his salt intake. He is also supposed to be having an appointment with someone regarding his brain development (possibly leading to a brain scan). But the paperwork regarding the appointment got lost and a new appointment had to be made but has not come through yet as far as either the other minder or I know. It was just after the appointment went missing that dad had the heart attack.
We take the children to Jo Jingles every week (which he really really loves) and mum came one week for a few minutes in the weeks after Dads Heart Attack and she spoke to me about him and seemed quite positive about getting help for him but finished saying that she needed to get dad sorted out first - quite understandably - but he has been back at work for ages now and she has been very happily sticking her head in the sand.
Everybody who sees him asks what is wrong with him and some parents really complain about how he hits their children when we are out at Ceramic Experience where we go for Jo Jingles.
The minder has actually got cancer of the bone marrow she has had treatment but it has never fully gone and she has a bad back which she really hurt badly a couple of months ago whilst carrying him out of a building where we hold our support group during a fire drill he is really heavy. So she is not only taking all the flack by worrying about him to the point where she has sleepless nights but she has to try to care for his needs without knowing what they are and does not know how to handle him correctly as a result. She give him loads of love an affection but she doesn't know how to properly help his development - neither do I.
Growth wise he is quite tall for his age and is not fat or plump just heavy he has after all got that huge head (out of proportion with the rest of his body).
Mum brought up the subject of the appointment for his brain this morning and was really hostile and told the minder to forget about it as it wouldn't show anything, (she says there is no point in taking him to the doctor because they won't do anything - she waits until he is really ill every time) so the minder said that OK even if they do forget about the brain appointment/scan then he will still need physiotherapy & speech therapy. Mum said that she wasn't to say anything to dad about mindees problems or (in mums own words) "he will go up like a bottle of pop". She also said something about thinking that he may have autism but having researched it she doesn't think it is. - she is in pure denial and is terrified of upsetting that great ugly lazy oaf of a husband of hers surely he can see it - he has a problem with one of his eyes and has difficulty seeing with it but that is no excuse.
Anyhow, now that I've said all that what I want to know is
a) if any of you have ever come across anything like this? - I feel like its a cross between Cerabal Palsey & perhaps something on the autistic spectrum.
b) our network co-ordinator (or whatever she is called these days) and another of the family support workers say mothers denial is now bordering on neglect. - what do any of you feel about this?
c) Do you feel there is anyone the minder can speak to either in confidence either by giving her name and explaining her role with the child or annonymously and if she won't/or feels she can't should I or one of the other minders do it????
I am really really sorry that this is so long - I have been meaning to post about it for months now but have just not got round to it because I didn't know how to approach it and I knew it would be long.
I really do feel so sorry for this poor little mite I also feel really sorry for his mum she has had a lot to contend with in her life - I think she just doesn't feel she can cope with or face up to him being ill or having something wrong with him - if she doesn't find out then there won't be anything wrong.