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View Full Version : Having big trouble with mindee - any advice appreciated xx



Poppie
05-05-2010, 06:07 AM
Hi there, im new to this site but am after some advice. I have a 3yr old mindee girl and her 5yr old sister, I also do a school run for a 7 and 8yr old and have my own 6yr old. My problem is the 3yr old. I have been looking after her for a while now but she is a like a time bomb - as soon as things dont go her way she goes off. For example the worst I've had for a long time from was yesterday - walking home from school, like we do everyday, with all the other kids in tow, she has to hold my hand as we're near a fairly busy road. She decides she does not want to hold my hand and throws herself on the floor, screaming, shouting go away, i hate you :eek: the other mindees gather round, luckily, eventually i have to pick up getting kicked, scratched and shouted at and somehow managed to get us all home without any accidents. She wouldnt calm down so the others went out to play, I sat her on the sofa, after a major struggle, her mum then phones and hears the screaming and says 'oh we just lock her in the porch if she's like that' :eek:
I didnt do that I just sat with her for ages til she calmed down. When the dad arrives to collect I tell him what happened, mainly because im worried for the other childrens safety, I have to focus so much on her I cant possibly provide the care I want to for the others including my own. Any ideas on what to do would be really appreciated before I have to give notice on her xx

sophiemarie
05-05-2010, 06:44 AM
I know this is easier said than done!!!

Try and stay calm be consistent.
Praise her good behavior.
Reward stickers (children Love them)
With all the children involved do 5 golden rules display them using pictures of the children role modelling behaviour.
[LIST] When she was calm did you explain why you wanted her to hold your hand i.e to keep you safe because your precious
Have a little thinking area for her to have her tantrums make it cosy have some teddies etc it is not a punishment just a place to calm down.

You most probably do alot of these just a few thing I do. Can you think how scary it must be at 3 being locked in the porch x

moljak
05-05-2010, 07:27 AM
I'd also explain why we hold hands ect.A reward chart is a fab way to reward mindee.
I had to use one on my own DD when she was 4.I broke the walk down into stages and had a small card that she carried with us on the walk.When we reached one stage she got a sticker, she began to look forward to getting to the next checkpoint to get a sticker.If she got all the stickers meaning she walked for the whole journey with no problems she was allowed to choose an activity do do at home with me.

She's 7 now and still knows the various checkpoints on the way.Now she goes on her scooter and uses these points to stop and check she's in sight and that I'm happy with her.Hope you get sorted :)

Mummits
05-05-2010, 08:26 AM
Purely for the safety of the little girl and the other children, I think I would take a buggy on the school run, and say if she messes about she will have to go in it. My two and a half year old walks beside me holding the side of the buggy, and usually he "helps" me to push it home with all the lunchboxes and school bags in it, but once or twice when he has played up, he's gone in the buggy and had the straps done up so I don't have to worry about him running off and can pay attention to what the other children are doing.

Mookins
05-05-2010, 08:45 AM
escellent replies, have noted these down. that poor little girl being shut in the porch:mad:
best of luck hun

x xx x

wendywu
05-05-2010, 08:54 AM
. that poor little girl being shut in the porch:mad:
best of luck hunx xx x[/QUOTE]

Sounds like the best place for her :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

auntym
05-05-2010, 11:31 AM
A wrist reign? I use one for all of mine. They dont have to hold hands so feel a little better. Plus still 100 percent safe. Otherwise a buggy is next option. If she cant be trusted to walk she may learn to behave if you take away the choice to walk and pop her in a buggy x

Pipsqueak
05-05-2010, 12:47 PM
Paddies are best dealt with by ignoring and not giving in to them. Sounds like you coped brilliantly with what was a toughie.
I agree, take a buggy with you.

i would write it up as an incident and explain to parents that this is how you will in future be handling tantrums
ignore until child calms down - ensuring the child can come to no harm (personally I would not have sat with her I would have remained close by though), you will remain calm, consistent
if in a place (ie yesterday) you will either pop her in the buggy or pick her up and carry her - the use of reins of wriststrap is a good idea too.
parents need to be working along the same lines as you but obviously explain you cannot and will not put the child in the porch/shed/cupboard under stairs (;) )
explain to child after

I know scratches, kicks and nips go with our territory occasionally but you have to think about your own safety and that of the others.


sounds like little lady needs a few lessons in temper control - which is hard at the age of 3 but she will get there.

wendywu
05-05-2010, 12:57 PM
They are horrid when it is you that have to deal with them.

But in one so young they do make me smile, the joy of being able to scream and shout and throw ones self to the ground to pent anger and frustration. :laughing:

The Juggler
05-05-2010, 01:32 PM
Purely for the safety of the little girl and the other children, I think I would take a buggy on the school run, and say if she messes about she will have to go in it. My two and a half year old walks beside me holding the side of the buggy, and usually he "helps" me to push it home with all the lunchboxes and school bags in it, but once or twice when he has played up, he's gone in the buggy and had the straps done up so I don't have to worry about him running off and can pay attention to what the other children are doing.

I agree, take the buggy. any nonsense and she is straight in!

watgem
08-05-2010, 02:00 PM
I have a little one who hates holding hands near roads cos he doesn't have to with mum and gran so I got him a little life backpack with a parent strap on the back, it was about 12.99 and its big enough to carry his drink/spare nappy etc. Its really great and was a safe compromise. No wonder that little girl freaks out if she's shut in the porch, its not exactly helping her to learn acceptable behaviour is it? Perhaps her parents need to be signposted to a parenting course and you could devise some fair and consistent ground rules for her between the 3 of you? Lots of luck:)

bexcee
08-05-2010, 06:45 PM
I'd also explain why we hold hands ect.A reward chart is a fab way to reward mindee.
I had to use one on my own DD when she was 4.I broke the walk down into stages and had a small card that she carried with us on the walk.When we reached one stage she got a sticker, she began to look forward to getting to the next checkpoint to get a sticker.If she got all the stickers meaning she walked for the whole journey with no problems she was allowed to choose an activity do do at home with me.

She's 7 now and still knows the various checkpoints on the way.Now she goes on her scooter and uses these points to stop and check she's in sight and that I'm happy with her.Hope you get sorted :)

What a great idea :)