7yr old who wants to die.

[lynnslittleuns]

This is a long story so i will symplify it.
7yr old boy has been with me nearly 2yrs. He has always been a handful but have tried working with school and parents and have usually sorted things out.
Both mum and dad have well paid full time jobs and in my opinion dont spend enough quality time with their children (thats another story). Sep 2009 his sister came to me also and the problems became completely unbearable at times. Dad is his step dad but little girls real dad.
Hope your following me. Its becoming apparent to me that he hates his sister (who is very spoilt by dad) and he continually hits and taunts her, usually striking her on her head. 2 days ago he said he wanted to shoot his sister, which i informed parents about. Yesterday when i picked him up from school he immediately hit her on her head with a toy car, so I had words with him. I had 4 children with me at this point and he refused to get in my car and said he was walking home. He eventually got in the car and when I discussed it with his dad later the boy said he didnt want to be at mine, he didnt want to be at home and he doesnt want a life. He's 7 for goodness sake.
He's getting me and my family down, just dont know what else to do.
HELP PLEASE.
Lynn xxx

[mamasheshe]

i don't know if I'm any help, sounds like he needs a big hug off step dad maybe some confidence team work games (I'll have a think) :( :(

[Pipsqueak]

that is heartbreaking, poor bairn. sounds like he is desparate for someone to take some notice of him.

I would be tackling the parents head on i'm afraid and suggesting that they take him to the doctors with a view to referral to a psychologist. What does the school say - surely they must notice something is amiss.
For a 7ry old who does not want to live there is something very very wrong and very worrying and to make a comment that he wants to shoot his sister, coupled with the behaviour you are describing he needs help.

If the parents are not taking you seriously then I would be taking this further, discussing this with someone - NSPCC, NCMA safeguarding team, local safeguarding duty team - one of them will be able to advise you further.

Actually i probably would be getting urgent advice first thing tomorrow and then tackling the parents. you can get advice without giving your name is prefer.

[Mookins]

he defo needs some sort of proff help in that field...at 7yrs to be wishing he was dead is sooo wrong

that poor young lad

Personally i would seriously be having words with the parents and if that doesnt do anything would be seeking help elsewhere...you cant ignore things like this

you are right to be concerned and defo dont need the pressure
keep us posted hun
best of luck

x x x

[lynnslittleuns]

Thanks everyone, i'm now just about in tears.
School thinks he's a bully and have had his mum in for meetings. One of the meetings I attended too. His mum only seems to have time for work and her social life. Dad tries I think but there is a really noticeable preference for his daughter.
I got myself all psyched up today to ask for a meeting with both parents together (a rarity) when mum sent me a text saying that he has broken his wrist in 2 places. I cant do anything right now can I ?
Lynn xxx

[Mookins]

Thanks everyone, i'm now just about in tears.
School thinks he's a bully and have had his mum in for meetings. One of the meetings I attended too. His mum only seems to have time for work and her social life. Dad tries I think but there is a really noticeable preference for his daughter.
I got myself all psyched up today to ask for a meeting with both parents together (a rarity) when mum sent me a text saying that he has broken his wrist in 2 places. I cant do anything right now can I ?
Lynn xxx

dont get upset hun...(big hugs)
its so tricky when it comes to others parenting techniques, explain to parents you really need that meeting...the sooner you share the burden the better you will feel, you cant keep something like that inside
the little lad needs help
more hugs

x x x

[Pipsqueak]

Thanks everyone, i'm now just about in tears.
School thinks he's a bully and have had his mum in for meetings. One of the meetings I attended too. His mum only seems to have time for work and her social life. Dad tries I think but there is a really noticeable preference for his daughter.
I got myself all psyched up today to ask for a meeting with both parents together (a rarity) when mum sent me a text saying that he has broken his wrist in 2 places. I cant do anything right now can I ?
Lynn xxx

no wonder you are upset, you are obviously concerned about this child otherwise you wouldn't have posted.
what is your feeling about him - is he a bully or is he a very sad little boy who is trying to get attention.
I would say - from what you have said he is suffering from emotional neglect. sounds harsh I know but this is absolutely dire. I don;t mean to upset you though.
you do what needs to be done and yes IMO you can still tackle the parents regardless of this childs wrist.
school have that opinion of him because they don't have the close contact with him/family that you do - they don;t see anything else going on.
make sure you document things as well hun

sending you a huge huggyxxx

[lynnslittleuns]

I suppose he can appear as a bit of a bully but it is more deep rooted than that.
I know I need to do something and soon. He isnt coming to my setting tomorrow as he is having a full pot put on his wrist so I wont see him till Tuesday (after the bank holiday). Shall I wait till then to approach his parents.
Lynn xxx

[Mookins]

I suppose he can appear as a bit of a bully but it is more deep rooted than that.
I know I need to do something and soon. He isnt coming to my setting tomorrow as he is having a full pot put on his wrist so I wont see him till Tuesday (after the bank holiday). Shall I wait till then to approach his parents.
Lynn xxx

id say contact them asap...you dont want this all on your mind till tuesday
ring them say its v v important
x x x

[The Juggler]

I think I would be speaking to mum and school and insisting that it is very worrying what he is saying. Given they have problems with bullying I think it might be time to see the educaitonal psychologist or the external CAMH's team.

How sad.

[jo f]

Poor lad, sounds like he desperatly needs some attention and he's doing anything (hitting etc) to get it. 7 yr olds are supposed to be carefree as such. He desperatly needs help, easy for an outsider to say but support, inclusion and positivity from all the family.
Poor mite! sending u hugs too x

[Ripeberry]

IMHO, all bullies have a reason to be the way they are. That poor lad. At least you have some empathy with him. So sad that he feels this way :(

[caz3007]

I think its so sad that a child so young feels this way. I had a friend whose child was similar and he was eventually referred to CAMH's, and I cant remember what the exact outcome was but think he came somewhere on the Aspergers spectrum

Good luck, it cant be easy

[Zoomie]

Poor child.

However, I am also wondering about how he broke his wrist. Self harm ??

[chibault]

Wow! You are in such a tough situation! You sound like you are the most caring adult in his life. If so, he is going to test you to the absolute limit as he will want to know if you really care, so I would expect this and try and plan/ try out methods of dealing with him. If you haven't come across the brilliant books "how to talk so kids listen and listen so kids talk" and "siblings without rivalry" both written by faber and mazlish, get copies as I think they would be really helpful to you.
Sounds like he is frustrated, can't express it verbally or hasn't been listened to. This kid needs someone to talk to, I would see if there is a school counsellor who could be bought in to listen and help him. If you do escalate this or he goes to the doc to get help be aware of what message the boy will take from this.
Also if you are speaking to the parents I would do it without the kids there first and maybe do it at his school as it's more neutral ground and you will have the support of a teacher.
Goodluck and let us know how you get on
Becky x

[lynnslittleuns]

Hi again all.
I started this thread almost 3wks ago and since then things have got worse.
Mum, dad and myself all spoke to the boy together and then whilst he wasnt with us i ask if they would like me to initiate some professional help for him.
At first they seemed ok about this but last monday mum contacted me and said that as she is changing her hours at work she no longer needs me to look after the children. Coincidence or what, i think so.
Well its her prerogative to terminate the contract but now i dont know what to do about the boy. Do i hope that his parents will try to get him some help and keep my nose out or what.
My only fear is that if nothing is done and anything terrible were to happen to him or his sister (heaven forbid) then i will feel partly responsible and think that i might have been able to prevent it.
Help again please.
Lynn xxx

[Blaze]

I honestly think that you have to contact your local safeguarding board - then it is their hands & they can follow it up regardless of what settings he attends. x

[angiemog]

I would probably contact the school and let them make arrangements. If you leave it with them then hopefully it then be in their hands and they will do somethings about it. As the child will no longer be with you I'm not sure that you can do anymore than that. A BIG HUG TO YOU xx

[wendywu]

[
QUOTE=Blaze;708434]I honestly think that you have to contact your local safeguarding board - then it is their hands & they can follow it up regardless of what settings he attends. x[/QUOTE]

I agree, pass the problem on to people who have the right to deal with it, even if mum does not want them to. :(

[Mookins]

you should contact someone , even if the parents say something you could always say you had already contacted them before they had rang and terminated the contract

you really really really dont need this on your mind


i would defo besaying something to someone, if it stops anything happening in the future then you can say you helped
if nothing gets done then so be it but at least you dont have it weighing on the back of your mind "if only" and " what if"

x x x x

[tinkerbelle]

id the same problem 5 years ago i minded for 3 siblings all with different dads the youngests dad lived with the family and was noticably different with the older 2 they were coming to me saying the were not going home anymore had bruises constantly not just child hood ones either
in the end i contacted my early years advisor and she witnessed the children claiming the dad was beating them
as soon as i stepped in and contacted social services the mum changed childminders and withdrew the children claiming id made it all up
good luck with what you decide to do but personnaly i would contact social services this child desperatly needs outside help x

[lynnslittleuns]

Thanks for all your hugs and replies, I have some serious stuff to think about.
This situation has to be sorted and soon.
Lynn xxx

[mama2three]

I agree with all the previous posts , but just to add that mum leaving work may actually be a step in the right direction. Your intention to involve other professionals may have been the wake up call they needed , and mum will be on hand more now with time for her children - just what this little boy needs at this point.

[sarak31]

DEFINATELY log this with safeguarding board as a concern. They can take the decision as to what to do, and remember what we are always told at safeguarding courses, you don't know what has been logged in the past about this child - perhaps school have logged a concern as well and it isn't enough for them to act but with yours as well ... you can't assume you know the full story so should report your part so those with the overview can have a full picture as possible.

http://www.dcsf.gov.uk/everychildmatters/strategy/deliveringservices1/caf/cafframework/

Have put a link to CAF (common assessment framework) which is basically a framework that can bring all different areas together to provide the support that the child and family may need - it's aim is to support and help, not to make judgements over the parenting skills and right and wrongs etc. It's a positive process and one that you can initiate if you want after discussion with the parents. If you ring your childrens services dept then they can give you more info as well. I have never done this myself but have had training in which it did come across as a very positive process.

Hope that helps. Don't forget you have to protect yourself as well - reporting this is the way to do that and help the child.

Hoping that things improve for this poor boy.
x

[chibault]

I agree you need to log this now with social services, so this little boy has continuity of care as you won't be across developments. It's such a tough thing to deal with, but thank goodness he has you. There are lots of children in this situation who would like their point of view represented and supported by a caring adult. I hope it brings change for the better.
Big hug,
Becky x