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View Full Version : A child that won't play?



emma04
26-04-2010, 03:36 PM
Sorry long post:

I have been minding a little boy for a little over a year for one and a half days per week. Ever since he came to me he has had great difficulty in interacting with the other children and prefers to be alone, all of the time. I try to get him involved with activities and he will join in for a few seconds but then take himself off elswhere, normally to the middle of the room and stand staring and twiddling his hands.

I have documented his behaviour in his daily diary and progress reports and tried my best to be positive and make positive comments but its really hard. Mum and Dad just think he's very quiet and is having an off day (what for a year!!!!)

Mum and Dad are the biggest issue i think. When he first came to me, Initially i wasn't to take him to any toddler groups because they were too noisy, thankfully he wasn't with me on the days that i visited toddlers so that was kind of ok, although i didn't really agree with her. They also gave me a list of noises that they said upset him. Last week he was absolutely terrified of the bouncy castle and toy lawn mower, i documented this in his daily diary and Mum called me up later to ask if i would keep the bouncy castle and lawn mower away when he was there!!:eek: I politely refused and said that he really needed to get used to noise and changes to his environments, to which she pointed out that when his Dad was mowing the lawn, he actually pulled shut the curtains as he was afraid of the mower!! (He was 2 in March)

I have other children here, they are noisy, children are, It's lovely weather and they all want to be out except him, he would rather stand in my lounge watching from the window. I have been incredibly patient and have given him lots of time to adjust, but i'm starting to struggle, mainly because i'm worried he might have a problem (not that i would ever suggest that to his parents). We now visit 2 toddler sessions whilst he is with me in the hope that he will get better at interacting and he has improved a little, but although he now plays alongside others children, it is never with them and he plays as if they don't exist and often he will take himself off to the middle of the hall and just watch (for well over 5-10min without moving - I left him once just to see if he would get fed up and start playing, but he didn't until i asked him to play!)

He has an excellent vocabulary, but never uses it and when he does its just to refer to his coat, shoes, snack, drink or anything else relating to him. He never converses with the other children, not even babble.

His speech and movements are quite 'robotic' and i'm seriously concerned.

Has anyone experienced anything like it?

heatherw
26-04-2010, 03:50 PM
I didn't want to read and run, what would the parents reaction be if you suggested getting a professional to look at his behaviour? Its difficult if they don't see anything wrong. Sorry I couldn't help.

Avon
26-04-2010, 03:57 PM
This sounds very similar to my friends boy who ended up being on the autistic spectrum.

emma04
26-04-2010, 04:00 PM
I am absolutely petrified of suggesting anything like that!....However I would really like to! I am praying that when he goes for his 2yr check with the HV that she might pick up on something. I just know that i'll feel guilty if i never say anything and the poor boy has to suffer unsupported through his education, I know a pre-school will DEFINTELY pick up on his behaviour! But i've got doubts as to whether he will go to pre-school as Mum doesn't seem keen! :eek: I'm worried that by the time he reaches school he will be in such an unsettled state that the whole prospect of school will make him very unhappy !

Then i start rationally thinking again and wonder whether he is just quiet, with quiet parents who haven't given him enough access to different experiences. Perhaps it's just his parents?:(

emma04
26-04-2010, 04:02 PM
This sounds very similar to my friends boy who ended up being on the autistic spectrum.

I've had Aspergers ringing in my head for weeks! Where the heck do I start and is it my place to mention anything like that?....I dont think for one miute that it is my place and the though of it makes me feel ill. I desperately want to help this child but i have no idea how! x

WibbleWobble
26-04-2010, 04:07 PM
I've had Aspergers ringing in my head for weeks! Where the heck do I start and is it my place to mention anything like that?....I dont think for one miute that it is my place and the though of it makes me feel ill. I desperately want to help this child but i have no idea how! x

i wouldnt know how to broach this with mum and dad, as a mum myself of a child with autism its pretty hard to take it on board. But i was the one who pushed for my daughter to be looked at.

i feel for you in this situation

mandy xxx

Avon
26-04-2010, 04:18 PM
I've had Aspergers ringing in my head for weeks! Where the heck do I start and is it my place to mention anything like that?....I dont think for one miute that it is my place and the though of it makes me feel ill. I desperately want to help this child but i have no idea how! x

HV is a good place to start, get some advice in confidence and see what she says? Research it on the web.

It was me that suggested to my friend in a coffee conversation one day, has she considered Aspergers or the autistic spectrum, she took it remarkably well and immediately went to look it up on the internet and cried, cos it described her son to a tee. She went straight to the HV and doc and got the ball rolling, getting dianosed, loads of advice and help, and credits me with 'diagnosing' her son, lol. Not at all I said, it was just familiar behaviour from another friends daughter (and husband and FIL) who was diagnosed Aspergers.

On the other hand, there was a boy I knew in Gib, who displayed clearly autistic behaviours (many of them!), but definitely in the spectrum in some way, anyway the HV mentioned it to mum and both parents refused to believe her and refused point blank that their boy had any issues what so ever, even tho most people can see straight away! She was very angry that it could even be suggested. They had their boy after many, many years of trying and IVF, he was their 'miracle'.

So you can never tell what a reaction will be!

My first port of call would be to phone someone like a HV for advice, see what they would do in a situation like yours.

emma04
26-04-2010, 04:18 PM
i wouldnt know how to broach this with mum and dad, as a mum myself of a child with autism its pretty hard to take it on board. But i was the one who pushed for my daughter to be looked at.

i feel for you in this situation

mandy xxx

Thanks for that, i really am at a loss for what to do. Approaching the parents is a complete no no as far as i'm concerned. I don't think i would appreciate being told anything like it and i know that they would probably be really cross (after all, i'm only a humble childminder, what qualifies me to suggest such a thing!!:rolleyes: )

All I can do is keep providing progress reports and daily diaries documenting issues with his personal, social and emotional development. I suppose, in the hope that Mum will eventually decide there's an issue and that they will be of use in the near future.

Thanks for all the replies. x

huggableshelly
26-04-2010, 04:19 PM
you are right in the fact that you can not suggest the child may have this that or the other but you are within your right to question the parents;

when is his next HV appointment

has there ever been any mention of hearing issues (I know its not a concern of yours but it might make the parents think as loud noises can cause an inbalance and make a child panic due to feeling unstable and possibly he can feel the sounds more than an *average* child due to a hearing issue).

ask if he talks alot at home, what does he like to talk about, i presume they know he doesnt chat much with you.

I have a child who was very similar now age 6 had gromits and wears glasses strength 5.5! he panicked with loud noises and was unable to be in the garden with the bouncy castle too. He still doesnt play with others in groups larger than 3 but can handle small groups both in and outdoors but still not the bouncy castle which I no longer have.

hearing is easier to discuss then hopefully they will book an appointment then let the drs make other suggestions.