URGENT HELP NEEDED PLEASE!

[Tippy Toes]

Hi everyone I really need some advice, I have a mindee who is 17 months old and his behaviour is not very good. He can be a very sweet little boy but he likes to climb on top of my younger/smaller mindees and he also bites.

If I turn my back on him for even a couple of seconds he will be trying to hurt one of my other mindees.

About six months ago he bit my 11 month old mindee on the lip and it was terrible! There were bite marks and the baby bleed for ages poor thing :( I told the mum of the mindee what he had done and she was very apologetic and didnt know where he had gotten this behaviour from.

Since then I have to watch him like a hawk, constantly reminding him not to climb on top of the others, not to bite etc.

Then about 3 weeks ago he bit the same mindee on the finger! Thank goodness I caught him as he was doing it otherwise I dread to think what the consiquences would of been. I spoke to his mum again and told her what he had done, again she was sorry and didnt know why he was doing it...

The next day the mums dad dropped the mindee off and mentioned what had happed, he told me he thinks he is getting his behaviour from the dog!!:angry: He went on to tell me that the mindee plays with the dog and he puts his fingers in his mouth and the dog bites his fingers (nibbles whatever).!!!:mad:

And finally half an hour ago I nipped for a wee and heard terrible screaming, I run down the stairs to find mindee had bitten the same mindee again! Its awful he has bitten her on her face by her eyebrow there are teeth marks, the skin in broken and there is a lump! I just dont know what to do!

Should I terminate the contract? What would you do? Is it my fault for going for a wee? I just feel terrible. I have been childminding almost a year and have no idea what to do? Have you had experience of anything like this?

Many thanks I am sorry this post is so long.

[moogster1a]

Got to run but wanted to quickly say it's not your fault for going for a wee. having a catheter fitted is a little beyond the call of duty!!

[littlestar]

hi i had this problem what i did was put mindee in highchair or pushchair in house whan i had to nip to loo i really think its just persistance well lo was biting or hitting they were put in these places and wasnt allowed to play i exsplained when they stopped hurting they could join in its not ideal but it worked and they forgot about the hurting if you feel awful and think there is no other way around this i would consider terminating the contract speak to parents in a meeting exspain that you have to consider this if you cant work together to combat this as children are getting hurt

[little chickee]

This is tricky - a lot of kids can go through the biting phase and it usually doesnt last too long. It can be a way of showing frustration.

However if it was my child who was being bitten like this i would not be at all happy. I think you will have to literally not take your eyes off of him and intercept as soon as he goes to bite and put into time out.

If he does bite give the bitten child tons of attention and the biter no attention at all. As above when you do need to pop to toilet of to the kitchen he will need to be put somewhere safe like a playpen or indeed strapped into the buggy - make sure you explain to him why you are doing this.

He does sound like quite hard work and if his behaviour doesnt change you may have to consider termination to protect the other kids in your care.

[sonia ann]

don't forget to write your accident/incident form up with all the details:(

have you got a playpen/travel cot you could put him in when you go to the loo?

[Chimps Childminding]

I had similar with one of my mindees. You couldn't take your eyes of him for s second, he would bite and scratch the other children. Even in the car I had to put in in the back of my people carrier on his own as otherwise he would scratch the other children, you can't do much about it when you are driving :eek: If I nipped to the loo I either took him with me, or strapped him in the high chair in the kitchen (I have a room divider gate across my kitchen diner) so that he couldn't get to anyone while I wasn't in the room.

I admit it was very stressful and I dreaded the days he was coming. Kept speaking to mum about it, but nothing really made any difference. Just as I was seriously considering giving notice she decided to move him to nursery full time.

Hope you manage to get things sorted soon!! :thumbsup:

[huggableshelly]

oh no poor child and poor you too!

I would either take the biter with me or take the other mindees with me to ensure the biter is not alone out of sight at any time. If your loo is big enough sit the biter with back towards you, talk whilst doing your duty telling biter why he/she must be with you but without being too negative and state if he/she is good or helps to tidy up or gives cuddles then she/he can have a sticker/tick on a behaviour chart.

If you feel this does not improve with you seperating the biter then it is time to start warnings for behaviour and termination of contract.

The main point is never leave any child at risk - its hard but remove all risks protect all children.

Document all conversations with parents about these insidents too so you have dates to refer back to when terminating.

hoping your day improves now :o

[Carol M]

I had a lo who bit everyone, me included.
She would do it at any chance she could. Other mums were getting fed up understandably.
I did obs, abc of behaviour,time out and nothing seemed to work. Mum just kept saying sorry and I didn't feel she was trying to sort it out. I went to visit at their house and watched the child bite her dolls and teddies (no siblings to bite only mum and dad) When I mentioned what I had seen they laughed and said she was only playing!
I tried to work with m+d but lo still biting other mindees so terminated due to safety of others.
I know biting usually stops quite quickly but I felt m+d were not tackling the issue at home to help lo's behaviour at mine.
Don't feel guilty
Good luck
Carol x

[Curly Quavers]

this is difficult - how is your relashionship with the child's parents who has now been bitten twice?

The question you need to ask your self is would the parent of the injured child take the child away from you becuase of this? Are you prepared to loose them?

[The Juggler]

I was in a similar situation. My advice is, if mum and dad are on board with sorting it out then maybe work on it together. If they don't see it as a problem, then don't put yourself through it - I went through 6 months of it - I got bitten, spat at and scratched (as did all the other mindees) but mum just did not 'see it'. She got similar from lo but was in denial - hence all the plans and observations were a waste of time:(

In the end I gave notice because it was starting to make me ill.:(

[Mookins]

tough one...:idea: what would i do if it was my child doing the biting? bite her enough to show it hurts...dont know what others say but i know my lil one and she would hate that,

and so would stop...you really are doin the best you can and other than tellin the parents of the biter they need to sort it or you give notice, you can only do so much but if they arent doing anything you may aswel not bother either!

if my child kept being bitten and it kept happening i honestly would be very very annoyed and either have very strong words with the parents or would say to you it either stops or my lil one leaves... simple as that...once or twicw yes ok these things happen but no more

so it really depends on what you think...but needs nippin in the bud now
best of luck hunny keep us posted
xx x

[Rubybubbles]

My dd from about 16 months-19 months did this:(

It was awful, she would bite mindie as soon as she could:panic: I stopped going to toddlers and she was put into a highchair or travel cot if I had to pop anywhere, it was honestly the longest 3/4 months ever lol

Then all of a sudden after talking to HV, crying to my friends, feeling like a rubbish mummy and childminder she stopped! I was constantly telling her no biting, it hurts:( . I even had to get a phil and teds pushchair :idea: as she would grab babyies arm in the side by side and bite him, or grab his face!

BUT once she stopped she has been an angel since:rolleyes: :D and at 18 months her speech was amazing, I think she hit the 2's early! but wasn;t old enough to exlain how she was feeling (does that make sence).

Anyway because she is my own I couldn't terminated lol so no help what so ever am I?

[sandy64]

this is dragging on isnt it normally lo bite for a short time then grow out of it i think you need to have 2 meeting with both parents and way out things ie are you likely to loose lo who keeps being bitten (and its not your fault). how is the lo who bites on the whole? only you can decide its been very hard for you i would of normally of said ride it out but its a heck of a long ride.i wish you lots of luck if the bite is deep i think id ring lo mum now to explain.:)

[Ticktoria]

What a nightmare! I hope we're allowed to have a wee unattended (not that I manage that very often now! :) ). could you just pop him into a playpen when you leave a room?

My DD has been bitten by a particular child in her playgroup. I understand the alot of kids go through the bitting stage, and the first 2 times although cross I put it down to a phase , and told my DD to stay away from him, but on the 3rd bite I was livid and very upset, I was ready to remove her.

They would put him in timeout when he bit, and really spoil the bitee and encourage everyone else to join in with a song / group activity so he felt he was really missing out. They talked to the parents to explain that although it was a normal phase action had to be taken and that they weren't prepared to loose children due to his behaviour - turns out he was biting both his older siblings and the parents would let them 'fight' it out, dad told me this! :eek:

He's still there but one of the assistants is basically assigned to him to deflect his behaviour. Think they'll be very happy when he starts school in Sept :rolleyes:

[amandavin]

The answer to this one came from the parent for me. She was so upset with him. We agreed on a plan of action and did the same here as at home. The one things he hates more than anything is being restricted so we put him in a pushchair, in full view of the others playing. It happened three times at home (his sister) twice at playgroup and twice in my setting all in the space of about two weeks. Fully cured, but who knows if it would have happened anyway? Main thing is having the parents on board.

[wendywu]

I would get a playpen and put the biter in there. Better that than having to terminate biter or loose the other child.

If my child had been bitten this much i would not leave them in the setting if the risk remained. :(

[Mouse]

I would get a playpen and put the biter in there. Better that than having to terminate biter or loose the other child.

If my child had been bitten this much i would not leave them in the setting if the risk remained. :(

I agree with that. Yes, you are obviously allowed to go to the toilet during the day, but it is your responsibility to make sure all the children are safe. If I were the parent of the child being bitten, I would query how you had let it happen and would be concerned that you had left the two of them alone together knowing that the biter could easily hurt my child. I wouldn't begrudge you going to the toilet, but I would expect you to take steps to make sure my child was safe.

I would discuss the situation with the biters mum & say that you are going to have to work together to come up with a solution. That might be putting him in a playpen or pushchair if it looks like he is going to bite, or if you need to leave the room.

Then explain to the other mindee's parents how you are going to ensure their child is safe. You need to consider confidentiality though & not give out too many details.

[Tippy Toes]

Thank you all so much for your replies.

I do feel awful and would be so cross if it was happening to my little one, I felt angry that it had happened to my little mindee. :(

And i do take responsibility for this happening as I should not of left them (My 2 yr old was there too) but they were playing opposite sides of the room and I honestly though they would be fine as I was only going for a few seconds.

Anyway spoke to mum when she picked biter up and explained what had happened and that if this behaviour continues will have to terminate contract as cannot put other children at risk. Explained that I would try my best to work with her to sort this out, we are going to be doing time out every time he goes to hurt another child (he will probably be in time out most of the day) and that i will have to strap him into highchair/pushchair everytime I go to make snacks/wee!

Just wondering how long would you try to stop/correct this behaviour?
If you did the above action plan for two weeks and biter was still behaving this way would you call it a day?

Thanks again :)