feeling really disconnected

[newandlearning]

I've had a lot going on at home in the past 6 months..

on top of this one mindee I have is always displaying challenging behaviour.. today even when we got everything out and made mueselli, chocolate chip cookies he still tried sticking his head in bowl to lick the bowl full of mix, and threw flour all around table and himself when I stuck coookies in oven .. after this he played rough in garden which my own 2yo copies .. this means my elder boy got a ball thrown on his head by the mindee on purpose and got poked in the eye by his brother.. I'm feeling rather sad because my boy has started having seizures and seems to now be epileptic (it breaks my heart).. and I'm feeling very protective and really dislike this behaviour.

I've told parents if after trying positive reward system we'll have to reduce his hours with me as I can't leave the mindee on his own for a minute without something else happening (this even includes washing hands in toilet)...

on top of this my full timer is constantly changing and reducing his hours.. I offer funding and now his parents have reduced his care down to 5 hours/day.. that means I get paid 2.5 hours upfront and a reduced hourly rate for the funding.. 6 months ago he was here 9 hours aday. I felt really odd not having him here today and not only that but I worry about the financial impact this has on me...

I have put soo much time, effort, enthusiasm and money into my business and I'm beginning to worry about where to find new mindees.. in other areas cm's seem full up at this rate in sept. I could only have 1 mindee for 2 days a week.

I don't know what to do for the best.. if you think you may be able to offer me some advice it would be much appreciated. thanks a lot x

[WibbleWobble]

i just wanted to send you a big hug...

you do have a lot on your plate and a weaker person wouldve just caved in....but you havent.

i cant give much advice about your mindees but i do know what you are going through with your little boy. My DD#2 was diagnosed with epilepsy at 6 months. But by the time she was 13 she seemed to have grown out of it. And she was a 10 times a day girl up to the age of 9!


Touch wood no more.


It is scary when they have a condition like that....your instinct is to wrap them up in cotton wool....i did!...but i realised she needed to grow. I still flap round her still...she is 18!


as i said.....big big hugs to you

love mandy xxxxxxxxxxxx

[newandlearning]

arr.. thank you Mandy for your reply...

you are the first person who has given me a positive outcome from the epilepsy.. did your daughter take medication.. they want to put my lil boy on tegratol .. I tried explaining to him tonight about things and he said to me 'I like taking medication mummy but there is nothing wrong with my head' .. I just want to keep him close and keep him safe. :o

thank you for reassuring me .. and I hope you and your daughter find this to be the end of things for you ((((big hug back))))

[The Juggler]

oh hon. it's horrible when you can't leave mindees for a minute for fear of what they'll be up to. I've been there and I sympathise. Especially you must be a bit emotionally more sensitive right now, I know I would be given the worries over your own lo.

I would sit parents down and say you need to work on a plan together. Give it say 2 weeks then meet again. If it doesn't get better, I would do one of two options

then meet and tell them you need to give notice but if things improve during notice period you can sit and discuss options (if you want to do that).

or

meet and tell them you'll give it another 2 weeks but if there is still no improvement then you will have no option but to give notice.

What I was told (by NCMA legal) in this situation was that if behaviour got hurtful/dangerous to others I could on any day ask for him to be collected or terminate without notice due to risk to others/myself.

Hope you're ok.

[WibbleWobble]

arr.. thank you Mandy for your reply...

you are the first person who has given me a positive outcome from the epilepsy.. did your daughter take medication.. they want to put my lil boy on tegratol .. I tried explaining to him tonight about things and he said to me 'I like taking medication mummy but there is nothing wrong with my head' .. I just want to keep him close and keep him safe. :o

thank you for reassuring me .. and I hope you and your daughter find this to be the end of things for you ((((big hug back))))

tegratol was exactly what she had...made her sleepy to start with as they adjusted her dose. She had to have regular blood tests to see how much she was absorbing. It became part of our routine and when the docs said we could start reducing the meds we were a bit out of routine...had to adjust! It was so nice not to have to take "the fit kit" with us (rectal diazepam etc).
We saw a specialist at Alder Hey and he was brill...his name was Appleton i think. get your son seen at a proper childrens hospital....general paediatricians are jacks of all trades (i know cos i am an ex nurse too)


Lots more hugs sent to you


you can always message me


mandy xxxxxxx

[newandlearning]

hi..everyone..

I've now spoken to mum and said that as we had another bad week this week with listening and playing gently that I felt we still need to keep actively promoting positive behaviour but that I also needed to terminate our contract and am offering 5 weeks notice.. I've also said that if during this 5 weeks I feel that the mindee's behaviour has improved then I'd be more than happy to review the notice period...

mum seemed to take this quite well.. I said to her that I didn't want her thinking that I felt her child was being naughty but more than he is doing a lot of things which can sometimes be dangerous to my own child and that I believe he just isn't understand the consequences of his actions on lots of occasions. I don't think I could have been softer..

I feel a bit sad about this as I wish things could be different .. and I'm really being to now feel the pinch financially as my fulltimer is in his notice period too..

do you think this has all been dealt with ok ladies and gents? xx

[auntym]

I think you have dealt with it extremely professionally and helpfully to. The way you explained it I thought was better than I think I could of. Hopefully his behaviour will improve, if not I hope you get a call for another mindee soon. Hope everything ok with your little one to hon x

[venus89]

So sorry to hear about your son - it must be very stressful but it sounds like you're halping him to deal with it really well.

I just wanted to say that I have a mindee who I had a really bad time with for quite a while. His behaviour was very poor, I couldn't leave him alone for a second. He drove me to tears a coulpe of times, to the point that I nearly threw in the towel. But now, just a month later, he is the swetest little boy. I was talking to Mum about it the other day and she said she's been talking with her Mum about it and they'd agreed 'he was a little ****** for about 6 months', that they'd been tearing their hair out. And now he couldn't be nicer. So fingers crossed yours will go the same way, and soon.

Big hugs - you're doing great!