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newandlearning
19-04-2010, 08:29 PM
hi everyone...

I'm getting more and more tired as the months go on.. I rarely finish before 9pm as I've got my own kids to get to sleep .. and am well behind with all my paperwork.. I did some organising over the weekend but am really finding I just don't want to be giving up my weekend family time so I can be on board with the childminding...

On top of that the full timer I have starts school in sept so is leaving soon.. and comes in each day totally uninterested.. everytime I say how was your afternoon/weekend with 'x'? I get 'I don't know' 'I don't remember' ... I have tried saying other things liked 'we had lots of fun at the park on sunday ...' to see if he'll say 'I did that too'.. and I still get nothing... Its severely beginning to bring me down .. and his lack of enthusiasm of telling me anything about himself is leading me to not even bother asking... I feel like he's totally bored even though over easter we went to lots of lovely places that we don't normally visit etc... I feel like he's looking for me to constantly razzle dazzle him rather than just enjoying interacting and being in the moment with me and my own children.

I feel like I'm doing a bad job these days .. what sometimes saddens me is this family don't really give away much of what is going on in their lives .. the mindee seems to follow suit and I've not once in the nearly 2 years I've minded him full time been given a card or gift to show any form of appreciation which over time has made me feel unappreciated...

I know I should be bigger than this.. how would you deal with this? I'm feeling a bit down :(

loocyloo
19-04-2010, 09:08 PM
everytime I say how was your afternoon/weekend with 'x'? I get 'I don't know' 'I don't remember'

.. what sometimes saddens me is this family don't really give away much of what is going on in their lives .. the mindee seems to follow suit

:(


i've got one of these families! the older one i look after usually just shrugs and says ''stuff'' when asked what he did! i nearly fell on the floor this morning when i realised mum had written down in the LO daily diary what they had done during the week they weren't with me! mum usually just uses it to tell me to cut out sleeps/ isn't eating much etc only taken 14mths (and the 18mth they were with me before!) or maybe it was the little hissy fit i threw when saying that it might have been nice if i had known LO was doing her settling sessions at preschool, and that once i did know, and i asked LO, she didn't stop talking about it!


sorry, no advice about how to deal with it, i just carry on as usual, asking questions and then with no response from children i witter on about what we have done! all the other children i care for tell me EVERYTHING, so its not they don't know about it! i think this family is very self contained!

you ARE doing a good job, i think some parents don't see us as anything other than a 'service provider' ! plus, the way i look at it ... they are still coming, so if they were unhappy they would have left!

can't help with the being tired, thats me too. just when i think i've got on top of everything, its time to start all over again! i'm trying to sort a routine out when i can get more done during the day ... but had a new babe start today ... going to be a while before we are settled into our new routine!

big hug to you xxx

ZoeAlli
19-04-2010, 09:09 PM
I am sorry that you are feeling down and unappreciated, unfortunately some people are like that!
If this child starts school in September it is only 41/2 months to go- It is getting warmer, hopefully the weather will be good and they can play outside more, it may encourage them to open up. If the child does not want to talk there is not alot you can do, just be yourself and treat them as you would the others. A parent recently said to me that their 4yr old child will not talk about what they've done through the day,so it could just be a phase they are going through.
Parents can be really ungrateful at times and unfortunately there are a few about. I too have had a parent recently that didn't give anything for birthdays and other special occasions and to top it all would question my bill every month and if she felt it was wrong would only pay what she thought she should :angry: I would like to add that my bills were right and she did pay up. I am sure there are many of us who have had incidents like this, but then a good family comes along and you realise why your doing it!!:)
It is up to you where you go from here, I would stick it out knowing that it is coming to an end with this child and a new more interactive child may come along. The paperwork will always be there- make sure you do the essential stuff and anything else can be done when you have a spare moment!
Sorry for the long reply. Hope it helps! :blush:

angiemog
20-04-2010, 11:18 AM
My 4 year old nephew cannot remember what he's done at school when I pick him up. I usually ask lots of qu like did you paint? read? letters? reading? Usually then I get an idea of what he has done. One thing i found helpful is getting a plan from his teaching for each term so I know the different things they will be looking at (i know that doesn't help you at the mo) I found when the 4 year old says he's bored, getting out something new (a craft) making cakes, a game.... helps him. This would depend other mindees that you have. Sometimes it is just hard to reach some children, just continue doing all that you are. x

terrydoo73
20-04-2010, 12:25 PM
I have a little one exactly like yours. She comes in from nursery where she goes every morning for 2 1/2 hours except 2 days when it is extended by another 3/4 hour. I have had all the toys out in the back yard this past week because it has been glorious weather and do not see the need to have loads out in the house as well. This little girl comes in and wanders around and around deciding in the end just to sit and watch everyone else. I don't bother with her much because she will leave me in June as her parents are teachers and not working July and August. It really bothers me to write something positive in her diary - last week for instance I wrote down that she simply did not want to play with much preferring instead to lie on the couch in the living room or on the garden bench outside. She took great delight in telling hubby and I the next day that she had been sick after leaving ours (although it was in the middle of the night!). Mum then took the opportunity to more or less tell me that day it was my mistake for not letting her child do what she wanted as she was obviously sickening for something!

I do not think we are supposed to entertain every child in our setting - as long as you are meeting their needs, having the appropriate toys for their interests and age range is this not sufficient? How do they develop their own imagination and understanding of the world if we sit all day talking informing and teaching individual children in our setting - we have to think of others too as well as ourselves. I'm sure if you asked the parents they wouldn't say they play with their children all day when they are off work and if you also asked them what we are meant to do with their child they look at you blankly!

helenlc
20-04-2010, 01:16 PM
A trick I learnt a few years ago, is to ask the question differently.

If you ask a child "What did you do at the weekend/school/park/with mummy and daddy" etc, the question is too big. The are too many responses the child could give and whilst we are often encouraged to ask open and not closed questions, this one is just too big for them to come up with an answer.

Instead, you ask "What was your favourite/best thing you did at the wekeend/school/park etc". Children are often able to answer this question then.

We tried it when my DS started school as we kept getting "I dont know" when we asked him what he had done that day. When we changed the question round, he was able to tell us numerous things!!

In regards to parents giving information, there is not much you can do about this. I put on my newsletters that part of the EYFS is for me to work with parents and to base some of our activities on what is going on in the childrens lives too (away from us obviously). I say that it is not me being nosey but it can help me to get the child ready for anything new that is coming up, or make a card if Granny is coming to visit etc.

All 3 of my sets of parents are quite good at giving me information. I dont ask a lot and they dont always give a lot but they might give a snippet ie Nanny came over from Spain so we spoke about airports as LO had taken nanny back to the airport, another LOs mum was teaching her Head Shoulders Knees and Toes at home so we started to do it more too.

Hope that helps:thumbsup:

FussyElmo
20-04-2010, 04:23 PM
There is a good chance that he really is not saying it to be rude but that he doesn't remember. My 8 yo comes now and still says he doesn't know what he has done at school has to be dragged out of him with threats of torture.

Some families share information some don't as long as your're doing your best to communicate then nothing more you can do.