View Full Version : Should I try and speak to 'mum' again?

19-04-2010, 02:01 PM
My 4 year old mindee's mum is 12 days away from her due date and packs up work on Friday. She is still intending to send mindee until she actually goes into labour because apparently it will be easier for me to take and fetch her from school :eek: than it will be for her. Despite the fact that she lives more or less opposite the school!!

Anyway mindee was ill last week and had a couple of days at home with mummy. She was extremely tearful on return and didn't want me to pick her up from school and wanted it to be mummy - which is quite understandable. her teacher also said that she was tearful at school and asking for mummy.

I told all this to mum and suggested that perhaps she rethink her plans to still send B to me when she starts her maternity leave (she's not returning to me after maternity leave) as its obvious that B needs some 'mummy time' and soon mummy will be busy with new baby.

However mum told me this morning (in front of B) that she finishes work on Friday but B will still be coming here. She couldn't see B's face but I could and poor little B looked heartbroken :( - I think she was expecting that this would be her last week.

Now obviously I don't mind having B until baby arrives as I have to take my own DD to school anyway but I just think that come a week today there are going to be tears when B realises that mummy is at home.

I'm wondering if this is the case whether to have another word with mum but am not sure what to do. I'm just hoping that this baby decides to put in an early appearance and poor little B doesn't feel left out, which i think she does at the moment.

I will wait and see what happens but what would you guys do if she does start to get tearful and upset? I have already told mum that I will have B when she goes into labour until her mum can get here - she has no family here or close friends who B would stop with.

19-04-2010, 02:34 PM
H, i i too have a 2 and a half year old little girl who has just had a baby brother, she is still coming to me up until the summer. Like you though she is not coming back after mat leave. She starts playgroup in Sept and has free hours and grandma in afternoon! Not sure where baby is going!

She is a tearful child anyway but even more so now when she realises mum is at home giving all her attention to baby brother. To make matters worse she was recently potty trained and is going really downhill with that fast, not asking at all and mess everywhere!!

Mum had no plans for her to finish with me before summer as she does not want her to get used to being at home with her, considering the type of child she is.

Do you want to free her space up for someone else? If not would just plod on until she finishes.

19-04-2010, 02:38 PM
Poor little girl! its all very exciting and daunting when a new baby is coming along.

When I had me 2nd daughter I made sure I included my 1st every step of the way, I gave up work at the end of June and dd2 was born middle of Aug, I did it so that I had a whole month with dd1
We were very lucky that it fell in the school holidays and I wasnt going to return back to work for a while (18 months :D)

For you to be concerned like this shows how caring and lovely you :thumbsup:

I would certainly discuss this with Mum, I have no advice, I'm afraid, of how to go about this

I think she will get quite a shock if she excludes her 4 year old too much! Even though I did all I did, there were still moments when dd1 was a little out of character due to shared responsibilities..........They are 7yrs and 13yrs now and fight like cat and dog :laughing: but I tried my best hehehe

19-04-2010, 04:40 PM
When my DS was 3and half and I had DD on the days that DS continued going to the CM I told him that I was going to work and that his baby sister was going to the baby nursery. If he had realised that I was actually at home he would have understandably got upset. I made sure my childminder knew what he was being told as well obviously.

Poor little mite. She is going to feel a bit left out as it is without knowing that mummy is spending all that time with her baby brother / sister whilst she's at your house.


19-04-2010, 04:48 PM
Poor little mite. She is going to feel a bit left out as it is without knowing that mummy is spending all that time with her baby brother / sister whilst she's at your house.


B is only coming to me until mum has baby or at least I hope that is what is happening:eek: mum hasn't said any different, although she hasn't given me a finishing date yet - perhaps I'd better double check as I have new mindees lined up for September:eek:

19-04-2010, 05:02 PM
My mindee's mum is expecting in July and she will be finishing work in June and will still be sending him to me. Luckily he is still very young (under 20 months old), so I don't think he knows what's happening yet.
It's good for mum to have some bonding time with the new baby and to be able to have a sleep during the day :)

19-04-2010, 06:07 PM
It's good for mum to have some bonding time with the new baby and to be able to have a sleep during the day :)

This isn't really an issue because mindee goes to school full time..but she is such a mummy's girl and so wants to be at home with mummy instead of here with me most of the time - so now she nows that mum will be at home from next week and she will still be coming here she is not going to be a happy bunny.

19-04-2010, 06:44 PM
I have continued to look after mindees whilst mum is on maternity. Obviously how this affects the minded child depends on a whole host of factors, but it has worked well for all my families. Towards the end of maternity leave I usually get them to swap children on one of their existing days so that the baby gets used to me before they start coming for real and also for the older child to get some one to one time with mum.
For the short amount of time left before baby is born I would tell your mindee that by coming to you it is making things easier for mummy because it is very tiring carrying a baby in your tummy and mummy is finding it difficult to walk and that things will change once the baby is born and can go in a pushchair.

19-04-2010, 08:54 PM
Its really sad that mindee wants to spend time with mum, but I have to say that when I was 38w pg with DD, I planned to spend my 38th week with my two older boys as it was half term.

However my body and mind were just too far gone and although we spent time together, none of it was quality as I was just so tired and uncomfortable.