HELP URGENT!!!!

[NaggyNat]

I have a 21 month old mindee settling in right now, mum has left her and she cried uncontrollably for 10minutes, in the end bangin ghead on door, wouldnt let me near her. Rung mum to collect. She is here now. Mindee is happy to be here so not an issue with me or the setting, just only ever been left with nanny and mummy.

Any suggestions much appreciated.......thank you! AARRGGHH

Mum getting very anxious as am I xx

[LittleMissSparkles]

I have a 21 month old mindee settling in right now, mum has left her and she cried uncontrollably for 10minutes, in the end bangin ghead on door, wouldnt let me near her. Rung mum to collect. She is here now. Mindee is happy to be here so not an issue with me or the setting, just only ever been left with nanny and mummy.

Any suggestions much appreciated.......thank you! AARRGGHH

Mum getting very anxious as am I xx


patience and lots of reassurance that mummy will be coming back to take her home later, have some toys out ready to try distract her once mum has gone, think i would have given it a little longer than 10 minutes before contacting mum to be honest as she may well have calmed down after a short while, i know it can be really hard when they have been mollycoddled by a parent ( no disrespect ) i just think it makes it harder in the long run to break the seperation issues

im sure someone else will be along with some good advice just didnt want to ignore your thread xxx

[The Juggler]

just hang in there, build up the sessions slowly, talk to her say mummy's going to shops for 1/2 hour and will be back soon. make sure she knows exactly where mum is going and either she won't be long etc. Lots of distraction almost ignore the crying if she won't let you comfort her and keep using lots of over the top ways of poining things out to her. Her interest may overcome her at some point.

Obviously lots of cuddles if she'll let you - stories and books are good and maybe mum could leave something, a jumper, scarf for her to hold and 'keep for her mum' until she gets back.

If you're doing a long session, explain to her, we'll have a play, have lunch, nap and then when you get up won't be long before mum is here.

I had a nearly 3 yr old once who cried and sat on my lap saying mummy for first 3 weeks! Took me ages to get her to get up and join in and play but once she did she was fine.

let us know how you get on.

x

[NaggyNat]

Hi, can deal with crying but cant deal with headbutting walls and doors with it, she was crying so much she was gagging and she wouldnt let anyone near her, pushing me away, pushing my son away. Tried to tell her mummy was coming back really soon and tried to distract her with toys, tried to get her to do stuff but she just ran to the door all the time headbutting it and scratching to get out. Her mum heard her screams from two doors away which made it worse for me to be honest.

I'm not a softie, I can ignore crying and am not one for babying children. She has definately been babied and know where the fault lies but am just at my wits end. Tried to explain to mum that she needs to leave her for a session and come back but she wont do it. Its hard!

Coming back tomorrow to try again. Will see how it goes...thank you xxxx

[Mouse]

In the past I had a child who cried & screamed coming in. I used to put him in a pushchair, with a blanket mum had bought from home. I believe that some children feel a bit more secure if they're strapped into a pushchair as they can watch what's going on, but don't feel they have to join in. I think it gives them a feeling of security if they don't want to be cuddled or held. Think of it if it was you, sent to a group of some sort & put in the middle of an unfamiliar room, with people you didn't know & just expected to get on with it - I know I'd feel much happier being able to sit at the back on a chair for a while, watching what was going on & joining in when I felt I was ready!

The child was near us, in the pushchair, and the rest of us had toys out and would play. All the time I'd be giving a commentry on what we were doing (this is fun, look at this great dolly etc) , but not directly talking to the child. After a while he'd calm down & start to take an interest in what we were doing. The next step would be to unstrap him, but leave him sitting in the pushchair. After a while he'd either climb out, or ask to come out & would happily join in for the rest of the day.

It's very tough for all concerned when a child gets so upset, but 10 minutes really isn't very long to leave it before calling a parent. Try some distracting techniques and hold out for a bit longer. You might find your mindee settles after a while and starts to enjoy herself.

[The Juggler]

In the past I had a child who cried & screamed coming in. I used to put him in a pushchair, with a blanket mum had bought from home. I believe that some children feel a bit more secure if they're strapped into a pushchair as they can watch what's going on, but don't feel they have to join in. I think it gives them a feeling of security if they don't want to be cuddled or held. Think of it if it was you, sent to a group of some sort & put in the middle of an unfamiliar room, with people you didn't know & just expected to get on with it - I know I'd feel much happier being able to sit at the back on a chair for a while, watching what was going on & joining in when I felt I was ready!

The child was near us, in the pushchair, and the rest of us had toys out and would play. All the time I'd be giving a commentry on what we were doing (this is fun, look at this great dolly etc) , but not directly talking to the child. After a while he'd calm down & start to take an interest in what we were doing. The next step would be to unstrap him, but leave him sitting in the pushchair. After a while he'd either climb out, or ask to come out & would happily join in for the rest of the day.

It's very tough for all concerned when a child gets so upset, but 10 minutes really isn't very long to leave it before calling a parent. Try some distracting techniques and hold out for a bit longer. You might find your mindee settles after a while and starts to enjoy herself.

didnt' realise she was headbanging.:eek: I agree with mouse, one I had (not as upset as this) would magically calm if strapped in the buggy, she seemed to feel secure in it. I had forgotten about that. This would also prevent her hurting herself.

[haribo]

hang in there . i had one like this she is now nearly 3 and has been with me just over a year . yesterday she screamed on seein g mum and said "i dont wanna go home " :laughing: :laughing: i also have just started minding her sister who cries almost all day unless shes sleeping .. its definately cos they are give constant attention and get carried round at home etc in this case so they need to learn to play with me near but not holding them .. its hard but if you can try and keep relaxed and calm it helps .

[caz3007]

I am settling in a little boy who is 1 and he has cried all the time, doesnt matter if he is sat on my lap either. Only time he doesnt cry is when he is being pushed in the buggy, so will try sitting him in it and seeing what happens. He has been mollycoddled and no one else in his family will look after him cos of the crying

[hannahsstar]

Hi, I had a 3yr old last year that cried hysterically and then made himself sick, purposefully and in the end, sorry to say it went on for months, I had to just get really hard and ignore the tears and when he started to make himself sick I had to hold him and say 'no' firmly so as he knew he shouldn't do it. I know this lo is younger but I think maybe I would try to just lift them away from the door and put them by some toys, and just simply say 'mummy back soon'. ??? Might be worth a try even if you have to do it over and over again.

I know how hard it is settling a child that has been so sheltered. My son was as bad, due to my own fault, but unintentional :blush: I was just lucky that the nursery I got him in at 2 1/2 yrs old were fantastic and helped me adjust as much as him. :blush:

Sorry got no other ideas, just hope she settles soon x

[benharjac]

I have never had this experience so lack in that department. I would probably try taking the child out in the buggy. I would reasure them while walking around the local parks. Go and feed the ducks. at least the head banging would stop. Don't give in to early. i wish you the best of luck:thumbsup:

[NaggyNat]

Hi, I had a 3yr old last year that cried hysterically and then made himself sick, purposefully and in the end, sorry to say it went on for months, I had to just get really hard and ignore the tears and when he started to make himself sick I had to hold him and say 'no' firmly so as he knew he shouldn't do it. I know this lo is younger but I think maybe I would try to just lift them away from the door and put them by some toys, and just simply say 'mummy back soon'. ??? Might be worth a try even if you have to do it over and over again.

I know how hard it is settling a child that has been so sheltered. My son was as bad, due to my own fault, but unintentional :blush: I was just lucky that the nursery I got him in at 2 1/2 yrs old were fantastic and helped me adjust as much as him. :blush:

Sorry got no other ideas, just hope she settles soon x


I have tried several times to lift away fromt he door, shutting all doors in between but she gets stroppy, and slams doors and goes back to the front door again! Its so dofficult. TBH it is only for 5 hours a week and Im not sure its worth all this grief :rolleyes:

Coming again in 30 minutes so see what happens.....not convinced mummy will leave her princess! xx

[NaggyNat]

Sorry about spelling in last post!

Thank you all for your help and support. I guess time will tell. Watch this space xx

[helenlc]

I have a LO aged 10 mths who screamed when he first got here. He has been molly coddled and carried everywhere - lives at home with Mum Dad Auntie and just him, so no end of attention.

He is now in his 4th week here and getting better every day. Still not over it. He will cry sometimes even if you just turn your back on him as he doesnt like not having attention.

Is the 5 hrs all in one session? TBH I think you will struggle to overcome this. By time LO has done her 5 hrs with you, even if successfully, she then has another whole 7 days until she comes back again. (My LO comes 5 days so more time to settle in)

I would persevere for a little longer and see how it goes. But as you say, might not be worth it for 5 hrs.

Good luck either way:thumbsup:

[carebear25]

Hi how was LO 2day xx

[Fabby]

Hope today was better than yesterday for you........

[NaggyNat]

Update.....

Mum came in again yesterday to say LO one tired so won't be coming in for settling in. Said LO's nanny was going to settle in on Wednesday, I said is she able to go easily without showing LO that she is nervous about leaving her? She said that nanny is worse than her!!!! She has told her mum (nanny) to stay 10 minutes and then go and that I will only ring if she is headbutting and such like. Nanny can't stand listening to crying and neither can mum. I said I can and I will ignore her tears and try my best with her. I also said that I didnt think 5 hours on a Thursday is enough time for LO to settle with me.

I don't think she will settle! Apparently it took 2 weeks to settle her other LO at pre school....she had to stay all day eveyr day with her for 2 weeks!!!!

She is carried everywhere, still being breastfed (which she keeps saying she wants to wean her off but hasnt so far!), gonna be hard work! Also told that she has no road sense (really, at 21 months old? LOL!!!!) and is concerned that I will be taking two LO's plus my son on a school run. I do have a double buggy and my son walks everywhere and hold my hand and buggy!

I have such bad feelings about it all!!!!


GRRRRRR


Have a nice weekend everyone...enjoy the sunshine xxx

[mrs.h]

hi there,

i can understand your bad feelings about this.

i had a similar experience yesterday. lo (8 months) came to settle in and cried as soon as he realised mum had left. he has never been left and being no.7 at home all attention is his. just like you i am not sure if it is worth the hassle, he will also only come once a week for 6 hours. difficult situation.

good luck,
mrs.h