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Cazz
14-04-2010, 09:26 PM
Do you think childminding has a negative effect on your own younger child?

I have a dd who is 2 years and 4 months and the last couple of weeks she has been having difficulty sharing her toys with mindees. When they pick something up she tries to grab it even if she was playing with something else. I've been minding since November and she's never been like this before. She's also started to screech if she's told no or can't do what she wants. The last few nights I've also had problems at bedtime she keeps crying and calling out for Mummy.

I thought that all these things were probably a phase and part of being a 2 year old (terrible two's!) but the reason I ask is that my mum was here this evening and witnessed her being like this when she went to bed and commented "maybe it's because you have other children here - she's changed recently and wants mummy a lot more now".

I was feeling so happy and really enjoying childminding but now I feel quite down as my mum has got me wondering if I'm causing my dd to be unhappy and misbehave? I only worked Tues & Fri last week and I've only worked Tues this week so I've actually had more time alone with her.

I've possibly got another mindee starting in the next few weeks - she is 2 and half (so very close in age to my dd) and it would be 3 afternoons which will mean I'm working every day of the week (only full day will be on a Friday though). Up to now I've had Thursdays off but my dd has gone to my mum's some weeks if I've needed to go somewhere or do things at home.

Part of the reason I wanted to childmind was the company and interaction for my dd (her brother and sister are much older) so I hope I haven't done the wrong thing. She asks every morning "who's coming today" and loves Tuesday's when her "best friend" F comes! Even with her she's not been sharing very well though.

Do you think her behaviour is normal or could my mum have a point? Also, any tips to help her learn about sharing (a friend suggested an egg timer). The way I see it is that these are her toys and others have come in and are playing with them - at 2 years old how much can you expect them to understand about the concept of sharing?

crazyhazy
14-04-2010, 09:46 PM
I think the not wanting to share is just 2 yr old behaviour and prob unrelated, certainly I experienced it with my daughter and her friends when they visited and when we visited them, it was just a phase they all went through.

What did you do prior to childminding? I only finished my old job at the end of Feb, I worked 3 days a week and my girls went to my mums or mils while I was at work. Since I've been off I've obviously been with them most days and only started minding this week. I've noticed both girls, 3.5y and 18m have been a lot more clingy to me and while everyone else is commenting on it negatively, I'm sure that it's just a phase to cos they're getting used to having me around all the time again. Certainly for me the positives of being at home are outweighing any negatives.

Cazz
14-04-2010, 09:52 PM
I didn't go back after maternity leave so I've been at home all the time with her (apart from one day a week when she has gone to my mum's in the hope that she wouldn't be too clingy with me :rolleyes: )

Maybe she is finding it hard to "share" me with other children and has become clingy because she's been used to it being just me and her during the day. She's always been confident and happy to play on her own so it's not that she's demanded one-to-one attention all the time.

The Juggler
14-04-2010, 10:05 PM
I think your mum may have a point but the question is, do you need to earn? if so, then this is a way for you to earn whilst being with her. What are the other options. Go out to work and send her to a childminder? What do you think would be best for her hon?

I've always had to work and had to accept that they didn't always find my minding easy but the option was they never saw me (in my old job I left at 7.30 and got home a similar time).

So explain that to your mum, you dd will get used to it I promise.

sending hugs.x

Cazz
14-04-2010, 10:56 PM
Unfortunately I do need to earn money :rolleyes: and I'm really enjoy childminding so want to continue!

I've got 12 year old twins and I asked them several times if they would prefer me to go back to work which means I wouldn't be home 3 days a week after school or childmind which would obviously cause some disruption to our home life. They both said childmind every time. My 2 year old dd is a very sociable and confident little girl and I really think she does like having other children here.

With regards to my mum, I think a lot of it is that she's of the generation that thinks mums shouldn't do any sort of work until your youngest child is at least in full time school. Unfortunately, these days that's rarely possible. Also, she loves looking after Megan and with me working from home she's not "needed" as much as she was when I went back to work last time. (She's also 10 years older so I'm trying to give consideration to that and this way she can look after her when she WANTS to rather than HAVING to!) So maybe she was trying to lay a guilt trip on me!

Gizmo
15-04-2010, 06:27 AM
My dd is nearly 3 and she loves the children being here, I did have one mindee that she clashed with but she has finished now and the ones I now have are all younger than dd and tbh I think she likes being the boss.
She was prev at a cm before I started minding, she is very clingy to me but hopefully when she starts nursery in August that will change

Tink
15-04-2010, 06:40 AM
My DD will be 2 in June and I feel having the mindees here and doing this job has really brought her on.
My friends Lo is the same age and not talking yet only a few small words, you can have a full conversation with DD and she talks in full sentences.

I have always treated everyone the same and from day one I separated the toys DD's upstairs and mindees downstairs. My DD has always been brilliant with sharing and got on with everyone.

I feel the mindees are my extended children it never feels like work to me.

sarah707
15-04-2010, 06:54 AM
My 2 have grown up with other children in the house... they are both now late teens.

They have been through the clingy stage and the mine stage and the tantrums etc and not once did I wonder if my work caused them!!

They are stages most children go through at some point and if they don't you are very lucky.

I just felt happy that I was there to support them through it all rather than dashing off to work every day, missing all the wonderful little things they did.

Now they are older they reassure me I did the right thing being here too.

Follow your own heart and if that leads you to what you are doing, then it's the right thing :D

FussyElmo
15-04-2010, 06:55 AM
My ds is 3 and he has never known a life when I have not childminded. When i had dd and had maternity leave he hated being the only child in the house and would attack his older brother and sister when they got home.

However when I have got mindees here he vies for attention and his behaviour can be worse when they are here (if that is possible).

Take out the fact a lot can be down to a stage they are going through and learning to share is very hard for them even if they did so previously.

I try to make sure that all mine have some one to one in the week (not easy).
As for sharing it just reinforcement with them but trying to be nice as well because it usually is their toy. I just try and say to ds can mindee have a look and she will give it you back as sharing makes people happy.

I dont think you need to give up :thumbsup: and I certainly think you are doing a good job:thumbsup:

miss mopple
15-04-2010, 07:07 AM
My 4yr old goes through phases like this but I think its all part of the learning process and on the whole she loves always having playmates here

I do have a rule where her toys are concerned and that is that they dont come downstairs when I am working unless she is prepared to share them. She rarely is :laughing: so saves them for the weekends or plays in her room. I dont have a problem with that as they are her things and the mindees have to respect that too

celdemorg
15-04-2010, 07:35 AM
Gosh I'm in exactly the same position as yourself, I have 2 older children, 11 and 12 and my ds who is 2 and 4 months. Some days I think whether I'm doing the right thing, I do notice that my ds act's the way my mindees do, which is not good sometimes.

Yesterday my ds had started to smack, as one of my mindees constantly does this, and another has a few behaviour problems and somtimes again, he does this too:( As to sharing I don't think many 2 yr old's like to share, everything is 'mine' in this house at the moment, and that's the mindees too.

I do feel for you, as a parent you try to do whats best, and one of them be with your children as much as you can. I wanted to do childminding to spend as much quality time with my children, but this doesn't happen, but at least I'm at home for when my older children get home from school and school holidays, and I'm with my lo. My worry now, is that my ds is very clingy, as I'm with him constantly.

But what you've got to think is, if your not with your child and they are nursery/childminder they will still pick up behaviour from other children, but if they are with you, you can do something about it.

All my love xxx

Mookins
15-04-2010, 07:41 AM
Unfortunately I do need to earn money :rolleyes: and I'm really enjoy childminding so want to continue!

I've got 12 year old twins and I asked them several times if they would prefer me to go back to work which means I wouldn't be home 3 days a week after school or childmind which would obviously cause some disruption to our home life. They both said childmind every time. My 2 year old dd is a very sociable and confident little girl and I really think she does like having other children here.

With regards to my mum, I think a lot of it is that she's of the generation that thinks mums shouldn't do any sort of work until your youngest child is at least in full time school. Unfortunately, these days that's rarely possible. Also, she loves looking after Megan and with me working from home she's not "needed" as much as she was when I went back to work last time. (She's also 10 years older so I'm trying to give consideration to that and this way she can look after her when she WANTS to rather than HAVING to!) So maybe she was trying to lay a guilt trip on me!


I have a mother like this...the odd comment pops out about im taking on too much and the effects it has on colse family, her latest "your beautiful garden will be ruined with all those kids on it"
in old fashioned terms she means, whos now going to take me shopping and will she have time for my ironing still and her husband should be working not her"

AliceK
15-04-2010, 08:34 AM
Hi Cazz

Sorry I haven't yet read the other replies so sorry if I'm repeating anything. Basically I started out at the same time as you and I have a DS aged 6 and DD aged 2yrs 6mths. Like you she has had me at home with her for more or less her whole life. My DD is def going thro a "mine, mine, mine" stage and it can be hard. There's a part of me which thinks actually yes these toys are yours, this is your home and I am your mummy and I can see her side of things but then again I remember with my DS when he went thro all this "mine, mine" business and they do grow out of it. I tell my DD either "no thats' not yours that belongs to X doesn't it" for instance if she has something of her brothers. OR if it is something of hers (childminding toys) I tell her "yes that does belong to you but we have to share nicely don't we". This is all in a very friendly tone of voice. She is learning and although there are sometimes some shouting matches between her and one of the other mindees I can soon calm it all down. By the way 2 of the other mindees are about the same age as her and then I have 1 older who is 4. I sometimes think that although I'm at home for my children they aren't actually getting "quality" time with me, if you see what I mean because I'm so busy supervising the mindees or making sure lunch / tea is on the table at the right time or doing diaries / observations it sometimes can feel like my OWN children get forgotten about a bit. Saying all this though I have to tell myself that in the long run my children WILL benefit from me doing this job. I AM at home with them, they are getting great socialisation skills and learning to accept others and share. Plus I LOVE this job and actually think I'm very lucky to be doing it.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I understand where you are coming from and sometimes feel the same but would you rather be out at work in an office or something all day doing a job which you don't really like and not even seeing your children all day? Remember your children are benefiting from all the things that we are all finding tough sometimes and I'm sure they will have happy memories of it all when they are older.
My DS has seen the other side as well, I went back to FT work when he was 4mths old and so he spent the first 4 years of his life with childminders and although he was happy enough he absolutely LOVES me being at home now and so he accepts the tough aspect of me doing this job because he knows I need to work and he would rather it be at home than out back in an office all day.
Keep your chin up :)

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The Juggler
15-04-2010, 08:44 AM
Also, she loves looking after Megan and with me working from home she's not "needed" as much as she was when I went back to work last time. (She's also 10 years older so I'm trying to give consideration to that and this way she can look after her when she WANTS to rather than HAVING to!) So maybe she was trying to lay a guilt trip on me!


Even though you don't need to now, maybe ask her if she'd like to still take Megan out for the day every other week? Would give you a break from megan playing up and she and your mum would probably love it.

youarewhatyoueat
15-04-2010, 09:17 AM
I've got 4 of my own children and yes having other children around all the time got too much, so I now do term time only and adhoc care in the holidays.
When I first started my youngest was 2 half and he wasn't very good at having other children here but he started playgroup and loved it and I upped his hours as he settled.
I've always referred to having other children here as working and I never expect the children to share their new or best toys, why should they, I have loads of toys for all of them but any they don't like sharing I put away in their rooms.
My own children also found it nightmare sharing dinner time with others so I don't offer it now and try not to do after school care just daytime now they are all at school.
I make up my wages with babysitting and nannying in the evenings at weekends as that works best for me.
Sometimes my own children just want to chill out and don't always want to play with mindees and you have to respect that and give the some space.
My children are now used to it and look forward to mindees coming but it has taken some time.

Cazz
15-04-2010, 08:59 PM
Even though you don't need to now, maybe ask her if she'd like to still take Megan out for the day every other week? Would give you a break from megan playing up and she and your mum would probably love it.

My mum normally has Megan one day a week - often on my day off (Thursday) so I can catch up with things but sometimes a different day so that I can give a whole day of undivided attention to Megan - depends how far behind I am with things! She's had her one day a week since she was about 9 months old so we've just continued since I started childminding to give her continuity and also because I think it's good for her to have time away from me.

I may not be having a day off if I take this new mindee on in the next few weeks so I think I'm going to have to decide which day would be best for her to go to my mum's. I'm also going to start taking her to more toddler groups as I wonder if she gets fed up being at home so much - we do go out to the park and for walks but my mindees are all part time and arrive or go home at various times so it limits where you can go.

Thanks for all your replies - it's good to know that others have the same problems with their little ones as well. I'm sure she will out grow this phase and then we'll move on to something else :rolleyes: