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helenlc
25-03-2010, 02:38 PM
Ok please help!!

My new 10 mth old started yesterday and he is adorable. We had no settling in sessions due to the late notice start of the contract.

He seperates fine from Mum in the morning and has previously been with another childminder. He is eating and drinking fine, sleeping fine also. Exploring my home confidently and playing with the toys. Enjoys the company of the other children too.

However, when I leave the room or even walk away from him, he gets really upset. Not just a little bit - a big scream and almost temper like growls while crying.

I know this is something to expect at his age and I am trying to support him by talking to him lots and reassuring him. I try to leave the room for the least possible amount of time. I also realise he has had a huge change in his circumstances ie moving from one childminder to another.

Just now he was sitting on my lap and was fine. I sat him on the floor just next to my leg and practically on my foot. But he still screamed. Then another child needed me in the conservatory so I went. He screamed and followed me crying the whole time.

I am just after some advice as I have not experienced this with a mindee before (and not even really with my own children). I cant carry him everywhere I go nor always take him with me ie into the toilet or into the kitchen when I am preparing dinner. He currently follows me into the kitchen so I am going to have to put my gate back on there now. But I think he will then just stand up at the gate screaming. I also have 2 other children to look after (aged 22 mths and 2 yrs)

Just looking for some reassurance to help him (and me!!!) through this stage!!:D

Thanks:thumbsup:

The Juggler
25-03-2010, 02:50 PM
Hi Helen, I had this for a long period two (have to add she is now such a confident nearly 3). I used to tell her clearly where I was going before I went. Ask 'are you coming too' then walk very slowly so she could catch up crawling. She would cry, crawl, stop I would wait, then walk again all the time saying, look I'm just here, I'm not going anywhere you can come too. Bend down for teh occasional cuddle then back up and walk again. Eventually she just started following me without crying and then she stopped following.

It is hard though so sending hugs. x

ORKSIE
25-03-2010, 02:52 PM
I have one of these too.
All I have been doing is pretty much what your doing.....Reassuring him when I leave the room and not leave unless I relly have to.

He is getting better, but I only have him for 1 morning and 1 afternoon a week.

I agree you cant keep picking him up.

Hope someone comes along with some good advise cos I dont really have any:)

xx

funemnx
25-03-2010, 02:54 PM
Poor you too! I've got one of those too. They do grow out of it but not easy while it's happening! I let mine sit next to me playing while we were at home or in a Toddler group but if I have to go in the kitchen or to the loo I just go. Hopefully, this stage won't last too long (earplugs? ;) )

helenlc
25-03-2010, 02:57 PM
Bend down for teh occasional cuddle then back up and walk again.

This is the bit I was curious about - I obviously want to give him cuddles to reassure him but dont want him to expect me to carry/hold him all the time.

My 22 mth old was just collected by her Dad. I happened to be holding the 10 mth old (D) at the time. I had to put him down to help the other LO put her shoes and coat on. Although he was literaly right next to me, he was screaming at the top of his voice.

Luckily other LOs Dad understood that he had only started yesterday.

10 mth old is now sitting next to me on the sofa looking at a book. He is "chatting" away and giving me smiles but I need the toilet and darent go cos I know he is going to scream!!!:blush: :laughing:

twise
25-03-2010, 03:02 PM
Hi

I have had this with about 4 of the kids that I have. When they started they are fine while you are holding them as soon as I put them on the floor they started screaming etc.

I ended up setting up a four week plan. The first week I was quite happy to carry around, however I put on the floor every now and then. they all screamed but it was a case of give then 2 mins of screeching and then carry about again. When I couldn't carry them for whatever reason I strapped them in the buggy and wheeled that to wherever I was.

The second week when I sat on the floor with them on my knee and then moved them to between my legs. Some of them were OK with this some weren't but again it was perseverance and anadin.

Third week was much the same except I tended to move away, encouraging them to follow me etc.

By the 4Th week they were all fine.

However for all of them I thought to myself ...WHAT HAVE I DONE!!!! It was frustrating etc. and times when I thought THATS IT I HAVE HAD ENOUGH but at the end of it when they succumbed for want of a better word they were all wonderful.

Hang in there !!

HTH

Tracy

helenlc
25-03-2010, 03:15 PM
Hi

I have had this with about 4 of the kids that I have. When they started they are fine while you are holding them as soon as I put them on the floor they started screaming etc.

I ended up setting up a four week plan. The first week I was quite happy to carry around, however I put on the floor every now and then. they all screamed but it was a case of give then 2 mins of screeching and then carry about again. When I couldn't carry them for whatever reason I strapped them in the buggy and wheeled that to wherever I was.

The second week when I sat on the floor with them on my knee and then moved them to between my legs. Some of them were OK with this some weren't but again it was perseverance and anadin.

Third week was much the same except I tended to move away, encouraging them to follow me etc.

By the 4Th week they were all fine.

However for all of them I thought to myself ...WHAT HAVE I DONE!!!! It was frustrating etc. and times when I thought THATS IT I HAVE HAD ENOUGH but at the end of it when they succumbed for want of a better word they were all wonderful.

Hang in there !!

HTH

Tracy

I was thinking of doing something similar. I am aware that this is his first week also so dont want to drop him in the deep end as it were.

We have just had a cuddle for a few minutes, then I sat on the floor next to him and we played with a toy together. I have now moved away about 2 foot to the laptop!!! Lol

He is happily playing with the toy by himself. But another parent is due any minute and I will have to go to the door and help a LO get ready so am not prepared for it to last long!!

Little steps and perseverence me thinks!!!

miffy
25-03-2010, 03:24 PM
I've had this and done much the same as others have already suggested.

I found that most were better if I put them in the buggy instead of on the floor when I needed to be somewhere else, like cooking the tea. I felt this was safer for them too, they weren't trying to climb up my leg :rolleyes: but I could still talk to them and they were close by.

It is hopefully only a short-lived phase so hang on in there! :)

Miffy xx

The Juggler
25-03-2010, 04:19 PM
This is the bit I was curious about - I obviously want to give him cuddles to reassure him but dont want him to expect me to carry/hold him all the time.

My 22 mth old was just collected by her Dad. I happened to be holding the 10 mth old (D) at the time. I had to put him down to help the other LO put her shoes and coat on. Although he was literaly right next to me, he was screaming at the top of his voice.

Luckily other LOs Dad understood that he had only started yesterday.

10 mth old is now sitting next to me on the sofa looking at a book. He is "chatting" away and giving me smiles but I need the toilet and darent go cos I know he is going to scream!!!:blush: :laughing:

can you take him with you and pop him safely outside the door (or is it on the landing?) - you could always sit him in the bath!:laughing:

jelly15
25-03-2010, 04:45 PM
I have just had experience of similar except 10 month old girl has come for two settling in sessions and screamed for mum the whole time she was awake. I feel for them both and I think I am going to stock up on headache pill ready for when baby starts properly.

helenlc
25-03-2010, 05:05 PM
I went to the toilet and as expected he screamed!! Lol.

On one occassion, I did manage to sneak into the kitchen for a few minutes before he realised I was gone - but those few minutes were delightful!! Lol

He come 5 days a week, and only started yesterday so I am aware he is upset and confused too.

I might speak with Mum in the morning but I dont want her to feel that he hasnt settled. Because its not that he hasnt settled, just that he gets upset when I go out of sight or move away from him! I might see if he is also being like this at home and what they are doing about it.

Thanks for the advice - its good to know I am not on my own. But a struggle as I havent had to deal with this before.

The Juggler
25-03-2010, 07:14 PM
I went to the toilet and as expected he screamed!! Lol.

On one occassion, I did manage to sneak into the kitchen for a few minutes before he realised I was gone - but those few minutes were delightful!! Lol

He come 5 days a week, and only started yesterday so I am aware he is upset and confused too.

I might speak with Mum in the morning but I dont want her to feel that he hasnt settled. Because its not that he hasnt settled, just that he gets upset when I go out of sight or move away from him! I might see if he is also being like this at home and what they are doing about it.

Thanks for the advice - its good to know I am not on my own. But a struggle as I havent had to deal with this before.

yes good idea, keep it low key with mum she'd probably feel a bit guilty for leaving him and upsetting him. I'd ask if he is unsettled when she moves around away from him at home. I know my screamer was going through a similar phase with mum at home. Interestingly after first few weeks if I sat still, she would move away from me, sometimes even out of the room but it took a lot longer before I could move from her without the upset.

helenlc
25-03-2010, 09:15 PM
yes good idea, keep it low key with mum she'd probably feel a bit guilty for leaving him and upsetting him. I'd ask if he is unsettled when she moves around away from him at home. I know my screamer was going through a similar phase with mum at home. Interestingly after first few weeks if I sat still, she would move away from me, sometimes even out of the room but it took a lot longer before I could move from her without the upset.

I think I will just ask Mum in the morning if he fusses when she leaves the room at home. I will just say that I have noticed he is aware of me leaving the room and wants to follow too. And see what she says about what they do.

It wouldnt be so bad if he just cried - but he SCREAMS!!!:eek: A blood curdling, ear piercing scream.

I was changing a LO and this one came out and screamed all the way over to us. He then screamed in the other poor LOs ear - who then held his ear and made a sad face!:(

The Juggler
25-03-2010, 09:31 PM
I think I will just ask Mum in the morning if he fusses when she leaves the room at home. I will just say that I have noticed he is aware of me leaving the room and wants to follow too. And see what she says about what they do.

It wouldnt be so bad if he just cried - but he SCREAMS!!!:eek: A blood curdling, ear piercing scream.

I was changing a LO and this one came out and screamed all the way over to us. He then screamed in the other poor LOs ear - who then held his ear and made a sad face!:(


bless him (and you) some earplugs might be in order to deaden the volume!

suzyblue
26-03-2010, 07:27 AM
When I have new children and they are feeling a bit insecure I put them in a chair on the floor. They feel safer and it gets them over that stage quite quickly. I would try putting your mindee in a high chair of as suggested a buggy with some toys to distract him. It will pass - good luck!

The Juggler
26-03-2010, 07:31 AM
When I have new children and they are feeling a bit insecure I put them in a chair on the floor. They feel safer and it gets them over that stage quite quickly. I would try putting your mindee in a high chair of as suggested a buggy with some toys to distract him. It will pass - good luck!

that's very true actually, the little one I had sometimes just wanted to get in the buggy and I'd put her in the buggy just in the hall and she would calm down and be happpy. Must be the security of being strapped in or a familiar feeling.