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View Full Version : Feel like im being looked down on now im a childminder



mrs robbie williams
23-03-2010, 06:08 PM
Hiya
Does anyone else get made to feel like a second class citizen by the parents of their mindees? I look after 2 little girls one 3 (and very hardwork) and the other one is 5. I dont get paid because im still pre-reg :angry: :angry: the dad drops them off and isnt friendly and when he picks them up the girls are so happy to see them and he doesnt even ask what they've been up to, have they had a good day? did little one have a sleep? nothing !! and today had the right hump because although no-one told me the little one isnt meant to have a dummy anymore :eek: and what did she have in her mouth when daddy turned up :blush: the older one often tells me that they go straight to bed without any dinner as soon as they get home :angry: bless them they can be so sweet but the parents just seem to have no time for them. The mum is nice and the dad has made it very clear that anything to do with the kids needs to go through her not him even though I never see her as she works fulltime in london :rolleyes: sorry just needed to get in off my chest :) xx

youarewhatyoueat
23-03-2010, 06:12 PM
I think they're taking the mick and that you're slightly nuts for doing it unpaid and pre reg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but thats just my opinion xx

Tinglesnark
23-03-2010, 06:18 PM
yeah?? why are you doing this for nothing?? im not even sure that you should be?? what about insurance for one?? do you have your first aid?? isnt it a bit risky? im not sure that ofsted would like it but then i dont really know as im only just starting...id look in to it though to protect yourself - oh and id not allow anyone to treat me like a second class citizen, id give notice rather than accept that sort of attitude

good luck with it all

xxx

Blackhorse
23-03-2010, 06:26 PM
I personally wouldt work without getting paid while pre-reg...I would be worried of the implications and not being registered etc...
and I dont think it sends a good message to the parents...working for nothing....

I couldnt put up with it!

Ripeberry
23-03-2010, 06:33 PM
How did they find you? They are totaly taking the mickey. Do you have them ALL day?
They won't treat you any better when you are registered, so best to stop when you can :( Just tell them that Ofsted said you can't until you are registered properly and have all the insurances in place.

Tatjana
23-03-2010, 07:09 PM
I don't understand why you're doing this for free either?

Maybe they're not looking down on you...they might just be miserable gits that have little interest in their children. One of mine mindees parents never ask what she's been doing, i sometimes tell the mum stuff but gave up with the dad long ago!

I would say give it up, why be unhappy and not be paid for it too?!

xx

haribo
23-03-2010, 07:18 PM
id also say you cant work anymore pre reg..if dad isnt asking you how the day went just make a point of telling him EVERY DETAIL ( if you keep on with them )or keep a diary and ask them to comment in it or at least sign to say they have read it :thumbsup:

Fabby
23-03-2010, 08:41 PM
just to clarify (and i have called ofsted on 3 different occassions just to be sure by speaking to different advisors when calling) you CAN childmind as long as you receive NO kind of reward until registered. Helen is in her rights to do this and is doing nothing wrong. I myslef have got to mind for a couple of weeks FOC due to me waiting on my CRB and i was not willing to turn away a full time mindee, so i am counting my losses for the next couple of weeks but will be counting them after lol x

funfunfun
23-03-2010, 08:46 PM
just to clarify (and i have called ofsted on 3 different occassions just to be sure by speaking to different advisors when calling) you CAN childmind as long as you receive NO kind of reward until registered. Helen is in her rights to do this and is doing nothing wrong. I myslef have got to mind for a couple of weeks FOC due to me waiting on my CRB and i was not willing to turn away a full time mindee, so i am counting my losses for the next couple of weeks but will be counting them after lol x

Is this right ?? although i can say i dont want to do it for free ......i have ofsted coming next week and am aware of someone who needs childcare to start in the easter hols who has 3 children ???? can i do this now (without getting paid) ??

Heaven Scent
23-03-2010, 08:48 PM
I'm afraid this whole thing sounds very very bazzar to me Mum working away all week but you have to direct everything to her ???????

Plus you are doing it for free Why?????

Plus you are doing it pre-reg - again Why??????

I'd kick them into touch you don't need people like this in your life you could put yourself and your future in minding into jeopardy and I'm sure you certainly don't need this. Do they realise that you are not registered?? How many hours per day/week do you mind?

Ring Ofsted give a false name and ask what the rules about minding for no fee are and ask if you can do it while waiting to register.

singlewiththree
23-03-2010, 08:49 PM
You can do it but the insurance companies won't insure you until you are registered.

funfunfun
23-03-2010, 08:51 PM
So you cant be insured ?? oh well waiting it is then :)

FussyElmo
23-03-2010, 08:52 PM
You may not be doing anything illegal but have you got any insurance incase something goes wrong.

Also tbh they are treating you like an unpaid babysitter which to be blunt you are.

Fabby
23-03-2010, 08:55 PM
your not classed as a registered childminder, you are kinda doing it as a 'favour' so there doesn't need to be insurances in place because you are not officially a childminder. Believe me, i have looked into this..... alot

funfunfun
23-03-2010, 08:56 PM
I agree really

why go to the trouble of rgeistering if your going to look after children before you are registered and insured , puts u in a bit of an aqward situation if things go wrong really.

FussyElmo
23-03-2010, 09:00 PM
your not classed as a registered childminder, you are kinda doing it as a 'favour' so there doesn't need to be insurances in place because you are not officially a childminder. Believe me, i have looked into this..... alot

However if (and I now its a big if) one of the children has an accident or incident you will not have anything in place and the parents will be blaming you and suing and by the sounds of this family....I would be using ofsted as a reason not to carry on.

Fabby
23-03-2010, 09:06 PM
However if (and I now its a big if) one of the children has an accident or incident you will not have anything in place and the parents will be blaming you and suing and by the sounds of this family....I would be using ofsted as a reason not to carry on.

i know what you mean. Ofsted also advised me that even if i only looked after children for less than 2 hours then i wouldn't need to register as a childminder nor would i need the insurances in place. They have also advised me not to complete contracts until i have my reg certificate because again, there is no such contract as yet because i am not a registered childminder.

Fabby
23-03-2010, 09:09 PM
however, my home and car insurances are going to be in place by next week anyway, just another tick off my list lol x
obviously cant have PL in place until my crb is done

auntym
23-03-2010, 10:27 PM
Some parents treat you like you are the oracle lol. Iv noticed with some friends in the past when iv started minding they can look at you as an employee which bugs me. If your minding for free aswell you would think he would be more grateful or he could go elsewhere and bloomin pay lol!

Pipsqueak
23-03-2010, 10:46 PM
Hiya
Does anyone else get made to feel like a second class citizen by the parents of their mindees? I look after 2 little girls one 3 (and very hardwork) and the other one is 5. I dont get paid because im still pre-reg :angry: :angry: the dad drops them off and isnt friendly and when he picks them up the girls are so happy to see them and he doesnt even ask what they've been up to, have they had a good day? did little one have a sleep? nothing !! and today had the right hump because although no-one told me the little one isnt meant to have a dummy anymore :eek: and what did she have in her mouth when daddy turned up :blush: the older one often tells me that they go straight to bed without any dinner as soon as they get home :angry: bless them they can be so sweet but the parents just seem to have no time for them. The mum is nice and the dad has made it very clear that anything to do with the kids needs to go through her not him even though I never see her as she works fulltime in london :rolleyes: sorry just needed to get in off my chest :) xx

Going to be a bit blunt here hunny - you don't need people like this and you mustn't allow the Dad to keep treating you this way in your own home AND when you aren't getting paid.

If Dad isn't communicating with you (ie the dummy) then its their tough luck. if you need to go through mum - then perhaps she should be ringing you in the mornings and afternoons so you can communciate.


I am most concerned that the older one is telling you that they go to bed with no dinner. Think you need to start recording this and if possible broach Dad and let him know you are recording what the child is saying. Sounds like something is a bit 'off' with this family - if he has no 'concern' for his children when you are trying to tell him somthing, everything needs to go through mum, no dinners - sounds like he has no emotional attachement to the children. Not sure if i would be passing the information on TBH or at least seeking further professional advice.

HappyH
23-03-2010, 10:48 PM
HI
I do understand why you are doing it for free while being Pre Reg, I did the same... to a degree.. However I did it to help out a family that needed someone quite quickly. When Ofsted came for my pre reg visit the child was there, they were fine, as far as they were concerned I was doing it for no gain so it was ok. (The family paid me a 'bonus' once registration had come through which covered the majority of 'free care'). However, this child is a lovely child & I love looking after him as is his sister who attends after school. The parents have commented how happy they are with my care.
Had the parents been at all off with me. I would not have done it.

mrs robbie williams
24-03-2010, 06:54 AM
Hiya thanks for all your replies. Just to clarify im doing this for free for few weeks until crb comes through. I think the main prob is that they are so called friends of ours and we do socialise with them every now n then. When im finally reg Ive decided I wont be looking afta friends children as it makes communication awkward. There are things that have happened that i wouldnt dare tell the dad about - eg the 5yr pulling my 6yr old ds's pants n trousers down and trying to put her finger in his bottom :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: why would she do that???? and then cry and say dont tell daddy ???? :panic: xx

FussyElmo
24-03-2010, 07:28 AM
Hiya thanks for all your replies. Just to clarify im doing this for free for few weeks until crb comes through. I think the main prob is that they are so called friends of ours and we do socialise with them every now n then. When im finally reg Ive decided I wont be looking afta friends children as it makes communication awkward. There are things that have happened that i wouldnt dare tell the dad about - eg the 5yr pulling my 6yr old ds's pants n trousers down and trying to put her finger in his bottom :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: why would she do that???? and then cry and say dont tell daddy ???? :panic: xx

Its even worse that its so called friends doing it to you.

However I do think you need to log some of these incidents and get some advice about their behaviour. Have you got a development worker yet someone you could contact for advice. Telling you they go bed with no dinner and the incident with your son are not really everyday occurences.

Tinglesnark
24-03-2010, 07:48 AM
Going to be a bit blunt here hunny - you don't need people like this and you mustn't allow the Dad to keep treating you this way in your own home AND when you aren't getting paid.

If Dad isn't communicating with you (ie the dummy) then its their tough luck. if you need to go through mum - then perhaps she should be ringing you in the mornings and afternoons so you can communciate.


I am most concerned that the older one is telling you that they go to bed with no dinner. Think you need to start recording this and if possible broach Dad and let him know you are recording what the child is saying. Sounds like something is a bit 'off' with this family - if he has no 'concern' for his children when you are trying to tell him somthing, everything needs to go through mum, no dinners - sounds like he has no emotional attachement to the children. Not sure if i would be passing the information on TBH or at least seeking further professional advice.

i agree pip

good luck
x

Fabby
24-03-2010, 08:26 AM
i would also speak to your development officer about these incidients.

Fabby
24-03-2010, 08:28 AM
Some parents treat you like you are the oracle lol. Iv noticed with some friends in the past when iv started minding they can look at you as an employee which bugs me. If your minding for free aswell you would think he would be more grateful or he could go elsewhere and bloomin pay lol!

That is so true about the employee bit!! i saw an advert on childcare.co.uk and it said 'i would like to employ.......' and i was like WHAT!!!!!!!!!??????

~Chelle~
24-03-2010, 09:44 AM
There are things that have happened that i wouldnt dare tell the dad about - eg the 5yr pulling my 6yr old ds's pants n trousers down and trying to put her finger in his bottom :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: why would she do that???? and then cry and say dont tell daddy ???? :panic: xx


I am sorry but you really SHOULD be telling parents things like this, if you do not have the relationship with parents to do that, then you should not be looking after these children.

I would be very concerned about these children, 5 year old's dont just go around doing things like that unless there are things that they have seen! Also the child has been telling you that they get no dinner. It sounds like she is seeking help from you.

Things are happening here and you find that you do not feel comfortable talking to the parents about them. I would be asking myself "why"?

mama2three
24-03-2010, 10:02 AM
Hiya thanks for all your replies. Just to clarify im doing this for free for few weeks until crb comes through. I think the main prob is that they are so called friends of ours and we do socialise with them every now n then. When im finally reg Ive decided I wont be looking afta friends children as it makes communication awkward. There are things that have happened that i wouldnt dare tell the dad about - eg the 5yr pulling my 6yr old ds's pants n trousers down and trying to put her finger in his bottom :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: why would she do that???? and then cry and say dont tell daddy ???? :panic: xx

Im worried now! these are things that need to be documented and raise real safeguarding concerns for me. I think you may need some professional advice regarding these issues , but not sure how much support there will be as you are not registered. Im probably wrong , but maybe thats why dad is using your service rather than one already reg.
I too worked unpaid until i got my cert through , just a week after i knew my crbs were through etc. I didnt want to lose the mindees. But if you have decided you wont be caring for this family once you have registered then there is no reason for you to put up with being treated so badly by dad , even if all the safeguarding issues are unfounded.
whatever else you decide to do , start writing down everything that happens. You need to cover yourself. K x

mamasheshe
24-03-2010, 10:59 AM
Hiya thanks for all your replies. Just to clarify im doing this for free for few weeks until crb comes through. I think the main prob is that they are so called friends of ours and we do socialise with them every now n then. When im finally reg Ive decided I wont be looking afta friends children as it makes communication awkward. There are things that have happened that i wouldnt dare tell the dad about - eg the 5yr pulling my 6yr old ds's pants n trousers down and trying to put her finger in his bottom :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: why would she do that???? and then cry and say dont tell daddy ???? :panic: xx

safeguarding issue really not normal behavior i would defo want to find out more about this :(

Ripeberry
24-03-2010, 11:16 AM
Especially a girl doing it :(

LisaMcNally09
24-03-2010, 11:33 AM
Hiya thanks for all your replies. Just to clarify im doing this for free for few weeks until crb comes through. I think the main prob is that they are so called friends of ours and we do socialise with them every now n then. When im finally reg Ive decided I wont be looking afta friends children as it makes communication awkward. There are things that have happened that i wouldnt dare tell the dad about - eg the 5yr pulling my 6yr old ds's pants n trousers down and trying to put her finger in his bottom :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: why would she do that???? and then cry and say dont tell daddy ???? :panic: xx

On the ICP course i did this sort of behaviour was mentioned as a definite safeguarding issue. I think you need to ring the NSPCC as you are not registered and let them know everything this girl has said/done. A 5 year old doesn't behave like this unless they have seen something.

And as someone else said if you cant discuss these things with parents then i think you have a problem. Dont mean to sound off but the main part of our job is communicationg with parents and if you cant do that no matter how uncomfortable you are then you may have major problems when you are registered!

Tinglesnark
24-03-2010, 02:19 PM
There are things that have happened that i wouldnt dare tell the dad about - eg the 5yr pulling my 6yr old ds's pants n trousers down and trying to put her finger in his bottom :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: why would she do that???? and then cry and say dont tell daddy ???? :panic: xx

this is really serious?? you need to start recording these incidents. that sent alarm bells ringing in my head and you need to be very concerned about this child and the parents and it is deffo a safeguarding issue.

AliceK
24-03-2010, 02:36 PM
this is really serious?? you need to start recording these incidents. that sent alarm bells ringing in my head and you need to be very concerned about this child and the parents and it is deffo a safeguarding issue.

Agree completely. You really MUST follow your safeguarding training on this. Both things would be a huge concern for me. Please act on what you have witnessed and been told.

xxxxxx

Tinglesnark
24-03-2010, 02:46 PM
yes! the bed with no dinner is bad enough but this?? this is pushing the envelope a little further and the implications are frightening
x

kindredspirits
25-03-2010, 12:18 PM
Helen you really need to call your local safeguarding team for advice on this one - make sure you write up an incident report and get the ball rolling - that is not normal behaviour for a 5 year old child.

Pipsqueak
25-03-2010, 12:29 PM
After your last post about what you said the 5yr old has done you have already had lots of advice and I am going to reiterate it.

You MUST document all of this and you should be telling dad/parents things like this. Its not nice, its not pleasant but for your own childs safety. Its already been said that we would also consider it a huge concern and you really do need to take action. Unfortunately that is a huge part of our job and there are some things which really are not adding up nicely from what you are saying. It doesn't matter that you are not registered if you speak to your local duty team they should take your concerns seriously.

Are you sure these people are 'friends' - friends don't treat you like a piece of dirt or take the pee.

The Juggler
25-03-2010, 12:39 PM
this is really serious?? you need to start recording these incidents. that sent alarm bells ringing in my head and you need to be very concerned about this child and the parents and it is deffo a safeguarding issue.

Am in total agreeement - this is NOT normal behaviour for a 5 year old and if she was just experimenting why would she be so afraid that Dad would find out unless she knew it wasn't right.....

Please call safeguarding.

Toothfairy
25-03-2010, 02:37 PM
I wouldn't work pre-reg. I think it causes more problems than answers. Be careful.