What do you reckon - am I mad?!

[vix84]

Just thought Id run this by you and see what you think!
I have am family coming to see me who seem really keen to send their daughter here after a few emails going to and fro, she is just 4 months old now. I also have DS 21 months and mindee 2yrs1month.

Now, Im currently 5 weeks pregnant and its early days as I had a miscarriage in December at 13 weeks, so are holding off telling parents until as long as possible, hopefully around the 15 week mark if I can help it.

I had origionally planned on taking a years maternity leave, but now Im thinking about asking for a variation and getting back to work after just 2 weeks (this is so the children arent away for too long so they settle back easily, and so DS doesnt get bored silly without his playmates!).

So the ages of the children would be:
Newborn, mindee 1 year, DS 2yrs5months, mindee 2years9months.
So obviously Id have to ask for a variation to have 4 under 5 years and for continuity of care......... if they refuse, I would have to keep on the 1 year old only as full-time wage, but this would be so sad especially for DS as the eldest mindee is his bestfriend!

Anyway, do you think Im mad? We could really do with the money and reassurance that all my places are full and I dont need to start again after the maternity leave - but should I sacrifice all this to spend a quieter year with my kids? Tough one .......

I guess the eldest 2 will be toilet trained and a lot more independant - they are now - and the 1 year old and newborn will be most of the physical work.

Also - if I take 2 weeks off, would I take this as un-paid and still claim 2 weeks maternity pay?

[vix84]

PS - I think the biggest issue, is that I think it will mean sacrificing breastfeeding the newborn like I did with DS ........ as if I returned to work full-time, I think Id need the simplicity of bottle feeding, and also being able to leave the baby with my oh or family on any days off they have, which I couldnt do with DS as we was so clingy

[Hebs]

it's a tough one but remeber the time with your own kids in the early days is something you can never get back :thumbsup:

[vix84]

it's a tough one but remeber the time with your own kids in the early days is something you can never get back :thumbsup:

I know, on one hand I keep thinking DS will be so sad to loose his playmates and just have me and a boring newborn lol, bu then I think the time will flyby as I will be so busy.
Then I would have to get up early etc. and cant just get up when we are all ready.
But then I think that the money side will mean less stress, maybe a nice family holiday, and to be able take DS nice places on our own at the weekend.
The big guilt will be breastfeeding - I could give it a crack but really dont think it'd work with mindee's needing help while Im b.feeding and parents coming and going .....

Then I also think from January I will send DS to pre-school for a few sessions, and maybe they would want the eldest mindee to go too so then Id have mornings just with the baby and 1 year old.

God this is going to be a tough decision - if I actually have to make the decision!

[aly]

PS - I think the biggest issue, is that I think it will mean sacrificing breastfeeding the newborn like I did with DS ........ as if I returned to work full-time, I think Id need the simplicity of bottle feeding, and also being able to leave the baby with my oh or family on any days off they have, which I couldnt do with DS as we was so clingy

I breastfed.
I dont seea simplicity in bottlefeeding for the sake of going back to work as easy....when it is much easier to bf.

Obviously it is your decision.

[vix84]

I breastfed.
I dont seea simplicity in bottlefeeding for the sake of going back to work as easy....when it is much easier to bf.

Obviously it is your decision.

The actual making up bottles etc. is harder, but if you have a breastfed baby that feeds little and often and doesnt go as long between feeds as they would on formula - as DS did - then I can see it being harder work. DS cried so much as a baby and I always question if the breastmilk supply wasn't enough etc. But this could have been un-related. It also meant I couldnt really leave DS with others etc.
I suppose I can always give it a go as the next baby may be different and more content ......

[Tina O]

1st thought........ Yes you are Mad!

only you can decide if it is right for you to go straight back to it, afterall there are mothers out there with 4 or 5 children coping fine, but you are talking about WORKING, I would be very concerened if I was one of your mindees parents that you were taking too much on too soon. I can't advise as for me I did not go back to work until my youngest son was 2yrs (oldest was 6) but was in the position where I didn't have to work...... I think you need to think hard about what is best for everyone. Can you still give quality care to your mindees and your children as well as keeping your relationship and yourself sane? good luck.... xx

[vix84]

1st thought........ Yes you are Mad!

only you can decide if it is right for you to go straight back to it, afterall there are mothers out there with 4 or 5 children coping fine, but you are talking about WORKING, I would be very concerened if I was one of your mindees parents that you were taking too much on too soon. I can't advise as for me I did not go back to work until my youngest son was 2yrs (oldest was 6) but was in the position where I didn't have to work...... I think you need to think hard about what is best for everyone. Can you still give quality care to your mindees and your children as well as keeping your relationship and yourself sane? good luck.... xx

Yeah I was also thinking if the parents would be happy with me having a newborn with the others too etc. It would be different it was for say 3 days a week and not 5 - but then I think it will only be adding in a newborn .......... but my ds was a very unsettled baby and cried a lot so the next one could be the same.

I think Ill think about it over the next few weeks, as one minute I think it would be fine, and then next I think that I should just start saving up as hard as I can now, and take a year off, Im sure I can get a full-timer in after the maternity leave ........ decisions decisions

[Tina O]

........- but then I think it will only be adding in a newborn .......... but my ds was a very unsettled baby and cried a lot so the next one could be the same.

I think Ill think about it over the next few weeks, as one minute I think it would be fine, and then next I think that I should just start saving up as hard as I can now, and take a year off, Im sure I can get a full-timer in after the maternity leave ........ decisions decisions

It's not easy I know..... My two boys are complete oppersites to each other in everything accept looks so you never know...but remember it's not just the 'adding' of a newborn you will still be getting over the pregancy and birth, not sleeping all night etc... think of your own health as well, you will not do you children any good running yourself into the ground.. xx

[Cammie Doodle]

Can you not take a bit longer off ie instead of just 2 weeks take maybe 6 and that way you new baby and family will have had a bit of time to youselves and got into some sort of routine. Fingers crossed all works out for you
June

[FussyElmo]

The moeny wont neccessary mean less stress if you are frazzled by the weekend looking after 4 under 5's.

Have you considered what you would do if you required a c section?

If I could turn back time I would have taken more time after both my youngest. Ds is now 3 and I still regret not having more quality time and having to deal with other peoples children as well.

[Zoomie]

I am mum to three and with my last I am so glad I took the full 9 months off. In fact I managed to stretch it a bit further and eventually was off for 11 months, BUT I managed my money so that we could just survive.

A lot of it is down to finances unfortunately, but we managed (even with paying off debts).

Apart from the bottle / breast feeding that has already been mentioned, I struggled with cracked nipples, and managed to work my way through the problem, BUT could never have done this if I was working.

Think really hard, because you can never get that time back.

[jo f]

Think of yourself and your family first. As people say time flies and you can never have that time back. Your new baby and you will be starting to find a routine- HOPEFULLY SLEEPING WELL AT NIGHTS!!!!!!

I had 9 months off after my second child, he was a planned c section. I lost one mindee due to being over numbers and one went to nursery whilst i was off, she came back like she'd never been away! My maternity pay worked out similar to what i would have earned so that made it easier to have all that time off, I loved every minute of it, and it gave DD time to adjust which she did no probs and I was able to give her a lot more time too.

Personally I think 2 weeks is too early, (think how quick 2 weeks hol goes!) but thats just me. x

[sandy64]

hi i had 2 weeks of after a Cesarean thought id manage i did but took along time to heal etc so with my next one new id need longer so took 3mths off my parents were great i loved the time with my own as like others have said you will never get that time back dont try and do to much i regretted it. i did breast feed it was a time to sit with a book to read lo or put tv on for a short time and i could relaxed. its your decision that you need to think about dont rush decision money isnt all. congratulations on being pregnant.:)

[loocyloo]

i went back to work as a nanny when DS was 10 wks old, the yongest of my nannied children was 4 and at preschool every morning, so i used to ( with mums permission! ) go home 2 or 3 mornings a week and sleep! (i live in the same village i worked in). then it was school holidays and that was hard work, despite the fact that DS was sleeping through the night.

i was childminding when DD was born, and all my under 5's moved on, as it was a natural break for them all, so although i went back to work after 6 or so weeks, i only had before and after schoolers, and they were girls! and i have to say, i (and DS ) LOVED collecting them from school as they played with DS, cuddled DD and it really took the pressure of me! i always told the parents i felt guilty that they were paying me, yet their child(ren) were looking after mine, but they and ALL the children were happy about it!

i would have found it very hard to go back any sooner to fulltime work, even though DD slept through from 10 weeks, and was an 'easy' baby.

please think very carefully, and although you might think you know what you will do, please don't write it in stone, as circumstances might mean you have to change your plans. i eventually started back fulltime with the under 5's when DD was 6 mths old, and it took a while to settle back into fulltime work.

[aly]

The actual making up bottles etc. is harder, but if you have a breastfed baby that feeds little and often and doesnt go as long between feeds as they would on formula - as DS did - then I can see it being harder work. DS cried so much as a baby and I always question if the breastmilk supply wasn't enough etc. But this could have been un-related. It also meant I couldnt really leave DS with others etc.
I suppose I can always give it a go as the next baby may be different and more content ......


Thats why they say breastfed babies are fed on demand and not like forumula fed babies when they are being fed at a set time.

[mamasheshe]

it's up to you i think it'd be tough couldn't you give yourself a little more time it took me 6 weeks to establish bf :D :D

[jumpinjen]

I think you are mad, but I can understand all of your thoughts and concerns as I've considered them too whilst i long for another!!

Jen x

[vix84]

Well, my feeling at this point is that I will plan to take a years maternity leave - just means it will take an extra year to earn back that money, but thats fine when I look at it like that!

And I would love to give breastfeeding a go with the next one again, as Id feel so guilty for doing it with ds for 8 months and not with the next.

I know they say breastfed babies are fed on demand, and as a result of that I still have my 21 month old not sleeping through the night, in bed with me, although he doesnt wake for milk now, out of habit. And yes, he may have still done the same on formula, and it may just be in his personality, but I do believe that my sonis more clingy as a result of breastfeeding and also being a baby with colic/reflux/blood in his poo etc. So if I dont go back to work, then I am happy to do all this again and deal with it all again, but if I went back to work I know Id end up doing formula as I couldnt do the breastfeeding every 2 hours till 6 months! Thats just my personal opinion for my circumstances and how DS was as a baby. Breastfeeding is easy and wonderful for many and the babies sleep through etc. but for me, this wasnt the case and I do believe breastfeeding didnt help us in that way....


Anyway, I think I am going to save really hard now so that we can enjoy a year off as a family, DS should be able to start Pre-school after Christmas too so that will give him some social interactions with other toddlers and time away from Mummy!

[jumpinjen]

Well, my feeling at this point is that I will plan to take a years maternity leave - just means it will take an extra year to earn back that money, but thats fine when I look at it like that!

And I would love to give breastfeeding a go with the next one again, as Id feel so guilty for doing it with ds for 8 months and not with the next.

I know they say breastfed babies are fed on demand, and as a result of that I still have my 21 month old not sleeping through the night, in bed with me, although he doesnt wake for milk now, out of habit. And yes, he may have still done the same on formula, and it may just be in his personality, but I do believe that my sonis more clingy as a result of breastfeeding and also being a baby with colic/reflux/blood in his poo etc. So if I dont go back to work, then I am happy to do all this again and deal with it all again, but if I went back to work I know Id end up doing formula as I couldnt do the breastfeeding every 2 hours till 6 months! Thats just my personal opinion for my circumstances and how DS was as a baby. Breastfeeding is easy and wonderful for many and the babies sleep through etc. but for me, this wasnt the case and I do believe breastfeeding didnt help us in that way....


Anyway, I think I am going to save really hard now so that we can enjoy a year off as a family, DS should be able to start Pre-school after Christmas too so that will give him some social interactions with other toddlers and time away from Mummy!


Good for you!!!! Glad talking about it has helped.... breastfeeding is not meant to be an easy option and it rarely is...both baby and mum have to learn how to do it, and every time as well as every baby is different.... I still found it lovely even though I struggled both times to get going.... there are also lots who will say that it is normal for a 21 month old to not want to sleep on his own all of the time..... but i@m sure it makes for a broken night and a fair amount of exhaustion!!!!

Jen x

[vix84]

Good for you!!!! Glad talking about it has helped.... breastfeeding is not meant to be an easy option and it rarely is...both baby and mum have to learn how to do it, and every time as well as every baby is different.... I still found it lovely even though I struggled both times to get going.... there are also lots who will say that it is normal for a 21 month old to not want to sleep on his own all of the time..... but i@m sure it makes for a broken night and a fair amount of exhaustion!!!!

Jen x

Thanks Jen, I think thinking about what I can do with just my children on their own outweighs earning a higher income, and spending that one on one time with them will be invaluable.

Breastfeeding came easily for me and DS, but he just seemed to cry so much and had very odd nappies randomly, mucusy and with blood in, seemed to tie in with when I ate dairy but this got better with weaning and formula so it always crossed my mind if it was something to do with the breastmilk. But I loved the closeness and also it was easier in the night especially when co-sleeping.
I decided after 18 months of battling the sleep issues and trying various techniques to just let him come into bed with us when I went up, it meant I was a happier Mummy and we were both more bright eyed ready for the mindee's and parents. So I wont hesitate to do it again next time, but I wont waste time worrying about it next time.

Thanks everyone for your replies

xx

[crazyhazy]

Just to add about the bfing, my dd1 was very like how you descibe you ds, bf pretty much hourly at some points and was quite clingy. However, dd2 was completely different, after the first few weeks she bf pretty much 3-4 hourly and was so much more settled. So, hopefully the same might be the case for you too xx

[vix84]

Just to add about the bfing, my dd1 was very like how you descibe you ds, bf pretty much hourly at some points and was quite clingy. However, dd2 was completely different, after the first few weeks she bf pretty much 3-4 hourly and was so much more settled. So, hopefully the same might be the case for you too xx

I hope so! I am so hoping for a contented baby this time lol

[Gizmo]

I dont think you are mad it is your own decision whatever you decide to do newborn babies do sleep alot so I would prob go back to work early too
I was working in an office when I had my 2 and went back to work when they where both about 4 months old I am just so glad now that I can be there for them

[bexcee]

PS - I think the biggest issue, is that I think it will mean sacrificing breastfeeding the newborn like I did with DS ........ as if I returned to work full-time, I think Id need the simplicity of bottle feeding, and also being able to leave the baby with my oh or family on any days off they have, which I couldnt do with DS as we was so clingy

Personally I found bf easier than bottles, no sterilsing, heating or preparing feeds. Can feed anywhere and at any time, no need to take bottles, water, powder when you go out.

It is of course a personal choice and I'm not preaching at you but just wanted to say that you shouldn't right off the possibility of bf and childminding if it is what you want to do.