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mushpea
04-03-2010, 09:50 AM
My 9yrold A son and a 6yrold B mindee have done nothing but argue and fight just latley and i am now at a loss of how to deal with it and wonded if somone had some ideas please.
this morning A had the superfort out B said can i go in that bit, A said no so B said im going to break it up then next thing i hear is ow ow coming from B , so my son looses his playstaiton for this afternoon as he had hurt B

they start playing again then arguing over the peices so i told them to put it away as they couldnt play nicely so then i hear B say dont do that, i ask him whats wrong and he says A is throwing the pices , A says he is throwing them to B so he can put them n the bag so i told him off saying he musnt throw them, so then A says but B was throwing the connectors so I then told B off for throwing and told him not to acuse A of somthing if he was doing it aswell as it was unfair to get A told off.

this sort of thing has been going on for a while and the parent of B has spoke to me about it and is understandably upset that her son is being hurt by my son . trouble is her son is very sneaky and clever at winding my son up then getting him in trouble and i have tried to tactfuly explain this.
My son is getting builled at school and i belive he is taking it out on B which is defintaly not a good thing, my son also has social interaction problems which makes it harder for him to interact with the other children.

anyway does anyone have any ideas on how i can get these two playing together and liking each other again with out anymore fights! they used to play lovely when B started up unitll about a month ago they were good friends.

The Juggler
04-03-2010, 09:55 AM
this was from a sibling rivalry book. stop them mid fight in a jokey way and say right, A tell me two things you like about B. then do same with B, then say OK carry on. Do this EVERY time they fight.

And, I would sit down at a calmer time and maybe ask them the one thing that annoys them a bit about the other, then ask them what they think they could do to make it better for the other one.

Good luck. I have two 10 year olds like this at the moment.

mamasheshe
04-03-2010, 09:55 AM
get them outside playing something ? so theirs more escape and theirs not to much pressure to get on ?? don't know sure someone will have a good plan for you :blush:

Tina O
04-03-2010, 10:06 AM
you poor thing this is never an easy situation (I have two boys 10 & 14) and I started minding when my oldest was 6yrs.....

what I have always done is make sure my son (s) have their own toys and never allow mindees to play with them unless my son offers.....

mindees are not allowed in my boys rooms..... (have seperate playroom)

never assume that your son is in the wrong because they are yours and its easier to 'tell off' your own child than someone else.....

it sounds like your son was playing with a toy and B wanted it, I would tell B that A was playing and he had to wait a turn, it's not your son's job to 'play' with the mindees, (its nice if they do! but its not their job) I would not have taken playstation off A as B was in wrong to start with and shouldn't have been allowed to break up A toys.

I would make sure that these two have different activities to do (next to each other) and not play 'together' for a while, perhaps your son needs some space, its not easy for a own child when 'mum' seems to be with other kids 'all the time'.. and if he is having problems perhaps he just has too much on his plate at the moment.....

The balance is difficult and the main way I have got a hand on it is to make sure my boys always have their own toys and space in their own house....

good luck xx

nikim
04-03-2010, 10:06 AM
hi just wanted to say your not alone , i have a 10 yo son and an 8 yo mindee who has been with us since he was 13mths full time , sometimes they got on really well and other days they just seem to have it in for each other , i dont think its any different from sibling rivalry tbh but it can get in the way of caring for the others if i am constantly splitting them up, i do like jugglers idea i might try that , i have often thought (and threatened :blush: ) about sending my son to a cm through the holidays :laughing:

Lady Haha
04-03-2010, 10:13 AM
When my son and mindees or mindees and mindees start fighting, arguing etc, I tell them first to play nicely or they will have to be seperated! As I have actually done the seperation thing, it usually calms the situation down because even though they are falling out, they all know that they would still rather be together!

I have had to seperate my son and two mindees, my son in his room, Mindee A in lounge and Mindee B in playroom! Kept them apart for just ten minutes, but they absolutely hated being apart!!!

Also, I read somewhere that at this age (from school really) you shouldn't get too involved in their disagreements unless they are actually coming to blows or something as they are old enough to start learning to solve their own problems. When it happens here, and some one comes up and says 'so and so won't let me play with the red car' or something, I tell them to sort it out themselves as more often than not, it's not as simple as they make out!
There has nearly always been a build up to it, where x did this, so y did that, so x said this, and y said that, so x got upset and comes and tells on y!

It's skills they need to learn I think.

Just remembered something else I do that might help! Like I said, usually it's a big build up and you never know who 'started' it, so if B tell me that A is throwing toys, for instance, I won't reprimand A in particular cos more than likely, B has been throwing them too! I will get them together and just say "I don't know who has been throwing toys, but we all know that we DON'T throw toys"

mushpea
04-03-2010, 10:19 AM
thanks for your support and ideas, its nice to know i am not alone with this, I am just worried that i will loose the mindee and i really do like having him cause he is actualy a really nice easy going child to look after other than the wind up stuff.

I would love to get them out in the garden but we are in the process of digging it up to lay block paving so its just a big pile of mud!! and whilst they would probalby love it my washing machine and mindess mumn wouldnt:laughing:

I like the jugglers idea and will try that tonight if they argue, although we are busy tonight cause we are making pizzas for tea and they also asked if they could make cakes and were discusing what to make on the way to school and so as they were chatting nicley about it i didnt want to say no!

my kids both have their own toys in the rooms and upstairs is out of bounds to mindees so he can go up there and play which is what he used to spend a lot of tme doing but since B arrived and they got on so well he has spent more time down here .

and yes i do feel i tell him off more for fear of upsetting either mindee or mum although i have told her that mine get the rough end of the stick and she new what i meant as her mum was a dinner lady so she had the same thing when she was at school.

helencart
04-03-2010, 10:40 AM
My 9yrold A son and a 6yrold B mindee have done nothing but argue and fight just latley and i am now at a loss of how to deal with it and wonded if somone had some ideas please.
this morning A had the superfort out B said can i go in that bit, A said no so B said im going to break it up then next thing i hear is ow ow coming from B , so my son looses his playstaiton for this afternoon as he had hurt B

they start playing again then arguing over the peices so i told them to put it away as they couldnt play nicely so then i hear B say dont do that, i ask him whats wrong and he says A is throwing the pices , A says he is throwing them to B so he can put them n the bag so i told him off saying he musnt throw them, so then A says but B was throwing the connectors so I then told B off for throwing and told him not to acuse A of somthing if he was doing it aswell as it was unfair to get A told off.

this sort of thing has been going on for a while and the parent of B has spoke to me about it and is understandably upset that her son is being hurt by my son . trouble is her son is very sneaky and clever at winding my son up then getting him in trouble and i have tried to tactfuly explain this.
My son is getting builled at school and i belive he is taking it out on B which is defintaly not a good thing, my son also has social interaction problems which makes it harder for him to interact with the other children.

anyway does anyone have any ideas on how i can get these two playing together and liking each other again with out anymore fights! they used to play lovely when B started up unitll about a month ago they were good friends.

Hi... what a dilema!! My rules for my children have always been that their toys stay in their room and if they want them downstairs they have to share...any arguments the toys go back upstairs! It does work well, as the minded children have the playroom toys and my childrens special toys dont get ruined by others.

mushpea
04-03-2010, 10:54 AM
Hi... what a dilema!! My rules for my children have always been that their toys stay in their room and if they want them downstairs they have to share...any arguments the toys go back upstairs! It does work well, as the minded children have the playroom toys and my childrens special toys dont get ruined by others.

they have their own toys in their bedrooms to play with like yours do but downstairs anyone can play with the toys and the toy they played with this morning is a minding toy, am hoping things will go better tonight and also when we get the garden sorted!