What to say?

[Adiamond]

I have a little boy 19 months who comes to me just for 5 hours a week, 3 hours on a Tues and 2 hours on a Friday, I think it is just to give mum a break even though she tells me it's for him to get used to being away from her ready for nursery in September. Anyway he started just over 2 weeks ago and he screams and screams and screams :eek: he is upsetting my other little mindee and to be fair my ears can't take much more!!! He gets sooooo upset he starts shaking I feel so sorry for him.
I spoke to mum last week and said that she can leave him with me for 40 minutes at a time until he starts settling well so far he hasn't played with 1 toy. He won't let me near him and I can't distract him with anything.
I have to think about my other mindees and this isn't working but how do I tell mum?
I know 2 weeks isn't long and I would love to help him settle but it is getting were I dread him coming :( .
Any advice would be great :) x x x

[sarah707]

At the end of the day only you know how much more you can cope with.

Screamers are not easy - I know I've had a few over the years.

Some do eventually settle and go on to be lovely little ones, but some don't.

You are still within your settling in period so just tell mum sorry but you won't be going over the month without significant improvement.

Hth :D

[little chickee]

If she is only leaving him for 40 minutes at a time maybe its just not long enough for him to settle. I know that 40 minutes of screaming probably seems like more than enough for you.

For only 5 hours a week i would question as to wheter it was worth it

[The Juggler]

I think the short sessions are not going to help him settle. I would decide how long you can cope hon.x

[Adiamond]

Hi, thanks for your replies :) .The 1st session we did after the initial meeting was 3 hours :eek: she said "oh, he will be fine" the poor little boy never stopped screaming for his mum :( we then did another session and the same thing happened. I did some research and it suggested that shorter sessions work best because the child then realises that mum IS coming back, this doesn't seem to be working though :( and to be honest for 5 hours a week it isn't really worth upsetting my other mindees!
When mum picked up today I said I had tried everything to settle/distract him but nothing works not even for a second and she said "you should have seen my daughter she used to make herself sick" that doesn't help!!!!!
I am going to tell her that I can't do it anymore but just needed some help as to what I can say. x x x

[margimum]

I usually find that putting lo in buggy and going out for a walk can help them to settle.
tbh if you've decided to give notice i would just be honest and say he is not coping but there's plenty of time before September, so try again in a few months (you could then be full!):blush:
Encourage mum to take him to lots of social activities eg toddler groups where there are lots of adults to interact with.

[little chickee]

If you want to give notice I would just say that you feel that its unfair on the child to be soo upset and like margimum said maybe try again in a few months.

[green puppy]

I really feel for you, I had this happen, although lo was only 12 mths but due to parents going away etc we only had a couple of settling in sessions. She screamed as soon as I moved away from her, all day and it was really unsettling my other 2 lo's. After 8 days I said enough was enough as I had to do what was best for all involved. I always emphasise at contracts that the settling in period is for all of us and unfortunatly the effect it was having on my other two very settled mindees just wasn't fair and also the lo involved. When I took on my next lo she was going to be 14 mths. I asked her dad to pop in every day for half an hour and stay too, for a week. Then he would leave her for an hour or so the next week again every day. We then had a 2 week break as I was on holiday but the day she started it was like she had been with me for ages! Had her since september 2009 and not had a single problem. All 3 children get on really well, they are 2,2 and 3 months and 19 months old. Just be honest and say to mum that it's not working or perhaps she could stay for a few small sessions aswell until he gets a bit more familiar, if you think it's worth it.

[childmind04]

I have found that when they are unsettled and you only have them for a few hours it is hard to get them settled :(

I had a lo last year only for 2 days and he screamed, i carreid on knowing he was going fulltime and felt like once he had got used to the daily routine it might be better, thankfully it was and he is now a little sweetie :)