only child.

[maryp0ppins]

I have a mindee lil boy who is 6 soon to be 7 who has EVERYTHING....& even if he hasn't got it he lies & say's he has which really infuriates all the other mindee's that come to mine.

He comes to me 4 days a week & nearly every day when i get back from the school/pre-school runs there is a NEW toy in a bag hanging off my door handle, or a bag of treats just for HIM...sweets,crisps,choc dips ect ect which also wind the children up something rotten especially as 3 out of 5 days with me is FRUIT/VEG day. Tuesdays we make & eat cakes, Fridays is crisps day.

We all as a group know when he's fibbing as sometimes they say "wow that sounds great ill ask your mum where you got it from cuz iv been wanting one" & his reply EVERY time is "oh OK then i haven't YET" :rolleyes:

Now that up there wasn't my moan.....
It seems if there is any kind of argument, not nice words within the minding group HE is NOT to blame & mum comes the next day to have a word which really annoys me. Oh no its never his fault :eek:
Yesterday he shouted in MY daughters face telling her to "shut her GOB" as she was singing Thomas song with my little mindee. She stuck up for herself & told him never to talk to her like that as 1- it is her home & 2- she would never do that to him she is 11 bty....(yep he cried) so i left it at that.

Mum came this morning with a ds in his bag & what looks like a candy shop & told me he was upset last night at home as he told her my DD shouted at him!!!! I put her straight believe me.
She replied " oh well he was probably tiered & if he shout at anyone today maybe i should sit & cuddle him". :panic:

I'm a harsh in thinking what the :censored: ?

[Hebs]

i have only ever looked after 1 only child, and TBH i dont think i'd want to again :blush:

they are so used to having everything centered around them that i find they struggle when suddenly they arn't the main focus :rolleyes:

[christine e]

I would definately put a stop to bringing the sweets (show mum your healthy eating policy) i would say that sweets can be brought in as a special treat eg holiday present or birthdays but that mum must send enough for everyone (inc me). Re toys being brought in my rule is they can be sent in if suitable eg no guns, no small parts (as Ihave babies) and most of all if they can be played with by everyone! If child will not share I put them away in their bags and ask parents not to bring them again!

Cx

[Pipsqueak]

Time to be having a one one one professional chat with mum telling her:

he cannot have the sweets etc they are against your healthy eating policy
if he has it with him then you will put it up out the way until collection time

same again with the toy - if he is not willing to share it then it goes up out the way till collection time

ALL children misbehave at times and its not always down to being tired etc.
You do not appreciate (and neither does DD) being made to feel uncomfortable in your own home and you will not tolerate it

you have other children in your care and cannot just sit down and cuddle him on a whim.

[Gizmo]

I know where you are coming from I have one that is 7 and same thing gets everything, I feel I tiptoe around her, if I say anything she crys, I have never know a child be able to turn on the waterworks like this. She is friends with my dd and when I started minding her dd was really happy I think she is now starting to get a bit fed up with her as its always x's games or x makes the rules up and if my dd complains to me the tears flow again, then mum keeps asking why she was crying, what has been done about it, then mum will go and buy her a pressie cos she was upset :panic:
I dont give mindees sweets at all they will occasionally get a cookie but x tells me that mum says she has to have sweets at my house and if she comes in with them she goes home with them too

So no you are not harsh in your thinking it is some parents that are far too soft on their little darlings :laughing:

[cabby]

OMG that could have been me writing that..lol

ive got one EXACTLY like that and mum sounds the same too:angry: :angry:

the one i have turned 7 about 3 weeks ago, for his birthday he got a dsi, a laptop and a ipod touch:eek: :eek: :eek: HES 7!!!!!!!!he hates the others talking and will constantly shout above them, every toy advert that comes on tv he has the WHOLE set of!!!!the other schoolies are in the same class as him and hes just as bad there.....so no i dont think your being harsh at all, i feel exactly the same:blush:

[Hebs]

my only child mindee was 6

i do think it's the age too :thumbsup:

[Daftbat]

i have only ever looked after 1 only child, and TBH i dont think i'd want to again :blush:

they are so used to having everything centered around them that i find they struggle when suddenly they arn't the main focus :rolleyes:

Whilst i appreciate that some children can be spoilt and have parents that centre their whole world around them i think it is unfair to label all only children in this way. I have cared for numerous only children - they have all been different and exhibited the same traits as other children who have siblings. The parents of larger families can also spoil their children.
I have read a few threads on here over the months i have been a member and this idea about only children being difficult, spoilt etc keeps coming up. Can we remember that children and their parents are individuals and it is not a good idea to generalize in this way.

Anyway,
I agree with other posters on here that there needs to be a review of things with the parent and let them know how unfair they are being towards the other children in your care by bringing these treats that are just for him. I would also not put up with the way that she deals with his bad behaviour and if you can't come to an agreement then i would terminate the contract if you are in a position to do it.

[Cammie Doodle]

i have only ever looked after 1 only child, and TBH i dont think i'd want to again :blush:

they are so used to having everything centered around them that i find they struggle when suddenly they arn't the main focus :rolleyes:

:( This comment makes me feel sad . As a Mum of an "only" long awaited for child . Our son has always shared and has turned out a very caring adult. The Parents are the ones to blame not the child
Our son was 6 when we started fostering and we had no problem with him sharing his home toys and Parents with our 20 Foster Kids (7 off them were longer term)
He has remained good buddies with all 7 of them and the 19yr old treats him as a big brother and looks up to him.

[Pipsqueak]

My nephew is an only child and he definately is not spoilt or has this percieved only child syndrome. Quiet apart from his parents being aware of it he has too many cousins who would squelch him flat if he did! lol

Of course he is the center of their world and more often than not doesn't have to wait as perhaps a child with sibs would have to to, his perceptions and expections can be slightly different, but he is a lovely, funny, well-mannered, sharing, caring little boy. he has his moments of course.

I minded Iz - who is an only child - she was totally adorable and lovely, no 'syndrome' about her.

[michellethegooner]

I would def be having words with mum re his behaviour/sweets etc

I have looked after about 9 only children only 2 of them were what I would deem as spoilt, 1 particular lo was 2 when she started & the 1st thing mum said at interview (when 'J' pulled a toy & pushed mindee over) was wot 'j' wants 'j' gets, I said not in this house she doesn't, mum accepted it & was fine still had a few probs when I minded her but with a few gentle reminders every now & then everything was fine.

my other 1 was 9 but came from a complicated back ground was from a family of 7 siblings :eek: but was adopted as an only child when she was 8 & was hard work, had everything others had, or her experinces were worse/better than others etc more to do with back ground than only child syndrome.

It isn't the fact that SOME are only children that is the prob it is the parents, I have 3 only children coming to me atm & all are so lovely, parents respect & follow my wishes policies etc

[Mickey Mouse Clubhouse]

My daughter was an only child for 9 years and she has never behaved liked that and yes she may have been spolit to a degree but I would never let her have sweets like that or speak to other children like that. I would be talking to the mum but don't forget not every only child is going to be like that.

xx

[LOOPYLISA]

[QUOTE=Daftbat;649896]Whilst i appreciate that some children can be spoilt and have parents that centre their whole world around them i think it is unfair to label all only children in this way. I have cared for numerous only children - they have all been different and exhibited the same traits as other children who have siblings. The parents of larger families can also spoil their children.
I have read a few threads on here over the months i have been a member and this idea about only children being difficult, spoilt etc keeps coming up. Can we remember that children and their parents are individuals and it is not a good idea to generalize in this way.

Anyway,
I agree with other posters on here that there needs to be a review of things with the parent and let them know how unfair they are being towards the other children in your care by bringing these treats that are just for him. I would also not put up with the way that she deals with his bad behaviour and if you can't come to an agreement then i would terminate the contract if you are in a position to do it.[/QUOTE

I have a only child and i do agree with above, please don't tar everyone with the same brush :thumbsup:

[barbarella68]

Please don't label all only children like this boy as I have an only son and he not like this, some children who have siblings lie and act like this, it sounds like his age and not the fact he is an only child.It makes very cross when everybody assumes that because they are an omly child they are spoilt. I look after a child who does this and he is 9 and has a sister.:(

[LOOPYLISA]

i have only ever looked after 1 only child, and TBH i dont think i'd want to again :blush:

they are so used to having everything centered around them that i find they struggle when suddenly they arn't the main focus :rolleyes:

Really disagree with this hebs :panic:

My dd is a only child, she is nothing like the above :mad:

[LOOPYLISA]

My nephew is an only child and he definately is not spoilt or has this percieved only child syndrome. Quiet apart from his parents being aware of it he has too many cousins who would squelch him flat if he did! lol

Of course he is the center of their world and more often than not doesn't have to wait as perhaps a child with sibs would have to to, his perceptions and expections can be slightly different, but he is a lovely, funny, well-mannered, sharing, caring little boy. he has his moments of course.

I minded Iz - who is an only child - she was totally adorable and lovely, no 'syndrome' about her.

:thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

[mushpea]

I am an only child and was spoilet to a certain extent but at the same time i was told no to new toys and sweets a lot and also i was happy to share.
I would speak to mum about the sweets, very often the schoolies will come out of school with sweets cause its somones birthday and they know that the sweets go in their bag till mum comes as its unfair on the others, i only had one incident where a child starting eating his sweets and i told him that he either put it back in the wraper then in his bag or in the bin and he choose the bin!
as for mum backing him up and not you i would have asked my daughter to tell her side of the story in front of mum so that mum understood her son isnt the little angel she thinks he is.

[Hebs]

well all the only children i've been in contact with are like this so i guess thats where my views come from.

didnt mean to offend anyone at all,

[Mollymop]

i have only ever looked after 1 only child, and TBH i dont think i'd want to again :blush:

they are so used to having everything centered around them that i find they struggle when suddenly they arn't the main focus :rolleyes:

I have looked after 5 only childs in the past year and they all seem fine! A lot of children start off as "only child" - my son did he was for 5 years until his little sister was born. I must say we used to spoil him like rotten with new toys all the time:blush: :blush: - I can't believe i did it now, but I did. He has grown up to be a lovely little 11 year old man with loads of manners and has never wanted to be "the centre of attention"

The 2 children who are with me right at this moment (lunchtime) are Only Children and they are great lovable children, yes they do what attention, but no more than any other child imo:)

So maybe you were unlucky with the particular child you minded. x

[Hebs]

So maybe you were unlucky with the particular child you minded. x

yes i think i was, cos mum was very much like the OP's mum, child wasnt capable of doing anything wrong :rolleyes:

i am the first to admit my own kids can be :censored: at times, but it's what makes them them, but they know to behave for others :thumbsup:

[wendywu]

I have had loads of only children.

Sometimes they start off by telling lots of tales, so and so did this, but they soon get to enjoy being part of a family group. Often they dont want to go home as its boring there :D

I have not had any that are spoilt though.

[LOOPYLISA]

OMG that could have been me writing that..lol

ive got one EXACTLY like that and mum sounds the same too:angry: :angry:

the one i have turned 7 about 3 weeks ago, for his birthday he got a dsi, a laptop and a ipod touch:eek: :eek: :eek: HES 7!!!!!!!!he hates the others talking and will constantly shout above them, every toy advert that comes on tv he has the WHOLE set of!!!!the other schoolies are in the same class as him and hes just as bad there.....so no i dont think your being harsh at all, i feel exactly the same:blush:

Yes my dd has a laptop and dsi and mobile, ipod, not all at the same time did she get them, but how many other kids have nowadays ?, shes polite, knows her p's and q's, has loads of friends :thumbsup:

No way did i choose to have a only child, but i have and shes the best thing thats ever happened to me :D

[Hebs]

I have not had any that are spoilt though.

oh mine was, so much so that mum couldnt control her and was considering asking for anger management for her daughter (aged 6!!!!)
she would kick off if she didnt get her own way, she used to attack mum and dad and gran if she didnt get what she wanted,

she wasnt too bad here until mum turned up, and would go home and tell mum all sorts of tales, like i wouldnt let her play, or do this that or other even though i had loads of photos to prove otherwise!

school cant even control this child :panic:

yet mum will not have a bad word said against her even though she cant control her own child :rolleyes:

the relief we all felt (me and other mindees!!) when i terminated so immense :blush:

[Hebs]

Yes my dd has a laptop and dsi and mobile, ipod, not all at the same time did she get them, but how many other kids have nowadays ?, shes polite, knows her p's and q's, has loads of friends :thumbsup:

No way did i choose to have a only child, but i have and shes the best thing thats ever happened to me :D

mark has....
laptop
mobile,
PS2
Xbox 360
DSi
Ipod

but to be honest he's happier when he's outside playing with friends :thumbsup:

[LOOPYLISA]

mark has....
laptop
mobile,
PS2
Xbox 360
DSi
Ipod

but to be honest he's happier when he's outside playing with friends :thumbsup:

Oh i forgot she has a
Ps3
ps2
wii

I can't get her in at the moment either :D

[Hebs]

I can't get her in at the moment either :D

dont you love the lighter nights, whoop summers on its way :clapping:

[MissTinkerbell]

i have only ever looked after 1 only child, and TBH i dont think i'd want to again :blush:

they are so used to having everything centered around them that i find they struggle when suddenly they arn't the main focus :rolleyes:

I actually feel very annoyed about this statement and very sad. As CMs we should not be making generalisations about children.

I am an only child and I think that I can honestly say that I was never spoilt and nor did I have everything I wanted - I only got things for birthday or Xmas or had to save my pocket money. Its not to do with being an only child and more to do with the way parents bring up their children.

I have looked after 4 only children and they have been delightful. They have not expected to be the centre of attention all the time and whilst they have intially found it difficult to share they have soon adapted and fitted in with my own children.

Anyway I agree with other posters and you need to be having a chat with the parent about the behaviour that you expect whilst this little boy is in your home.

[Mollymop]

mark has....
laptop
mobile,
PS2
Xbox 360
DSi
Ipod

but to be honest he's happier when he's outside playing with friends :thumbsup:

woo hoo - lucky boy!!

[LOOPYLISA]

I actually feel very annoyed about this statement and very sad. As CMs we should not be making generalisations about children.

I am an only child and I think that I can honestly say that I was never spoilt and nor did I have everything I wanted - I only got things for birthday or Xmas or had to save my pocket money. Its not to do with being an only child and more to do with the way parents bring up their children.

I have looked after 4 only children and they have been delightful. They have not expected to be the centre of attention all the time and whilst they have intially found it difficult to share they have soon adapted and fitted in with my own children.

Anyway I agree with other posters and you need to be having a chat with the parent about the behaviour that you expect whilst this little boy is in your home.

My dd has to save her pocket money up if she wants anything :thumbsup: , the dsi, etc are things she has got for her birthday/xmas, i agree its entirely how you bring them up, i have always said that about children :thumbsup:

I was a single parent for 5 years of my dd life, on benefits, i most certinly couldnt spoil dd, this thread has made me sad too, i can't even remember what the original thread was sorry :blush: x

[Hebs]

woo hoo - lucky boy!!

:laughing:

Loopylisa's dd has a wii, we sold ours as the kids got bored with it :o

back the OP, in your house its your rules :thumbsup:

you also said....
He comes to me 4 days a week & nearly every day when i get back from the school/pre-school runs there is a NEW toy in a bag hanging off my door handle, or a bag of treats just for HIM...sweets,crisps,choc dips ect ect

i take it mum puts it there, i'd either bin them or give it back to mum or share the sweets out at hometime, that'll sicken her and maight teach her son to share

[georgie456]

I have only ever minded only children! I've not had any siblings yet!!!

The only thing I have noticed with my schoolie is that she struggles sometimes with doing activities 'alone' rather than with me sat next to her helping her along. When mum is home, she does many, many art and craft things with this child so she is used to alot of one on one attention.

However, she is an amazing sharer and is like a little mother to the rest of the children in my setting!

It's seems a shame to put bad manners down to being an only child though.

[sweets]

being an only child has nothing to do with this boys issues! i know plenty of only children that are well rounded and polite, they are not all spoiled, yes sometimes of parents with one child have more money to spend on them but there is nothing wrong with that as long as its done properly.

i would have a word with his mum outlining the problems you have with her son and how it affects him and the other children and if the problems cant be resolved then you will have to give notice. ask her not too send sweets and toys etc as neither are needed at yours.

please dont label him as spoilt just because he is an only child! soem parents dont have a choice in how many children they have:(

[little chickee]

Its irrelevant as to wheter the boy is an only child or not its his behaviour (and that of his parent) thats the issue.

I would agree that the new toys need to be left at home. I would tell the mum that as you have plenty of toys at your house you would prefer him not to bring toys from home in case they get lost or broken.

The sweets are ok now and then but i would ask mum to keep the sweets for at home as it is creating issues with the other kids and as you have a healthy eating plan you do not supply sweets.

I would issue a no toys from home and no sweets policy!:thumbsup:

Maybe put it in a newsletter.

[maryp0ppins]

Apologies for the TITLE of my OP, really did it as he is an only child & NOT for one minute suggesting ALL only children are like this.
I too look after 5 other ONLY CHILDREN & have no problems with them or their parents for that matter. So sincere apologies if i did offend. :crying:

[margimum]

Sounds to me like it's mum with the problem! She obviously feels guilty for not being with her child and is "buying" his affection with sweets, toys etc and defending his unacceptable behaviour.
I would stress that any"gifts" left on your door handle are for the whole setting and will be eaten and played with by all!!:blush:

[maryp0ppins]

Sounds to me like it's mum with the problem! She obviously feels guilty for not being with her child and is "buying" his affection with sweets, toys etc and defending his unacceptable behaviour.
I would stress that any"gifts" left on your door handle are for the whole setting and will be eaten and played with by all!!:blush:

OMG are you serious, he would go mental. He cried his eyes out for 45mins the other day after i picked him up from school because his mum didn't have time to drop his ds console off before she went work.
The first thing he says to me every day is " whats mum bought me" :o

I now ignore what he says it & instead reply with " hello to you too T*, I've had a lovely day how about you"!!!:cool:

[margimum]

After a few days of replying " well some lovely person has left US a bag of sweets and some cars for the toy box" both mum and he may start to get the message and save these special treats for home!!
It's fine for her to buy him things, but why the need to rub everyone else's face in it??
It is very true that the best thing you can spend on your child is TIME.:blush:

[mumof1]

My dd is 7 and is an only child, and she would never be like that! how do i know? cos i wld never ever let her, simple as! We are strict with her especially her dad, beacuse we want her 2 have good manners! and trust me the last 7 years have paid off! she only gets sweets as a treat at the weekend, as snacks in my home are only fruit and yogarts! Dont get me wrong she as her moments just like any other 7 year old!

In the past i was a nanny to 3 children, all sisters and the oldest who was 6 was completely spolit and if she didnt get wat she wanted i had a full day of complaining until mum came home :angry: as i wouldnt give in!

I always tell my husband how lucky we are to have a good little girl compared to some :rolleyes:

[LOOPYLISA]

:laughing:

Loopylisa's dd has a wii, we sold ours as the kids got bored with it :o

back the OP, in your house its your rules :thumbsup:

you also said....
He comes to me 4 days a week & nearly every day when i get back from the school/pre-school runs there is a NEW toy in a bag hanging off my door handle, or a bag of treats just for HIM...sweets,crisps,choc dips ect ect

i take it mum puts it there, i'd either bin them or give it back to mum or share the sweets out at hometime, that'll sicken her and maight teach her son to share

She actually has the wii + ;)

[babs]

i think its the way they r brought up and agree maybe mum feels guilty .. my son is only child hes now 18 well mannered, polite and would never have shouted at other children when he was younger. hes never been spoilt in fact quite the opp my hubby is very strict on him even now but always get comments like u have a lovely boy there very well mannered and polite. as for sweets and chocolate son couldnt eat as chocolate made him sick offer him fruit or sweets fruit would win everytime . theses days how ever he does he his kevin and perry moments but only in the house when asked to clean his room :laughing: :laughing:

[Mollymop]

Apologies for the TITLE of my OP, really did it as he is an only child & NOT for one minute suggesting ALL only children are like this.
I too look after 5 other ONLY CHILDREN & have no problems with them or their parents for that matter. So sincere apologies if i did offend. :crying:

No you didn't offend hun. We know what you meant

[LOOPYLISA]

Apologies for the TITLE of my OP, really did it as he is an only child & NOT for one minute suggesting ALL only children are like this.
I too look after 5 other ONLY CHILDREN & have no problems with them or their parents for that matter. So sincere apologies if i did offend. :crying:

It wasnt your post that offened most of us :thumbsup:

[Hebs]

It wasnt your post that offened most of us :thumbsup:

it was mine :p

[estrelas]

Really disagree with this hebs :panic:

My dd is a only child, she is nothing like the above :mad:

Same here
i'm probaly so concious of spoiling my daughter she rarely gets anything :blush: