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PottyP
29-01-2010, 09:32 AM
Hi All,

I am a little confused on my course we were discouraged from using time outs as it was deemed as negative and was not something that we should get into the habit of doing, but I use time outs on my own children and have found it to be very helpful.

Will I get in trouble with ofsted if I do use time outs, I feel this could be my only solution in dealing with my battling siblings that I earlier posted about.

Many thanks
Paula x

sarah707
29-01-2010, 10:54 AM
Behaviour management is about positivity...

Instead of 'do not' we are supposed to be thinking in terms of 'do'.

So... 'we do not run' becomes 'we walk';

'Don't climb that bookcase' becomes 'feet on the floor please';

'Don't walk around drinking' becomes 'we sit when we eat and drink'.

As far as time out goes, it depends on how it is used, how often it is used and where it happens.

Experts say that if a child does or says something and needs to be separated from the others for a short while to think about what he has done / calm down / consider the consequences etc... that's fine.

What is not fine according to the experts is to put him on a 'naughty chair' or a 'bad boy step' or make him sit for long periods on his own. This is simply reinforcing the fact that he is naughty which can become a self-fulfilling prophecy (tell him often enough and he'll turn into the child you are describing).

We are also not supposed to ask or make a child say sorry - we can encourage them to apologise but should not expect it as it may become a word they say because of the consequences (say sorry or you'll not watch TV again today) rather than be said with understanding of why or meaning.

Instead we should (again according to the experts) be encouraging children to see the error of their ways by explaining what they have done and why it was inappropriate. This will apparently support their understanding of the differences between appropriate and inappropriate behaviour for the future.

hth :D

Pudding Girl
29-01-2010, 11:09 AM
Experts say that if a child does or says something and needs to be separated from the others for a short while to think about what he has done / calm down / consider the consequences etc... that's fine.

This is what I do, they come and sit down a while with me (boring Pudding Girl lol!)




We are also not supposed to ask or make a child say sorry - we can encourage them to apologise but should not expect it as it may become a word they say because of the consequences (say sorry or you'll not watch TV again today) rather than be said with understanding of why or meaning.

Completely agree with this, but I know many here do not so I shan't say anything more than I agree!! ;) :D

wendywu
29-01-2010, 12:10 PM
I say sorry to my mindees all the time. Oh sorry ***** yes you were right, the train was in the wrong toy box.:blush:

They tend to pick it up on their own then. Also they know that when they say sorry i change into Happy smiling Wendy xx

helendee
29-01-2010, 08:43 PM
I am not too sure on this one personally. Whilst I totally agree with and implement positive reinforcement I still think children need to be told the difference between what is wrong and what is right and I see nothing wrong in asking a child to apologise for a misdemeanour.

Just yesterday, for instance, my five year old after school mindee, threw a cushion at me, hitting me hard in the face because I had told him that he had been playing long enough on the Ceebies website and it was time to come off. I left him in no doubt at all as to whether that behaviour was acceptable and yes he did apologise to me!!

Kes
29-01-2010, 08:57 PM
I use time out as a last resort but in front of an inspecter I would call it reflection time as it sounds nicer.

The Juggler
30-01-2010, 08:35 AM
I am not too sure on this one personally. Whilst I totally agree with and implement positive reinforcement I still think children need to be told the difference between what is wrong and what is right and I see nothing wrong in asking a child to apologise for a misdemeanour.

Just yesterday, for instance, my five year old after school mindee, threw a cushion at me, hitting me hard in the face because I had told him that he had been playing long enough on the Ceebies website and it was time to come off. I left him in no doubt at all as to whether that behaviour was acceptable and yes he did apologise to me!!

me too! i teach them all we say sorry even if it was an accident. however, I think for smaller ones there's different ways they can say sorry, a rub, a hug and not necessarily making them say the word - for inclusiveness. As someone else said though it's not just about a token sorry it's about them understanding what/why it's wrong.

miffy
30-01-2010, 09:03 AM
me too! i teach them all we say sorry even if it was an accident. however, I think for smaller ones there's different ways they can say sorry, a rub, a hug and not necessarily making them say the word - for inclusiveness. As someone else said though it's not just about a token sorry it's about them understanding what/why it's wrong.

I'd agree with that - it's all about the level of understanding.

Miffy xx

LisaMcNally09
30-01-2010, 10:39 AM
When I first started minding I was of the opinion that we should encourage 'sorry'. Now though ive completely changed my mind. Ive got a 2yo that now does something innapropriate for example throws a toy. Then immediately comes to me and says sorry thinking that makes the wrong doing alright IYSWIM. There is no meaning behind the word he has just learn that if he says sorry then its all ok and the behaviour is forgotten.

I now sit him with me and explain that although its good to say sorry we shouldnt do whatever it was in the first place and the reasons why. This is working much better.

The little ones also now hug each other if they have hurt someones feelings rather than say sorry. I find they put more meaning behind a hug than just saying a word

PottyP
30-01-2010, 07:49 PM
Thank you everyone, you have given me some food for thought - I feel more relaxed about implementing time outs/reflection time for the 3 yr old.

Will let you know how I get on :thumbsup: .

Paula x