Subjects to cover on my next newsletter....

[SimplyLucy]

* Do NOT text me between 9pm and 7am, I do not work 24/7

* If your child vomits on my floor then I do not expect to see them for 48 hours, and yes I mean 48.....4 8......got it?

* If you choose to take your sick child to school because your job is more important do NOT expect to chat to me in the playground

* Pay me on time, you'd be furious if your boss paid you late, I have bills to pay, I am NOT working for pocket money.

* Don't EVER even consider commenting on something I have chosen to buy for my house or children, I work hard, it's MY money and I'll spend it as I wish.

* If your child insists on 20 kisses then please do it BEFORE ringing my doorbell, that my warm air wizzing past your ears

*When collecting your child, do NOT ever sit on my sofa and get comfy (only applies to a couple of people)

* Your children are all wonderful, I love looking after them :)



Well what do you think? I finished on a high note???

Please feel free to add your own comments or inform me if you feel I have missed something important.

[Annie_T]

just about does it for me hun :D

i think i agree with you and erm can i take a copy please lol x

[Trouble]

Please do not sit your child on my sofa then decide to take its muddy boots of

Please do not let your child run riot and empty all the toys out again when the are due to go home

NOW youve got me started:laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

[miss mopple]

Opened this thread looking for inspiration for the newsletter Im halfway through- not sure I got it :laughing:

I dare ya to put it in lol

[sarah707]

Please do not expect me to be happy if you arrive in the middle of tea and your child scoots from the table, disturbing all the other children in the process and leaving their meal half eaten.

Please do not pay me with cheques that bounce. My bank account needs them to stay put.

Please encourage your children to show some respect for the property of others by asking them not to walk all over other children's shoes in their rush to open the door.

Please do not stand at the back door chatting to me about your work worries and the argument you had with your husband / sister / mum this morning when you can see that I need to clear up from tea time and manage the needs of other children.

Please do not get angry with me if I do not answer the phone / door immediately when you arrive. I am probably changing a nappy.

Please inform your child that I find being called 'poo poo head' offensive and stop standing there like a wet dishcloth when they use it, leaving me to ask them to stop.

:D

[Trouble]

Do not keep your finger on the doorbell as i heard it the first time or let your child play with it

dont turn up early and expect me to be happy

[SimplyLucy]

* One day I WILL learn the art of saying "NO".....you're gonna get such a shock when that day comes and I think it's going to be soon!

[Trouble]

This list could be so long:clapping: :clapping: :laughing: :laughing:

[jelly15]

Please don't be upset that your child doesn't want to go home, be glad they are happy here, you would be worried if your child was screaming the whole time they are here.

Please don't text me on a Sunday night, after your child has been absent for the week, asking how much do I owe you, when we covered that issue a month ago when you signed the contract.

Please don't tell me you no longer want your two year old to have a daytime nap, as you would like her to sleep for twelve hours at night, and then be suprised when she is having the mother of all tamtrums when you collect her.

[Trouble]

Please don't be upset that your child doesn't want to go home, be glad they are happy here, you would be worried if your child was screaming the whole time they are here.

Please don't text me on a Sunday night, after your child has been absent for the week, asking how much do I owe you, when we covered that issue a month ago when you signed the contract.

Please don't tell me you no longer want your two year old to have a daytime nap, as you would like her to sleep for twelve hours at night, and then be suprised when she is having the mother of all tamtrums when you collect her.

:laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

[sarah707]

Please let me know if you are running late - a quick phone call stops your child from worrying.

Please send enough nappies for the day PLUS spares in case of emergencies.

Please do not ask me how I have got through the last bag of wipes so quickly. Just send new ones when asked.

Please try not to lose the daily diary again. It is a precious record of your child's time with me.

Please remember we go outside every day and while a frock might be lovely in the house, it's not practical to wear outside in the middle of winter, when worn without tights or a cardigan.

:D

[Trouble]

they should write a book on this stuff:laughing:

[sarah707]

they should write a book on this stuff:laughing:

:idea: :idea: :D

[Trouble]

:idea: :idea: :D

the perfect person:clapping: :clapping: :

never mind diary of a demented house wife

Diary of a demented childminder:laughing: :laughing:

[SimplyLucy]

:idea: :idea: :D

I started the thread.......what cut do I get???:D


* My children have a life, when I need to collect them at 4.45pm from an after school club I expect you pick up on time (4.30pm). If you don't collect on time then DON'T get stroppy with me for taking your child with me to collect MY child.........funnily enough MY child is important to ME, I don't want them panicking because I'm late.

[sweets]

please please send your baby with a proper coat! a long sleeved t-shirt and a light fleece is fine for you to bring her in your warm car in the morn but its not warm enought to go out for a walk in. Even though i have asked you at least 6 times for one it would be nice if you actually did it.:laughing:

[carlen222]

brilliant!!!!!!!

[Twinkles]

Just make sure it's not available to the new minders you may scare them ! :laughing:

[Monkey1]

yep the clothing (or lack of ) in the middle of winter really gets my goat!
Go on Sarah.........we will all buy it!

[jelly15]

I'd buy 5 copies, one for me and one each for the mindees parents, maybe then they would understand:clapping:

[Trouble]

The one bugging me at the moment

NO im not a taxi service, you pick your child up not me go out of my way to get to you whilst you go shopping and make me wait:angry: :angry: :angry:

[miffy]

* Please do not arrive on my doorstep at exactly 5.30pm and expect me to want to listen to a blow by blow account of your day - I have my own problems and a life!

* Please note that our contract is for care of your child only, it does not cover posting your letters, doing your shopping or popping to the chemist to collect your prescription.

* Please remember to tell me if your little darling is not in school - preferably before I have stood in the playground in the pouring rain for 15 minutes waiting for them to come out!

Miffy xx

[Monkey1]

* Please do not arrive on my doorstep at exactly 5.30pm and expect me to want to listen to a blow by blow account of your day - I have my own problems and a life!

* Please note that our contract is for care of your child only, it does not cover posting your letters, doing your shopping or popping to the chemist to collect your prescription.

* Please remember to tell me if your little darling is not in school - preferably before I have stood in the playground in the pouring rain for 15 minutes waiting for them to come out!

Miffy xx

:clapping: :clapping: :clapping: :clapping:

[jumpinjen]

Please inform your child that I find being called 'poo poo head' offensive and stop standing there like a wet dishcloth when they use it, leaving me to ask them to stop.

:D

:laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

[Carol]

We could all add a page to your book Sarah, we have only just started :laughing:

Please do not arrive any earlier than 7.30am !!!! I need my breakfast too.
Please read your newsletter about my holiday dates


More to follow :laughing: :laughing:

Carol xxx

[SimplyLucy]

On the subject of holidays.....

When I decide to take a holiday if I choose to take 1 week then the next Monday as an extra day it's because I want to.

You don't need to question me on why I'm taking said extra Monday.........it's none of your business!



I'll tell you lot though! I'll be flying back fromj Vegas arriving in the UK on the Sunday so I've taken the Monday off to do my washing and have a lazy day whilst my own children are at school. I can then collect my own children from school and take them out somewhere nice for tea because I won't have seen them for well over a week!

[Roseolivia]

Sounds perfect. Imagine if we could write things like that, do you think parents would still behave the way they do????:laughing:

[suzyblue]

Please do not 'forget' your cheque book/purse
Please do not let your child bang the letterbox 7.50 in the morning when your 10 minutes early and Im trying to ignore you.
Please do not make up excuses for non payment, you have already used the 'my dad just died' excuse 3 times.
Please remember non uniform day as I feel like the local monster taking your child to school in their uniform.
Please take your own blooming harvest festival tins to school!

This is fun....!

[RedDragon]

When I say "No shoes" I mean "No shoes".

No shoes in the house for children

No shoes in the house for parents

Parents, this does NOT mean you can tip toe in a strange manner across my cream rug in your shoes as if doing this strange walk stops any muck from outside going on the rug.

[SimplyLucy]

When I say "No shoes" I mean "No shoes".

No shoes in the house for children

No shoes in the house for parents

Parents, this does NOT mean you can tip toe in a strange manner across my cream rug in your shoes as if doing this strange walk stops any muck from outside going on the rug.

Thats a classic......think it should be the quote on the front of the book!

[suzyblue]

Please do not wait for my bum to hit the toilet seat before you ring the door bell....

[Twinkle]

Please don't tell me you can't pay me til the end of the week because you spent my fees in the pub at the weekend.

Please don't tell me you can't afford my fees when I know CTC are paying 80% of them!

Please don't bring your child in wellies in the middle of the summer because you can't get her to take them off and then forget an alternative set of footwear.

[FussyElmo]

Please dont send you child in pj's because she wont get changed into proper clothes.

Please remember that you are the adult in the relationship and your 2 yo shouldnt tell you what to do.

Please remember if I have rang you to say that I am ill I cant just have your child.

[loocyloo]

i am sitting here crying with laughter! i can't wait to write my next newsletter :laughing:

i can't think of anything to add ... all been covered!

[Trouble]

Please do not wait for my bum to hit the toilet seat before you ring the door bell....

:laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

[Trouble]

I think should be a long tem post and just keep running and running:clapping: :clapping: :clapping: :clapping:

[little chickee]

Thats the first time i have cried with laughing for ages!!! Keep it going!

When i stop laughing long enough i'll add my own.:laughing: :laughing: :clapping: :happy banana:

[sarah707]

Overnight inspiration... :rolleyes:

Please do not tell your child to come in and tell me you are skint and can't afford to pay me. I appreciate a conversation with you.

Please do not discuss my fees at home when older children are listening. I find it offensive when they tell me they cannot have a new game boy / go on holiday / visit the cinema because I am bleeding you dry

Please do not dose your child up with pain killers and then turn your phone off for the day while you are out shopping with your mum

Please leave your child's bag when you go, rather than taking it to work with you. My need for it is greater than yours.

Please take the time to look at your child's works of art rather than saying 'oh well more for the recycling then' or leaving them crumpled in the bottom of the bag.

Please do not swear when looking at your bill on my doorstep. Your child is listening.

If you can possibly bring yourself to look at me long enough to notice - sometimes I have my hair cut. It would be very nice of you to comment.

:D

[Trouble]

Overnight inspiration... :rolleyes:

Please do not tell your child to come in and tell me you are skint and can't afford to pay me. I appreciate a conversation with you.

Please do not discuss my fees at home when older children are listening. I find it offensive when they tell me they cannot have a new game boy / go on holiday / visit the cinema because I am bleeding you dry

Please do not dose your child up with pain killers and then turn your phone off for the day while you are out shopping with your mum

Please leave your child's bag when you go, rather than taking it to work with you. My need for it is greater than yours.

Please take the time to look at your child's works of art rather than saying 'oh well more for the recycling then' or leaving them crumpled in the bottom of the bag.

Please do not swear when looking at your bill on my doorstep. Your child is listening.

If you can possibly bring yourself to look at me long enough to notice - sometimes I have my hair cut. It would be very nice of you to comment.

:D

:laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

[mama2three]

please dont leave your medication , nail scissors , and perfume in los changing bag in my hall for other inquisitive fingers to find!

please write something , anything at all , on the daily diary / learning journey / parent questionnaire form / etc.

please dont sound so shocked when you come in and the place is tidy!

learn to say no to your child! no you cant just play with one more thing! no i cant come up and wipe your bum! ( he is almost 6!) recognise that these are delaying tactics and that your childminder wants her house back! now , not half an hour after pick up time!

[Twinkle]

This should be re-titled 'The Therapy Thread' - it's so funny! :laughing: :laughing:

[LeeAnn]

This is just so funny! I am due to do a newsletter, I have a load if inspiration now :laughing: :laughing:

[jaytravis]

i have no money in my bank £30 to last all week hmmm £20 odf that is is mine and tax credits pay for most of that
and a text tens mins before they arrive z was sick last night so his dad will HAVE to take the whole day off , thats good caus im not having him

[miffy]

* Please do not ring me 5 minutes before you were due to arrive to tell me your course has been cancelled when I have dragged myself out of bed on my day off to take your little darlings to school because you had "no-one else to do it"

* And, do not under any circumstances, then mutter those immortal words "I don't need to pay you do I?"

Miffy xx

[SimplyLucy]

A couple more......from my sister who has joined at last! (Simplykatie)

* When your child arrives with a black eye please be polite and wait for me to fill in the correct form for you to sign BEFORE you leave.

* When you choose to send your child to me even though I've informed you my baby has an upset stomach.......DON'T moan at me when your child is vomiting the following week. AND NO I will NOT look after your sick child!

* I know your job is more important than your child but can you at least try and keep that a secret from your child as they find it very upsetting.

* When your child comes to me looking as white as a ghost don't pretend that they are "just tired" when you know full well they are ill.

* Don't act all surprised when I call you to collect your sick child......remember your child can talk and they have told me that you gave them calpol this morning!

[loocyloo]

'' PLEASE is not a four letter word, and sometimes is very nice to hear, likewise, THANK YOU ''

'' your child knowing the theme tune to every programme on cbeebies gives away that they watch television with you, despite your insistance that they don't know what a television is ''

[Simplykatie]

3 more.....

* When your sister/brother/friend comes to stay with you with their child how about not sending your child to me so they can enjoy spending time with the other child on your wonderful day out. I know you will still have to pay me but it won't kill you.

* When said sister/brother/friend is down, I will NOT take on their child for the day so you can go shopping/to the pub.

* I will NOT ever go over my numbers "just this once" because you have an important lunch date. My job and the children I'm caring for are more important.

[Jacko81]

This thread is mint!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:laughing: :laughing: :clapping: :clapping: :thumbsup:

[miffy]

This thread is mint!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:laughing: :laughing: :clapping: :clapping: :thumbsup:

You're right - it was well worth reading again! :D

Miffy xx

[Lick'le Oakes]

Please don't send chocolate in your child's lunch box
Please remember to send your child's lunch box:D

[cabby]

have you lot met all my parents:laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

[juejue]

Please send a change of clothes, so when you little one soils their. I don't have to put dressing up clothes on them.

please text me the night before if they are not coming till 10am instead of 7.30.
I would love a sleep in

Please dont stand there waiting and listening if your child is ready to go. when another parent has arrived to pick up. My hall way is not that big.

I could go on and on :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

[pinky33]

Pmsl lol.

Ok here is a few of ours.

"no he isn't not eating because he is tired, he has had food issues every day for 9 months"

"if you have to take their pjs off to change their nappy in the morning why the hell did you not just get them dressed"

"and why did you put fresh pjs on because nappy had leaked overnight, again dress them yourself"

"please don't phone a hour after your child was meant to be here to tell us he has flue, then turn up next day and say no he didn't I just wanted day off work" I'm not your boss.

" it's not our responsibility to grit every rd between your house and mine, so stop telling me that something needs to be done"

" what part of non refundable deposit do you not get"

" please don't say at the end of every day oh you look tired, this is in fact what happens when you start work at 6.30 am and don't pick up till 6.00pm, oh and you were 10 min early this morning so it was infact 6.20!"

[buildingblocks]

please text me the night before if they are not coming till 10am instead of 7.30.
I would love a sleep in



Firstly loving reading this again.

Above quote could have been written by me - probably tomorrow morning. I am up at 6.30am for child arriving at 7.30 no doubt as on previous times will get a text at 8am saying sorry running late and will be there soon usually 9am - translated not at work today but as I am paying you from 7.30 will make you get up so you don't get a lay in.

[Trouble]

Pmsl lol.

Ok here is a few of ours.

"no he isn't not eating because he is tired, he has had food issues every day for 9 months"

"if you have to take their pjs off to change their nappy in the morning why the hell did you not just get them dressed"

"and why did you put fresh pjs on because nappy had leaked overnight, again dress them yourself"

"please don't phone a hour after your child was meant to be here to tell us he has flue, then turn up next day and say no he didn't I just wanted day off work" I'm not your boss.

" it's not our responsibility to grit every rd between your house and mine, so stop telling me that something needs to be done"

" what part of non refundable deposit do you not get"

" please don't say at the end of every day oh you look tired, this is in fact what happens when you start work at 6.30 am and don't pick up till 6.00pm, oh and you were 10 min early this morning so it was infact 6.20!"

:laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :thumbsup:

[amirose]

Please don't call me when you all ready 15 minutes late for pick up and say "I might be running a bit late tonight! :panic: .....:laughing:

[Beetlejuice]

Gosh there are SO many I could add to these but my bugbears atm include:

- Don't drive through a foot of snow to get to me when your child is ill because 'he wanted to see your DD' - he spent an hour coughing and retching over my DDs then started burning up and I had to call you an hour later

- Don't spend the day shopping and having lunch with your DH then come in at collection time, flop on my sofa and declare you've had 'such a hectic day' when I've had 5 children including your DS who's been a nightmare

- When I tell you your child has just sat on my sofa and peed himself and he's been trained for a v long time, don't sit there unashamed and ask 'oh darling why did you do that?' in a simpering manner. He PEED ON MY SOFA FFS!!!!!!

- Don't send your child in fancy dress clothes because SHE refused to wear anything else. She is TWO - YOU are the grown up. Alternatively don't send her in moon boots in 28 degree heat for the same reason - I looked a right numpty taking her to the park in the height of summer

I could think of loads more but taking my own kids to school so will continue later!! This is v therapeutic lol!!

[cabby]

please dont ring me on a friday evening as im running around morrissons doing my shopping to queary and extra 75p on your bill :angry: :angry:

when it proberly just cost you £1.50 to call my mobile from your landline:angry:

[mrs_scottydog]

Wow reading this thread makes me realise I must have perfect parents!!
Great reading though! :laughing: Hx

[tulip0803]

* Please don't ring me the day before I have your child and say "Have you got Calpol at your house?" I start being suspicious.

* Please don't ring and say they may be grumpy as they have gastroenteritis doctor is querying E-coli. I am not having them for at least 72 hours. (not from me had no seen for a week!)

* Your 16 month old needs more than one spare nappy for a 9 hour day

* When I say no I do not want your cherubs ad-hoc in 1/2 an hour I mean it. I do not want them in 2 or 3 hours either.

* Please dress apporpriate for the weather. light t-shirt & light fleece in snow & ice and 15 layers when their is none is back to front

* I have just spent the last 2 years with you telling me you would be better off on benefits and not doing course - please don't do it this year as I have stopped believing you so it will be a shock if you jack it in.

* No I will not give notice so that I can have your cherub 1/2 a day extra until she starts school in Sept.

* I do not appreciate that your child throws food that they do not want off their plate as you think it is funny at home

* No I do not want to drive you and your family to Heathrow airport on Christmas Eve - I have 2 children of my own and am working and have a 5 seater car. And no DH does not want to do it either (TRUE!!!)

[maryp0ppins]

'' PLEASE is not a four letter word, and sometimes is very nice to hear, likewise, THANK YOU ''

'' your child knowing the theme tune to every programme on cbeebies gives away that they watch television with you, despite your insistance that they don't know what a television is ''


:laughing: :laughing: true on sooooooooooo many occasions :laughing: :laughing:

Love this thread, very funny read !!

Please don't ask me "how much is my bill this week".....It's the SAME as every other week you've paid me regardless whether he has been or not :blush:

[cabby]

just because your 16mnt old had a wee on the potty it does not mean she is potty trained!!!!! please do not bring her in a pair of knickers, with no nappies or spare clothes :angry: :angry:

[berkschick]

When I tell you that your DS has been a pain in the behind this morning, sworn at me, hit me, tried to escape, DO NOT tell me "oh he was fine at home". Remember my friend lives next door to you!

Do not send your term time only child (child above!!) to me on the last day of term and say "oh b*****, I forgot to get you something" when I hand over your childs xmas gift to you! I didnt expect anything anyway as you have not bothered for the past 3 years!

Do not ask us to keep younger sibling of child above for an hour longer today. Yes my husband might be off but it is because I am ill and didnt want to let you lot down, he is not off so we can extend your hours while you go down the pub for a jolly!

(Can you tell I have had a morning with one of my parents??!)

[singingcactus]

Wow, you're all making this work sound awful. Are parents really the enemy, all the time? I'm sure there is some made up stuff in here, but really if this was how I felt I would pack in the work.

[mufftie]

this is fab so very true

heres mine

please remember that they are in fact your children and not mine , and i am not responsible for signing letters and paying for trips , school lunches , or providing pe kit at the school they attend .

[georgie456]

* Please stop assuming my reason for living is looking after your child and I have nothing else in the world to do. If you should collect at 5.30pm, 5.55pm, with no phone call doesn't cut it I'm afraid.

* Please stop doing the above every Friday.

[loocyloo]

please remember that they are in fact your children and not mine .


oh please can i put this in my next newsletter !!!

:clapping: :clapping: :clapping:

and sending me the text to say you will be late an hour AFTER you have collected half an hour late is not on! maybe once i will believe that you sent the text and it was delayed ... but not EVERY TIME !

[cas2805]

Love it!!!:clapping:

[caz3007]

Mine currently are

Please dont text me 10 minutes before pick up time to say you are stuck 30 miles away

Please say thank you after I have kept your children as a favour well after their collection time and eventually dropped them back to their dad cos I want some time with my own family

You may consider you child is suddenly potty trained and can come in pants, with no spare clothes at all, but I dont consider him potty trained until he has at least used the potty here for some time (cant get him to use it here, see my other post :laughing: )

[MissTinkerbell]

Mostly my parents are great but...

*please don't txt me telling me you will drop off after school run just because you fancied a lie in as you are not working today so that I had to miss the carol service at school to wait in for you to arrive

[Beetlejuice]

Wow, you're all making this work sound awful. Are parents really the enemy, all the time? I'm sure there is some made up stuff in here, but really if this was how I felt I would pack in the work.

I love my job, honest I do, but some of the things that happen to me and other minders I know honestly beggars belief.

[Lady Haha]

Please do not drop your child off munching a packet of bbq flavour Discos as we are just getting into the car to go to school. I appreciate that you told me you feed your child healthily when we first met, but I think our ideas of 'healthy' food differ.

Please can you try to pay me in the right money at least one week next year. I find it really difficult to remember whose bills for next week I need to 'knock off' £2.30 or £4.10 or 65p etc etc. It's not JUST you that does it, it's everyone! Also, if I do forget, please don't look at me accusingly as if I'm trying to rip you off whilst saying 'I'm sure I overpaid last week though.....'

Please give me some credit. Don't ring me at 2.30pm to say something has come up at work and can I collect your child today please??? Your child CAN talk and will tell me that you told him at school drop off that I was picking him up today.



Thats mine! My fave from every one elses is Reddragons parent 'tip toeing across the cream carpet in a strange manner' .......which is EXACTLY what I do at softplay :blush: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

[kel1983]

Haha I have loved reading all of these

I think I have been pretty lucky so far not had any major problems.

The only one I can think of is

*please remember to let me know if your child is not going to be coming to me because she is ill. I dont want to be wasting my time and credit ringing you to find out.

Keep them coming. Definately a good read. :clapping: :clapping: :thumbsup:

[flowerpots]

Overnight inspiration... :rolleyes:

Please do not tell your child to come in and tell me you are skint and can't afford to pay me. I appreciate a conversation with you.

Please do not discuss my fees at home when older children are listening. I find it offensive when they tell me they cannot have a new game boy / go on holiday / visit the cinema because I am bleeding you dry
Please do not dose your child up with pain killers and then turn your phone off for the day while you are out shopping with your mum

Please leave your child's bag when you go, rather than taking it to work with you. My need for it is greater than yours.

Please take the time to look at your child's works of art rather than saying 'oh well more for the recycling then' or leaving them crumpled in the bottom of the bag.

Please do not swear when looking at your bill on my doorstep. Your child is listening.

If you can possibly bring yourself to look at me long enough to notice - sometimes I have my hair cut. It would be very nice of you to comment.:D

so funny :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

[Carol M]

Please READ my policies, newsletters and memos. They may contain things that you need to know!!

Please do not text 10mins before collection time and tell me you will be 20 mins late because you are getting the light fixed on your car, the one I told you about last week, thus making me miss a train with dd's going to a concert.

Please do not allow your child to bring toys from home because you can't handle the hassle in the morning, why should I?

Please understand that if you are late I can not wait for you as I need to take 6 other children to school , why should they be late too?

Please do NOT arrive half way through tea time and want to encourage your child to eat his veg, we do just fine without you, if not better!

Please do not ask me why your child is so agressive when you collect and he has punched you, kicked you,smacked you in the face and spat at you and you stand there and do nothing about it!

The list goes on and on:laughing:
PLEASE Sarah, write a book.
Carol xx

[MissTinkerbell]

Just thought of another...

*please return borrowed clothes as my DD is rapidly running out of clean underwear

and as a follow on..

*knowing that your DD has frequent accidents please send enough clothes for me to change her into - it is not enough to provide me with plenty of tops and NO bottoms

[Carol M]

Wow, you're all making this work sound awful. Are parents really the enemy, all the time? I'm sure there is some made up stuff in here, but really if this was how I felt I would pack in the work.
Just a bit of tongue in cheek :D
Seems we all have similar issues as part of the job, it's rarely the children, and as professionals we deal with it appropriately:laughing:
Carol xx

[carol cameron]

Please don't expect me to care for your children when the school decide to close for the day due to heavy snow and then say "I can't really afford to pay for the extra hours...."

Please don't assume that I love my job so much that I can afford to do it for free. After all, you wouldn't.......

Please don't expect me to collect your sick child from school because you have already booked time off this week to go to the hairdressers......

Please realise that my fees are like any other bill and that you need to pay them regardless of whether it is your works night out............

Loving this thread. All kudos to whoever thought of it:)

[karensmart4]

Please at least wish me a happy christmas, not just stand in my kitchen for a half hour at pick up chatting about yourself, collect your child's bag of goodies, cards decorations etc. and then expect me to help you carry it all out to your car in the snow. grrrr

Happy Christmas Everyone.... see that didn't hurt one bit :rolleyes:

[claire bear 72]

I have just been laughing out loud and crying reading some of these!!:laughing: OMG they are hilarious!:laughing:
Here are a few more
Please dont tell me your child was sick in the night after I have rung you to collect him when he has been sick all over dining room :eek:
Please dont ring me late afternoon to see how your child is!..."he had a temp in the night and wouldnt eat breakfast" no way lol

dont stand in the hallway chatting to other parents/children so that my new kitten runs out!

Classic one "i think he/she has JUST pooed in the car" so first thing in the morning whilst trying to get ready to do the school run, you now have a nappy to change!...parents please dont forget over the years we must have changed 1000's of nappies and poo dried onto the bottom has not just happened in the car on the way here!!!! :laughing: :laughing:

please dont text me in the playground to see if I have any cash on me because school have just text to say dinner money is overdue!

after asking for wellies all through winter...next year please can I have some for YOUR child?..and not say "oh i need to get some there to small!

[mufftie]

Wow, you're all making this work sound awful. Are parents really the enemy, all the time? I'm sure there is some made up stuff in here, but really if this was how I felt I would pack in the work.


ive not read anything that shocks me ive seen it all , but it is taken with a sense of humur as if it wasnt then yes we would give it up gladly

[mamasheshe]

i understand you are a very important person but please do not ignore my 3 year old covered in "I'm 3 today" badges, i know you had to fight passed the balloons and banners to get into the house.

please don't make a earlier start even earlier for me turning up before 7.00am is obscene.

i understand your pregnant and have to be careful on ice snow, lifting, carrying ect but as you know I'm also pregnant so unfortunately i can help you but will not be able to do it for you.

[ChocolateChip]

This thread is fantastic!
Think all mine have been posted already, we should get together and make a programme of 'Grumpy Old Childminders' lol! :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

Then make sure all our parents see it :D

[Playmate]

:idea: :idea: :D

so Sarah, have you finished the book yet?? you've had nearly a year :laughing: :laughing:

I would so love to put some of these things in my news letter, the trouble is the parents would probably think you were joking :D

[onceinabluemoon]

- 5.30 is the time your child is supposed to have left, not the time you are supposed to turn into my road to collect her.

- if you want to discuss at length the merits and pitfalls of your job and how unfair your life is I would be pleased to listen, however please note that my rates for psychology/psychiatry are considerably higher than my childminding rates and need to be paid in advance.

- when I say I leave for school at 8.30 in the morning without fail, please do not turn up at 8.45 and then grumble and swear at me when i get back because you missed me!

- when I tell you your daughter has been a little toad here today please don't tell me she is fine at home, your husband told me this morning she was a little witch last night!!

- lunchboxes: no chocolate in any form means exactly that, not that you can send in chocolate mousse or chocolate covered cakes or chocolate buttons if you feel like it.

- please do not send your child in with half chewed soggy farley rusk/chocolate buttons/crisps in his hands in the morning unless you want me to reciprocate the favour in the evening

[mummyof3]

This is fantastic most have been covered but will add a few more.

Please do not allow your 22mth old to bring a brush handle into my house to 'play with' because he will throw a fit if you take it off him. YOU are the parent.

Please do not allow the above child to also bring a metal bar to 'play with' because of the same reason above.

Do not send your 2yr old without socks on in winter as 'he refused to let me put them on' again ......YOU are the parent !!!

Please do not send your chunky 22mth old in a coat size 6-9mths that is half way up his arms and too tight. Or send him in slippers as you have 'lost' his shoes. Or send him in a tshirt when it is -10 outside. Or send him without a hat and gloves then tell me its freezing today :eek: Or send him in clothes that are at least 3 sizes too small every day!

Please do not send little one with a blanket that stinks so badly then tell me 'its a bit smelly but he wanted to bring it' the smell was so vile I had to leave it outside :blush:

Please do not ask me on pick up how he has been as he was up all night with a raging temperature

Please do not allow your child to open my drawers and empty them, pull my sons hair, touch the xbox, kick my dog, kick my cat and then sit there and say 'thats not nice' in a wet voice. He only does this because you do not discipline him he wouldn't do ANY of it if you weren't here!

Please don't send your child with a soiled nappy and say it happened on the way to me - its caked into his bottom and red raw and been there a while. Oh and also please change his nappy when he gets dressed as its bursting and smells of overnight wee!

Please do not just assume I will pick up your child after school on none contracted days without checking if I can. I don't like telling children to go back to their class rooms as I am full then having to spend 10mins trying to get hold of parents whilst I am freezing cold in the playground :eek:

A christmas card would be very nice or even saying happy christmas especially when I send home little one with a bag full of crafts and gifts.

Please be careful who you are talking to when you slag me off to a client at the hairdressers for me having one day off sick. Threatening to send your darlings to the holiday club instead of me does not scare me in fact I WISH YOU WOULD!!!!

Ooooo the list could go on and on...........:laughing:

[mummyof3]

Oh I forgot

Please do not send your 1yr old to me at 8am with a packet of quavers or a shortbread biscuit or a sausage roll (he found in the car :eek: :eek: ) or a bag of chocolate buttons then say that is his breakfast :eek:

Or bring him late at 10am as he overslept and then tell me he hasn't had any breakfast :angry:

The above is far worse as you go home to bed after you drop him off :angry:

Oh and the classic.......please do not duck down in your car when you see me in the shopping centre car park I have already seen you :rolleyes: (btw I am not shopping I am parking there to drop other little one at playgroup ;) just want to clear that up ) :laughing:

[Noomie]

Please send your child with appropriate clothes for the weather. Flimsy shoes and a thin denim coat (no gloves, hat, scarf) just won't cut it when it's -7 outside and is snowing. We do have to walk on these days as the car won't get back up the hill where the school is.

Please let me know well in advance if you're going to be late. 10 mins before you are supposed to be arriving is not good enough and yes, I DO mind as I am going out. You were 1.5 hours late in the end and we missed our lift.

[claire'scherubs]

I am loving this thread and do appreciate the parents that I have.

The one parent, that told me she was shopping so would be late (10 mins after collection) I terminated the contract, not for that reasons but because the child was extremely difficult

[Louise B]

Please do not make your child apologise for stealing from me, then turn a blind eye when she continues to do it!

Please do not promise my child you'll bring all our stolen items back that night, then 3 days later we have to collect them ourselves!

And to the same parent, please just pay up, stop lying about your wages going into a new account, I know you get almost all your fees paid by tax credits, so stop spending it on weekends at Butlins, and 2 tattoos last month!

Don't tell me your estranged husband is going to pay the latest invoice, he is NOT on the contract and therefore has no legal reason to be paying your bills!

Please remember to tell your child what you've told me about their favourite foods, so when I serve up a ham sandwich, he doesn't look at me like it's poo spread!:angry:

To same parent, at pick up time, please do NOT bring your younger child then let him run around my house with his muddy shoes on, chase my cat, press the 'start' button on my tumble dryer when it's empty, then play around with the cat flap! He will not only trap his hands, but he keeps locking it and giving my cat concussion when he headbutts the locked flap!!

[OrlandoBelle]

Please reframe from bringing your other child into my house, taking my baby off me and giving her to your 4 year old to hold on her lap on my sofa. She is not a doll.

Please do not stand there ignoring your other child who is kicking my walls in my hallway.

Please do not ignore her again outside when she is kicking my hebe's!

Please do not ignore me when I am telling you something we did at the weekend. I know your weekend was so much more important than mine, but some acknowledgement would be nice.

Please do not make me kiss your child 3 times on the way out when you KNOW he opens his mouth when he kisses and is covered in dribble and snot.

Please do NOT walk through my living room in your wet, muddy shoes and then say on your way out "Oh I'm sorry have I got mud on your carpet?" YES YOU HAVE!! On MY nice CREAM carpet and you did exactly the same yesterday and the day before and the day before that!! Take your ****** shoes OFF!:angry:

Please do not text me 5 minutes after my assistant has left to pick up your child to say they won't need picking up til an hour later. I have other children to consider and do not work with JUST your family. Neither do I work FOR your family. I am not a taxi.

Please teach your child that you eat hot food in the evenings after a day at school. A sandwich is NOT dinner. "Oh he won't eat a proper dinner, he only eats sandwiches" is astonishing to me. YOU are the parent. YOU have made him like that.

And last but not least... I have told you every day this week that your baby has had 4 bad nappies a day. Please STOP giving him 5 satsumas a day!! He is only 11 months old!:angry:

[tashaleee]

This thread is brilliant!!!! :laughing:

Unfortunately I can relate to a lot of the comments over the years but would like to add:

Please do not let your child aged 2 arrive eating a sticky lolly - at 8am they dont need one! Nor does my house.....

Please do not collect said child from my house with an ice cream you have bought from the shops and want to bring it inside! (please take your child to the shops and buy it there!)

Please do not let your 3 year old take the largest toy they have to pre-school and expect me to juggle that on top of a double buggy and a child moaning as they hate walking!

Please do not deliver a 3 year old (different child) with no shoes knowing that I have a school run and telling me its ok they can go in the buggy today - err no they are 3, they walk, the baby goes in the buggy and you can go home and get me some shoes (and yes they did!)

Please do not deliver a 3 year old with a massive cut on their face that they did when falling onto the coffee table and disfiguring their front tooth and then never bother taking said child to the dentist

Please do not tell me that a child always sleeps alone in a cot... then I establish they are always cuddled to sleep and you sit there with them in your arms for hours (obviously I have the same amount of free time to do this as you)

Please do not tell me on a Monday you have no money to pay me when I know you have been down the pub all weekend as your car has been parked outside it

Please do not bring your child in wellies in the middle of summer saying they wouldnt wear anything else - I dont care if you bring them in a bag I still want them!

Please remember 2 nappies is not good enough when your child does at least 2-3 dirty nappies a day!

Yes I do need wipes for all the dirty nappies your child does!

Yes I do really mean it when I ask you to apply suncream before you drop your child off in the morning (and if you dont I will happily watch you do it - yes its evil but it works)

Please respect my rules at pickup - when I ask your child to sit on the stairs please back me up rather than laugh at them trying to climb up the stairs or kicking my newly decorated hall walls (current issue!)

Please do not allow your child to hit you in front of me and do nothing to tell them off

Please do not have a battle and a standoff with your child in my hallway as they are fighting you over saying hello - they dont want to, you want them to, and I have better things to do than deal with this (and they say it fine and grin the minute you leave!)

Please ensure you pick up on time - telling me I need to tell you if I have an appointment so you are on time is not how it works and the fact that you are happy to pay extra fees is irrelevant!


I could go on... and probably will another time :laughing:

[SamBaker]

This is so funny! I really do have to go to bed, must read the rest tomorrow. Probably at 6.15 when parents are late.... again!!!! :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

[Monkey26]

Please stop bringing chocolate with you at collection time so that you can bribe your child into your car... it is not fair on the other children when you wave it in front of them as a way of getting your child out my house!!!! :censored:

[SamBaker]

Please ensure you pick up on time - telling me I need to tell you if I have an appointment so you are on time is not how it works and the fact that you are happy to pay extra fees is irrelevant!


I could go on... and probably will another time :laughing:

Oh this is sooo true!!! :laughing: :laughing:

[sweets]

if you need me to store your pushchair during the day please do not wheel it into my hallway with its wheels covered in mud and whatever else! then go on to say 'oh dear' then rush off to work!



yes this happened to me today :angry:



(been waiting for ages to have something to add to this thread :clapping:)

[loocyloo]

' when i ask you to bring a warm coat for your LO, please don't tell me that as its an inset day i won't be doing the school run , and therefore, won't be going outside, and that i can always put a fleece blanket round LO if i have to go out '

' please don't tell your older child that as its raining i will be doing the school run by car, i won't! we walk! and by the way, your child needs a waterproof that fits! '


( yesterday, and going by past experience, the next day it rains :rolleyes: )

[SimplyLucy]

I forgot about this thread. Thanks for digging it up!

My new one.........

I told you school goes back on Thursday and if you need me on the Tuesday and Wednesday then let me know. (teacher mum and her school went back on Tuesday). Don't hammer on my door at 7.30am on the Tuesday, I was in bed asleep. Then don't get stroppy and tell me "you said you could have them" yes, I did say that but you were ment to let me know if I was needed!

Ended up going back to work 2 days earlier than expected, lucky for her I'm skint and the extra £148 is really rather handy!

[OrlandoBelle]

Another one to add from yesterday... Please do not allow your child to break my daughters toys when she only just got them for Christmas and had barely played with them herself! Grrrrr