What to do about an afterschooler

[polly0]

I have two before and after schoolers. They are brother and sister, the brother who is 7 is an absolute pain:mad:

When dad arrives to pick them up he runs and hides even though I keep telling him not to do it, the other night he did it again but I was so tired and had enough of him, I told him in a calm and authoritive voice:laughing: not to do it again and got hold of his hand and marched him to the hall, where dad was stood looking very serious:( (don't know wether it was directed at me or his child) he never said a word to him about his behaviour. This childs behaviour is so infuriating, if i tell him off for anything he raises his eyes to the ceiling or starts answering me back:angry: These two children and my two are not getting on at all, which makes me dread picking them up each night.

Don't know what to do, i keep trying different tactics to sort his behaviour out but nothing seems to be working yet!!

Any ideas ???

[Roseolivia]

I have this with my 8yr mindee. He doesn't hide at hometime, it's his attitude to me and problems over food i have. Sorry can't offer any advice

[Blackhorse]

I would implement a behaviour plan....with rewards for good and privilidges taken off for bad...

parents should be on board for this too though...

I have had a couple of issues with one of my after schoolers and we made a list of good behviour that is expected and what we dont want to have
mum is in favour of it and wants to know how he behaves as she said they are working on it too as they had similar issues in the home

I think if paretns are not on board you wont achieve quite the same...although it is your house and your rules so they need to learn to listen to them even though they might not have the same rules in their own home.

I would speak to parents and the child to see what they hve to say

maybe get the children to sign and agree to the good behaviour chart and get their input into it

failing all that and you cnt get anywhere and they are causing too many problems for you and your kids i would start looking for new mindees...(once you think you tried all different strategies)

[Goatgirl]

Hi :),
sorry you're having this trouble, it can really stress you out. I recently introduced star charts for hometime behaviour.. as soon as a parent is spotted expected or knocks on the door, the child in question is reminded that they may get a star if they manage to get ready quickly and calmly. The star goes on when they've stepped outside - they count them up the next time they're here. I had it so for every 5 silver stars they got a gold one, but some come more than others and they were determined to see it as a competition, lol. So I'm going to change it so everyone has their own chart and link a full week to getting stickers for a sticker book.
For behaviour generally, my older ones respond really well to being told they're great as often as I can possibly say it and having their 'achievements' written on their achievements charts. I write 'wonderful walking to school' 'terriffic teamwork' kind of stuff in bright colours and they tell me if they think of something awesome they've done too. No rewards _ just reminders of why they should be proud of themselves...
In you rposition, I'd try to praise every little thing he does that's good, say 'that's not like you' when he misbehaves and generally stick a cheerful face on.

Oh, and maybe go over the house rules again with stickers for every 'rule' : we're kind to each other; We keep each other safe; we listen to each other etc... and most importantly who's in charge??!! my mindees always get that one right ... its taken a lot of training though, lol

Hope this doesn't sound patronising, i know its not so easy when you're trying to deal with the situation on the ground, so to speak...
Probably the parents should be asked to back you up if you have a go at some new strategies but there's still no significant improvement.

Hope it gets better quickly :)

best wishes,
Wendy

[mummyof3]

I had the same problem a few months ago with a 7yo mindee it took mum almost 45min to evict him from my house and mum was like a wet lettuce he ran rings around her :mad:

I gave notice in the end because it was affecting my family and my 6yo ds behaviour was deteriorating as a result.

[beccas]

SNAP i have siblings aged 7 almost 8 and a 11 year old he is always winding older sister up moans about food gives attitutde and if looks could kill. I now make him get ready 5 min before home time and have him sat at bottom of stairs ready to just go outof the door as soon as parent knocks on the door, Its the only way as for behaviuor i have told him till i am blue in the face he now gets told 2 times then timeout!!! end of story and i ask him why he was sent to time out and make him say sorry to everybody for being distruptive. Mum is fine with this she says hes in mycare its up to me how i deal with his behaviour.

[Lady Haha]

I agree with the reward charts! Thats what I have been doing ever since I started minding. I've had pretty much every single mindee doing the 'hiding' thing when parent comes to collect, but as soon as I tell them they will get moved up their chart if they don't hide and get ready to go nicely, the problems disappears overnight! Not had it fail yet!

The reward charts can be used for so many things too. I very very rarely move a child down on their chart, but answering back or rolling their eyes at me like you have described, would result in them moving down and it does work! They absolutely HATE being moved down the chart!

[miffy]

Nothing to add to the advice already given but if this child's behaviour is upsetting your own children then I'd seriously think about giving notice - your own family comes first and it's horrible if they and you don't enjoy your job

Good luck - hope things improve for you

Miffy xx

[polly0]

Thankx for the replies, I am going to try the reward chart and see how that goes:) if that fails then I will probably give notice because at the moment I and my family dread after school time:(

[Chanelle]

I agree with a sticker reward system.

Maybe use a football or something he likes to use as a reinforcement.

Strikes for bad behaviour and lose tv time. This is what a fellow childminder used for a disruptive child and it and she has worked wonders.

This works so long as it is kept to . :)

[It's a small world]

You are not alone I have problems with my after schoolers too.eldest is 9 and constantly telling me he's bored when we go get my ds( they finish earlier than ds) then tells me next year he's walking home on his own ( will be yr 6) and just making out that he can do anything . Always has a face on but as soon as we get to my house things get a bit better. His brother 7 s a different story he reckons he's soooo good but total opposite - makes stories up . Says ge hasn't done anything wrong when hurt my ds( when I tell him I saw what he did he gets all defensive and asks if I'm going to tell mum) more concerned about his mum telling him off then what he has done . Tells me his dad let's him do anything he wants ( told him my house my rules) I struggle as they are older than my ds . Mum has said youngest attention seeking since spending Xmas with dad as gets away with everything. She has told me to disapline as I see fit. Some days they are good . It's hard but as you can see you are not on your own.sorry not much help.