View Full Version : Please help i need advice

13-01-2010, 05:02 PM
I look after an 8yr old boy, he has a fascination with his bits nearly every word he says is willy and my son has atarted picking up on this and finds it funny and has started saying it.
I caught the boy a few weeks ago in my hallway with my 3 yr old son and he had got it out of his pants and was telling my son to do it. I was totally in shock and did not know what to do so told them both off. And i have a few little girls who also attend my setting.
I mentioned to mum about it and she said "yes he is fascinated with it we do tell him off but it's just cos he's a boy all boys are fascinated with them.

My son has now started getting it out whenever we have visitors he's even done it in a shop. which was totally embarassing.

Now today has kind of been the last straw

He was telling my son to roll it up to make it look like a mushroom, you know what i mean. I am totally shocked that an 8yr old would say that to a 3 yr old. I really do try not to leave them in the same room on their own anymore but there are times when i need to leave the room to make drinks, take one of the girls to the toilet or change a nappy.

I do not know if this is normal or not for a boy of this age but I have tried just pulling the older one aside and having a quiet word and explaining that this is not acceptable behaviour and as I have said I have had a word with mum about it.
Should I make notes of this in the record of concerns or am I just going overboard on it all.
Any advice will be greatly appreciated and thank you in advance I just don't know what to do. :D

13-01-2010, 05:43 PM
:eek: :eek: I am shocked!!!!
My ds is nearly 8 and he does show me his bits sometimes and then thinks it is funny!!!! but what you have just said about rolling it back in front of your 3 year old is awful it makes you wonder how he knows how to do this?????? my DS certainly doesn't do this.
I would be having words with him he is old enough to know that it is unacceptable and speak to mum about it see what her reaction is!!!
Sorry not much help x x x

13-01-2010, 05:48 PM
ummm the comment about rolling it back, my son is 7 and has had numerous infections, so he had to be taught to roll it back and clean properly in the bath. Not making excuses, but just pointing out there could be an innocent reason for knowing this. Having said that, my son laughs about it with us, but cant see him doing it in front of someone else

Not sure about the rest of it, but I would have some concerns about the rest of the behaviour and attempt to get the parents to take it seriously and work with you to get him to stop it

13-01-2010, 05:52 PM
I think these incidences need to be logged as a concern. I would also be very careful what you say to mum. I think this certainly needs careful monitoring.

13-01-2010, 06:00 PM
In my experience I would say no it is not normal for an 8 year old boy to pull his privates out in front of people not his family (not particularly usual for them to do it to family by that age either). I would be very cross if the 8 year old I care for did that at my house, and I would be fuming if my own children behaved like that when they were 8 - which for the record they did not! Neither did my brothers, or their friends.

Lady Haha
13-01-2010, 06:10 PM
I think boys sometimes do have a fascination with getting their bits out, but that doesn't make it ok!

My own son who is almost 8 used to 'flash' at the girl mindees!!! Not so long ago either! I had to tell him off for that and say that it's not a nice thing to do! He doesn't do it anymore. I think thats what your problem is, the fact that the boy knows he shouldn't be doing it, but carries on anyway. And if it's affecting your own son's behaviour then thats unacceptable!

I would be telling mum that this is a serious problem that needs addressing urgently and then if it still hasn't changed his behaviour, I would give notice! Maybe a cowards way out, but I wouldn't want my own child to think it was okay to behave like that!

13-01-2010, 06:21 PM
Yes boys can become very pre-occupied with their twiddly bits but his behaviour is not acceptable at the very least - especially concerning your own child. i presume he does this when he thinks you are 'out of the way'?

I am with Sally on this - you need to document EVERYTHING, including anything you have said the mum. I would get mum into have a chat and tell her that you cannot allow this behaviour to continue and you are now logging things as a concern. Perhaps in pretty language. Perhaps you can work together on a strategy to help him become more modest. i would say i would start thinking carefully about next steps here - do you actually feel there is a further concern?

I would strongly point - tonight even if you have to call the mother on the phone - out that the care of your over 8's must not impact on the care of your under 8's and if the situation doesn't improve in a certain time limit you will have not choice but to terminate the contract.

The boy is old enough at 8 to understand acceptable levels of behaviour and i would tell him - if you catch him again that it is not acceptable.

13-01-2010, 06:26 PM
I would agree with what everyone has said about writing it down but I would also be concerend about leaving him on his own with the other children, I would speak to himn and tell him that whilst you feel his behaviour is unacceptable and untill he can stop doing it then he will have to be in the same room as you, even if it means him following you around all evening.

little daisies
13-01-2010, 06:35 PM
i have 3 ons and none of them have ever done this. i would certainly record it and have a word with mum again and say its unacceptable as your own son is copying. if it was me i would seriously concider getting rid as its affecting your own children

13-01-2010, 07:32 PM
Has he got older brothers?

13-01-2010, 07:55 PM
My Son is 10 and has never went through this stage at all my son if anything by 8 would not even pull his pants down and get changed in public he was embarrased. I know some boys can has a fasination with their bits but think he is going a bit to far passing it on to the other children.

I would log everything incase it became a child protection issue. I would speak to mum and explain its not acceptable and that EYFS states that you can only have over 8's if they dot impact on the younger children.

I would also tell him he has to be wherever you are. If it was me I would be concerend about the other children and if he wont stop then I would give notice.

The only other thing you could do if have some type of reward for him if he doesnt do this type of behaviour. Not sure how it would work but it could be an attention thing. So giving him attention in a positive way for not displaying that behaviour may work.

13-01-2010, 11:30 PM
Thank you all for your advice, I have already started logging it all down, i will have a word with mum again tomorrow and i think i will also pull him aside and have a gentle word with him luckily i only have him 1 hour a day and no he does not have any older brothers.

Ive been on the forum and not posted before this but i just needed to know what others would have done in this situation, I would like to give notice but at the moment this is the only income i have as i had to full timers leave last week as they moved before xmas and starting new nursery so at the moment i just cannot afford to lose the money, but if this continues i will give notice on him its a last resort really as he's been with me a few years without any problems at all.