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View Full Version : What do you do when mindee clashes with DD?



casey's mum
07-03-2008, 01:16 PM
I have been minding a lil girl since September 3 days a week after school and full time during holidays. Over the last couple of months she seems to have developed a disliking to my DD. I do think it has a lot to do with jealousy as the mindee has no contact with her mum. Lately my daughter only has to walk into the room and the mindee makes up a story, saying that DD snatched or hurt her. I know the things she says have not happened as I have been right there watching!
I had this situation once before with a male mindee and one of my sons, I had to terminate the contract when the lad decided to hit my son around the head with a heavy toy.
I have always said that I will not tollerate my own kids being made to feel uncomfortable in their own home through my work. My daughter now comes home and dissapears to her room when the specific mindee is here.
I do think my trouble is I get to involved. Mindee's Dad is trying so hard with her, you can't fault him in anyway. I am worried that if I terminate the contract that mindee will once again be collected by G'dad and be taken from school to the pub!
Don't know if I have made any sense but if I have any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

Angela x

berkschick
07-03-2008, 01:19 PM
How old are the girls?

I think I would try and get them involved in an activity together.

Maybe a board game?

Or give them a project to work on together?

They could grow some seeds together. They would need to go to the garden and water them each night and they could keep a diary between them on how tall they are, etc.

casey's mum
07-03-2008, 01:29 PM
How old are the girls?

I think I would try and get them involved in an activity together.

Maybe a board game?

Or give them a project to work on together?

They could grow some seeds together. They would need to go to the garden and water them each night and they could keep a diary between them on how tall they are, etc.

DD is 7 and mindee is 5.
Cant do the whole growing seeds thing as I don't have a garden, good idea though. I have tried doing so many things with them together and it always seems to end in disaster. We had one of the other mindees birthdays during half term so thought we would make her a birthday cake. Mindee was doing the mixing and DD adding ingredients, ended up with DD being covered in cake mix and prodded with a wooden spoon! It's like they can't even be in the same room together.

berkschick
07-03-2008, 01:36 PM
Nightmare! I dont know what to suggest then, its very tiring when they are like this. My 2 eldest children are the same only Im stuck with them! Lol

I got a little indoor growing kit from the garden centre last year, it was really good! Its only about the size of a tuppaware box but maybe that would be something good for you if you wanted to grow some indoor things.

If you could find some common ground between these 2 it would help but it doesnt sound like there is much there. :(

Rubybubbles
07-03-2008, 01:37 PM
I have been minding a lil girl since September 3 days a week after school and full time during holidays. Over the last couple of months she seems to have developed a disliking to my DD. I do think it has a lot to do with jealousy as the mindee has no contact with her mum. Lately my daughter only has to walk into the room and the mindee makes up a story, saying that DD snatched or hurt her. I know the things she says have not happened as I have been right there watching!
I had this situation once before with a male mindee and one of my sons, I had to terminate the contract when the lad decided to hit my son around the head with a heavy toy.
I have always said that I will not tollerate my own kids being made to feel uncomfortable in their own home through my work. My daughter now comes home and dissapears to her room when the specific mindee is here. I do think my trouble is I get to involved. Mindee's Dad is trying so hard with her, you can't fault him in anyway. I am worried that if I terminate the contract that mindee will once again be collected by G'dad and be taken from school to the pub!
Don't know if I have made any sense but if I have any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

Angela x

My thoughts too, sorry no help but I have handed notice in before for this reason, I would rather have no work and my children be happy (well I still want to work, but U know what I mean:D )

casey's mum
07-03-2008, 01:41 PM
I got a little indoor growing kit from the garden centre last year, it was really good! Its only about the size of a tuppaware box but maybe that would be something good for you if you wanted to grow some indoor things.

If you could find some common ground between these 2 it would help but it doesnt sound like there is much there. :([/QUOTE]

Will look out for those indoor growing kits, sounds fab!!
Got to sort something as it bad enough at mo with just having mindee 3 afternoons after school but come the easter hols I have her full time! :panic:
My DS's are at eat other all the time lately too! lol No wonder I got so many grey hairs! lol

Angela xx

angeldelight
07-03-2008, 02:18 PM
It dont think that this little girl has a personal problem with your daughter

She seems to be doing this for YOUR attention and it is working

You could be right with the jealousy that is why she seeks your attention

I would do as the others advise and try to get them both involved in things together

I would also avoid mentioning that you are noticing these things - try it for a week and if she does do anything naughty move her away and distract her with something else

Concentrate on postitive things that she does

You can get some great seed kits from Asda very cheap - but that is only one activity and thats not going to last long is it

I would get both girls to write a list of things that they like doing with your help so they are both involved and both are not left out and then see if you can work something out that way - all together

Good luck keep us posted

Angel xx

casey's mum
07-03-2008, 02:30 PM
Thanks Angel, great advice as always!
One of those situations when I wish I could split myself in 2! Think my daughter gonna be the bigger issue now, think she has lost all patience with mindee! Both my DD and mindee bring their reading books home on same day I have even tried to sit down with them both for them to read to each other. The mindee reads lovely for her age and I praise her for this. When DD then reads, the last time we did it mindee said "you got that all wrong"! DD didn't and I ignored what mindee said and praised DD, but after had a discussion in a round about way on how things we say can hurt others feelings especially when they are trying their best. Mindee just looked at me blankly the whole time!

Angela xx

Spangles
07-03-2008, 02:32 PM
Do they like any of the same DVDs or programmes? You're probably the same as me and don't encourage watching tv but I just wondered if they sat together and watched something they both like, maybe sat having a snack and drink together, you could ask them both questions about what happened, what was there favourite part etc maybe this would bond them a bit? Show them they can get on and have something in common plus give you a bit of peace while they're watching!?

Just an idea.

angeldelight
07-03-2008, 02:34 PM
Do you have her just after school ? Is she with you long ? Do you have her during the holidays ?

I had problems like this once with a little girl she was funny with my one daughter

It took me ages to sort it out so I know how you feel - and you do not want your daughter feeling left out either do you?

xx

miss muffit
07-03-2008, 02:47 PM
Hi thats a difficult one...our own children do have to put up with a lot...sharing their mummies, I would try and encourage them to do something together..and if it fails... then i'm afraid ...i would have to give notice :)

sarah707
07-03-2008, 02:53 PM
I have given notice twice over the years when my children are being disadvantaged... that is not why I do this job! :panic:

Rubybubbles
07-03-2008, 04:24 PM
thought about this post today, when dd was having a big hug (she 3 1/2) and baby mindie starting howling for attention , I know he's only 10 months but it really made me feel like poo

casey's mum
07-03-2008, 06:23 PM
Do you have her just after school ? Is she with you long ? Do you have her during the holidays ?

I had problems like this once with a little girl she was funny with my one daughter

It took me ages to sort it out so I know how you feel - and you do not want your daughter feeling left out either do you?

xx

Have her Mon, Tues and Thurs after school 3.10 till 5.15 and then Mon - Fri full time in school hols.
My daughter is a really sensitive lil girl and as she is the youngest likes to be Mummy and Daddys lil girl. She has not said anything with regards to being upset and is fine when DH is their in our lounge as is quite happy going and having a cuddle with him. It is just the way she takes herself off to her room when DH not their and mindee is that I am finding heartbreaking!

Lorri They both like High School Musical and you are right I don't encourage lots of t.v. DD had the HSM sing along for Xmas on the singstar so I thought one day during the hols that I would get them on that and maybe mindee would forget about being hostile and really let go and that they would relax and end up having fun! Boy how wrong I was, long story but ended up in a broken microphone and DH sobbing her heart out!

Angela xx

Trouble
07-03-2008, 06:26 PM
i terminated a girl for this reason and the whole house dynamics changed sometimes its for the best. but i can undetstand why you dont want to

Spangles
07-03-2008, 06:26 PM
Perhaps give my idea a miss then!

Sorry, I haven't got any others.

Trouble
07-03-2008, 06:30 PM
i agree with what lorri said but if that fails then think of the alternative

sorry lorri i wasnt being funny but id personally tried everything and she got too much for me

casey's mum
07-03-2008, 06:32 PM
Perhaps give my idea a miss then!

Sorry, I haven't got any others.

Thanks Lorri, I appreciate the input :thumbsup:

Rascal... I am starting to think I may not have any other option!

Angela xx

Trouble
07-03-2008, 06:34 PM
i felt the same in the end, but when i did terminate her i felt like id just let her down like everyone else:blush:

flora
07-03-2008, 08:33 PM
If all else fails why don't you just ask her why she does't seem to enjoy playing with your dd. I have a 5yr old when he first sarted he used to moan and constantly say the my ds was hitting him, would'nt let him play, join in etc etc. It was hell for a couple of weeks I used to dread picking them up from the bus as it was bickering all the way home.

I sat both boys down and just told them straight..." look R, I know you don't wnat to be here, you'd rather be at home and but you have to come as mums at work so we really have to find a way to all get along!!!!" prefereably before I have a nervous breakdown

Both boys got a chance to speak, give ideas and offer solutions as they saw it.
Turns out R was a little jealous of ds... wanted all my attention and not to share with 5 others!! And he wanted H to notice him and actually play with him. Bless.


It's kinda ok now 5 months on, and we do have days where they niggle at each other but hey who says kids are perfect :D

Good luck whatever you decide to do.
If you are thinking of giving notice, what have you to loose???

angeldelight
08-03-2008, 12:22 AM
Well Angela I would try really hard like I said - although it sounds like you have been doing that already - try to do things that involve them both

But at the end of the day if that does not work and things are still the same you have to think of yourself and your daughter

If things do not work out you will have no choice but to end the contract

You can try and try and try but if it gets you no where apart from stressing you out then what is the point?

Good luck with this keep us posted on what happens

Angel xx

deeb66
08-03-2008, 03:22 PM
I was in the same sort of situation about 18 months ago.

A little boy I looked after really didn't fit in at all and caused no end of problems because he did not get on with my son or with any of the others that I looked after.

It didn't cause too many problems when he was at school but he made school holidays really difficult.

I did try to sort it all out and make everyone happy but in the end i still ended up giving notice as no matter what I did it still didn't work out.